backseatjuan
Banned
What is happiness?
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Please elaborate.Value production + value reflection = happiness
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
We cant define your happiness. Only you can.What is happiness?
Happiness is an emotion that approximates to being successful, more than just surviving, but thriving. Since man cannot rely solely on his automatic reactions to survive, such as the case of animals, or in the case of children where adults look after them, he must guide himself independently using his own mind; living things require values, and man requires ethics. Values are universal to each particular species, to all known living things on Earth except man. Therefore each human being must achieve his or her own values independently by productive means.Please elaborate.
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
That's certainly not everybody. I know some (as well as myself) that define happiness (achieving my values) as building a business and being influential.Happiness is the ideal and futile pursuit of mediocrity.
'Happiness' is certainly over-rated. People feel they have the right to be happy... as if it doesn't come with certain achievements in life. this breeds disappointment and resentment in the mass of people.happiness is overrated and only comes in moments. life is suffering. people chase being happy to no avail. true happiness is being close to God and mastering yourself and knowing you are fulfilling your purpose
Yes, but you have goals beyond 'happiness'. That sense of achievement/ happiness comes from reaching your goals.That's certainly not everybody. I know some (as well as myself) that define happiness (achieving my values) as building a business and being influential.
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
That's called hedonism. I suppose that's a short term happiness, but really just serves to make the person less happy in the long run.Sadly, it's the drug addict, or the consumer of pornography, that falls victim to wanting to feel happy right here, right now... leading to an addictive and destructive habit.
this kind of 'happiness/ bliss' is just temporary escape, or the temporary obliteration of the conscious rational self.
Yes, just edited my post before.That's called hedonism. I suppose that's a short term happiness, but really just serves to make the person less happy in the long run.
Maybe the solution to that is to be in competition with other people. That way you have to be your best or else you run the risk of losing it all.Yes, just edited my post before.
But I think there is this logic in the pursuit of happiness as an end in itself that leads to hedonism. Without a set of higher ideals, there's no ability to discriminate between mere [animal] pleasure and 'happiness'. Sadly, this logic without ethical constraints leads to all manner of vices. Gluttony, greed etc.
And then the flip-side of this must be true - virtue leads to happiness. 'Vir' as in manliness.... virility.
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.