The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[MrAddiction]

But at the end of the day, when you know that you honestly did your best for her and that you didn't do anything wrong by her, then you can find contentment in that and know that you weren't the problem in the relationship no matter how much she tries to convince herself or you otherwise

To be honest even if you did the right thing, in my case walking away from my Cluster B ex, that does not help much regarding getting over the feeling of loss. And a least it is that feeling that brings you down. I know there was no other way to react to her misbehavior but I still sometimes miss her good side. That is when I Do actively have to remind myself of her fcuked up behavior.
But after all it is a loss. You lost something that you did not want to lose. It's like when your car breaks down and you have to buy a new one wether you like it or not. It sucks but i won't kill you.
What I want to say, even if you are bot the problem, that does not smaller the feeling of loss.

 

[chris123456]

Technically not my ex since we never got to the dating stage, but I've gotten too attached to my best girl friend. She's the closest girl to my heart for the last 5+ years, and I've definitely had a few opportunities and went pretty far awhile back. Things kinda reverted back to the friendship stage about a year ago, but recently thought things were going extraordinarily well, so pushed a little too hard and told her how I felt a two weeks ago. Wasn't wise, and shouldn't've rushed things and just stuck to my gut feelings instead of going for an immediate ansewer. Buuut since then, she's barely talked to me and getting ahold of her is much harder. Pretty sure a LJBF is coming, and I kinda suspect her and my best guy friend have something going on now because of this situation (unintentional wingman for my homie I guess). Honestly need to just take a step back before this ticking time bomb explodes all over me lol. I don't want to call them out on it and be totally wrong and end up looking like a dbag, so I'm just gonna let time do its thing and let this situation unravel itself.

I'm going to initiate the 3rd variation of NC and just drop off the face of the earth for both of them. I know it's going to be rough since they're the two closest friends I have.

 

[Reboot2017]

@Reboot2017 That's natural bro, I still miss her a lot and if I'm being honest, might even always love her deep down, but I also have moments where I'm care free and feel on top of everything and then my mood will change back to thinking "what if".. But at the end of the day, when you know that you honestly did your best for her and that you didn't do anything wrong by her, then you can find contentment in that and know that you weren't the problem in the relationship no matter how much she tries to convince herself or you otherwise.

I guess this is exactly what I am feeling. And I am trying to hold my frame on this point. I have already given my everything and I am at peace with that. I guess time is the only thing that helps from here on. That and NC.

Day 15 of NC.
As predicted by the vast majority of people on this board, she has started insisting on contact. She sent me a message this morning to say that she is coming over next weekend to return "my stuff" and to have "the conversation that she needs". I did not reply. But since then, she started sending 3 messages in succession. She is threatening to come over and see me tonight (Note we live in different towns). She also has started to blame me for playing with her and hurting her. Overall, I think she is losing it. I have this huge urge to write back and reiterate my decision on NC. I do not particularly want her to show up on my door step and deal with the drama of that. I have no particular need to hurt her and I think thus far, being far from her has helped tremendously. I do not want to regress. Thoughts?

 

[5chm1dd1]

I guess this is exactly what I am feeling. And I am trying to hold my frame on this point. I have already given my everything and I am at peace with that. I guess time is the only thing that helps from here on. That and NC.

Day 15 of NC.
As predicted by the vast majority of people on this board, she has started insisting on contact. She sent me a message this morning to say that she is coming over next weekend to return "my stuff" and to have "the conversation that she needs". I did not reply. But since then, she started sending 3 messages in succession. She is threatening to come over and see me tonight (Note we live in different towns). She also has started to blame me for playing with her and hurting her. Overall, I think she is losing it. I have this huge urge to write back and reiterate my decision on NC. I do not particularly want her to show up on my door step and deal with the drama of that. I have no particular need to hurt her and I think thus far, being far from her has helped tremendously. I do not want to regress. Thoughts?

Stay strict NC, and don't play along her BS with the "conversation". She seeks for your validation, and is trying to get some negative emotion out of you to justify her decision.

When she comes by next week, you exchange stuff, and that's it. No talk, nothing. If she insists, you politely excuse yourself and say that you have other things to do and hence no time to talk, but that you'll eventually reach out to her when you have the time. (hint: which is not going to happen)

Stay strong!

 

[BeTheChange]

Well guys, for me it's been about 3 months since the break up and about 2.5 months since I last saw her and NC was implemented. I cheated on her, she found out. But I believe she had some mental problems so I know it was for the best.

While I realize it's better I don't go back, I still miss all the sweet things she did for me. Wish I could get her back, but with only the good parts and all the evil parts about her totally cut out.

