I messed up

[lizardking82]

Am talking to this girl since about 2 months now, she currently lives in another city, but I went to see her there for her birthday, slept one night in. Did not rush the sex, chemistry was quite good, I genuinely enjoyed the time with her and I am sure she did, too.

Now, we ain't no bf/gf yet, we have not even had sex. Last night, I was sending a message on Whatsapp to another chick that I just keep for some light, casual sexting and sex sometimes and here is the part where I **** up: I am in the conversation with the girl above, thinking I am sending the voice message to this other chick, I send it to her. She snaps, says she is hurt and all the usual things of the moment. Then says "We will never talk again". I explained the situation, kept my cool and told her I would understand if she doesn't wanna talk anymore (she kept on talking anyways).

Now, of course she's been talking a bit colder although I literally mean that she would not have anything to worry about, in my books, she's quite higher for different reasons, but yeah, go tell that to her LOL one of the things she said was "I cannot keep my mind from thinking that you might be talking to 2 or 3 other girls the same way you're talking to me".

I want an opinion from you guys and how would you handle this? I like the girl quite a lot, the best I have met since the breakup with my ex almost about a year ago so I didn't wanna just let her go like I don't give a fak.

 

[lizardking82]

Anybody? No?

 

[rayv12]

m talking to this girl since about 2 months now, she currently lives in another city, but I went to see her there for her birthday, slept one night in. Did not rush the sex, chemistry was quite good, I genuinely enjoyed the time with her and I am sure she did, too.

Dude stop it now. Another city! Really. Start dating other people.

Now, we ain't no bf/gf yet, we have not even had sex. Last night, I was sending a message on Whatsapp to another chick that I just keep for some light, casual sexting and sex sometimes and here is the part where I **** up: I am in the conversation with the girl above, thinking I am sending the voice message to this other chick, I send it to her. She snaps, says she is hurt and all the usual things of the moment. Then says "We will never talk again". I explained the situation, kept my cool and told her I would understand if she doesn't wanna talk anymore (she kept on talking anyways).

"We will never talk again" - say "ok cool no problem" and go no contact and WAIT they always come back they can't stand a guy agreeing to it. What she wants you to do is Beg to her which you obviously should not.

Now, of course she's been talking a bit colder although I literally mean that she would not have anything to worry about, in my books, she's quite higher for different reasons, but yeah, go tell that to her LOL one of the things she said was "I cannot keep my mind from thinking that you might be talking to 2 or 3 other girls the same way you're talking to me".

I want an opinion from you guys and how would you handle this? I like the girl quite a lot, the best I have met since the breakup with my ex almost about a year ago so I didn't wanna just let her go like I don't give a fak.

What she says and thinks is none of your business. Stop acting like a little girl and stop being used. She is probably sleeping with someone else all this time.
Delete her number and forget her! This is your moment be Don JUAN

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Give it a short break for a couple/few days with this girl you really like. Then resume as you were doing. Never mention this occurrence. Never explain it either.

What you have accidentally done is made her aware of your desirability to other women. This is a good thing if you know how to massage the situation, which seems to me to be the nature of your question.

If you are not exclusive (I'm guessing you are not by your OP), then you & she should both expect it's likely there are other people in the picture.

So continue as you are doing after a short cooling off period.

If she obcesses and focuses only on this indiscretion she shows her own weakness & insecurities. If she can't reset and re engage with you then you can choose how to interact.

In such a case you can inform her (sweetly) that insecurity is cute but not what you were expecting from her, your favorite, unless of course she is too much a little girl for a desirable man...essentially in your own style & charming way you express your intent toward her without apologizing for your indiscretion or for your other female interests.

You have a good opportunity to see her value. If she simply shuts you down & wont talk with you at all, simply send her a message that

"What a shame from my favorite girl. I had hoped you were worth it"

From there you can invite her to reach out if she changes her mind AND you are still available....OR you can wish her well and leave it.

