BeTheChange
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2015
- Messages
- 1,466
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- 1,139
Go doink someone else then.
Really good post man. It never helps me get over her when people on here post about "throwing BPDs in torture cells for how they manipulate love" etc.Hey Alex,
I read your posts here in the NC-thread, and I think you know the deal with BPD. So to me it seems there is only one thing left to do for you, or two:
1. Just forgive her. BPDs are pathological liars, almost have no self-concept or at least a very fragile one so they adopt yours, because they can´t be alone. From my experience with my BPD-Ex I think theese girls felt so much unimaginable pain in their childhood and even later in their down-peirods (feeling dpressed, lonly, empty) as adults, err in an adult body, because emotionally they are like 3-year old child. Ever seen a 3-year old child that has remorse or conscience or takes resposibility? No they just don´t have theese and BPDs don´t have it either because of this f@cked up disease, but so many Ex-Lovers of BPDs except them to have it. But it just won´t happen. Never! I think that´s also one of the points, why you won´t get any closure with theese girls. You just have to make it for own.
Another thing is about abandonment. They have been abandoned as childs. Just imagine the incredible pain. As chils they had no chance to do anything against the
life-threathing abuse they experienced! It is an existential fear of them to be abandoned, therefore they have to abandon you in a break up not the other way round, it´s essential for their survival! I hope you get what I mean, they have to win, they have to be in control, as little child they had no control. Of course I´m no psychologist, but as psychologists usually don´t deal with BPDs in the context of a love relationship, how should they know better than a guy or a girl that was in love with a BPD?
At least the above written is my own point of view, it helped me to forgive her, she doesn´t know better, but I know.
2. Just forgive yourself for thinking you have being fooled.
Man this is a PickUp forum here, you get the tools to seduce some nice woman and BPDs are somehow just Naturals. However BPDs as emotionally 3 year old childs in a mature body are not aware of that they seduce with destructive and dangerous consequences for their loved ones.
So if you get out alive of such a toxic rs. Be happy and don´t be so serious about who did the break up first or even about being fooled?
All this "I wish I break up with her first." stuff is just an EGO-thing (in my opinion this applies to rs with BPDs or NONs). Detach your emotions and your EGO and you are free. Just get over it, fastlane has some nice posts here to do it.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....confidence-how-to-be-you.233590/#post-2332401
Take your own responsibility and don´t play the blame game!
The other day I had a fortune cookie with a nice saying
'Love is a game in which both players cheat.'
Bro come on,I thought we were in this together time wise, I'm not hating but you've given me helpful tough love and I'll give it back,I knew this might happen to you from the sounds of your last update. You gave in to the guilt and denial stage that hits hard around that time period. If your spinning other plates there's no reason to do this if I can stay strong with no plates and coming home to an empty house every night and mine still contacting me. You got a pitty **** from her and gave up your dignity don't give in again,stay strong brother.Day 0
Called her yesterday. She told me she was in love with someone else and didn't want to be with me anymore. Told her to come round. Said she had a date with the guy, but would come over beforehand.
Told her I'd grown a lot and saw things differently. She wasn't receptive. I kept pushing. The guy she was meant to be on a date with was calling/ texting and she delayed it so I decided to keep trying. Basically played some serious beta game. Eventually she succumbed. Smashed her about 5 times last night and this morning.
Wasn't the same. I don't think I like her as I used to. It was partly an ego thing...to know I could still have her.... We want to "make things work" but I'm not even sure anymore and I'm definitely not giving up all the plates I'm racking up...it's crazy out there right now.
Hey Alex,
I read your posts here in the NC-thread, and I think you know the deal with BPD. So to me it seems there is only one thing left to do for you, or two:
1. Just forgive her. BPDs are pathological liars, almost have no self-concept or at least a very fragile one so they adopt yours, because they can´t be alone. From my experience with my BPD-Ex I think theese girls felt so much unimaginable pain in their childhood and even later in their down-peirods (feeling dpressed, lonly, empty) as adults, err in an adult body, because emotionally they are like 3-year old child. Ever seen a 3-year old child that has remorse or conscience or takes resposibility? No they just don´t have theese and BPDs don´t have it either because of this f@cked up disease, but so many Ex-Lovers of BPDs except them to have it. But it just won´t happen. Never! I think that´s also one of the points, why you won´t get any closure with theese girls. You just have to make it for own.
