BeExcellent
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2015
- Messages
- 4,705
- Reaction score
- 6,674
- Age
- 55
Correct. But it isn't a pithy verbal arrow. It is an action rooted in refusal to tolerate disrespectful behavior. The insult is via action, not words. This is an enormous distinction.That's a huge insult !
This is massive frame; congruence.
I have stated several times to my boyfriend that wild flirting with scores of women when he is out with me is disrespectful. Mild flirting = Ok. Over the top flirting & touchy feely = Not Ok. Last night we were out. He had a bit to drink and started up the wild flirting. I simply asked him calmly for my car key (I drove) and my ID. I told him I don't appreciate his behavior from a respect standpoint, he began defending & rationalizing and so I said that I was leaving. And I left him there.
He can be a boyfriend or he can be a playboy, but he cannot be both and expect me or any other quality woman to tolerate that behavior.
And yes, I've been fine with a degree of him being flirty. I don't mind it and I'm not jealous about it. But it is a matter of degree, much like alcohol consumption is ok to a degree. It's a behavior that is Ok until it isn't. He is not accustomed to paying attention to the line between what is appropriate & what is not.
I wasn't angry. It's an action borne of my self respect. And if it tanks the relationship...well so be it.
Did he find my leaving insulting? Yup. But I'm not going to complain or insult or say words while my action says I tolerate disrespectful behavior. Not at all. I'm going to ACT from a place of self respect. I am congruent. If he finds that insulting? So be it.
This morning he has already been in contact multiple times apologizing and telling me how much he loves & respects me; how I conduct myself with standards and class; how he doesn't deserve me and how he is an ass hole at times. He knows I am prepared to jettison the relationship based on his behavior. That will be discussed this evening.
I'm sharing all this to illustrate how a conflict can be handled without hurling verbal insults and by handling ones self maturely. I could have spoken insults and picked a fight and created drama. Instead I behaved in a way that concretely confirms my convictions. No making a scene or drama or verbal insults necessary.