But I know I can't have her. Still think about her a lot, even after all this time. Yesterday I had an almost overwhelming urge to message her, out of nowhere.

Stayed strong. I have another gf, but sometimes having other women around only makes you think about the ex more.

Dude is this the same long term gf you had a month ago that you've been on and off with for the past couple of years or someone else?

If so you seriously need to cut this chick out your life...permanently.

One moment you are making a thread telling us how great she is and that she is down for threesomes, a week later you hate the b*tch and you've broken up. This sh*t is unseemly.

Haven't even seen my ex of 3 years for almost four months now and I can promise you it's been the best time of my life ever. I wouldn't take her back if she paid me. NC sets you free mate. You need to practice what you preach.

 

[soulforge]

It is now nearly 3 months NC for me... I have blocked her on every level..

She may be banging someone else.. she may not be.. i rather not find out..

So refraining from any social media..


I have a couple of plates at the mo, but like BRADD said, i only end up missing my ex more..

I miss the good time we had, waking up with her, going to sleep with her.. but I have to keep reminding myself about how rude and dismissive she was was of my feelings.

I really don't believe that woman cared that much about my feelings.. and I cannot allow her to disrespect me again!

I officially did the dumping, simply because she crossed a line and i had no choice left but to dump.

Guys I have taken the sim card out of my mobile phone and changed my number, so she cannot call or text..

Is blocking her completely the best way forward?? What if she tries to text or ring one day?

Getting involved with her again, seems like RISKY business???

 

[soulforge]

My bpd broke 10 months of NC today which i ignored.

Women ALWAYS come back eventually. Wrap your head around that and you'll start taking your power back.

She sent you email.. but did she want back?

 

[resilient]

@soulforge, yes getting involved with your ex would be risky business since she never cared for your feelings and disrespected you that often. Three months NC is good. Stay strong and continue blocking her. You don't want to get pulled back into that toxic orbit. If she texts or rings, you ignore and carry on about your life.

Day 12
I slipped yesterday. I got a text from my aunt asking how I was doing and that she missed seeing new pictures posted to Instagram since my last one was at the end of March. I deleted that app off my phone, so I logged into IG on a desktop browser and noticed my ex untagged a photo that I posted two months back. I pull up her profile and noticed she unfollowed me and probably blocked me. Her account is public, so I saw nearly a dozen photos she posted since the breakup. They were all the usual selfies or full body shots of her dressed up nice out somewhere with who knows who. At least one shot was taken from her bed fully dressed, smiling, and face was blushing, but I knew that one wasn't a selfie. I felt a pain of an emotional trigger, figuring that the new guy that replaced me that probably took it.

I know Instagram and social media in general that people project how awesome and happy their lives are. A person's life could be filled with anxiety or depression, but you'll never see them post a picture or write about that in a status update for the most part. I have no idea if the ex cares that I ghost her by blocking her cell # and email address after the breakup text, but it doesn't matter. Seems like I was quickly forgotten with her new dude or backup orbiters helping her feel validated in attention or sechs.

I've been to therapy twice and learning how to let all this go. I'm learning how to develop better boundaries next time, so I don't disclose to potential plates the dark secrets of my failed relationships. Keep convo light and focused on fun. The new person doesn't have the right to know the deep emotional wounds (often that info is used against me or used to push me away too damn early) so I got to keep that under wraps.

I realized I have a crap ton of work to do on self-esteem, self-love, self-reliance, and self-respect to rid all co-dependency tendencies. I want to be completely comfortable in my own skin and not feel threatened by competition, or dread of abandonment.

I found a site that is sorta geared towards the opposite sex, but many of the articles have interesting insights that are helping me clear my head of guilt, loss, shame, or other negative thoughts floating around. Some of these articles may help you guys too...

• Love Isn’t Going To Save You
• Love Won’t Fix Your Life, So Stop Expecting It To
• 10 Uncomfortable Signs You’re Actually Becoming The Person You’re Supposed To Be

Keep striving forward guys, never go back to an ex. Improve your life, fill it with meaningful passions, hobbies, career, friendships (males are especially important too), and learn to live happily with or without the company of plate(s).

 

[Infern0]

She sent you email.. but did she want back?

Didnt read the email but if it was like every other time then yeah.

 

[BeTheChange]

Didnt read the email but if it was like every other time then yeah.

Huh?

Its been 9 months NC almost a year since i seen her.

