Here is how you get a long term relationship that is fulfilling and has minimal drama

[RickTheToad]

I'm not talking about a piece of paper. If you're cohabiting, you might as well be married, because you just mashed your life together with a woman's. Add children, and what's the difference? Who cares about a piece of paper? I haven't seen my marriage license since I signed it, and I have no idea whether the minister ever even filed it. Doesn't matter.

Don't shack up, because monogamy is expected, and you can't just walk away. Where do you go, when you don't want to see her? Home? Ha! Don't do it!

Respectfully, I disagree. It matters in terms of assets and divorce.

 

[cola]

I'm not talking about a piece of paper. If you're cohabiting, you might as well be married, because you just mashed your life together with a woman's. Add children, and what's the difference? Who cares about a piece of paper? I haven't seen my marriage license since I signed it, and I have no idea whether the minister ever even filed it. Doesn't matter.

Don't shack up, because monogamy is expected, and you can't just walk away. Where do you go, when you don't want to see her? Home? Ha! Don't do it!

I for one believe it’s so much truth in the old cliche, you don’t know a person till you live with them. She could be a complete slob and only used to clean up when you came over. I could never marry a messy woman.

Also as with @RickTheToad said the difference with marriage is there are potentially assets at risk.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Having a woman move in with you pre-marriage is a huge mistake. The divorce rate skyrockets among couples who previously co-habitat.

Reason? Space is a healthy, necessary part of a romantic relationship. Lack of space inevitably dries up her pvssy.

 

[cola]

Sharing a house with a woman puts your assets at risk...

Maybe I’m ignorant of laws. Explain to me how if she moved in your house your assets are at risk?
As far as I know the worst case scenario, she refuses to leave you issue her an eviction like any other tenant.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Every couple I every met who lived together before they got married were shacking up longer than they were married. Lived together 6 years, got married, and divorced 6 months later. Predictable. Why? Because they thought making it official would fix their relationship. SMH

Those where the bad relationship that got married thinking it would correct things. Thats a MAN logic. In reality ( and i hate that its true ) in our culture once your married your "trapped" thus no longer a challenge and your gonna be treated worse. Some men got more sex in their dating years than all the years of a long marriage. Its like a employer paying $100k as a contractor, then paying you $60k as an employee and promises to raise it year after year and instead lowers it.

 

[cola]

Those where the bad relationship that got married thinking it would correct things. Thats a MAN logic. In reality ( and i hate that its true ) in our culture once your married your "trapped" thus no longer a challenge and your gonna be treated worse. Some men got more sex in their dating years than all the years of a long marriage. Its like a employer paying $100k as a contractor, then paying you $60k as an employee and promises to raise it year after year and instead lowers it.

Which is easily corrected by letting her know if she won’t have sex regularly you will file for divorce. Have to be willing to walk even after marriage.

 

[EyeBRollin]

- MAN PAYS RENT/MORTGAGE! I’m going to get blowback on this one, but I truly believe the man pays this. She pays all other bills gas and electric, wifi, water & groceries.

Disagree with this in practice, agree in sentiment. Problem is most couples in 21st century will be two-income households. By the man only paying the mortgage there are three major pitfalls:

-greatly reduces the availability of affordable domiciles

-affords the woman lifestyle inflation and poor spending habits (she’s living rent free, why would she need to be frugal?)

-unequal power dynamic. She has no financial skin in the game, which will inevitably lead to arguments about money and who is paying who

The benefit of course is that should one partner lose their job the couple isn’t total broken financially.

The ideal split IMO is proportional to your total income as a couple. Don’t go 50/50 unless you have the same salary.

 

[RickTheToad]

Sharing a house with a woman puts your assets at risk...but, if you can't help yourself, at least move into her place, and keep yours. Only bring a bag and a toothbrush. Don't sign the lease, and don't pay the bills. Then, you can see how she keeps house.

Very unwise. That is a recipe for disaster. Case law has proven that a cohabitation agreement, Irrevocable Trust along with a Pre and Post Nup notorized and video recorded with a former Judge holds up in court. Doesn't have any effect on CS, but they cannot take the home from you since it's in an Irrevocable Trust. Now, if you purchased that home with your wife after marriage, then this would not be of any value. However, if you have separate assets you want to protect prior and through marriage, this can be done with the above-mentioned system.

 

[RickTheToad]

Divorce is just a division of assets. You're being redundant. Live together for three years, and then divide there household, and you'll have a division of assets, which might even get litigious. Add children, and you'll have custody and child support issues, license or not. Don't do it.

Never mind that you'll turn a 6 month relationship into a 6 year "prison sentence," via inertia. It's easier just to stick together, and to work it out, because you got lazy, complacent, or put on a few pounds, and the lease isn't up, and you really like your place.

Don't do it!

Again, incorrect. You are married (my condolences to your assets) and have not been through a divorce. I have and I know many people, dudes and ladies who've done what I listed here. It does work and pretty much bullet proof; if done correctly through a competent attorney. This is based off case-law in New York, New Jersey and Connecticut. The people who get ass raped are the one's who do nothing to protect their assets. There is no protection against CS or legal fees, but the assets are separate property unless commingled. Can't commingle them if they are in a Irrevocable Trust. It's one of the reasons why the super rich use them dude.

