"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Define happiness

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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GrowingPains

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What is happiness to you? Everyone will have their own definition. None right or wrong.

It's like 'what is success?'. Well I can think it's one thing right now and another tomorrow.
 

Julian

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happiness is overrated and only comes in moments. life is suffering. people chase being happy to no avail. true happiness is being close to God and mastering yourself and knowing you are fulfilling your purpose
 

Plinco

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Value production + value reflection = happiness
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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zekko

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That's an interesting question. My first thought was that it was a kind of mood, or satisfaction.

But looking deeper I'm thinking maybe it's more like a type of homeostasis, where all body functions are working properly, the mind is calm, and life events are manageable. Everything is in balance, at least within a certain tolerance. The problem with this definition is that it doesn't leave happiness as being completely in your own control.
 

Glassguy

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What is happiness?
We cant define your happiness. Only you can.

I can tell you that a good start is doing what YOU like doing that makes you happy.

Personally, I love coaching, spending time with my daughter (full custody so I wear many hats when it comes to parenting), golf, boating, fishing and bow hunting. College football games, live music/concerts, etc.

Notice I didn't say women. They come last on my priority list. Which is why I dont struggle with women because I never am invested nearly as much as women invest in me.

You do what makes you happy first and foremost. If you find a woman to bring along for part of the ride, so be it. As long as you continue doing what makes YOU happy.

Happiness is one of many things well within our total control if we stick to what makes us happy and eliminated those things that bring unhappiness.
 

Plinco

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Please elaborate.
Happiness is an emotion that approximates to being successful, more than just surviving, but thriving. Since man cannot rely solely on his automatic reactions to survive, such as the case of animals, or in the case of children where adults look after them, he must guide himself independently using his own mind; living things require values, and man requires ethics. Values are universal to each particular species, to all known living things on Earth except man. Therefore each human being must achieve his or her own values independently by productive means.

One cannot be happy until one acknowledges one's own nature and what it takes to achieve that person's own values (what it takes to survive and thrive). Reflecting on those values that have been gained and kept reaffirms one's self-esteem.
 

ChristopherColumbus

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Happiness is an idea, and the more you consciously pursue it, the more it will recede from you.

This suggests that it can not be an end in itself. That rather it is the by-product, or effect, of something else. This itself suggests its an emotion that can not function as the rational 'ideal'.... the end of life.

So, for example, when I pursue worthier goals such as self-determination, freedom, and ethical ideals, I find myself 'happier'. Eudaimonia the Greeks called... more a feeling of holistic well-being.


The picture we have of happiness is a cow contentedly chewing its cud in a green field of plenty. But something is wrong with this picture.
As Aristotle said, man is not an animal to be farmed.
 
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ChristopherColumbus

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'Happiness', as an idea, is the ideal and futile pursuit of mediocrity.
 
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"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Plinco

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Happiness is the ideal and futile pursuit of mediocrity.
That's certainly not everybody. I know some (as well as myself) that define happiness (achieving my values) as building a business and being influential.
 

ChristopherColumbus

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happiness is overrated and only comes in moments. life is suffering. people chase being happy to no avail. true happiness is being close to God and mastering yourself and knowing you are fulfilling your purpose
'Happiness' is certainly over-rated. People feel they have the right to be happy... as if it doesn't come with certain achievements in life. this breeds disappointment and resentment in the mass of people.

It's an unreal look at reality. The reality is we need to develop ourselves in order to first cope with life, and then flourish. The picture should be of a resilient tree that can withstand the battering of storms. people are weak today... and primarily due to being fed this ideology for the masses of happiness.
 

ChristopherColumbus

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That's certainly not everybody. I know some (as well as myself) that define happiness (achieving my values) as building a business and being influential.
Yes, but you have goals beyond 'happiness'. That sense of achievement/ happiness comes from reaching your goals.
 

ChristopherColumbus

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Sadly, it's the drug addict, or the consumer of pornography, that falls victim to wanting to feel happy right here, right now... leading to an addictive and destructive habit.

this kind of 'happiness/ bliss' is just temporary escape, or the temporary obliteration of the conscious rational self.

The 'pursuit of happiness' degenerates into hedonism.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Plinco

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Sadly, it's the drug addict, or the consumer of pornography, that falls victim to wanting to feel happy right here, right now... leading to an addictive and destructive habit.

this kind of 'happiness/ bliss' is just temporary escape, or the temporary obliteration of the conscious rational self.
That's called hedonism. I suppose that's a short term happiness, but really just serves to make the person less happy in the long run.
 

ChristopherColumbus

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That's called hedonism. I suppose that's a short term happiness, but really just serves to make the person less happy in the long run.
Yes, just edited my post before.

But I think there is this logic in the pursuit of happiness as an end in itself that leads to hedonism. Without a set of higher ideals, there's no ability to discriminate between mere [animal] pleasure and 'happiness'. Sadly, this logic without ethical constraints leads to all manner of vices. Gluttony, greed etc.

And then the flip-side of this must be true - virtue leads to happiness. 'Vir' as in manliness.... virility.
 

Plinco

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Yes, just edited my post before.

But I think there is this logic in the pursuit of happiness as an end in itself that leads to hedonism. Without a set of higher ideals, there's no ability to discriminate between mere [animal] pleasure and 'happiness'. Sadly, this logic without ethical constraints leads to all manner of vices. Gluttony, greed etc.

And then the flip-side of this must be true - virtue leads to happiness. 'Vir' as in manliness.... virility.
Maybe the solution to that is to be in competition with other people. That way you have to be your best or else you run the risk of losing it all.
 

Spaz

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When you really think abt it, most people put themselves through so much hardships, like slogging day in and day out at their jobs just to buy happiness.

Yes buy.

They buy expensive cloths, jewellery, cars, big houses, accessories for the face, etc, just to feel good and be happy abt it so that others take notice and it puts value on ur superficiality.

If that describes you, then you're in for a lot of pain now and in the coming future.
 

ChristopherColumbus

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Risk, competition, implies a level of anxiety, and anxiety undermines happiness.

To refer to Aristotle again, a magnanimous man has ENOUGH means at his disposal to live a self-determined leisurely life. Of course, this cuts against the grain of contemporary consumerist culture, where you are continually striving for the top. In this culture, there is no ideal outside the wheel that the rat runs on incessantly. No escaping the rat race because you can not say enough, and you can not say enough because you lack extra-social [metaphysical] ideals. the Matrix is a good metaphor for this.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

Read more...

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