The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[RatedR]

9 MONTHS OF NO CONTACT!!!

Yes, you read that right, am on 9 months no contact with ex-girlfriend of 3+ years relationship. I bumped into her about 3 weeks ago, she looked at me, locked eyes and then took off. Not a smile, not a "Hi", nothing...nada! She got into her car and drove off.

Thats when I knew, that biatch had me going for 3 years. All fake promises, all fake future!! All fake. I don't hate her, far from that, I just feel, I invested 3 years of my life into a person I thought I was going to marry only to find out that it was all just an illusion. I broke up with her btw.

From time to time I miss her (i.e at the start of NC, it was tough). But I only had positive thoughts in my mind. Everytime I wake up in the morning, I say to myself...I am going to make it through this. I won't break down, I won't fall again...and I will CERTAINLY find someone worth my time and attention. And, yes sometime, I think that one day or the other, she will text me because am the BEST guy she will ever have in her life. Every guy she will be with, will be and AM 100% sure, below my level.

The hardest thing in this is that you can't erase memories. Everywhere I went with her, I remember the good times we had. I have another girl at the moment but its not as intense with my ex. There is no feeling, no attention, no compagnionship like I had with her. But she's fun to be with...thats it!

So yeah, I was checking out pictures of us yesterday with all the small notes etc that she used to send me....as soon as I catch myself thinking of this, I think of the bad part of our relationship...all the negative stuff...and that face when I saw her 3 weeks ago.

So guys, power through. Its hard, even after 9 months...but stay strong.

Remember, and always remember, THERE IS ALWAYS A BETTER ONE on the list, you just need to sort your head & heart out, and find her. She will come, I know she will...like its bound to happen. I am on the search too..until then...stay sauve!

Yours truly,

RatedR

 

[Reboot2017]

So common. I do this all the time, sometimes consciously, really frustrating. "I'm not happy with X facet of life but at least I can attract women!" Wrong mindset and truth is if there is a bigger issue you are not addressing then you will fail with women too, or at least not be equipped to hand the manipulation and fallout of the game. They are a crutch.

Amen... I imagine we all like to come to the stage where we are indifferent to them being in our lives. If they are there, great, if not, still great. Long tough road to get to there esp after years of being plugged in. But it starts this year.

Day 30 of NC. Half way through the challenge. Yay! I feel better everyday and yes I do slide backwards sometimes. I miss her. I hate her. I am ecstatic to be on my own again. It cycles quite a bit. But overall, I feel positive. A far cry from a couple of weeks ago. One thing that is getting clearer everyday is the importance of working on myself. All issues seems to stem from me rather than her. She was just a convenient distraction from the true source of the problem and now that I cleared that up, I feel working on myself seems to ease the wound of her loss. That is the only thing that helps to be honest.

In any case, I can already see the home stretch. I hope you guys are holding the line too. Peace.

 

[resilient]

I do slide backwards sometimes. I miss her. I hate her.

Always remember the plate she used to be (especially with you) is not who she is now. Often that missing feeling is just idealization that doesn't mean much to us in the present.

I am ecstatic to be on my own again. It cycles quite a bit. But overall, I feel positive.

Good. Keep moving forward!

She was just a convenient distraction from the true source of the problem and now that I cleared that up, I feel working on myself seems to ease the wound of her loss.

Also good that you recognized that. An investment in yourself always yields the highest dividends. You can go no wrong with self-improvement. You're learning... you make mistakes and you turn that into wisdom. Experience is the best teacher.

Day 44
Getting closer to day 60 which is awesome. I went NoFap (hard-mode) 13 days ago and am starting to notice some improvements. Aiming for 30 days. I'll reassess then if I want to go 90 days. Posture has improved. I feel more confident in my own skin. I care less about what others think. My sense of humor has improved immensely surprisingly and I crack more jokes than I have in a long time. Laughter is awesome and an amazing outlet for healing. Thankful to be single and not have any plates. I'm not sweating about interest level, game, etc. etc. so I feel more free and relaxed.

One area I'm struggling in though is an online prerequisite course for grad school requirement. However, I'm determined to pass it with better studying habits. Still eating and lifting more. I'm up to 149 pounds... I'm aiming to get up to 165 in the next six weeks (might have to start calorie counting to make it happen).