I have been training seriously in that time and got great results, plus heaps if self improvement and growth, feeling good boyos.

other day i ran into her best friend (hb8) who couldnt stop complimenting me and squeezed my arms lol (this one is the hot slutty girl who my ex worships) its funny because this girl used to pretty much snob me when i was out of shape depressed dude with the bpd, but now she was all "omg you look so different, good for you, wow" and smiling and hard eye contact.

Anyway I knew at that point the clock was ticking.

Anyway opened my emails and there it was, the email from the ex.

Opened it and just saw wall of text starting with:

"i know you hate me and want nothing to do with me but"

DELETE

No thanks.

Tldr: they ALWAYS come back

Tbh it looks more like she is fishing for attention than legitimate interest. Best to let this one go. You truly win, when you don't have to make a thread about her in the first place.

If she actually wanted you back you would KNOW. That's how BPDs are.

They either love/hate you (which manifests in the same type of behaviour) or they're pretty much indifferent to you.

 

[Reboot2017]

I slipped and broke no contact guys. She sent me an email yesterday asking me why I hate her and she is coming over to see me today to pass me my things. This is after calling me 15x times over the past two days and leaving a crying voice mail. I guess I was feeling really sorry for her and lost frame this morning when I read the email. So I replied and asked to throw away the things, asked her to leave me alone and I needed time for myself. She replied after 4 hours non nonchalantly to take care and she is there for me if I need her. I feel that I gave her the validation that she was after. I feel 10x worst now. Sigh. Why on earth did I break NC. Stupid move...

Day 1 of NC again. Feel really down in the dumps. First reaction is to message her back etc. But I know it is the wrong thing to do. Really depressed now. Damn stupid thing to do. Never break NC.

 

[Roober]

I slipped and broke no contact guys. She sent me an email yesterday asking me why I hate her and she is coming over to see me today to pass me my things. This is after calling me 15x times over the past two days and leaving a crying voice mail. I guess I was feeling really sorry for her and lost frame this morning when I read the email. So I replied and asked to throw away the things, asked her to leave me alone and I needed time for myself. She replied after 4 hours non nonchalantly to take care and she is there for me if I need her. I feel that I gave her the validation that she was after. I feel 10x worst now. Sigh. Why on earth did I break NC. Stupid move...

Day 1 of NC again. Feel really down in the dumps. First reaction is to message her back etc. But I know it is the wrong thing to do. Really depressed now. Damn stupid thing to do. Never break NC.

Women and their covert communications. Doesn't sound like the text you sent was that bad if that was all you said. Regardless, now you know she has no reason to come see you to drop off your stuff, so you resolved that. You followed with leave me and alone and needing time for yourself... Now, you have absoluetely no reason to contact her, so that is gone. Don't beat yourself up, it happens. Just stay strong with no contact.

IF you ever feel the urge to break it, just go journal, or send the text to a friend or family member that you console in. Sounds like you need to block her phone number, so the calls and texts won't come through. I think you can block emails too? Just report it as spam

 

[5chm1dd1]

Women and their covert communications. Doesn't sound like the text you sent was that bad if that was all you said. Regardless, now you know she has no reason to come see you to drop off your stuff, so you resolved that. You followed with leave me and alone and needing time for yourself... Now, you have absoluetely no reason to contact her, so that is gone. Don't beat yourself up, it happens. Just stay strong with no contact.

Agree 100%. Restart your NC, and don't beat yourself up. It happens to the best of us that we have weak moments.
As I said in a post above: It's normal, it happens and it'll pass. Don't worry.

IF you ever feel the urge to break it, just go journal, or send the text to a friend or family member that you console in. Sounds like you need to block her phone number, so the calls and texts won't come through. I think you can block emails too? Just report it as spam

Or post here instead of writing a message to a friend/family member.

Yes you should normally be able to block certain mail adresses, depends on your provider though. But normally every provider offers this possibility, maybe check in your mail-settings or privacy settings.

 

[Reboot2017]

Thanks for the heads up guys. I said very little in the message but i guess the wording was enough to give her the validation she was looking for. Her change in behavior caught me a bit by surprise... In any case, I have blocked her phone number permanently and filtered her email to spam. It was hard to do that but I think given this weekend's event, it is the right thing to do. I remind myself that NC is for me and has nothing to do with her.

Day 2 of NC: Unlike the first time I did this, it feels more real and permanent. I have broken all communication channel with her as of yesterday. It is odd but it feels like I am grieving.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Thanks for the heads up guys. I said very little in the message but i guess the wording was enough to give her the validation she was looking for. Her change in behavior caught me a bit by surprise... In any case, I have blocked her phone number permanently and filtered her email to spam. It was hard to do that but I think given this weekend's event, it is the right thing to do. I remind myself that NC is for me and has nothing to do with her.