All depends what you want right now.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

My first response to this would be to tell her that she needs to prove how she ISN'T like those 2 or 3 other girls. What makes her so special that she deserves to be treated special? How can YOU trust her? Gotta flip the tables like that.

 

[Dingo]

Try living down accidentally sexting one of your buddies... lol

I'm really really careful now.....

 

[lizardking82]

@BeExcellent thank you for the detailed answer. Gave me some good ideas cause I panicked a little, it seemed so stupid for this whole thing to go to waste for something almot irrelevant like this, but yeah, you are right, it is a good chance to see her true colors and character overall.

@ImTheDoubleGreatest! thank you, dude, reality check is always good

Me and her are talking again now and she seems to be almost completely over it, but I will keep her on the "watchlist" for a good couple of days and will report if I see any strange behaviour or sudden chances.

 

[BeExcellent]

You are welcome. Remember a DJ is always smooth and unflappable, especially when the evidence would suggest he is, in fact, enjoying female attentions. Be cool & own it.

Your favorite girl will feel that much more special.

No pedestalizing or supplicating. Just lead & have intention & you'll do fine

 

[wifehunter]

Sex always complicates sh!t. Save it for someone worthy.

 

[wifehunter]

Try living down accidentally sexting one of your buddies... lol

I'm really really careful now.....

I loled!!!

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

@BeExcellent thank you for the detailed answer. Gave me some good ideas cause I panicked a little, it seemed so stupid for this whole thing to go to waste for something almot irrelevant like this, but yeah, you are right, it is a good chance to see her true colors and character overall.

@ImTheDoubleGreatest! thank you, dude, reality check is always good

Me and her are talking again now and she seems to be almost completely over it, but I will keep her on the "watchlist" for a good couple of days and will report if I see any strange behaviour or sudden chances.

Not a problem brother. You could even tell her that too, though in a smoother and more diplomatic way (some people will get offended if you say it too directly like this). Good luck.

 

[lizardking82]

This discussion was ended the 28th of August here, today is the 27th of October, 2 months have gone by, she came to Tirana and things only got worse. She just complains and complains about everything. About how I don't find time for her, about how I talk to other girls.

Last night went to see her after 3-4 meetings ended up always in her crying for some absolutely stupid reason or making drama. As she was coming towards my direction, I was sending a voice message to a business partner of mine, work related. She comes towards me and is cold up to the moment we go to the bar. There I ask her what the problem seems to be and she says "you were messaging another chick in front of my eyes". Starts making drama, ends up in dramatic **** again.

Like, she has absolutely almost killed all the initial attraction I had for her with this type of **** repeating itself once in 3-4 at the very most. Now she calls me today telling me she is gonna leave and work/study in Italy. I mean, this chick has confused me somehow and I don't like this. The part that has confused me is that she seems like a good person, but she expects I don't talk to any other girl and I told her this "Me not talking to any other girl has to be something you earn, not something you expect automatically" and this seems to piss her off LOL makes her mad.

I mean, cannot even have a serious conversation with her about this topic because she gets so emotional and it just hurts me, literally hurts my mind to see her emotionally disstressed. She gets so...her eyes express it and feel it so much it messes with my mind.

 

[TheGambino]

You are welcome. Remember a DJ is always smooth and unflappable, especially when the evidence would suggest he is, in fact, enjoying female attentions. Be cool & own it.

Your favorite girl will feel that much more special.

No pedestalizing or supplicating. Just lead & have intention & you'll do fine

This, just this.

 

[Glassguy]

This discussion was ended the 28th of August here, today is the 27th of October, 2 months have gone by, she came to Tirana and things only got worse. She just complains and complains about everything. About how I don't find time for her, about how I talk to other girls.

Last night went to see her after 3-4 meetings ended up always in her crying for some absolutely stupid reason or making drama. As she was coming towards my direction, I was sending a voice message to a business partner of mine, work related. She comes towards me and is cold up to the moment we go to the bar. There I ask her what the problem seems to be and she says "you were messaging another chick in front of my eyes". Starts making drama, ends up in dramatic **** again.