 

[Reboot2017]

An investment in yourself always yields the highest dividends. You can go no wrong with self-improvement. You're learning... you make mistakes and you turn that into wisdom. Experience is the best teacher.

I cannot agree more on this. I am working on myself full time now. Staying away from game too. Kinda hard when it is summer over here and the babes look really nice in their dresses. Ah well.

Posture has improved. I feel more confident in my own skin. I care less about what others think. My sense of humor has improved immensely surprisingly and I crack more jokes than I have in a long time. Laughter is awesome and an amazing outlet for healing. Thankful to be single and not have any plates.

Sounds like you got your groove back. And before the 60 days are done. Motivating to read that. Keep it up!

 

[soulforge]

Nearing 4 months of no contact.. still thinking about her every day.. but mostly the negatives, rather than wanting her back..

Upon reflection I see so many red flags, that I overlooked..

Seriously pizzed off about that.. what fukcs me off the most is, that this woman should never had been anything more than a fuk buddy..

I was mad to think, that I could have a LTR with a 50 year old bar girl, with a very bytchy selfish attitude..

On the positive.. i,m hitting the gym 5 days a week, physically improved loads.. and learnt a few important lessons along the way too

 

[Reykhel]

Nearing 4 months of no contact.. still thinking about her every day.. but mostly the negatives, rather than wanting her back..

Upon reflection I see so many red flags, that I overlooked..

Seriously pizzed off about that.. what fukcs me off the most is, that this woman should never had been anything more than a fuk buddy..

I was mad to think, that I could have a LTR with a 50 year old bar girl, with a very bytchy selfish attitude..

On the positive.. i,m hitting the gym 5 days a week, physically improved loads.. and learnt a few important lessons along the way too

Good man, you're ridding yourself off this malignant cvnt. Bravo.

Just an observation: You seem to be obsessing a lot, spending a lot of time going over the embers of the past. When we use the word
"should" in relation to the past, there's often an underlined self criticism implied. We are chastising ourselves. Another lash of the whip for
the self esteem for what we "should have done", but alas, didn't. Now if we replace the word "should" with "could" it's free of inner criticism and implies that we had a choice...."I could have, but I didn't. I'll know better the next time".

Learn the lessons from the past and move the fvck on. Only a ghost wallows in the past.

It serves us better to be present moment oriented with one healthy eye on the future. In other words, we set goals. We make five year plans, ten year plans etc. You have financial problems now. What is your plan in order to turn your finances around? where do you want to be financially in 5 years time? In ten years time? In twenty years time? So, what actions can you start to take TODAY to start moving you forward and towards your plan? What are you doing today that is contributing to your long term plan?

Write out 5-10 goals in key areas of your life. Plan long term. 5 or 10 year plans. Break them down into shorter term plans. Where do you need to be with each of your goals in 12 months to be on track? What actions do you need to start taking on a daily basis (present moment contributions) in order to move you forward?

Can you see how obsessing when it comes to your future and your future plans and who and where you want to be will serve you much better than obsessing about "mistakes" made with a washed up old sea hag.

Turn your obsessing to your advantage. What you focus on you give life and energy to.

You're putting too much importance into "other dates" and "getting over her", when you need to put the focus on you and your life and somehow the past just automatically starts to melt away. Like a giant iceberg, floating away from you.

You're going to the gym. Fantastic. But what are you doing to develop your mind. Your mental health. Your personal development.

We must keep the axe sharp in all aspects.

 

[soulforge]

Good man, you're ridding yourself off this malignant cvnt. Bravo.

Just an observation: You seem to be obsessing a lot, spending a lot of time going over the embers of the past. When we use the word
"should" in relation to the past, there's often an underlined self criticism implied. We are chastising ourselves. Another lash of the whip for
the self esteem for what we "should have done", but alas, didn't. Now if we replace the word "should" with "could" it's free of inner criticism and implies that we had a choice...."I could have, but I didn't. I'll know better the next time".

Learn the lessons from the past and move the fvck on. Only a ghost wallows in the past.

