I hate how you guys tell people to take care of themselves and dating automatically follows

[derby1]

What I'm telling you is I'm getting blown out immediately

you arent quite the catch you think you are then...

 

[skinnyguy]

Women "need" different things hence what women need is an oxymoron. Notwithstanding, there are shared characteristics of what most women need insofar as indoctrinated needs are inculcated by the society we share.

It's clear if you can't attract any women, you are not meeting certain needs. Yes, SMV (looks, status, wealth) are primary for most women, but if you still can't attract despite having high SMV, then you are seriously deficient in her other needs, so much so that your SMV carries no weight. Only you know where the deficiency lies. Further, I bet you are already aware of the deficiency, but have too much ego to name or surrender it.

His could be severe mental illness that he doesn’t know about

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

I'm not going to sacrifice my standards- I want the female equivalent of myself - a good looking, classy, intelligent, professional, in shape woman with no kids who is mid to late 20s

OK let's start here. These are your standards. No problem here. Perfectly rational normal standards. If what you say about yourself and your looks and accomplishments is in fact true, this shouldn't be a terribly tall order.

...those women on dating sites are looking for male models and movie stars. They are not looking for me...I never get any signs of interest from anybody close to my league

Notice how you have just disqualified yourself from your own standards. Read that again. That's right. You are self-sabotaging and then having a pity party about it. You need to work on this sense of "lack" and unworthiness that you suffer from. Women have radar that pick up that vibe like sharks following a blood trail from miles away. Until you think you are worthy of your own standards...you'll get the same results you have been getting.

Notice also how you have pre-emptively decided what some woman is or is not looking for. Completely irrational. You are not the arbiter of the choices any other human being makes. But you know all because you are arrogant that way.

...in terms of real life dating, I get signs of interest sometimes from skanks and obese women and cougars.

Naturally. Because water seeks its own level. This is the vibe you are putting out, that these types are what you are worth due to your own self-limiting beliefs (that you are not white enough *read - not good enough*, that you live in the wrong area, etc. etc. etc.) Until you decide you are worth your standards, you won't find anybody who meets that standard.

And don't get me started about location. Catch an Uber or get in your car and go where the action is for the market segment you'd like to meet. That's laziness, pure and simple.

You do have an "Arrogant Ass Hole" vibe at least in what you write around here. That translates into a standoffishness that is incongruent with how you feel about yourself inside, and that inconsistency also broadcasts itself to women.

Being an ass hole is not all bad...but you are better off being seen as a "Likeable Ass Hole" with an unapologetic sexual undercurrent. Chances are you aren't terribly far off from that, but you are not going to get there unless and until you deal with your sense of not being good enough.

It's a subtle but enormous difference between killing it and killing time.

 

[3agle 3yes]

OP just be honest, you're miserable and entitled? No?

According to what you've posted yourself, you have:

- great friends and family
- easily top 10% of men in looks - probably more like top 3%. Great physique, handsome face, super sharp fashion sense
- make 200K a year at age 29 (which puts me somewhere in top 0.05% for under 30)
- great lifestyle - travel all over the country
- great hobbies/interests that I really enjoy

...and yet you are clearly miserable, having your sh!t together is predominantly an internal thing btw.

Also, how would you know that you're the top 10% of men in looks? Supposedly women don't like you?

I don't think anyone here ever mentioned women automatically coming to anyone and if you had your sh!t together you wouldn't give a damn anyway.

People are put off when it is made clear that someone wants something from them, you seem to give off that vibe. What makes it even worse, is when people think they are entitled to something or deserve something because of what they have supposedly achieved...so in actual fact its hardly surprising women with high smv aren't attracted to you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

You do have an "Arrogant Ass Hole" vibe

I know a guy from New Jersey (lol) exactly like OP.

OP is Armenian, which from what I can gather is actually similar to New Jersey people in regard to mannerisms and demeanor. I only point this out because some of his issues may be largely cultural in nature.

 

[guru1000]

The funny thing is, I know a guy from New Jersey (lol) exactly like OP.

H O R R I B L E personality for attracting women(guys don't mind chilling with him but we clown him constantly), pathological arrogant liar, and he too dates older gold digger types only(but they are hot bc he has very high LMS).

Arrogance is a major kill, irrespective of SMV. I too fall victim to blowouts for the same reason at times.

I was in a bad mood the other night and went on a first date. I got into an argument with the girl in the first five minutes. After a blowout, we stopped talking for a few minutes and just sat there. I was about to walk out but I found the dynamic quite interesting so I broke the silence with, "Hungry?" We started talking again and I asked her, "What was her problem initially?" She stated I was super-aggressive and overly-c0cky, when I met her, so she fed me like energy.

I was completely unaware of my energy. Reminds me of the OP.

 

[corrector]

Women don't automatically come to you because you have your sh*t together. It's absolute nonsense

I've been working obsessively hard at improving myself last 10 years and I have had absolutely horrific dating life...I can't even remember my last date. Go down the list here

- great friends and family
- easily top 10% of men in looks - probably more like top 3%. Great physique, handsome face, super sharp fashion sense

But you said you are not 9-10 white face model, which is what you say women want, so that's not the top 10%. If you were really the top 10% you wouldn't have a problem.

