The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Gaysha]

Day 50.

I will be completely honest. I stopped thinking about her for the last 2 weeks, felt great (still do). But last night I suddenly started thinking about her, how it's so sad we used to tell each other everything and now we're complete strangers. It's been 7 weeks since last message, 11 since the break-up. But that's life, we all eventually move on.
I know I love her with all my heart but we can't be together. I stopped wanting that. I am much happier now. I hope she is happier, too.
This is what NC is about.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 27

I forgive you and myself. The good times were a blessing and the bad memories a scar from which only the most painful of lessons can be learnt. A pain from which true growth can be achieved. Self-transcendence. "Evolve...". I ignore the voice. "Evolve...". I divert my attention away but the sound grows louder until like thunder it screams "EVOLVE" in a sea of magnificent agony. Evolve or die. I choose life.

I wish you the best but now I must close that chapter and say...Goodbye.

 

[xstang77]

Day 40 nc looking forward to upcoming date with a new girl that's hotter then my ex,still having negative thoughts since she contacted me Saturday literally 1month after her last message with a simple "hey" I saw she changed her profile pic to just her now so her new r/s is probably loosing it's excitement,she was also coming to my town that night to drink...still kinda want to bang her and I'm thinking her contact means that's still a possibility, guess I'm having a low moment, since this is the second time in a month I ignored her contact maybe she'll stop for good now.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 40 nc looking forward to upcoming date with a new girl that's hotter then my ex,still having negative thoughts since she contacted me Saturday literally 1month after her last message with a simple "hey" I saw she changed her profile pic to just her now so her new r/s is probably loosing it's excitement,she was also coming to my town that night to drink...still kinda want to bang her and I'm thinking her contact means that's still a possibility, guess I'm having a low moment, since this is the second time in a month I ignored her contact maybe she'll stop for good now.

Do you really want to get back with a girl who is ONLY interested because things with the actual guy she was interested in fizzled out. You're still in the fog. Stay NC until it clears. Have some pride and dignity man. No pvssy is worth that.

 

[Carpathian]

The trick up my sleeve; I have a new job in a new country with a new organization. I have accepted and signed.

But how to I stop myself from trying to get closure. I feel like I should call and have her not respond just so that I have my conscience clear "that I tried one last time"

thoughts?

Forget "closure". There is no such thing as closure. The ONLY closure that matters is that [certainly for now] it is over. That is all the closure you need. Forget thinking that "just one last conversation" could neatly tidy all the loose ends up. That notion is a fantasy. The only closure that matters is your acceptance that it is over and the quicker you can get to that point the easier it will be on you and the more "closed" the whole thing will feel.

 

[xstang77]

Do you really want to get back with a girl who is ONLY interested because things with the actual guy she was interested in fizzled out. You're still in the fog. Stay NC until it clears. Have some pride and dignity man. No pvssy is worth that.

Oh I don't want her back,I'm detached enough to know better,I'm just still juggling the idea of using here as a **** buddy,think I need a little more time until I'm actually detached enough to be able to do so.

 

[BeTheChange]

Oh I don't want her back,I'm detached enough to know better,I'm just still juggling the idea of using here as a **** buddy,think I need a little more time until I'm actually detached enough to be able to do so.

Are you so devoid of the ability to generate options that you need to keep this viper around in any capacity whatsoever?

 

[xstang77]

Are you so devoid of the ability to generate options that you need to keep this viper around in any capacity whatsoever?

You should see what the area I live in is like... But I'm still staying nc.

 

[BeTheChange]

Saw my ex literally 10 minutes after I came back home from Italy. I kid you not. She walked past my window. Not even going to lie. She looks good. Blonde hair flowing, tanned skin, black dress. It's VERY obvious that she is clearly going on a date.

I'm ok with it but it still hit me way more than I thought it would given how centred I've felt these last few days. Obviously haven't broken no contact because reconciliation is a dream and nothing more but was a bit shook so talked it through with a mate. Life goes on. I'll be fine. Feel ready to get back out there. Have 5 dates over the next week or so. It will be refreshing to spend time with other women.

Would welcome support from my brothers and sisters. Touched a chord more than I expected.

 

[BeTheChange]

Fvck this. It should be her getting topsy turvy over the sight of me. Not the other way round. I am the prize. And I don't just say this as a buzzword. I know this.

My ex is not a special snowflake. The ONLY thing she has going for her is that she is very attractive and has a good sense of humour.Once you strip away the BPD esque loving charm there is a monster underneath. I do not need that in my life. I loved her, I've forgiven her and now it's time to move on. If I see her in the streets again I will allow that jolt to the heart to happen. I won't see it as weakness but instead accept it for what it is. Emotions calling for something that is only an illusion.

Going to read the DJ Bible and get my mindset right in preparation for my dates this week.

Onwards.

 

[beatjunkie]

S

Saw my ex literally 10 minutes after I came back home from Italy. I kid you not. She walked past my window. Not even going to lie. She looks good. Blonde hair flowing, tanned skin, black dress. It's VERY obvious that she is clearly going on a date.