 

[RickTheToad]

Every couple I ever met who lived together before they got married were shacking up longer than they were married. Lived together 6 years, got married, and divorced 6 months later. Predictable. Why? Because they thought making it official would fix their relationship. SMH

I would agree with this statement.

Good luck with evicting your live-in girlfriend. Try calling the cops to drag her out of your house, when you're having a spat, and YOU are the one they'll be taking away, 9 times out of 10.

If the relationship goes sideways, she suspects you of cheating, or she has some dude in your house, she/they can turn your life upside down. You think a piece of paper is the most vulnerable part of marriage? Proximity, and loss of privacy is what causes vulnerability. Keep your own place, and keep your stuff in it.

Did it with no issues. I posted here about the process a year or two ago. She left willingly after I called the police when she initially refused to leave.

 

[RickTheToad]

I wasn't clear. I don't mean that your contracts are unhelpful. I meant that a marriage certificate(the "piece of paper" to which I referred) isn't what defines your relationship. Live like you're married, and you might as well be.

Yes, I would agree with this. I do not like the contract, that is all. It bothers me that some other entity (The State) has say over my assets which I earned myself; thus I recommend any person do this. My current GF is now hinting on marriage. I told her my stance, she then say well we better get this check out soon. Two days ago, I said, well, my attorney said we can have a private ceremony, just no State certificate. You'd still have to sign various documents and have your own legal representation. If you do not agree with this, I understand completely, you would have to make a choice. If it ends, it ends. Don't blame me, blame the State reps and the no-fault divorce rules. She backed down completely. I can always find another lady. However, I will be damed if I will allow myself to be thrown out of my own home and lose my assets due to some irrelevant piece of paper.

 

[cola]

Good luck with evicting your live-in girlfriend. Try calling the cops to drag her out of your house, when you're having a spat, and YOU are the one they'll be taking away, 9 times out of 10.

If the relationship goes sideways, she suspects you of cheating, or she has some dude in your house, she/they can turn your life upside down. You think a piece of paper is the most vulnerable part of marriage? Proximity, and loss of privacy is what causes vulnerability. Keep your own place, and keep your stuff in it.

No, not calling cops. If things get really nasty going to court house and filing eviction paperwork. Gives her 90 days to get out if she still refuses THEN go to police station to have her removed. If she isn’t on a lease there is no way for her to contest this.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Which is easily corrected by letting her know if she won’t have sex regularly you will file for divorce. Have to be willing to walk even after marriage.

yeah he does have to leave.
Man feels trapped after the married part because it will cost him time energy and $. And he gets into an open loop condition due to the fact he got married, they were Just having sex, now they are not

 

[RickTheToad]

The worst part of shacking up is SHAKING UP. Even if your eventual break up is 100% amicable, you still gave away your privacy, solitude, and respite for....what? The extension of a relative that went stale a couple of years before you got up the nerve to call the moving company?

I have no issues with shacking up, eventually, but navigate the legal landscape is my issue. They've turned relationships into a legal nightmare. In my opinion, the States and No-Fault (along with dating apps) have basically killed the LTR or marriage. Just my opinion.

 

[RickTheToad]

Which is easily corrected by letting her know if she won’t have sex regularly you will file for divorce. Have to be willing to walk even after marriage.

That's where there's an issue. She knows she holds the cards. It will cost your uber money to get divorced. If she's raising the kids, she may not be working and the Court will inform you that you will have to pay her legal fees. With no-fault, it's not that easy to walk away. It's very expensive and that is why you now have sexless and open marriages. It's just too expensive to untie the knot w/o separate accounts, a trust, a pre nup, a post nup, and a cohabitation agreement. It is a shame. The old saying rings true. Anything the government gets involved in they screw up.

 

[RickTheToad]

I'm sold.

The point was, she didn't think I'd do it, but I did. No one wants to be detained by the cops.. Especially Bridgeport PD. A holding cell is not very comforting around here. The cops said who's name is on the deed? Mine. Ma'am, it's best for you to leave. Mr. Toad can insist for us that you are trespassing and he can have you removed. She turned white, and was much nicer after that. She was gone that Monday. Don't f uck with my assets.

 

[RickTheToad]

Unfortunately, I know a guy who lost his mortgage-free house to a chick he let move in, because she called the cops, when he asked her to leave, and said he hit her. Wile he was in jail, she got a restraining order, listing his house as her place of residence. Unfortunately, he didn't have Rick around(not sure he has a contract for that situation, anyway), and lost his house.

Shmuck didn't have a pre-nup, post-nup, Irrevocable Trust setup and a cohabitation agreement signed. Listen, if a person (I say person because this could be for ladies too) wants to get married, that is fine. However, if one doesn't do the necessary research to protect themselves, then it's on them, not her. Your friend is a schmuck and deserved to lose his house because he didn't do the proper research and handle his business. Is a few grand worth protecting several hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not more? Come on...

 

[RickTheToad]

We should all move to CT.

Works in any State. CT is becoming a democratic sh it hole, but we have the hot ladies from NYC moving here; so there's that.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Don’t let her in your house until she is your wife.

 

[RickTheToad]

Don’t let her in your house until she is your wife.

Do you not listen?