The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[BeTheChange]

Day 21

An all encompassing joy. Overcome by a sense of absolute freedom and acceptance. The darkness is behind me. Only the light is ahead.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

I'm on day 52. If I hit 60 I will begin working on the next 60. String a few of those together and forever gets easy. Real easy

 

[xstang77]

Things will flip. You'll see.

Any woman who is HB6 and over can walk out and instantly find a replacement boyfriend. It seems easy. But believe me, we are much better off in the long run. We learn from the pain and are motivated to transcend beyond what we once were. You will be a better person by the end of this. She will be the same, or worse. The best thing I ever did was to focus on myself during this period and not on simply finding a rebound. I've grown more in this last month than i couldnhsve imagined at the start and it's only the beginning.

The best revenge is a life well lived. Nothing will hurt her more than your success and indifference.

I know,just tough when I'm used to her always coming back,not to sound like a ***** but I miss the companionship and still no luck finding a slump buster lol

 

[finality]

I've been hooking up with my ex the past month.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 22

I see most of the bad. The fog has cleared. Now I only miss the good but I know the good can be experienced with any woman willing to give their heart to the right man. I am that man.

At a stage where I am finally reaching contentment with being on my own again. Ready to start dating other women beyond the superficiality of one night stands.

 

[Tony197]

Day 7 -
Still social media snooping (stupid). Still posting on forums, like this, looking for answers. But intellectually I know the answer. Emotionally, not there yet. In the grand scheme of things, she made the mistake, not me. I'm done with getting her back. I'm going to get myself back.

 

[Gaysha]

Day 47.

I have been super busy resting for the past few days. I went to have a vacation on an island with my friend, I enjoyed it very much. Now I'm back home and starting to study for my exam which is in September. I am still dating that girl, still going slow, enjoying... I think I've learned to keep my distance, not to give myself too much and just see where it goes. It was the best thing my break-up taught me.
I don't think about my ex. I don't stalk. She is blocked everywhere and will continue to be. I am so happy, I smile way more than I smiled when I was with her.
Just an advice - if you are desperately seeking to meet someone else, to accelerate going through break-up - please don't do it. Someone else comes when you least expect it and don't do a mistake of dating and using someone to heal yourself. Only you can heal yourself completely. Best of luck.

 

[Carpathian]

Day 22

I see most of the bad. The fog has cleared. Now I only miss the good but I know the good can be experienced with any woman willing to give their heart to the right man. I am that man.

At a stage where I am finally reaching contentment with being on my own again. Ready to start dating other women beyond the superficiality of one night stands.

One night stands make you feel worse IMO. Maybe it is related to age but they give me nothing anymore. I have been with a great woman now for five weeks and we are great together. Feelings of still wanting to be with the ex fading away rapidly. Not gone completely but I am not thinking about her every five minutes like I used to do.

My birthday coming up next week. If the ex texts me or sends me a card I am going to ignore.

 

[Carpathian]

Day 7 -
Still social media snooping (stupid). Still posting on forums, like this, looking for answers. But intellectually I know the answer. Emotionally, not there yet. In the grand scheme of things, she made the mistake, not me. I'm done with getting her back. I'm going to get myself back.

Yes indeed, get yourself back. That's the key. Everyone will tell you this, every article you read will tell you this - that you need to move on. However, only time and space makes you truly understand this point and allows you to put her to the back of your mind than her constantly occupying the front of it. And social media snooping her is doing you no favors at all - this will hold you back, especially if you are doing it after alcohol.

 

[BeTheChange]

Just an advice - if you are desperately seeking to meet someone else, to accelerate going through break-up - please don't do it. Someone else comes when you least expect it

I'm sure the guys here appreciate the sentiment but honestly this is not great advice at all. This whole just wait and "eventually you'll find someone great" is straight out of Disney and is the antithesis to the mentality promoted by this site.

If you want something pursue it with absolute vigour. I didn't start seeing real success with women until I was honest with myself and said "I want beautiful women just as I want a good job, financial security and to be well travelled. Where can I find them and how can I maximise my success rate?"

That's not to say that one "needs" beautiful women but like the other above things they are all life enhancing in the right quantities and commitment.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

I'm sure the guys here appreciate the sentiment but honestly this is not great advice at all. This whole just wait and "eventually you'll find someone great" is straight out of Disney and is the antithesis to the mentality promoted by this site.

If you want something pursue it with absolute vigour. I didn't start seeing real success with women until I was honest with myself and said "I want beautiful women just as I want a good job, financial security and to be well travelled. Where can I find them and how can I maximise my success rate?"

That's not to say that one "needs" beautiful women but like the other above things they are all life enhancing in the right quantities and commitment.

This is great advice!!

I'm on day 54 and it's not getting any easier.

 

[Carpathian]

I'm sure the guys here appreciate the sentiment but honestly this is not great advice at all. This whole just wait and "eventually you'll find someone great" is straight out of Disney and is the antithesis to the mentality promoted by this site.

If you want something pursue it with absolute vigour. I didn't start seeing real success with women until I was honest with myself and said "I want beautiful women just as I want a good job, financial security and to be well travelled. Where can I find them and how can I maximise my success rate?"

That's not to say that one "needs" beautiful women but like the other above things they are all life enhancing in the right quantities and commitment.