It serves us better to be present moment oriented with one healthy eye on the future. In other words, we set goals. We make five year plans, ten year plans etc. You have financial problems now. What is your plan in order to turn your finances around? where do you want to be financially in 5 years time? In ten years time? In twenty years time? So, what actions can you start to take TODAY to start moving you forward and towards your plan? What are you doing today that is contributing to your long term plan?

Write out 5-10 goals in key areas of your life. Plan long term. 5 or 10 year plans. Break them down into shorter term plans. Where do you need to be with each of your goals in 12 months to be on track? What actions do you need to start taking on a daily basis (present moment contributions) in order to move you forward?

Can you see how obsessing when it comes to your future and your future plans and who and where you want to be will serve you much better than obsessing about "mistakes" made with a washed up old sea hag.

Turn your obsessing to your advantage. What you focus on you give life and energy to.

You're putting too much importance into "other dates" and "getting over her", when you need to put the focus on you and your life and somehow the past just automatically starts to melt away. Like a giant iceberg, floating away from you.

You're going to the gym. Fantastic. But what are you doing to develop your mind. Your mental health. Your personal development.

We must keep the axe sharp in all aspects.

Hi mate, thank you for your lengthy reply.. Well my first and foremost goal is to leave this woman in the past.. I don't see any positives in any type of of relationship with her..

My main focus and goal in the next 2 years is to improve my financial situation..

I am currently full time employed and been in this job for 3 years..but it does not pay well.. also i have debts to clear..

So I have updated my cv employment record today, and will start to apply for better paid jobs..

My hope is to have a new job, then buy myself a new vehicle... and also redecorate my property to a good standard...

As for fitness and health.. things are going fantastic in the gym...

One thing I will be working on is, setting strict boundaries with woman.. and placing a much higher value for myself..

No bad behaviour or disrespect will be overlooked.. and screening better will be a MUST

In the mean time, I will keep her blocked.. keep going on NC and focus on calving out a new improved me!

 

[soulforge]

Its the holiday weekend here in th Uk.. so i can already feel its going to be a tough day..

Usually we would had been heading out, for the beach together etc..


I will have to soldier it out.. 4 NC i've come too far to give in now.

 

[Reboot2017]

I will have to soldier it out.. 4 NC i've come too far to give in now.

Keep going man... You probably do not realize it but it is darkest just before you reach the end. You are probably close to moving on permanently. Keep faith and lift.

Day 37 of NC. I stopped reading this forum every day. Another sign I am coming to grips with what happened and am moving on. I have actively taken charge of my life. One of the biggest sticking point for me was I was bored out of my skull with my work and it was stressing me out. So, I asked for a long break from it and moreover started looking for a job in Paris. If I move to the capital this year, life will change drastically. And that is exactly what the doctor ordered. A drastic change. Started working out again after 3 weeks of injury in the shoulder. Also dancing like there is no tomorrow. It relaxes me and fires a forgotten passion. Maybe that is it. I replaced thoughts of her with dance choreography.

I am far from game as you can get and sometimes the loneliness hits below the belt. Important thing is I can rationalize it out. I am working hard at being at peace with being on my own. I don't have all the answers yet. Not by a long shot. But am moving forward.

Oh yeah, she messaged my brother to ask about me. He did not bother replying. Blood always runs thicker than anything else... She been sending me emails and I have been pointedly ignoring them. I will get through this and I will be stronger for it...

Hope you guys are rocking under the summer skies without the clouds of the past...

 

[soulforge]

Keep going man... You probably do not realize it but it is darkest just before you reach the end. You are probably close to moving on permanently. Keep faith and lift.

Day 37 of NC. I stopped reading this forum every day. Another sign I am coming to grips with what happened and am moving on. I have actively taken charge of my life. One of the biggest sticking point for me was I was bored out of my skull with my work and it was stressing me out. So, I asked for a long break from it and moreover started looking for a job in Paris. If I move to the capital this year, life will change drastically. And that is exactly what the doctor ordered. A drastic change. Started working out again after 3 weeks of injury in the shoulder. Also dancing like there is no tomorrow. It relaxes me and fires a forgotten passion. Maybe that is it. I replaced thoughts of her with dance choreography.

