The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Tony197]

NC DAY 2. I'm starting over.

So I ****ed up with a young girl that is seriously great. She was virgin. I'm 32, she is 22.

My situation is kinda weird. I got on this board almost 2 years ago to start NC after the worst breakup of my life. Still in NC with that one, and its perfect. Thing is I met that amazing young chick 8 months ago and did everything to push her to leave me (i even dumped her for 24h once..). All this time, i was super confused and dreaming of my ex while that new girl was there in my bed. So she was madly in love with me but was sad our entire relationship cause of course, i tried to change her. I realize now, the goal was to change her to be like my ex. This is so ****ed up. I am 100% sure now that I am finally over my ex. So this relationship was like a rebound relationship but one that I was actually in love with the girl.

3 weeks after the break up we were still in touch and honestly I went beta as **** for no reason and did some drunk texting. Anyways, 2 days ago I sent a small text saying I realize now that I just was just not ready for a relationship when I met her because i was still not over my ex and that we have to do our own stuff for now, and to contact me in the futur if she wants to see me again, but not as a friend. That's it, NC now. I feel seriously great since that text. I just wasnt over my damn ex. I am now. I think about that new girl her all the time now but not in a depressing way. Nothing like my last breakup.

I'm planning of doing NC for like 5 weeks and contact her if I still feel like it by then. But honestly I dont think she is gonna answer, I caused her too much pain since the start. I feel kinda good. Worse case, we wont get back together and I'm finally ready for a relationship. Meanwhile I have a date planned for next week.

Dont hesitate to tell me if my plan is stupid btw.

Note : I have to admit I do wonder about that HighScore Theory of @Desdinova since she was a virgin and even if she was sad a lot because of me, there was incredible high moments. So a huge emotional ride for her. Just found out she is on twitter and is posting interesting posts now like "Being a cold-ass b*** solves everything". I know i shouldnt look at it, but damn that would be interesting to follow for a while.

Don't contact her. It'll just set you back. If you still want to contact her after 5 weeks, then NC didn't work, and the only thing that'll fix it is more NC.

You can't play tennis by yourself. You knocked the ball over to her side. If she doesn't want to return it, f**k her. She's missing out, not you.

 

[Adz--]

Day 10

So, the pain and anger sides of things have gone down compared to before. I still do miss her at times and want her back, but I've realised that if she really wanted to have me back she would have made a serious effort to do so by anymeans and she has a lot of ways still to do that even though she's blocked and deleted off all my things.
Someone told me a while back, that if they're a genuine decent person, they will come back and apologise/ forgive you or to you for whatever, but whatever for now, I don't really want to hang on to that analogy and build false hope on a person who's toxic and mentally unstable.

Reflecting from all of this and her, it's shown me that she deffo has mental and psychological issues that need to be rectified if she wants to get anywhere in her life. I'm not the person to do that and will never be that. It's something that she has to realise her self and do for herself, otherwise she's going to self destruct or explode and I don't want to be around for that crap.
But I also don't want her to f*ck up herself knowing that I can help. But this is a bitter pill I have to swallow and let her do it to herself.

Am I mad and stupid for wanting to be back with a woman that I know is Absolutly bad for me (psychologicaly, mentally, physically, draining, negative and arrogant)?

Adz--


@SuccessIsDestiny Thanks man, I've been trying to sort those issues out and get then out of the way.

 

[Carpathian]

NC DAY 2. I'm starting over.
Dont hesitate to tell me if my plan is stupid btw.

@Allin Your plan is stupid. You are in the wrong mindset here dude. NEVER contact this woman again. Not after five weeks. Not after 5 years. NEVER. Not for any reason, not for birthdays, not for Christmas etc. Act as if she is dead to you and no longer exists. If there is any future in this then because she dumped you SHE must reach out to YOU and earn YOU back.

 

[Carpathian]

Day 10
Am I mad and stupid for wanting to be back with a woman that I know is Absolutly bad for me (psychologicaly, mentally, physically, draining, negative and arrogant)?
@SuccessIsDestiny Thanks man, I've been trying to sort those issues out and get then out of the way.