- make 200K a year at age 29 (which puts me somewhere in top 0.05% for under 30)

...and you are on here complaining? Why don't you put an ad on the newspaper -- single guy making $ 200K per year and needs a woman to help him spend it, call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx. Problem solved.

- great lifestyle - travel all over the country

What about other countries where women would date you to get a green card?

- great hobbies/interests that I really enjoy

X-box?

You guys need to stop telling people who are struggling with their lives to take care of themselves and women automatically come. All these things are separate entities. We have got to stop misleading people into thinking that if they fix their lives that dating somehow becomes easier. Dating is not easy until you are in your late 30s and 40s and you're approaching much older women (assuming you're a good looking man in great shape. Older women love me because they can't get super handsome young men anymore so I become a much more rare item. For younger girls, I am a dime a dozen so there is no value there).

In 10 years you have some rags to riches story, all of a sudden hit the jackpot in looks, wealth, and status and women aren't lining up? FAIL!
You are writing a bunch of sad threads about it? FAIL! FAIL!

Why don't you just go to Thailand or the Dominican Republics or Brazil or the Philippines and find some girls there?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Women "need" different things hence what women need is an oxymoron. Notwithstanding, there are shared characteristics of what most women need insofar as indoctrinated needs are inculcated by the society we share.

It's clear if you can't attract any women, you are not meeting certain needs. Yes, SMV (looks, status, wealth) are primary for most women, but if you still can't attract despite having high SMV, then you are seriously deficient in her other needs, so much so that your SMV carries no weight. Only you know where the deficiency lies. Further, I bet you are already aware of the deficiency, but have too much ego to name or surrender it.

High smv can get you laid. They won't care about subtstance on a one night stand.

 

[ubercat]

Geez just bang some chicks already. Quality doesn't matter too much. Then approach hot chicks. Your neediness will have disappeared. You automatically can't chase too much because you don't have time. Solved.

 

[RangerMIke]

To the OP..... if you go through life thinking you are better than most chicks... they will be forced to agree with you and leave you be.

Your interest level really does not matter.... how you feel about a chick is irrelevant. So men that complain that they are not getting chicks they want are funny. No man can not control this. You just keep making dates and when a connection happens... go with it.

 

[Dingo]

You don't "get your **** together" for women...

You do all that improvement for yourself.

 

[ubercat]

My notch count is somewhere in the 50s I ve had 6 LTRs. Obviously plenty of STRs.

Less than 1 in 10 and I m flexible guy.

It's a numbers game. Drop the laundry list and date more.

 

[bigdave17]

Advice from the old lady:



OK let's start here. These are your standards. No problem here. Perfectly rational normal standards. If what you say about yourself and your looks and accomplishments is in fact true, this shouldn't be a terribly tall order.



Notice how you have just disqualified yourself from your own standards. Read that again. That's right. You are self-sabotaging and then having a pity party about it. You need to work on this sense of "lack" and unworthiness that you suffer from. Women have radar that pick up that vibe like sharks following a blood trail from miles away. Until you think you are worthy of your own standards...you'll get the same results you have been getting.

Notice also how you have pre-emptively decided what some woman is or is not looking for. Completely irrational. You are not the arbiter of the choices any other human being makes. But you know all because you are arrogant that way.



Naturally. Because water seeks its own level. This is the vibe you are putting out, that these types are what you are worth due to your own self-limiting beliefs (that you are not white enough *read - not good enough*, that you live in the wrong area, etc. etc. etc.) Until you decide you are worth your standards, you won't find anybody who meets that standard.

And don't get me started about location. Catch an Uber or get in your car and go where the action is for the market segment you'd like to meet. That's laziness, pure and simple.

You do have an "Arrogant Ass Hole" vibe at least in what you write around here. That translates into a standoffishness that is incongruent with how you feel about yourself inside, and that inconsistency also broadcasts itself to women.

Being an ass hole is not all bad...but you are better off being seen as a "Likeable Ass Hole" with an unapologetic sexual undercurrent. Chances are you aren't terribly far off from that, but you are not going to get there unless and until you deal with your sense of not being good enough.

It's a subtle but enormous difference between killing it and killing time.

great post here. I think you're mostly right

I am not an a-hole whatsoever. I was seeing a much older woman about 2 years ago who said I was one of the best guys she had ever met in terms of how I treat and value people. I try to be a great guy but obviously nobody ever takes advantage of me and I stand up immediately if I feel like I am being disrespected. I am an old school guy - the people who are good to me, I treat them extremely well.

Do you not agree with me though that the women who are in my league on dating sites have absurd standards from receiving 503258235020528502 messages a day?

 

[bigdave17]

This sounds very passive-aggressive. Don't bottle that stuff up. Be assertive. If you don't like the way something is going whether it be conversation, a project, a date, whatever...speak up and do something about it. Screw what people think.