I am far from game as you can get and sometimes the loneliness hits below the belt. Important thing is I can rationalize it out. I am working hard at being at peace with being on my own. I don't have all the answers yet. Not by a long shot. But am moving forward.

Oh yeah, she messaged my brother to ask about me. He did not bother replying. Blood always runs thicker than anything else... She been sending me emails and I have been pointedly ignoring them. I will get through this and I will be stronger for it...

Hope you guys are rocking under the summer skies without the clouds of the past...

Keep going my friend, the change of job will do you a world of good.. also if your not already... keep lifting, hitting the gym hard.. wiĺl really help you pull through

 

[Reboot2017]

Keep going my friend, the change of job will do you a world of good.. also if your not already... keep lifting, hitting the gym hard.. wiĺl really help you pull through

Thanks man... Eyes on the doughnut I guess and never the hole. Summer days are easing the transition and amen to keeping busy.

 

[Firestar786]

Its the holiday weekend here in th Uk.. so i can already feel its going to be a tough day..

Usually we would had been heading out, for the beach together etc..


I will have to soldier it out.. 4 NC i've come too far to give in now.

Bro
Do what I done
Find a new slag to play with
Online dating is very easy to find new pussay.
In my no contact I found a new woman who I ended up getting married to she was that good lol

 

[soulforge]

Bro
Do what I done
Find a new slag to play with
Online dating is very easy to find new pussay.
In my no contact I found a new woman who I ended up getting married to she was that good lol

Haha how long after breaking up, did you find this woman?

I am trying out online dating.. had a few dates.. getting quite alot of numbers.. probably just a matter of time till I meet a new chick...

I currently have a plate, who will literally do anything for me sexualy.. 3sums, the lot...

But i wouldn't even consider her for a LTR

I guess I miss the connection I had with my ex.. but the bad outweighed the good.. and she wasn't what you would call a good caring woman..

At times very nasty... stupid ass hoe!

 

[attic]

I started NC nearly 3 months ago from a Cluster B. It's one of those things you don't know till you know. I have found strength in company from posters here, the harsh truth about these women.. its gratifying to know i'm not alone and that the struggle is real.

Broke down twice
-One Text
-One Call

Both were met with results that caused me pain, I am somewhat addicted this so it's been a challenge to not sabotage myself. The emotions i've experienced here have ranged from feeling deathly empty inside (what I believe was a depressive episode) to many feelings of release, to many many desires to be in contact in any form.

These types of women have zero responsibility or accountability for their behaviors.

Day 30 here now. I have her blocked, something very important to do for my well being and distance. This morning was as difficult as the days after our breakup, I was heartbroken again! I'm surprised to still be this affected. I've tried to limit my exposure to message boards because at a certain point it is unhealthy, though i'm curious as a MF'r about the dynamic of BPD in relationships.


I can understand that if I pursued NC and stuck with it, I would be healthier and stronger for it. Where I have been on this path is realizing i'm codependent and my childhood parents greased the path for me to be taken advantage of by BPD's and narcissists. My challenge has been largely related to accepting that I'm responsible for letting this woman treat me like ****. I need to rewire some pathways, no question i'll be strong for the experience, but I have been beat up by it. I am hopeful that continued NC will be a message to myself that I value myself.

I dated a BPD in my early 20's, i'm 36 now.

Looking forward to reporting back at 60 days.

 

[Firestar786]

Haha how long after breaking up, did you find this woman?

I am trying out online dating.. had a few dates.. getting quite alot of numbers.. probably just a matter of time till I meet a new chick...

I currently have a plate, who will literally do anything for me sexualy.. 3sums, the lot...

But i wouldn't even consider her for a LTR

I guess I miss the connection I had with my ex.. but the bad outweighed the good.. and she wasn't what you would call a good caring woman..

At times very nasty... stupid ass hoe!

Bro fvxk this ex. A decent woman behind you will make or break you. My ex, with her I was always broke unmotivated, bickering over her ****e
My new woman I have never felt better, wealthier the lot.

We can waste our time thinking about these sad biatchs but its time wasted.

