Am I ever going to have a good relationship?

[Connor Talleur]

Hello fellow dudes, Dons, and womanizers,

Am I ever going to have a good relationship? Or is it going to be a constant struggle of who gives less of a **** about the other person? Is there something as a mutually loving relationship? Or is it some fantasy Disney story we were breastfed when we were kids? Sorry for the negativity in advance. Just a little frustrated by the silly games girls play now a days when you are dating. Let me know you think. Your responses are much appreciated.


Thanks in advance,

--Conbonn

 

[btownbuck2012]

Hello fellow dudes, Dons, and womanizers,

Am I ever going to have a good relationship? Or is it going to be a constant struggle of who gives less of a **** about the other person? Is there something as a mutually loving relationship? Or is it some fantasy Disney story we were breastfed when we were kids? Sorry for the negativity in advance. Just a little frustrated by the silly games girls play now a days when you are dating. Let me know you think. Your responses are much appreciated.


Thanks in advance,

--Conbonn

https://therationalmale.com/2011/12/27/women-in-love/

 

[marmel75]

It's not about who gives less of a sh!t its ago who is leading and who is in control of the relationship.

Women desperately want for men to be in that role. Sadly, too many men fail miserably at fulfilling it leading to women becoming more and more upset as they realize they are in this role which leads them to becoming more and more resentful as time goes on, typically after they give the man the opportunity at least a few times for him to take the lead and he fails again, which shows itself in the form of disrespect and disinterest.

 

[Milano]

From what I am observing it seems that if you care the most as a man you are done every single time. Its the strategy of losing control and giving her power and the lead. It cant work.

It will be a constant struggle until your heart has been butchered and destroyed several times until this wisdom becomes a part of you, like your scarred heart and mind.

You will start to understand everything, and se glimmer of hope, but even then you still want the reality to be something that it is not because it seems so cold, so you go to bed with that gut wrenching feeling and HOPE you can trust her words and that disney exists etc.

This is some red pill I find hard to deal with but how many men do you know who have more feelings for a hot woman than she does get to be in that relationship for a long time? Perhaps she will stick around if he is a great provider with a great career, but she will cheat when a man comes a long with that free energy.

You must ALWAYS be in control, you must ALWAYS care less. Do it for your own mental state and life quality, or at least hide your feelings long enough for her to get them as well. This is nearly impossible without a lot of experience.

It doesnt matter if your work is taxing on you, she doesnt care! If you crack under pressure and go completely emotional on her she will never forget it. So it feels like walking on egg shells, thats basically how it feels being a man in a relationship with a woman today. So if we cant win the game anymore the way we emotionally want to, might aswell learn how to live with the best possible life quality within the current rules that exist.

The most perfect realistic situation nowadays would probably be to barely get enough feelings for a woman to care for her and make it work, but on the other side have her being crazy about you and chasing you, being worried about where she has you, your interest level, if you are sleeping with other girls.

I have personally heard from hot girls several times that its those guys they couldnt get when they were younger, or that they even dumped but wanted back, that ended up haunting them for YEARS. My last HB8.5 needed 5 years to get over a guy she dumped and wanted back a week later. Its incredible how these girls react when you show more value and self respect! The point is ofc not to do this for them but for you, easy to mindfuk yoursel.

It seems simple but it requires so much practice, we can NEVER let them conquer us. It is not meant to happen. The alfa male is suppose to be free and fuk all the girls. Perhaps its not possible within a relationship, but giving off that VIBE is key. I really want to try this if I get into a new relationship. I never want to give a woman control of my heart and mind again, enough.

 

[raider87]

It's not about who gives less of a sh!t its ago who is leading and who is in control of the relationship.

Women desperately want for men to be in that role. Sadly, too many men fail miserably at fulfilling it leading to women becoming more and more upset as they realize they are in this role which leads them to becoming more and more resentful as time goes on, typically after they give the man the opportunity at least a few times for him to take the lead and he fails again, which shows itself in the form of disrespect and disinterest.

Do you mean women take it as disrespect & disinterest?

 

[marmel75]

Do you mean women take it as disrespect & disinterest?

No, I mean that women lose respect for the man which in turn causes them to act more and more disrespectful towards them and become more and more disinterested as it continues over time.

 

[Fruitbat]

It's not about who gives less of a sh!t its ago who is leading and who is in control of the relationship.

