My online dating profile write-up...

[GtarPlayr73]

good point, speakeasy and thanks. I've been trying too hard to be like other people all my life and it's gotten me nowhere. I will NEVER be the loud and gregarious, beer-swilling alpha male with 200 business cards in his wallet and a posse of pals bar-hopping and mountain-biking. Fuck that. The best advice i've ever gotten is to trust myself. Read my signature...

 

[speakeasy]

True. It will take you longer to find a match than it will fratboy type alpha male but hang in there. I actually had a profile on match that was similar to yours. I had no luck. My friend tweaked it for me with some more of the alpha male type things. I did have a girl message me after that and I ended up f*cking her for about the next year, but I knew all along she wasn't my type and having a profile that wasn't really me attracted a girl who wasn't my type. Though I admit, she had a nice tight p*ssy that made the tweak worth it! hahaa...but you get my point. Be yourself first and foremost if you're looking for a serious girl online.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...I have struggled to find a way to depict myself in such relatable terms. Perhaps focus on activities that i can share with a woman? The thing is that i am an intellectual and cosmopolitan. I'm not very action-oriented.

So are you saying that you just exist in a vacuum? You say that you're 'cosmopolitan,' PROVE IT! Where do you go, what do you do? Plays? Art or museum exhibits? You've gotta do something! Talk about the latest 'cosmopolitan' things you've done, you may get lucky and a woman who had attended the same event may reply.

...
My free time consists of reading, writing an extensive journal (thoughts, philosophy, observations) smoking fine cigars, watching movies, watching documentaries, playing guitar and bass, recording music, drawing and painting (mainly digitally - Corel Painter), working out, dining out, spending time at cafes and bookstores.

Who's your favorite writer, philosopher? Why? What's your favorite quote? Why? What type of music do you play? Who your favorite musician? Why? Where do you go to work out and your favorite restaurant? Why? In what aisle would a woman normally find you in a bookstore? Why? Do you see a pattern here?

...I don't do bars and clubs. Just too loud and crowded for me. Quiet lounges and pubs are fine. I don't do "outdoors" stuff like sports, camping, hiking, kayaking, etc. My outdoors activities are mainly limited to walks and roadtrips - both of which are great work well with women.

Well, you've definitely identified the things that you shouldn't write about, now onto the good stuff...

...
So for dating, I've got: movies, theater, cafes, dining out, watching stuff at home, cooking, local travel, and talking. Intelligent convo on a wide variety of topics is CRUCIAL for me.

PROVE IT!!! Give some examples!!!!

...i really want to travel the world and i figure if i meet a woman who shares the same intense desire and KNOWS a lot about other cultures, then she's really ahead of the rest on that one point alone.

What should she know about other cultures? What countries would you have a common interest in? Let them know how you feel about people who travel often.

...
What about describing my personality? I didn't do that in the first draft. I'm pretty serious (read: thoughtful and reflective), but can be witty and bubbly when the chemistry is right. Guess i'll mention that.

Ummmm, by this point it should be readily apparent from your profile, should you really need to mention it?

...
I'm also enthusiastic about matters that interest me. I'm observant and perceptive.

About what? Tell the women out there something that would be an interesting topic of conversation when you meet.

... I love the sensitivity and passion of playing guitar and bass and the craft of recording. I'll mention that.

Leave something for subsequent dates. You'll have something to actually show that will set you aside from the typical guy on the Net.

...
Any way to promote my introversion? I don't want to attract extroverts who will end up being incompatible with my lifestyle. Past relationships have taught me that.

Ummm, this is where you need to do some work and qualify the women who contact you. Guess what, guy's can reject women they aren't compatible with. Women don't have to have all of the fun.

...
Well, i think i'm already getting a good idea now of what the re-write should be. Perhaps, i should start off with maybe one or two sentences on abstractions such as wonder and exploring this world (or maybe that's just so much cheese and doesn't accomplish anything), then describe my personality as in the above para. Then list activities i enjoy and want to share. Then describe what i'm looking for in a woman, OR i could just say "if this sounds like a good time for you, then..." or "if this resonates with you" or something like that.

Pffffftttttttt..... Way too pompous and cliche when it's put into words. Paint a vivid picture with your words and back it up with your actions when you meet.

...
One last thing: photos. Being introverted, i just don't have a lot of pics of me with other people and i know how important this is for conveying social proof. All the pics i have of me with others are from years ago. I have a ton of decent self-taken photos, but they're all obvious "web cam" shots.

Don't let that introversion thing be your scapegoat. So you only have photos of you at home, BFD. I would retake them with a real digital camera instead of a webcam. Those grainy photos give few people justice with still shots. And if you think the lighting isn't good then more than likely it isn't. Do it up right with a clear photo.