Another thing is about abandonment. They have been abandoned as childs. Just imagine the incredible pain. As chils they had no chance to do anything against the
life-threathing abuse they experienced! It is an existential fear of them to be abandoned, therefore they have to abandon you in a break up not the other way round, it´s essential for their survival! I hope you get what I mean, they have to win, they have to be in control, as little child they had no control. Of course I´m no psychologist, but as psychologists usually don´t deal with BPDs in the context of a love relationship, how should they know better than a guy or a girl that was in love with a BPD?
At least the above written is my own point of view, it helped me to forgive her, she doesn´t know better, but I know.
2. Just forgive yourself for thinking you have being fooled.
Man this is a PickUp forum here, you get the tools to seduce some nice woman and BPDs are somehow just Naturals. However BPDs as emotionally 3 year old childs in a mature body are not aware of that they seduce with destructive and dangerous consequences for their loved ones.
So if you get out alive of such a toxic rs. Be happy and don´t be so serious about who did the break up first or even about being fooled?
All this "I wish I break up with her first." stuff is just an EGO-thing (in my opinion this applies to rs with BPDs or NONs). Detach your emotions and your EGO and you are free. Just get over it, fastlane has some nice posts here to do it.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....confidence-how-to-be-you.233590/#post-2332401
Take your own responsibility and don´t play the blame game!
The other day I had a fortune cookie with a nice saying
'Love is a game in which both players cheat.'
We are all human with a heart and failings. We are not machines. We f*** up sometimes as @BeTheChange did here. Just got to try and learn from it. I just had a weekend of wild sex with my new woman, it was great. But I still think of the ex, especially since she offered me FWB status with her. I am so tempted but I do not think it is a good idea for my emotional well-being. Maybe I always will want her, she meant a lot to me despite the sh1t she gave me. I'm a very bright, professional and switched-on man. I should know better. But logic and education plays no part in human desires and sometimes we fail and we give in to our temptations. It is so hard sometimes. I feel and have sympathy for @BeTheChange even though he undoubtedly fooked up.Bro come on,I thought we were in this together time wise, I'm not hating but you've given me helpful tough love and I'll give it back,I knew this might happen to you from the sounds of your last update. You gave in to the guilt and denial stage that hits hard around that time period. If your spinning other plates there's no reason to do this if I can stay strong with no plates and coming home to an empty house every night and mine still contacting me. You got a pitty **** from her and gave up your dignity don't give in again,stay strong brother.
Oh no doubt,I'm not hating on him,it's just that it comes down to how bad it got really,with a full blown bpd ex like mine I've come out of the fog enough to know without a doubt If I continue with her in any way I will end up dead or in jail. I've been where he is and even though he ****ed her while she was talking to the other dude he lost,and she won it feeds into her power trip,these people will literally Destroy you and continue on there merry way like it was all you. They literally destroy your self esteem and you feel like you've got the upper hand when you've gone through hell and high water to bang them or get them to commit time with you but as they say,"when the devil wants to dance you better say never because the dance with the devil will last you forever."We are all human with a heart and failings. We are not machines. We f*** up sometimes as @BeTheChange did here. Just got to try and learn from it. I just had a weekend of wild sex with my new woman, it was great. But I still think of the ex, especially since she offered me FWB status with her. I am so tempted but I do not think it is a good idea for my emotional well-being. Maybe I always will want her, she meant a lot to me despite the sh1t she gave me. I'm a very bright, professional and switched-on man. I should know better. But logic and education plays no part in human desires and sometimes we fail and we give in to our temptations. It is so hard sometimes. I feel and have sympathy for @BeTheChange even though he undoubtedly fooked up.
Agree. 100%. If she wanted to fix the problems she would still be with you still, working at them. She is not, she's gone. Conclusion? She is not interested in you and nothing you say with change this; you could offer her the world and it would still not be enough. So let her go and forget her and let her live with her choice. She will often realize in her own time how wrong she was about you, by which time you will be happy and in love with someone else.Nothing more frustrating than this, the presentation of problems and the slow realization that they don't really want to have them fixed, i.e. they are just excuses.