@Adz-- No, you are not mad. You are human and you loved this girl. It takes time, weeks and months for these feelings of longing to subside. I am still not completely over my ex who was similar to yours where we finished in March and were in a dysfunctional relationship for 18 months. I have a new girl where we have a great time and we fvkk like crazy and things are great but something intangible draws me to the ex still, the memories of our time together. She has started to reach out - after five months - but I am ignoring her.
Don't beat yourself up about it. Hold your head high, see yourself as a catch and she is missing out and keep moving forward.

 

[Adz--]

@Adz-- No, you are not mad. You are human and you loved this girl. It takes time, weeks and months for these feelings of longing to subside. I am still not completely over my ex who was similar to yours where we finished in March and were in a dysfunctional relationship for 18 months. I have a new girl where we have a great time and we fvkk like crazy and things are great but something intangible draws me to the ex still, the memories of our time together. She has started to reach out - after five months - but I am ignoring her.
Don't beat yourself up about it. Hold your head high, see yourself as a catch and she is missing out and keep moving forward.

See this is the thing, I can't get her out of my head. I know that I want to help her cos she's going for a major surgery in a few months, but I know if I do I'm shooting myself in the foot. I left alot of things out in what I wrote about her, but she is psycho. Yet also my weakness like I'm being drawn back to her.
I'm definitely trying to remain with my head held high, at the moment it's a challenge though.

This girl? It's not too hard to replace the Mouth of Sauron/Satan's Maw with something more pleasant, lucky for you.

LOL, yeah she's deffo Satan. At this moment though it seems like she can't be replaced.

Adz--

 

[BeTheChange]

Wants her ring back?? LOL. Sell that remnant and get a high class hooker with the proceeds!

 

[MrOctober]

I had an ex recently get back in my orbit but nothing ever manifested and she gave me the just friends speech again before we ever even got to meet up again.

I'm pissed. She's getting erased.

Should I remove her off social media? Or is that a weak move?

 

[Adz--]

I know the feeling. You have to understand that your values were not aligned. What you appreciated about her that makes her irreplaceable, she could care less about finding in you.

I know where you're coming from. Mine and my ex's values where aligned for a while but they changed, either due to her or me losing my frame.

 

[Adz--]

.


Honestly, I doubt you know for sure what her values were.

TBH that's probably true, she changed a lot through the time I was with her.

I'm resisting the urge to unblock her off things but leave her deleted.

Adz--

 

[resilient]

Day 1

Went into this weekend figuring I probably was going to have to end the 1-mo relationship because of already LTR compatibility issues. Also, to the fact that she said after hooking up last weekend that she's looking for something casual/rebound and not a serious relationship after becoming single for month after being with her ex for six years prior. I wanted to take things slow anyway, but she forced my hand on that one (read below).

In any case, she tells me that she asked her male roommate to drink/get drunk last night and then vaped for 1.5 hours after that with him. Red flag to me that she approached him to do that stuff. I understand people have tough days at work, yet they're playing with fire if they want to drink and smoke with an opposite sex late in the evening on the couch alone in their apartment. That just signals that she can't cope with emotions alone and will lean on a guy when vulnerable. From my experience, vulnerability in a woman leads to kissing/fooling around/sex due to low self-esteem/insecurity issues on her part.

The nail in the coffin came after hooking up with me the weekend prior, she admits that a few days ago she hooked up with some other dude. That action reiterated her frame that I was a casual FWB with other dude(s) in that rotation. Gross. I don't like sharing, so I told her right on that spot that I would stop seeing her. It sucks. I have no plates to balance this oneitis. I told her I wouldn't "ghost" her, but at the same time, I don't want her to mess with my emotions like throwing out bait for something like a vacation FWB hookup after we had "two weeks not talk/text". I think that would jack me up.... I can't do FWB with emotions dialed to a zero.