... . My sis (who lives 5 hours away) took some high quality outdoor shots, but they looked posed and my hair was less than ideal. So my plan is to post one good head shot and then post some pics of friends and family and some paintings i did...

Post a head shot and a few full body shots. Have one playing your guitar or out at an event. Hold off on the photo's of your paintings. You don't want to come off as a possible emo. Leave it for the woman (or women) you deem special enough to let into that particular place in your life.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I gotta be honest dude (IMHO) it sounds like something a woman would write (ie feminine tone).

Perhaps but...

1.) Extremely Attractive Hot Babe
2.) Someone closer to my age or younger
3.) No kids
4.) No addicts or abusers
5.) Healthy value systems
6.) Someone with a decent career and no debt
7.) Someone who has healthy friends and family
8.) Someone with their own hobbies and interests.
9.) ....

That list of "don't wants" sounds like the lists that bitter and frustrated women post. I bypass them like the plague because it seems as if they are so focused on negative things that they would be a real pain.

Then be the Alpha and re-state those facts as what you are willing to accept Do so covertly and indirectly, challenging them to see if they meet your requirements.

That could work but why waste time weeding through responses of women who don't get it? Besides, why not challenge them when you are qualifying them in person? Talk about a fun time.

Throw in some C&F right about here too to tone things down a bit.

I don't think it's quite GP's style. Although an aire of confidence would work out pretty well.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I think all people really need is one good headshot. I think people tend to go overkill on the photos. Same with myspace, I dont understand why some people have 50 photos of themselves on their page, half of them just standing in a room taking pics of themselves. If I'm looking at the woman, one full body shot is also necessary. Some girls have a normal face and a fat body so you can't always tell from a headshot alone.

I think this is a good enough reason to post more than just a headshot. If the merchandise is good, why not advertise it?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

How's this for activities:

"Road trips, dining out for Indian, Mexican, and Thai food, foreign films, wandering Boston and NYC, rock shows and the theater, coffee talk in cafes, or rainy nights and red wine..."

Still boring. What makes you different from any other guy who would write the same thing? Figure that out and include it in your profile.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Be yourself first and foremost if you're looking for a serious girl online.

I'd rather attract all the women I can get with whatever bs I can write, then weed them out from there. All is fair in love and war...

 

[Sinistar]

Hey Francisco d'Anconia,

I hear ya regarding my list. As usual it probably came across the wrong way. I guess I was challenging the OP as to what he really wants in a woman. Now I would never write that list out blundt/overt because the ladies will run for the hills. Yet it is a good exercise to be honest with ourselves first regarding what we're really looking for in women. For me, that was my silent list of requirements. I am extremely happy I stuck to it. I had spent way too many years going against several of those items and it always ended poorly.

It just seems like a guy's requirements for women (especially after a few extra years of wisdom) are rather simple. Attractive, younger, healthy, fun, nice, has girlfriends, not burried in debt and no mental or family issues. Now if we can ellude to that indirectly / covertly (in their language) while coming across as interesting, active, confident, mysterious, etc it's win-win in my book because it will filter out a large number of bad matches. I guess that goes counter to Bible-Belt's approach of getting a large number of initial responses and filtering from there.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Thanks, Francisco for the line-by-line critique! I'm sitting here considering what to write for my profile and i have to admit: i don't connect the word "women" with the word "fun" (other than sex, of course!).

Really...

My idea of a relationship is serious, drama-filled, fighting for sex, doubts about whether it will work, etc. I don't have fun with women. What's worse, i don't expect fun with women! It's only if i can talk politics or philosophy that i ever have a meaningful time. Otherwise....let's just get to the sex! So understand that it's fucking hard to write about all the fun she and i are going to have...I mean there it is: deep convo or nothing at all. No wrestling, tickling, teasing, laughing? Fuck no. That just doesn't happen between me and an HB...Well, look at my parents...they never had playful fun with each other and they sure argued and *****ed a lot...

Seriously, can i have fun with a woman RIGHT NOW? Can i be the kind of man women need...the fun and entertaining guy?

 

[speakeasy]

Seriously, can i have fun with a woman RIGHT NOW?

Sure, ever heard of a prostitute?

Can i be the kind of man women need...the fun and entertaining guy?

Pook wrote a really good article covering this topic. I read it a few days ago. Look it up in the DJ Bible. He speaks about how important it is to be a playful guy. You can have all these interests and passions and philosophies but if you are not playful with girls and have the ability to make them laugh, you are boring to them. They would rather go for some guy without the interests in the world and philosophies who can give them that playful feeling they look forward too when they get off their boring jobs at 6pm.

That's something I need to work on myself, so don't take my word for it, look up the Pook article, he says it better than I ever could.