Women desperately want for men to be in that role. Sadly, too many men fail miserably at fulfilling it leading to women becoming more and more upset as they realize they are in this role which leads them to becoming more and more resentful as time goes on, typically after they give the man the opportunity at least a few times for him to take the lead and he fails again, which shows itself in the form of disrespect and disinterest.

What do you mean by leading?

I generally end up making all the decsions and plans for women I meet. This doesn't feel like leading.

Do you mean that you need to care less than she does about you?

leading is a hard thing to define.

 

[highSpeed]

Hello fellow dudes, Dons, and womanizers,

Am I ever going to have a good relationship? Or is it going to be a constant struggle of who gives less of a **** about the other person? Is there something as a mutually loving relationship? Or is it some fantasy Disney story we were breastfed when we were kids? Sorry for the negativity in advance. Just a little frustrated by the silly games girls play now a days when you are dating. Let me know you think. Your responses are much appreciated.


Thanks in advance,

--Conbonn

It is always going to be a struggle of who gives a sh*t less, sorry to burst your bubble. It is a game to them, it is up to you to lead that game. Believe me, if you abdicate your role as leader of the game, she's going to fill that role and you're not going to like how she fills that role. You lead that game by not giving her anymore than she's earned and putting yourself in a position to take back whatever you've given if she's misbehaving. Once you get serious and invest in the relationship? I'm sorry to say that's the minute that your relationship will start to go downhill. You may not notice it right away but a switch gets flipped in their heads. It is the power switch that lets them know that they are now in control. Once you invest, you'll notice you get less sex, less attention, less submission and more feedback. It's subtle at first but gains in intensity the more you invest.

Guys get stupid, they think, "If only I invest more, she will come around." Sounds right, right? You put a thousand dollars into fixing your roof, now if you invest another thousand, you won't have to touch your roof for another 5 years. That investment will keep you from having more problems. You move her in, that's what she needs to feel secure and behave right? She needs an engagement ring, that will fix this up, right? I'll marry her, that will show her I care, right? She wants a baby now, that will complete our "happy" family now, right? In some ways, it seems as if that might be right. If I invest more, she will know I care and will reflect my investment with better behavior. WRONG!!!!!!

Look, most women and I do mean most, are going to be nothing but a pain in the as*. They are perhaps short term relationship material, maybe long term relationship material (1-3 years max) but that's about it. I'm saying like 75-90% of women fit into that category. The sad fact is, once you get beyond around 23-25, most women are simply not suitable for relationships anymore. They've been pumped and dumped enough times that they cannot come together with a man in a true relationship, which I think most men would want if they could find a suitable woman. Sorry to start your day with crappy news.

 

[The Duke]

Here's my 50 cents worth.......I've been playing this game for the past 10yrs. For a 2-3year period all I cared about was if they were hot and fun and I always had a new one, so lets just ignore that time period of my life. The rest of the time I was interested in a good relationship with a solid girlfriend. I've had less than 5 possible candidates out of 50 that had good potential for solid long lasting girlfriends. Out of that 5, only 3 lasted more than 5months. One of them I dumped, the second one left because I wouldn't marry her, and the 3rd one dumped me for no apparent reason(I wasn't a beta chump, but I cared too much, she was super independent, and had some issues I never realized until the end).

I don't score high in any of the categories that matter to women, but my combined score when you add up all the categories is higher than 90% of the men out there and women see this in me. I come from a mentally healthy/traditional/close family. I have good personal/relationship skills. I'm not a cheater. I do a good job of leading a woman 95% of the time. I'm not a push over. I'm naturally a dihk at times. I'm not afraid to lose her either. I have a good job, and have plenty of money. I got a pretty good idea of how a guy needs to behave. There has been times when I did all the right things and still had difficulty.

With all that said, I can't seem to make it work either. I would love to have a solid relationship with an attractive woman that can act right for longer than 3months but that is very difficult to find. I'm not dating anything less than an HB8 so maybe that's my problem.

I've pretty much given up on it. Social Media is a big part of the problem(artificially inflates female value). Women not having to rely on men financially is another part. Women getting a free pass to act like wh0res is part of the problem. Women have lost touch of their feminine nature. There are more fat girls than ever before which changes the dynamics of all of this too.