I'm anxious right now and struggling not to think about this chick even after I was starting to get attached while trying to maintain the DJ frame.

I'm going monk mode for a while, until I'm ready to socialize and be around mutual people with mutual interests again. Thanks to DJs here, @Poon King, @PairPlusRoyalFlush, @Desdinova for helping me keep my self-respect by ending it first.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 1

Went into this weekend figuring I probably was going to have to end the 1-mo relationship because of already LTR compatibility issues. Also, to the fact that she said after hooking up last weekend that she's looking for something casual/rebound and not a serious relationship after becoming single for month after being with her ex for six years prior. I wanted to take things slow anyway, but she forced my hand on that one (read below).

In any case, she tells me that she asked her male roommate to drink/get drunk last night and then vaped for 1.5 hours after that with him. Red flag to me that she approached him to do that stuff. I understand people have tough days at work, yet they're playing with fire if they want to drink and smoke with an opposite sex late in the evening on the couch alone in their apartment. That just signals that she can't cope with emotions alone and will lean on a guy when vulnerable. From my experience, vulnerability in a woman leads to kissing/fooling around/sex due to low self-esteem/insecurity issues on her part.

The nail in the coffin came after hooking up with me the weekend prior, she admits that a few days ago she hooked up with some other dude. That action reiterated her frame that I was a casual FWB with other dude(s) in that rotation. Gross. I don't like sharing, so I told her right on that spot that I would stop seeing her. It sucks. I have no plates to balance this oneitis. I told her I wouldn't "ghost" her, but at the same time, I don't want her to mess with my emotions like throwing out bait for something like a vacation FWB hookup after we had "two weeks not talk/text". I think that would jack me up.... I can't do FWB with emotions dialed to a zero.

I'm anxious right now and struggling not to think about this chick even after I was starting to get attached while trying to maintain the DJ frame.

I'm going monk mode for a while, until I'm ready to socialize and be around mutual people with mutual interests again. Thanks to DJs here, @Poon King, @PairPlusRoyalFlush, @Desdinova for helping me keep my self-respect by ending it first.

Ending what bro? You weren't even in a relationship with this chick.

You should have just kept smashing her while minimising the emotional investment like any good Don Juan...especially given she just got out of a 6 YEAR RELATIONSHIP. You were a plate to her and nothing more. And it should have been the same for you. Spin plates. Never care more about the "relationship" than she does. Schoolboy stuff.

 

[BeTheChange]

Now is not the time for Resilient to surround himself with basket case women.

Basket case because she has other plates? Like MOST normal women....it's Resilient's fault for emotionally investing so early rather than just having fun. Why ask such questions from a plate? If you guys didn't take these chicks so seriously so early you wouldn't have all these problems. Relax.

 

[BeTheChange]

Basket case because apparently she has nothing better to do but talk about her plates. Personally, I can do without that. Respect before pvssy. Surround yourself with people of sound mind.

From his story I got the impression she was doing that precisely because resilient was pushing for a relationship which screams of desperation. Can't blame a girl for losing respect when you're acting desperate.

 

[Carpathian]

From his story I got the impression she was doing that precisely because resilient was pushing for a relationship which screams of desperation. Can't blame a girl for losing respect when you're acting desperate.

Agreed. Never be the guy wanting the relationship. Ever. That is the woman's territory. I agree with Corey Wayne on on that totally. As soon as the guy moves away from being a fun guy who has great sex with his woman and starts pursuing it all goes wrong. Let the woman be the one to bring the subject of relationships up.

I tell you. My ex, I have discussed on this thread. The one who dumped me three times? She is blowing up my phone texting me, she loves me, misses me and what i did to her in bed, I was the man of her dreams the one and only. I have not seen her in six months and have been ignoring her. What does it prove? It makes them miss you and wonder about you and fantasize about you. She's texting me pictures of her and her vibrator saying this could be me and she misses it with me. How things turn around. @alex_in24 said it perfectly in June when he replied to me that I will be the one who is missed and she will be the one heartache. Thankyou brother for your wisdom. I continue to ignore her and I am three months in with another woman who we have wild sex with and great times. Ex still casts a long shadow though - I will admit to that.