You're welcome, that's what the forum is for.
Exactly, she was only looking for your validation, which is why she changed her behavior in the first place. Don't fall for that, AWALT.

It's hard, we've all been there, but it's the only right thing to do. Well done!

Day 2 of NC: Unlike the first time I did this, it feels more real and permanent. I have broken all communication channel with her as of yesterday. It is odd but it feels like I am grieving.

Good.

Let all the emotions out, no matter how. Cry, rage, whatever helps is alright. Just don't give her or any other b#tch the pleasure to witness this.
Don't keep those emotions inside, as they will pile up, up until the moment you can't hold them in anymore and explode. Process the feelings, and you'll see that you'll do better in no time.
Just stay NC now for good. From here on out, she never existed.

 

[Roober]

Thanks for the heads up guys. I said very little in the message but i guess the wording was enough to give her the validation she was looking for. Her change in behavior caught me a bit by surprise... In any case, I have blocked her phone number permanently and filtered her email to spam. It was hard to do that but I think given this weekend's event, it is the right thing to do. I remind myself that NC is for me and has nothing to do with her.

Day 2 of NC: Unlike the first time I did this, it feels more real and permanent. I have broken all communication channel with her as of yesterday. It is odd but it feels like I am grieving.

When a relationship ends, you go through much of the same emotions as grieving. If this is someone you care about deeply and they are suddenly not a part of your life, it hurts. It hurts even more knowing they are not dead. In some ways, grieving is easier than breakups. Regardless, just let those emotions out. After about a month of no contact, the clouds will begin to clear if you are doing everything you need to be doing for yourself. For the first couple weeks, the key is distracting yourself...

 

[Reboot2017]

I am trying to keep my busy. Pulled a muscle in the gym today. I think I was trying to hammer out the emotions on the weights and overdid a particular shoulder exercise. A bit of a bummer especially now but what you going to do...

In any case, rationally I see it. It is going to hurt and I would just have to power through. Its been a quiet day without messages/calls from her. Considering everything is blocked, I am getting a bit of relief from there as well. Keep strong as well guys and stay NC.

 

[Reboot2017]

Day 4 of NC. I was surfing my facebook and the friend request list popped out at the side. I could not help notice that her friend request that she sent to me just last Friday was no longer there. Guess she cancelled it. Felt a huge prick in the side. Feels like she has moved on as well after the validation I gave her. Damn. Should not have checked that.

These days, it has been getting a bit hard. I have been trying to keep my mind busy but I think the grief is really setting in. A bit of struggle to keep my mind straight.

 

[resilient]

These days, it has been getting a bit hard. I have been trying to keep my mind busy but I think the grief is really setting in. A bit of struggle to keep my mind straight.

Let yourself grieve for as long as you feel necessary. In the meantime, get awesome. Did you have goals before she consumed your time? Get busy doing those again. You keep your mind straight by focusing on you. How's your weight gain going? Did you end up getting Cyto Carb2 or Cyto Gainer?

Day 16
Had my first solid study session for hours last Sunday night after not being able to concentrate or focus enough to study longer than 30 minutes without protruding thoughts of the ex. This was a breakthrough in the healing because I realized I'm finally starting to move on with life.

Weight gain is pacing well. I'm up to 146 from 136. Arms are feeling bulkier which feels great. I jumped up fast in weight, yet over the next eight weeks I want to keep it at 1 pound gain per week and the bf% not exceeding 10%. I noticed my confidence is picking up.

Yesterday, I went for my first electric guitar lesson at this place. The door wouldn't open and this chick saw me from inside the window that I was struggling standing there with my guitar case so she opened up the door for me with a nice smile and eye contact. Right away, I ask her if she's there for guitar lessons. She said no, she was there for her daughter's guitar lessons. I had a few more comments about the lesson, guitar, etc. and stopped interacting with her. I opened up my guitar case and was sorting through my guitar pics. Out of the corner of my eye I kept seeing her look at her phone and then back at me a few times in between her texting someone.

 

[soulforge]

Near to 3 months of EXTREME NC

Blocked her on everything.. I had a pretty good day today.

As the love drug is wearing off, i'm starting to think more logicaly about my relationship with her..

I am beginning to realise, how difficult this woman was to be with..

Also i don't believe i would have got a healthy relationship out of her in the long run..

The pain comes in waves.. some good days, some bad days..

I think because I struck her with a dumping first and immediately went 100% NC that has somewhat cushioned the blow!

If it where her who had dumped me, then went complete NC on me... I reckon I would be hurting heaps more, and would have crushed my self esteem.

Being the dumper, has somewhat empowered me!!