The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[BadBoy17]

Is your stuff valuable? You could bring a friend would help to make it less akward and help refrain her folks from talking ****.

I guess I'll ask a friend to go with me. Yeah. Thanks for the advice

 

[dude99]

Hello guys, I'm posting because today 02/17/2017 I finally decided to accept the challenge. This is my story http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/your-thoughts-on-my-lying-long-term-girlfriend.238784/ if you have time please check it out.

I haven't contacted her since february 5 the day I received her last sms, today I decided to delete her from facebook and instagram, also deleted her number and her relatives from my phone. I wrote her number down and put it away inside a box with the few gifts I received from her (most were cheap ****).

I'm thinking about some stuff that I need to give back to her, also I need to pick up some **** of my own she left at her mom's, I don't want to see her mom because she probably thinks I'm the bad guy (see my story for details) but I want to do this as fast as possible and move on. Any ideas, I could ask a friend to go instead but it will look weak from my perspective.

Get your stuff back from her mother, and do not give a second thought to what she thinks.
Her mother is irrelevant in your life. Leave her crap with the mother and then move forward and have nothing to do with her again

 

[MrAddiction]

Another fcuked up day. Feel like crap and could need someone around. Because of that I miss my ex. I hate it when a day starts with the end of a Dream with her in it. Almost always ruins the whole day.

 

[dude99]

Another fcuked up day. Feel like crap and could need someone around. Because of that I miss my ex. I hate it when a day starts with the end of a Dream with her in it. Almost always ruins the whole day.

Do you have any plans for the day to distract you? Hit the gym? Go for a drive? Buy a guitar....? Anything else

 

[MrAddiction]

Do you have any plans for the day to distract you? Hit the gym? Go for a drive? Buy a guitar....? Anything else

Day is already over for me- it's 8 p.m. now. Tried to hit the gym but was physicaly so work out that I had to live just after 5mins. I have been spending most of the time hanging on my furniture and been reading Mobys autobiography "Porcelain". That was a nice distraction.
What fcuk me up a little is that this whole thing about the ex is nor a linear process. One day your fine, another it hits you rock bottom. I had no negative or depressed thought on V-day. Could not have cared less. And today. That Dream... and bang!;-(

 

[BadBoy17]

Get your stuff back from her mother, and do not give a second thought to what she thinks.
Her mother is irrelevant in your life. Leave her crap with the mother and then move forward and have nothing to do with her again

Yeah I will do that, **** whatever they say, its not the true and if their believe it its her doing anyway.

Day is already over for me- it's 8 p.m. now. Tried to hit the gym but was physicaly so work out that I had to live just after 5mins. I have been spending most of the time hanging on my furniture and been reading Mobys autobiography "Porcelain". That was a nice distraction.
What fcuk me up a little is that this whole thing about the ex is nor a linear process. One day your fine, another it hits you rock bottom. I had no negative or depressed thought on V-day. Could not have cared less. And today. That Dream... and bang!;-(

I feel you bro, today I dreamed that a lost pet of mine, a parrot came back home after years of being lost, I was so happy but the poor thing looked scared and on my way to its cage I was a bit careless and it was to eager to get inside its cage, one of it legs got stuck in the bars and it was strange how my pet was trying so hard to get inside the cage that it ripped its leg clean from the base, I was so angry with myself that I couldn't help the poor thing and went away. After that I came back to bury her and I was thinking about buring her besides my ex's dead dog, while I got her in my hands her feathers sundenly became glowing back to life (trippy) and I went looking for a parrot blood transfusion. LOL. Then I wake up thinking about my ex and that my subconscious mind its playing with me. We know what's right for us, but lot of stuff including our minds makes us believe we have to go back with them, that's why we need to feed it new experiences to keep it busy, get random girls you find attractive and focus on your business, that's what I plan on doing to counter-attack my reptilian brain.

 

[ispep430]

Help me guys. I need some support. today is not a good day. I really really miss her. It's been almost two months since NC.

 

[Roober]

Help me guys. I need some support. today is not a good day. I really really miss her. It's been almost two months since NC.

Just stay strong. Go do something you enjoy. Call some friends to go do something, go buy a new book and read it, Pook's book is a funny distraction, go hit the gym, just something to distract yourself for a bit until it passes

 

[QuadDeuces]

Day 5
Was doing really good, today a minor setback, I have her Facebook blocked but looked at her public instagram photos, she went to a concert and saw a picture of her at a birthday or some sort with many friends in a group photo, all appearing to have fun.
Felt a pitt in my stomach and wanted to send an AFC text, but didn't.
So many things I want to talk about, but I also know that the more I know the more salt in wounds, and the more power she has.
There is nothing left to say.
Gotta stay strong.
Had sex with my 4/10 FWB plate friday, she asked me to come over tonight but I don't want to, tomorrow I start work early and I just can't be bothered to drive, and the more often I come over the more Clingy she gets, she keeps asking me to meet her friends and meet mine and I told her to slow down and I only want sex. It seems ironically the less interested I am the harder she tries.