I think the key word meant by Gaysha is "desperately". No one likes desperate people who "need" to be with a partner, who feel their very existence is defined by being in a couple. I concede it is very nice to be involved with a significant other and life has a new dimension when you are, no matter how happy you are in other areas. It is always nice to have that special someone. But don't be desperate for it. By all means seek it but it happens when it happens. I agree with what I think Gaysha means.

 

[BeTheChange]

By all means seek it but it happens when it happens. I agree with what I think Gaysha means.

It "happens when it happens". This fatalistic mentality is corrosive to the idea of taking action. Pursue what you desire when you feel you are ready. If action implies desperation that's more to do with your own method of dating. One can desire something without desperately pursuing, in fact as a DJ seduction can often involve a huge element of passivity.

We all desire a mate, otherwise why are we on this site. We will just have to respectfully disagree.

 

[Gaysha]

Yes, I wanted to say don't do it DESPERATELY because other people will feel you are clingy and in so much need of love and appreciation.
I don't mean to just wait someone to come, be active but don't give it too much meaning.
You know how I met the girl I'm currently dating? I came back to a gay dating site, just to cut time. She sent me a message and said how she's in my city in a couple of days so we can meet up.
10 minutes before our first date I sent a message to my friend "I don't want a relationship and nothing that has to do with it, next few months are just for me, but of course I'll hook up with someone if I like them". 10 minutes later there she is, I liked her the very first moment.
And now when we are dating, I don't think too much what will happen in the future, I just enjoy our time together and continue to grow as a person.

 

[BeTheChange]

^
You went on a gay dating site. By my definition that constitutes taking action to pursue finding a new partner. Perhaps we are not in disagreement after all.

 

[xstang77]

Guys, I'm at a low In my life and I've been contemplating whether or not to post a thread about it hear for knowledgeable insight,at the same time I don't wanna sound like a *****,my bpd ex has left my life in shambles and I'm really just depressed all the time,idk if I should reach out on this site or if someone can pm me maybe..I'm just at a crossroad.

 

[Asmodeus]

Guys, I'm at a low In my life and I've been contemplating whether or not to post a thread about it hear for knowledgeable insight,at the same time I don't wanna sound like a *****,my bpd ex has left my life in shambles and I'm really just depressed all the time,idk if I should reach out on this site or if someone can pm me maybe..I'm just at a crossroad.

We can talk about it here... Or post a thread. But I think many here on the no-contact-challenge may understand and perhaps sympathize with your plight (me notwithstanding of course). There are those here who may have experienced the same as you, and others who may have knowledge and wisdom to help you in this conundrum.

Let it out, release it. Catharsis. That is the very basis of psychotherapy when it is distilled down to its purist essence. It is not weakness to confront a problem, it is not weakness to release it and confront it. It is weakness if you let it stay inside you corroding you because you are too afraid to talk about it or deal with it.

So we are here and listening... Say what you are feeling and perhaps you will find that insight you seek. At the very least it will be catharsis.

 

[xstang77]

Is it okay on this thread due to it being so long/briefly describing my life and past events up to this point?

 

[Asmodeus]

Well... Try to focus on the most important parts of your relationship with her so that we can make better sense of it. But this thread is already 480+ pages long and many have already described their experiences with their ex so go ahead.

Unless you are afraid to post it... Fear is weakness, do not give in to it.

 

[xstang77]

Well here is a brief background leading up to it. I grew up with an absent father figure aside from weekends where he was physically abusive,lots of yelling and violence/turbulent childhood,due to this I initially believe I had narcissistic tendencies and I was with my first ltr for 4.5 years, a week before my hs graduation my father gotten into a fight with my mother and I stood up to him and almost got shot in the process,I was then kicked out and supporting me and my girl on 20 dollars a day with no real home,then we end up getting an apartment together and 6 months later she leaves me and goes with another guy leaving me alone in the apartment we got, I was single for over a year involving heavy drinking and spinning lower quality women, I was craving a ltr low and behold I meet my ex bpd on pof it lasted 2 years with around 4 recycles,when she left again this past June I had an anxiety attack and tried to stop her from leaving etc. she called the cops on me saying I was suicidal and barricading her in (which I was not) she also turned the neighbors downstairs against me trying to have me arrested as well, luckily nothing came of it,a couple weeks later she starts the usual hoovers and fwb thing. Then one night before my vacation she comes over acts extremely lovey spends the night and promises to spend the week with me,4 days later she goes to the beach with another guy (I see pics) I posted on my fb "boy do I feel sorry for that guy/guys not my problem anymore,peace out. The next night she messages me "so what's good with your status?" This wa son July 6th and I didn't reply and have been nc since and there in a relationship and moving fast etc. she put me through horrible things which I think I have ptsd from. I've been trying to pull girls with no luck,the previous ex breakup I had friends I could hang with etc. this time I come home and smoke cigarettes and read and need to read about bpd once a day to not lose my mind,my friends have all moved and I feel like a prisoner in my own house but I fear moving etc.due to past stability fears. I'm 24,half decent looking and I have a decent job for my age and cars and my own apartment etc. again don't mean to drag on and I may be missing things but I just feel mega depressed and Empty even though it's been over for 2 months,would appreciate fellow dj advice.