Like, she has absolutely almost killed all the initial attraction I had for her with this type of **** repeating itself once in 3-4 at the very most. Now she calls me today telling me she is gonna leave and work/study in Italy. I mean, this chick has confused me somehow and I don't like this. The part that has confused me is that she seems like a good person, but she expects I don't talk to any other girl and I told her this "Me not talking to any other girl has to be something you earn, not something you expect automatically" and this seems to piss her off LOL makes her mad.

I mean, cannot even have a serious conversation with her about this topic because she gets so emotional and it just hurts me, literally hurts my mind to see her emotionally disstressed. She gets so...her eyes express it and feel it so much it messes with my mind.

She seems like an emotional nut case. Walk away and let her chase (and it sounds like she will) if you want her to chase. She obviously doesnt have deep self respect or she would have stopped talking to you/seeing you when the initial mistake was made on your part.

Not sure I would keep her around for much more than a fwb. That is if you are even fvcking her yet.

I understand the loss of attraction. These days it doesnt take much for me to lose attraction for a chick. If they wait 3 days to respond, they are out. If they act all emotional and stupid over something, they are out.

Abundance has its privileges and I know there are always more to be had so its easy for me to next them.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

This discussion was ended the 28th of August here, today is the 27th of October, 2 months have gone by, she came to Tirana and things only got worse. She just complains and complains about everything. About how I don't find time for her, about how I talk to other girls.

Last night went to see her after 3-4 meetings ended up always in her crying for some absolutely stupid reason or making drama. As she was coming towards my direction, I was sending a voice message to a business partner of mine, work related. She comes towards me and is cold up to the moment we go to the bar. There I ask her what the problem seems to be and she says "you were messaging another chick in front of my eyes". Starts making drama, ends up in dramatic **** again.

Like, she has absolutely almost killed all the initial attraction I had for her with this type of **** repeating itself once in 3-4 at the very most. Now she calls me today telling me she is gonna leave and work/study in Italy. I mean, this chick has confused me somehow and I don't like this. The part that has confused me is that she seems like a good person, but she expects I don't talk to any other girl and I told her this "Me not talking to any other girl has to be something you earn, not something you expect automatically" and this seems to piss her off LOL makes her mad.

I mean, cannot even have a serious conversation with her about this topic because she gets so emotional and it just hurts me, literally hurts my mind to see her emotionally disstressed. She gets so...her eyes express it and feel it so much it messes with my mind.

Is she super hot? Is the sex great?

-Augustus-

 

[marmel75]

You are wasting your time in a fantasy relationship. Some guys never learn.

Stop wasting time and find other women in the same city.

 

[lizardking82]

You are wasting your time in a fantasy relationship. Some guys never learn.

Stop wasting time and find other women in the same city.

LOL, yeah, thanks for the constructive advice, professor

On a more serious note (to @Glassguy and some others), I am talking to several girls and women since some good time now, abundance is no problem, but it kinda feels strange to let this one go since she displayed quite some good qualities in the beginning. Like, but she's ****ed up so many things. She came to my place for my birthday, we had sex for the first time and because it was the first time we did, I did not ***. I usually need some time to adjust to someone sexually, learn their ways, learn my ways with them, normal things. She took it as a tragedy that I did not ***, started feeling like I am not attracted to her, but all bull**** really since I came a couple minutes later with her just kissing my neck and being close to me.

You say she doesn't have deep self respect, I say she is spoiled and wants things handed to her and doesn't wanna win them. She wants my exclusivity handed to her because she "deserves it" for some reason, while on the other hand, she just keeps making drama, spewing bull**** all over the place even about the most ridiculous things.