Most of these girls are spoiled. They have too many options. If you don't do as they want they raise hell, then they jump on social media or start texting their orbiters. It creates the illusion that the grass is greener. I've had a few that left me for greener pastures and realized they made a mistake.

Just enjoy your time with them and change them out when they become too much of a liability. Women have too much power and too many options. Until that changes, relationships will remain a struggle.

 

[marmel75]

What do you mean by leading?

I generally end up making all the decsions and plans for women I meet. This doesn't feel like leading.

Do you mean that you need to care less than she does about you?

leading is a hard thing to define.

Leading meaning you go about your business as a man and let woman worry about relationship things while you are busy out making money, being ambitious and doing other "manly" things.

Too many men want to play the female role in relationships these days. It won't and never will work where this is acceptable to women. It goes against nature.

 

[Fruitbat]

Leading meaning you go about your business as a man and let woman worry about relationship things while you are busy out making money, being ambitious and doing other "manly" things.

Too many men want to play the female role in relationships these days. It won't and never will work where this is acceptable to women. It goes against nature.

Well then leading means just leading your own life.

That isn't leading her, it's just living a life disconnected of her. She is an irrelevance.

 

[AJ84]

Here's my 50 cents worth.......I've been playing this game for the past 10yrs. For a 2-3year period all I cared about was if they were hot and fun and I always had a new one, so lets just ignore that time period of my life. The rest of the time I was interested in a good relationship with a solid girlfriend. I've had less than 5 possible candidates out of 50 that had good potential for solid long lasting girlfriends. Out of that 5, only 3 lasted more than 5months. One of them I dumped, the second one left because I wouldn't marry her, and the 3rd one dumped me for no apparent reason(I wasn't a beta chump, but I cared too much, she was super independent, and had some issues I never realized until the end).

I don't score high in any of the categories that matter to women, but my combined score when you add up all the categories is higher than 90% of the men out there and women see this in me. I come from a mentally healthy/traditional/close family. I have good personal/relationship skills. I'm not a cheater. I do a good job of leading a woman 95% of the time. I'm not a push over. I'm naturally a dihk at times. I'm not afraid to lose her either. I have a good job, and have plenty of money. I got a pretty good idea of how a guy needs to behave. There has been times when I did all the right things and still had difficulty.

With all that said, I can't seem to make it work either. I would love to have a solid relationship with an attractive woman that can act right for longer than 3months but that is very difficult to find. I'm not dating anything less than an HB8 so maybe that's my problem.

I've pretty much given up on it. Social Media is a big part of the problem(artificially inflates female value). Women not having to rely on men financially is another part. Women getting a free pass to act like wh0res is part of the problem. Women have lost touch of their feminine nature. There are more fat girls than ever before which changes the dynamics of all of this too.

Most of these girls are spoiled. They have too many options. If you don't do as they want they raise hell, then they jump on social media or start texting their orbiters. It creates the illusion that the grass is greener. I've had a few that left me for greener pastures and realized they made a mistake.

Just enjoy your time with them and change them out when they become too much of a liability. Women have too much power and too many options. Until that changes, relationships will remain a struggle.

Wow, if you only knew how much of what you posted parallels with what many women complain about. Some minor differences but the basic premise from both sides is, ' Why can't I get this person to fit into the mold I created for the ideal girlfriend or boyfriend?'

We have these expectations for how we want a relationship to go. Then we meet someone who shows promise and we begin working on them using frame or game or leading or whatever to stuff them into that mold, while they are likely doing the same thing to us and then it's like the end of two magnets repelling each other. The common thread through all of it of course is an unwillingness to be vulnerable at the expense of self preservation.

Sometimes I think the dumb saps who jump in with both feet and eyes closed will end up with the best relationships in the end.

I personally feel like, if we approach every new relationship with a 'who will draw their gun first' mentality then it's already doomed.

 

[Dingo]

OP... You got some solid advise....

I also highly recommend you read the books mentioned here and the one I did in another of your threads. It ain't Disney anymore...

 

[marmel75]

Well then leading means just leading your own life.

That isn't leading her, it's just living a life disconnected of her. She is an irrelevance.

No, I don't believe that if you want someone in your life you treat them as if they are irrelevant. That's how you end up with 3-4 week relationships for your entire life.

 

[Thechamp]

Why not forget western women and try a relationship with a more feminine women from a different country!!!