 

[resilient]

Basket case because she has other plates? Like MOST normal women....it's Resilient's fault for emotionally investing so early rather than just having fun. Why ask such questions from a plate? If you guys didn't take these chicks so seriously so early you wouldn't have all these problems. Relax.

I get that guys... I realize, now, that I'm a bit rusty in the dating game. This was my first hookup post-divorce after nearly a decade with one person w/o cheating on my part. I have to relearn the DJ principles all over again. I caught feels too early for this chick and need some time to work out my head space so I don't channel neediness next time. When I'm ready to date again, I'll make sure I have a few plates in the air (preferably no basket case ones). I learned a lesson with this one, to guard my emotions, and not to subconsciously push for a relationship.

Day2

Got 8.8 hours of sleep last night and feeling recharged. Amazing how sleep can restore the mind. Today is a new day. Heading out now to be social, see a movie with twenty other people around my age and possibly lunch after.

 

[resilient]

Ex SMSed me about the above movie event, saying she was going to pass since it didn't work with her schedule with meeting her girl friend in the area. I figured she would flake since I technically dumped her the day before. I deleted #, so I conveniently ignored the message. NC will resume.

In the morning/early afternoon, I met a new woman at the movie event who followed me into the theater and asked to sit next to me. We exchange names and talk for ten minutes before movie with some solid rapport and mirroring body language. Also I noticed she pulled her hair back to expose her neck. That's a good IOI, right? Only regret from me is not doing any kino... Fist bump, high five, whatever. I invited her to a venue change as a few people were heading to lunch afterwards. She hovered in the lobby for a little while, but I noticed that she was edging out of our social circle. Sh!t the window of opportunity was closing. She mentioned that she didn't sleep at all the night before, so she was going to walk home from the theater. I guess I should have walked her out, but I didn't want to look needy/creepy... I might hit her up later online and she where her interest level is at.

Meanwhile, an older plate from earlier last month messaged me asking where I was when I got out of the theater since she was there. I didn't see her, so I told her she could hit me up next week for another social evening event.

I know I said I was going "monk mode" yesterday, but if opportunities present themselves for plate spinning I shouldn't ignore those cues. Game on, DJs!!

 

[BeTheChange]

I get that guys... I realize, now, that I'm a bit rusty in the dating game. This was my first hookup post-divorce after nearly a decade with one person w/o cheating on my part. I have to relearn the DJ principles all over again. I caught feels too early for this chick and need some time to work out my head space so I don't channel neediness next time. When I'm ready to date again, I'll make sure I have a few plates in the air (preferably no basket case ones). I learned a lesson with this one, to guard my emotions, and not to subconsciously push for a relationship.

Day2

Got 8.8 hours of sleep last night and feeling recharged. Amazing how sleep can restore the mind. Today is a new day. Heading out now to be social, see a movie with twenty other people around my age and possibly lunch after.

Can imagine it must be hard brother. Sometimes tough love is best and will allow you to recover and learn faster than being coddled. Keep reading and putting into practice the principles of this site and you'll be fine.

 

[Reykhel]

KIDS remember this:_ all relationships will die........all of them,........

Enjoy now or someone is gonna take it from you

ie

 

[Tony197]

Now that football season has started, I realized this weekend my ex still has a Green Bay jacket of mine. Breakup was in May. NC since late July.

Should I ask her to mail the jacket back? It's from GB, and there's a funny story attached to it, so I'd kinda' like it back.

 

[Carpathian]

Now that football season has started, I realized this weekend my ex still has a Green Bay jacket of mine. Breakup was in May. NC since late July.

Should I ask her to mail the jacket back? It's from GB, and there's a funny story attached to it, so I'd kinda' like it back.

Dude, are you serious? No, do not ask for the jacket back. Unless it's a green jacket for winning the US Open then forget it.