I can't let anybody know how lonely and frustrated I am

I am extremely successful in real life (job, friends, etc...) because I come across as very positive and charismatic. People love to me be around me. I'm not going to destroy that by letting them know that I seriously wonder if I will die alone because I hate dating so much.

 

[bigdave17]

Why don't you just go to Thailand or the Dominican Republics or Brazil or the Philippines and find some girls there?

I'm not looking for someone subservient to me. I want somebody who will be my equal in most areas - in terms of character, intelligence, etc....

but yes, people are beyond absolutely astonished when they get to know me and find out that I never date.

 

[bigdave17]

Arrogance is a major kill, irrespective of SMV. I too fall victim to blowouts for the same reason at times.

I was in a bad mood the other night and went on a first date. I got into an argument with the girl in the first five minutes. After a blowout, we stopped talking for a few minutes and just sat there. I was about to walk out but I found the dynamic quite interesting so I broke the silence with, "Hungry?" We started talking again and I asked her, "What was her problem initially?" She stated I was super-aggressive and overly-c0cky, when I met her, so she fed me like energy.

I was completely unaware of my energy. Reminds me of the OP.

You know what's sad?

I am absolutely f*cking awesome on dates, beyond awesome. I would put my abilities on dates to rival anybody here. I feel extremely confident and comfortable because I already know the girl likes me so I just have to be myself and she will fall in love with me. I am a man of strong character and morals in addition to all my superficial strengths so people who get to know me invariably love me to death. I've had the same best friends for 8-10 years and they all rant and rave about me and consider me their family. I just don't ever get any dates with anybody halfway ok. I've been out on maybe 30 dates in my life and they were all extremely smooth and the women were crazy about me but again - none of those were anybody halfway close to my league.

I am like a huge homerun hitter who can't get A SINGLE F*CKING AT BAT or an awesome basketball player who can't even get 5 minutes of playing time on the court to showcase his talent. This single aspect of dating is what drives me insane the most

 

[BeExcellent]

Sure. Hot women get more male attention every day all day than they can begin to manage. Most of that attention is unwanted and to be honest wastes a horrendous amount of time just to sort it.

For that reason you are better off live in real life. If you go somewhere that the types of women you want to meet hang out...and you are friendly and cool, your success rate will increase.

For you? Take up running enough to run at least 1 5K per month. Stick around & chat afterwards with other runners.

That's the type environment your archetype girls are going to be in.

I meet men in real life. OLD is to a large degree for folks who can't compete IRL. The men I meet get into sets in real life too.

Get to the venues where your environment is target rich, be cool and chill & unapologetic about your masculine nature & your results will change.

And work on sorting your own deep seated worthiness issues. Those demons must be exorcised.

 

[Reykhel]

OLD is to a large degree for folks who can't compete IRL

Pretty much.

Like I say, OLD is "too easy", and anything that's too easy in life....usually has no value.

 

[bigdave17]

Sure. Hot women get more male attention every day all day than they can begin to manage. Most of that attention is unwanted and to be honest wastes a horrendous amount of time just to sort it.

For that reason you are better off live in real life. If you go somewhere that the types of women you want to meet hang out...and you are friendly and cool, your success rate will increase.

so approach a 100 women in hopes that 1 likes you...for the 1 in 100 chance that the 1 is what I want (a mid to late 20s, cute, classy, mature professional, in shape, no smoking, genuinely great person, mediterranean/ethnic looking woman with no kids)

that's what you're suggesting. At least with online dating, I can filter out the nonsense.

For you? Take up running enough to run at least 1 5K per month. Stick around & chat afterwards with other runners.

That's the type environment your archetype girls are going to be in.

I'm not into marathon runners. I'm into women who have that brazilian fitness model look - thick legs, fat ass, etc... I'm not a skinny guy either - I'm about 5'10 196, look sorta like a pro football fullback or linebacker.

The men I meet get into sets in real life too.

explain

Get to the venues where your environment is target rich, be cool and chill & unapologetic about your masculine nature & your results will change.

that's the thing. The only place I really see a large amount of women I like is the gym, where the difficulty level is impossibly high. Those women at the gym get hit on 2582305823052085802898935820 times a day, what are the odds that they would like me enough to want to go out with me? 1 in 100,000?

 

[bigdave17]

Pretty much.

Like I say, OLD is "too easy", and anything that's too easy in life....usually has no value.

it's not about too easy

It's about filtering out the nonsense. My good buddy who is 5'4 gets laid pretty often - but they're usually garbage. He had to go to online dating to find what he wants - and he found exactly what I want coincidentally (a beautiful, smart, classy, professional ethnic middle eastern woman with a great career, even though he is a white guy himself). For me, I don't get dates in real life and I'm sure I would never get a date even if I messaged a 10,000 women of her caliber online. I don't have that stunningly handsome face to where women would give me a shot with online dating (although I look much much much better in real life than pics). Women of her caliber online have their standards set at the moon