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

It's like fishing. You want to be the dude on the bank, relaxed, reading his book, with his line well out in the deep.

Don't be the juvenile bear, running around splashing the water, and getting the skanky stuff in the shallows.

 

[rivernorth]

Is there something as a mutually loving relationship?

book from 1986 called "his needs, her needs" by willard harley (revised edition from 2011) I put the year because the book is not politically correct, but I think he gives good, practical advice. harley was a marriage counselor so saving relationships was his life's work.

premise is that needs are NEEDS. just like if you are starving, you will find yourself eating pizza crust out of a dumpster... if your relationship isn't meeting your NEEDS then you are likely to find yourself scrounging for scraps elsewhere.

10 needs in the book: 5 common to men, 5 common to women

although everyone is an individual so your top 5 needs could be from either category.

NEEDS COMMON TO MEN (what they want in a partner)
1. sexual fulfillment
2. physical attractiveness (lady not THOT)
3. recreational companionship
4. domestic support
5. admiration

NEEDS COMMON TO WOMEN (what they want in a partner)
1. financial support
2. affection
3. conversation
4. honesty & openness
5. family commitment

basically, women need to look hot and men need to have money..... so this book is blunt about some relationship essentials.... but some of the other advice isn't so obvious. I never realized recreational companionship was important to men let alone a NEED because it's not a need I have myself.

Just a little frustrated by the silly games girls play now a days when you are dating.

there is another book called "keys to the kingdom" which is written for women about men.... it talks about how men go through phases in life: knight, prince, king.

knight wants adventure.... like to date a lot of different women. adventure and variety are extremely important.

prince may want to settle down with one woman, but he is often focused on building his kingdom, too. attention can be split between his woman and his work.

king is established in his career, so has the most attention for a relationship.

a Don Juan may want to be an adventurous knight permanently, so that's a choice.

women can go through these phases, too.... not sure exactly what they would be called.... but it seems like the "knight" phase for both men and women is greatly expanded due to all the variety from social media. if you meet a girl who is playing silly games..... she is likely in the knight paradigm.

 

[Bingo-Player]

From what I am observing it seems that if you care the most as a man you are done every single time. Its the strategy of losing control and giving her power and the lead. It cant work.

It will be a constant struggle until your heart has been butchered and destroyed several times until this wisdom becomes a part of you, like your scarred heart and mind.

You will start to understand everything, and se glimmer of hope, but even then you still want the reality to be something that it is not because it seems so cold, so you go to bed with that gut wrenching feeling and HOPE you can trust her words and that disney exists etc.

This is some red pill I find hard to deal with but how many men do you know who have more feelings for a hot woman than she does get to be in that relationship for a long time? Perhaps she will stick around if he is a great provider with a great career, but she will cheat when a man comes a long with that free energy.

You must ALWAYS be in control, you must ALWAYS care less. Do it for your own mental state and life quality, or at least hide your feelings long enough for her to get them as well. This is nearly impossible without a lot of experience.

It doesnt matter if your work is taxing on you, she doesnt care! If you crack under pressure and go completely emotional on her she will never forget it. So it feels like walking on egg shells, thats basically how it feels being a man in a relationship with a woman today. So if we cant win the game anymore the way we emotionally want to, might aswell learn how to live with the best possible life quality within the current rules that exist.

The most perfect realistic situation nowadays would probably be to barely get enough feelings for a woman to care for her and make it work, but on the other side have her being crazy about you and chasing you, being worried about where she has you, your interest level, if you are sleeping with other girls.

I have personally heard from hot girls several times that its those guys they couldnt get when they were younger, or that they even dumped but wanted back, that ended up haunting them for YEARS. My last HB8.5 needed 5 years to get over a guy she dumped and wanted back a week later. Its incredible how these girls react when you show more value and self respect! The point is ofc not to do this for them but for you, easy to mindfuk yoursel.

It seems simple but it requires so much practice, we can NEVER let them conquer us. It is not meant to happen. The alfa male is suppose to be free and fuk all the girls. Perhaps its not possible within a relationship, but giving off that VIBE is key. I really want to try this if I get into a new relationship. I never want to give a woman control of my heart and mind again, enough.

you're correct but putting all this into practice is alot more difficult then you can imagine

what you're describing is an emotional robot