She has explicitly stated she knows I talk to other girls and wants me to stop doing that and I have told her that this is not something you ask for. Did I ask her to stop talking to other boys? Never. I came in, I was fun, I was cool, I still am and naturally, she stopped talking to other boys. Women, in general, especially beautiful ones, have a problem with being told they need to deserve the girlfriend position. They think they are so awesome I will drop every other girl right away and give her everything I have got. She has no idea there are other girls that literally treat me like a king and that do not get anything out of me other than some talking and sex and that because they are positive people.

It is the girl who stands in the corner, treats me like a king, that gets to be my girl. Not the one who comes in and wants the position because she thinks she's hot or awesome LOL

 

[BeExcellent]

Well @lizardking82 this situation with this woman is exactly why I and others here say always observe. People always show you who they are if you pay attention.

This woman who you found so special initially has shown you that while she is beautiful she is extremely insecure. Insecure and neurotic and self absorbed.

In your example above where you texted a business associate she jumps to the conclusion that you are texting other women right in front of her. That tells me she thinks EVERY text is to other girls and makes her look petty and self important.

Historically and even lately I have been known to date and LTR players. Players ALWAYS have a ton of female attention. You know how you win a player or a man with lots of options? You as a woman understand that if a man is spending his time with you (and you KNOW he has lots of other options), he's there because he chooses to be there for whatever reason. In other words he likes you, otherwise he'd be elsewhere.

Your favorite girl fails to realize this very simple fact. She can't see that she is special by the fact that you chose her to spend your time with.

A cool confident girl never worries about other chicks. Let the other chicks get insecure, let the other chicks cling and stomp their feet and become neurotic and possessive.

Men may say they like insecure women, but good men do NOT. Insecurity and jealousy are ugly traits and they will tarnish even the most beautiful woman after a while.

Your woman you had initially liked so much does not have the self confidence or self esteem to date you @lizardking82. That's too bad. Drop her & move on. You have other women in your rotation who appreciate you & treat you well without all this crap.

You attracted this beauty. There will be others. Bummer but at least you can see what kind of woman you are dealing with here. NOT a cool one.

Cheers

 

[lizardking82]

I think I'll keep her around for a while longer, but my investment on her is at an all time low. If she keeps on 1 or 2 more times with the drama, she's off the hook completely then.

 

[Glassguy]

LOL, yeah, thanks for the constructive advice, professor

On a more serious note (to @Glassguy and some others), I am talking to several girls and women since some good time now, abundance is no problem, but it kinda feels strange to let this one go since she displayed quite some good qualities in the beginning. Like, but she's ****ed up so many things. She came to my place for my birthday, we had sex for the first time and because it was the first time we did, I did not ***. I usually need some time to adjust to someone sexually, learn their ways, learn my ways with them, normal things. She took it as a tragedy that I did not ***, started feeling like I am not attracted to her, but all bull**** really since I came a couple minutes later with her just kissing my neck and being close to me.

You say she doesn't have deep self respect, I say she is spoiled and wants things handed to her and doesn't wanna win them. She wants my exclusivity handed to her because she "deserves it" for some reason, while on the other hand, she just keeps making drama, spewing bull**** all over the place even about the most ridiculous things.

She has explicitly stated she knows I talk to other girls and wants me to stop doing that and I have told her that this is not something you ask for. Did I ask her to stop talking to other boys? Never. I came in, I was fun, I was cool, I still am and naturally, she stopped talking to other boys. Women, in general, especially beautiful ones, have a problem with being told they need to deserve the girlfriend position. They think they are so awesome I will drop every other girl right away and give her everything I have got. She has no idea there are other girls that literally treat me like a king and that do not get anything out of me other than some talking and sex and that because they are positive people.

It is the girl who stands in the corner, treats me like a king, that gets to be my girl. Not the one who comes in and wants the position because she thinks she's hot or awesome LOL

Most of them show great qualities in the beginning or we wouldnt want to be around them.

Its all about what is she doing for you know, acting now and your benefit from having her around now.

My ex wife was great in the beginning. She was a cheating ***** in the end. Same person, just disguising what they want you to see and then not caring what you see at all.