There's an old saying, go **** 5 new women and c if you forget tje first

Also, do u want to look back on your life In several years and think "fvxk I wasted so much time on that ho"?

The time has come to find quality, decent women instead of partnering up ourselves with these psycho slags

 

[narcissist]

I broke up with my girl for good last night. I have nothing but love and kindness for her, but the relationship was going no where and she is too young. We just have different goals and want to lead different lifestyles. So, I finally pulled the trigger. I feel really good about my decision.

No resentment or hatred. None at all. Just, its whats gotta be done.

Day 1, unofficial no contact (because I still have to grab my stuff from her house.) I will do it tomorrow - as i can't do it today.

 

[finality]

Day 1 of NC.

I'm 34 and she is 28. I've been with her around 6 months. The first 3-4 months were great but the last couple months we would argue over the dumbest stuff. The last couple weeks she seemed pretty distant and we seemed like friends more than lovers. Last week we got in a fight and she said she would get her stuff and leave... and basically just went around my house and found anything that was hers so I wouldn't need to see her again. I broke a few days ago and told her that I didn't want things to end the way the did. She agreed. I asked to see her but she said she was busy. With another guy I'm sure. Today so asked to hang out and I agreed. We talked for like 20 minutes. I told her I didn't want to lose her but she gave me the " I need to figure things out, work on myself speech'" We all know what that means. Then she said it wasn't working before and I just brought negativity in her life. told her I couldn't be friends with someone I love. I told her to figure things out and call me in a few weeks. I probably acted like a AFC but whatever.

I went through a terrible breakout a year ago. I got through that and I'll get over this one too. I think in reality we were probably just rebounds from previous relationships. I deleted our pictures from facebook. I will never reach out.

 

[soulforge]

Bro fvxk this ex. A decent woman behind you will make or break you. My ex, with her I was always broke unmotivated, bickering over her ****e
My new woman I have never felt better, wealthier the lot.

We can waste our time thinking about these sad biatchs but its time wasted.

There's an old saying, go **** 5 new women and c if you forget tje first

Also, do u want to look back on your life In several years and think "fvxk I wasted so much time on that ho"?

The time has come to find quality, decent women instead of partnering up ourselves with these psycho slags

This is true man.. my ex was never on my side.. she was rather selfish.. uncaring.. and i knew in my gut she was false all along, but never had the guts to walk

Bro fvxk this ex. A decent woman behind you will make or break you. My ex, with her I was always broke unmotivated, bickering over her ****e
My new woman I have never felt better, wealthier the lot.

We can waste our time thinking about these sad biatchs but its time wasted.

There's an old saying, go **** 5 new women and c if you forget tje first

Also, do u want to look back on your life In several years and think "fvxk I wasted so much time on that ho"?

The time has come to find quality, decent women instead of partnering up ourselves with these psycho slags

I hear you bro.. i mean seriously it was pretty much drama most of the time with my ex... she can be nice at times, then suddenly hit you with real disrespect and rudeness..

No apology nothing.. just straight up blaming and gas lighting..

Plus our relationship was long distance, she moved in with me for a while, but after disrespecting me infront of her family on Christmas Eve 2016, things where not the same again..

She moved out.. we went back to long distance again, which was a step backwards.. Again there was one final incident of disrespect from her, so I finally had enough, and I dumped her..

18 months wasted, but some very important lessons learnt.. been NC 4 now.. getting a little easier than before..

But you are right, why stay with a woman who just brings you down, behaves like a fuking moron.. better off to be alone than to be treated with disrespect.


Lets hope things improve for all of us, who are currently suffering from a toxic relationship!

 

[finality]

Day 2.

She texted me this morning say "you already delteted me from insta lol"

Deleted the message. Off the the gym. I've already lost 8 pounds in 5 days since the breakup since I have no appetite. Need to preserve muscle mass.

 

[soulforge]

Day 2.

She texted me this morning say "you already delteted me from insta lol"

Deleted the message. Off the the gym. I've already lost 8 pounds in 5 days since the breakup since I have no appetite. Need to preserve muscle mass.

Keep eating and training man... put your focus into gym, it well seriously get you through this