Been chatting with other girls from Tinder too but the hottest one 8/10 has already prioritised someone else I think, she is a lot online on whatsapp but doesnt respond or short one sided when I send her stuff.
We promised to go on a date wednesday, see if she flakes or not, can't really care.

I'm just gonna watch a ****load of Law of Attraction videos on youtube how to regain my abundance mentality and frequency because I'm definately slipping in scarcity mentality despite having a plate who is pedastalising me.

I need to find my mission in life and focus on that.

 

[MrAddiction]

but looked at her public instagram

for the Future: Do nor not ever Do that again. The less you know the better. She is like your drug. You have to stay absolutely sober at any cost! Everything else will be a complete setback to point zero.

 

[MrAddiction]

So many things I want to talk about, but I also know that the more I know the more salt in wounds, and the more power she has.

That Last sentence is absloutely spot on! Ask Roober or me, we both got to know more than was good for us. We got closure - nor worth the PTSD!
And talking means nothing, Talking will not even lead to closure. Whatever she will tell you, after that you will question the truth there in. At least now after I told you, sorry.
I didn' t Even want to know anything from her personaly what lead to the breakup, ( I did it, but was forced to do ) because I was convinded that she would lie, ONCE the trust is gone, you will Never ever be able to believe her anything. So why bother what she says?

 

[QuadDeuces]

Yes you are spot on man.
I broke up with her too, I had no choice, we had a huge falling out over her (party) drug use. She occasionally uses ecstacy and amphetamines at shady parties, I am kind of a health nut, fitness, sports, healthy diets and dont smoke, and don't like that **** in a potential mother of my child, and don't like the sleazy slut drugs XTC and MDMA. One night at new years she went to a party with her friends and I wasn't invited, she didn't answer the phone until 5 oclock the next day afternoon. And when I did spoke to her she said she slept at Male friend X's house she said of course nothing happened, she only crashed there.
We got into a huge fight and I felt sick to my stomach I had to release my girl. Got a lecture and a silent treatment to top it off.
After a week of silent treatment, she came back in January how she misses me, and wants to meet soon and loves me so much and blablabla.
So we met and had sex, but the trust was gone, there was only the pitt of anxiety, I couldn't connect to her anymore.
Got into a second fight on Valentines day and this time she gave me the second and final silent treatment.

 

[MrAddiction]

. She is like your drug

Having Said that (sorry for quoting myself) read the following and whenever the word drug apears Reader instead "my ex-girlfriend"

I think you all get it, and guess what - a lot of things said in the article we already know cause it is exactly what is told here to stay NC and get over you ex.
Happy reading and remember: drug =ex girlfriend


"
Drug abuse often stems from misguided attempts to manage stress. Many people turn to alcohol or drugs to unwind and relax after a stressful event, or to cover up painful memories and emotions, but there are healthier ways to keep your stress level in check. You can learn to manage your problems without falling back on your addiction. Different quick stress relief strategies work better for some people than others. The key is to find the one that works best for you. When you’re confident in your ability to quickly de-stress, facing strong feelings isn’t as intimidating or overwhelming.

Exercise. A brisk walk around the block can be enough to make a difference. Yoga and meditation are also excellent ways to bust stress and find balance.

Step outside and savor the warm sun and fresh air. Enjoy a beautiful view or landscape.

Play with your dog or cat. Enjoy the relaxing touch of your pet’s fur.

Experiment with your sense of smell. Breathe in the scent of fresh flowers or coffee beans, or savor a scent that reminds you of a favorite vacation, such as sunscreen or a seashell.

Close your eyes and picture a peaceful place. Think of a sandy beach, or a fond memory, such as your child’s first steps or time spent with friends.

Pamper yourself. Make yourself a steaming cup of tea, give yourself a neck or shoulder massage. Soak in a hot bath or shower.


caring for an animal makes you feel loved and needed. Pets can also get you out of the house for exercise.

Get involved in your community. Replace your addiction with drug-free groups and activities. Volunteer, become active in your church or faith community, or join a local club or neighborhood group.

Set meaningful goals. Having goals to work toward and something to look forward to can be powerful antidotes to drug addiction. It doesn’t matter what the goals are, just that they are important to you.