I'm ok with it but it still hit me way more than I thought it would given how centred I've felt these last few days. Obviously haven't broken no contact because reconciliation is a dream and nothing more but was a bit shook so talked it through with a mate. Life goes on. I'll be fine. Feel ready to get back out there. Have 5 dates over the next week or so. It will be refreshing to spend time with other women.

Would welcome support from my brothers and sisters. Touched a chord more than I expected.

Stay strong!!

 

[beatjunkie]

So since my last posting here...i called, we talked. Then she came over and we had one last rodeo...she asked for it. I felt like **** after and underperformed. This was two days ago. Yesterday I called again and we talked for a while. This morning i called again to say good morning....now i will be going full NC with nothing additional left to say or ask.

Day 1

 

[xstang77]

So since my last posting here...i called, we talked. Then she came over and we had one last rodeo...she asked for it. I felt like **** after and underperformed. This was two days ago. Yesterday I called again and we talked for a while. This morning i called again to say good morning....now i will be going full NC with nothing additional left to say or ask.

Day 1

Atleast you got one last hoorah in,at this point I just wanna hate **** mine then kick her out back to her new bf.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 28

4 weeks in and here we are. I feel blessed to have had this life changing experience. I would never have set myself on this path of self improvement and self transcendence had the break up not occurred.

Seeing her last night effected me way more than I expected. It literally took me back to the first week of NC. Couldn't' eat. Couldn't sleep. But I realise it just means I really did love her. The night is darkest before the dawn. This just the weather passing through and emotions being flushed out. If walking away was easy everyone would do it. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I know my value. She is nothing.

So what's next? Life

 

[Carpathian]

Just got a message from my ex - first contact from her in over two months:
"I couldn't let this day go by without wishing a very happy birthday to the Birthday Boy. Hope you have a special day. Lots of love <her name> xxx" followed by lots of emoticons.

Needless to say, I am completely ignoring it. I am not even going to reply "thankyou" which is actually not like me at all, I'm a very polite man. There was not "lots of love" when the b!tch dumped me for no reason [again]. And my current lady is much better than her and more stable and predictable. I still have some feelings for the ex but she can fukk off.

 

[BeTheChange]

Thanks @LiveYourDream . Having a multi-step multi-scenario plan sounds like a good idea. I'm going to ponder on this later. I actually don't think she will come around any time soon as she seems to be having fun in the single life now and she may have painted me black for all I know (if she is indeed BPD). Assuming she does I think I've had too much of an epiphany concerning the message it sends to yourself and the woman if you ever accept her back straight away or to even entertain the idea.

I've been feeling kind of down ever since I saw her to be honest but trying to keep myself upbeat by working through my To Do List. Can't work out if this sinking feeling in my stomach is related to her or just general post holiday blues. Hope it's the latter as I don't fancy this kind of mood swing every single time I happen to catch a glimpse of my ex - she moved a minute's walk away after she moved out (her choice not mine). Need to stay positive as I don't want to be mopey during my date tonight.

 

[BeTheChange]

You know what's funny. I actually met my ex 3 days after being officially LJBF by a Spanish girl I'd been trying to hook up with for over a month. It actually hurt more than it should have to be honest. More of an ego thing since she expressed interest in my friend. That was on the Thursday and I remember at that time I was studying quite a lot and didn't really go out much more. That day I sat down and forced myself to find something to do on the Saturday to get me out the house. The Saturday night was when I met my ex girlfriend. We stayed together 3 years.

Point is if you experience failure just get yourself out there. No telling what is round the corner.

 

[xstang77]

Funny a lot of us are getting contacted by them since we've been nc for months, ho's must be thinking Summer's nearing the end and there gonna need more then being slutty to get through winter lol.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 29

Hooked up with a tinder date last night. Was good fun, but stirred up thoughts and memories of the ex. I kept making comparisons between her and my ex and was acutely aware of where she didn't marry up to the image of the ex that I have in my head. To be honest, I am still not over her, but I must learn to walk alone.

I've cancelled a few other dates I had planned this week and next because either these chicks don't meet my physical criteria for anything other than a ONS, have too much baggage (e.g. not over the ex boyfriends) or red flags indicating poor character. Just banging these girls with no regard for seeing them again isn't going to give me what I need to get over my ex.

I need to look at a girl and actually feel like I want to spend time with her for more than a night, without having to compromise on my standards. It might take a little bit more patience but I believe it will be worth the wait.

 

[BeTheChange]

Every post tells a story. I want to look back on my own series of thoughts.

Good for you and thanks. That's the funny thing about this site. It's easy for us to give advice but very difficult to receive it, especially in relation to someone we have such a significant emotional investment in. No doubt you loved this woman and letting go is not easy. I dare say it's even harder for us to let go than it is for our partners (especially if they are indeed on the BPD spectrum) even though we are red pill, because somewhere down the line we convinced ourselves that NAWALT in relation to our exes and let our guard down. We failed to protect our hearts. Rollo's War Brides post has quite an interesting take on why women can detach emotionally if necessary.

bradd, one of the reasons why I am so hard on you in my posts is because I see a lot of myself and my own weaknesses in relation to my ex in you. On being tough with you I am forcing myself to live up to a certain standard - if not I would be the biggest hypocrite on sosuave. The fact you are moving on and enjoying the company of other women is a massive positive. Enjoy it and know that on this road to recovery you are not alone.