Look after your health. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits help you keep your energy levels up and your stress levels down. The more you can stay healthy and feel good, the easier it will be to stay sober.

Don’t let relapse keep you downn
Relapse is a common part of the recovery process from drug addiction. While relapse is frustrating and discouraging, it can be an opportunity to learn from your mistakes, identify additional triggers, and correct your treatment course.

What causes relapse?
Various “triggers” can put people at risk of relapsing into old patterns of substance use. Causes of relapse can differ for each person. Some common ones include:

• negative emotional states (such as anger, sadness, trauma or stress)
• physical discomfort (such as withdrawal symptoms or physical pain)
• positive emotional states (wanting to feel even better)
• testing personal control (“I can have just one drink”)
• strong temptations or urges (cravings to use)
• conflict with others (such as an argument with a spouse or partner)
• social pressures to use (situations where it seems as though everyone else is drinking or using other drugs)
• good times with others (such as having fun with friends or family)

Source: Centre for Addiction and Mental Health

The important thing to remember is that relapse doesn’t mean treatment failure. Don’t give up. Call your sponsor, talk to your therapist, go to a meeting, or schedule an appointment with your doctor. When you’re sober again and out of danger, look at what triggered the relapse, what went wrong, and what you could have done differently. You can choose to get back on the path to recovery and use the experience to strengthen your commitment."

 

[MrAddiction]

So we met and had sex, but the trust was gone, there was only the pitt of anxiety, I couldn't connect to her anymore.
Got into a second fight on Valentines day and this time she gave me the second and final silent treatment.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.
https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/08/rooting-through-garbage/
Go read that whole article.

 

[MrAddiction]

don't like the sleazy slut drugs XTC and MDMA

Drugs
Silent treadment
Coming back
Staying at an Friends House but nothing happened

Does she have tatoos too ?
How about her relationship to her father and mother?

 

[QuadDeuces]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.
https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/08/rooting-through-garbage/
Go read that whole article.

Thanks for the link, there seems to be a wealth of knowledge on that site too.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Drugs
Silent treadment
Coming back
Staying at an Friends House but nothing happened

Does she have tatoos too ?
How about her relationship to her father and mother?

Yes, got 1 tattoo, got her nipples pierced.
Father was a notorious cheater and wasted a fortune on hookers and blow when she was a little girl.
Her mum was emotionally destroyed by her father.
She hasn't talked to her father in like 10 years.

I remember one of the first dates, when she told me all this and I jokingly told her, "I see more red flags than a North Korean parade, you sure you don't have borderline or any other cluster B issues". She laughed and said no of course not.
I asked this because I had dated a BPD nutcase before and my radar was up.

 

[MrAddiction]

Yes, got 1 tattoo, got her nipples pierced.
Father was a notorious cheater and wasted a fortune on hookers and blow when she was a little girl.
Her mum was emotionally destroyed by her father.
She hasn't talked to her father in like 10 years.

I remember one of the first dates, when she told me all this and I jokingly told her, "I see more red flags than a North Korean parade, you sure you don't have borderline or any other cluster B issues". She laughed and said no of course not.
I asked this because I had dated a BPD nutcase before and my radar was up.

That was exactly what I was heading on.
But als I See you already know about Cluster B and BPD.
I wanted to guess that this might be the Point with her. After what you wrote, that convinced me even more that she might be. Remember, nor every BPD are the same and often you are setup for a Second BPD experience, due to maybe some childhood issues you might have yourself.

Do you know this article by Shari Schreiber

http://gettinbetter.com/needlove.html

 

[MrAddiction]

Thanks for the link, there seems to be a wealth of knowledge on that site too.

There is indeed. Rollo is one of the famoust posters from the early days on sosuave. There is an article fo r nearly any Situation a Male can have with a woman.

 

[QuadDeuces]

That was exactly what I was heading on.
But als I See you already know about Cluster B and BPD.
I wanted to guess that this might be the Point with her. After what you wrote, that convinced me even more that she might be. Remember, nor every BPD are the same and often you are setup for a Second BPD experience, due to maybe some childhood issues you might have yourself.

Do you know this article by Sheri Schreiber

She was completely different than the clinically diagnosed BPD girl I dated a few years earlier.
The BPD girl would bad mouth everyone in her life her father and all her exes were *******s and she was such a victim.
And the BPD girl would show up uninvited at my doorstep at 2.30am on a work day, because she had an abandonment panic attack or some ****.

This girl was cool about her exes, never anything too bad about them, "It just didn't work out" she would say.

This is what got me on the wrong foot and I thought ok so she had a rough life but she seems relax not classic BPD.