 

[blueguy]

I am telling you, a picture is a thousand words. You really need to communicate everything you would like to about yourself with pictures. The pictures should be a candid descriptor of your life, not seemingly posed or propped. It is also helpful if they convey that you are wanted by many women. As an example, the typical Myspace camera in the mirror shot isn't going to do that.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Hey Francisco d'Anconia,

I hear ya regarding my list. As usual it probably came across the wrong way. I guess I was challenging the OP as to what he really wants in a woman. Now I would never write that list out blundt/overt because the ladies will run for the hills. Yet it is a good exercise to be honest with ourselves first regarding what we're really looking for in women. For me, that was my silent list of requirements. I am extremely happy I stuck to it. I had spent way too many years going against several of those items and it always ended poorly...

I hear 'ya, consider this:

I'll readily admit that an attractive woman around my age will get my attention but that's just the beginning. In order to keep my attention she should live a healthy lifestyle both physically and emotionally. She should be self sufficient and financially savvy. Her friends should enjoy her company and her family is always in her corner. She someone who has interests which she enjoys and may even be new to me...
​

It's all about presentation. You can convey what you're looking for in such a way that will attract women which you can then qualify.

Oh yeah fellas, go ahead and cut and past to your heart's content. I'm feeling a bit generous so take advantage of it while you can.

 

[speakeasy]

One other thing that just occured to me. Your post is completely DEVOID of any sense of humor. Few girls will be responsive to a guy that cannot make them laugh. Work some playfulness and humor into your profile, be more light-hearted. Your profile comes off as really intense. Instead of saying you play guitar say, "I'll make you sing while I play guitar, but if you're off key you get a swat on the bottom!" You don't have to use that exact example, I'm just giving you and idea of how you can say you play guitar but also work in some flirtateousness, humor and playfulness at the same time, and use engaging words like "you" so that the girl reading it feels like you are talking TO her personally.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Finally, some inspiration. Description and a much more playful tone...


"I’m feeling that pulse of bass and that dance of sound while little thoughts float overhead. I’ll send them your way and watch you catch them. But smile while you do because that’s what I want to see…

I’m American on the outside, but I gotta tell you, there’s a lot of British lingo, some stubborn German logic, and French romace on the inside. Maybe that’s why I love British comedy, fine automobiles, wine, cheese, microbrews, and cigars.

I love a good bookstore and before I get a strong coffee and cream, I’m scanning the socio-political books for the latest controversy. At night, I'm ironing my clothes to Fox Soccer Channel and in the morning, I dress to BBC World News and drive to NPR…

Excitement is hitting the record button and letting magic find its way off of steel strings, playing beautiful things. I craft a sound and when it’s true, it leaves me unwound.

And I sit and dream of one day wandering European streets, or passing through the Australian Outback, or walking Ipanema Beach in Rio and there’s always someone there with me. She’s a woman who catches little thoughts and smiles.

The air is made for connections…

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...
My idea of a relationship is serious, drama-filled, fighting for sex, doubts about whether it will work, etc. I don't have fun with women. What's worse, i don't expect fun with women! It's only if i can talk politics or philosophy that i ever have a meaningful time. Otherwise....let's just get to the sex!

GP, it's time to change your premise... While sex is important, if you want a LTR that's substantial you need more than just sex. You need a woman that will keep your interest in other ways too. This will keep you from getting bored and complacent (hopefully).

...
So understand that it's fucking hard to write about all the fun she and i are going to have...I mean there it is: deep convo or nothing at all. No wrestling, tickling, teasing, laughing? Fuck no. That just doesn't happen between me and an HB...Well, look at my parents...they never had playful fun with each other and they sure argued and *****ed a lot...

You're preaching to the choir. That's a huge reason why I look for more out of a relationship. I don't want to succumb to the type of relationship that my parents had.

...
Seriously, can i have fun with a woman RIGHT NOW? Can i be the kind of man women need...the fun and entertaining guy?

First and foremost, you probably don't want to be the type of guy that women need. Being a guy that women would want is an entirely different thing though. I believe the trick to being a fun and entertaining guy (even if you are introspective [notice I didn't say introverted]) is to believe that you are a worthwhile person and to be passionate about what you do.

Coupling those two things may allow you to feel comfortable enough to share those things in a manner that isn't nearly as serious as you are accustomed to. This is from a guy who can have an entertaining conversation about Objectivism with just about any woman.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

One other thing that just occured to me. Your post is completely DEVOID of any sense of humor. Few girls will be responsive to a guy that cannot make them laugh. Work some playfulness and humor into your profile, be more light-hearted. Your profile comes off as really intense. Instead of saying you play guitar say, "I'll make you sing while I play guitar, but if you're off key you get a swat on the bottom!" You don't have to use that exact example, I'm just giving you and idea of how you can say you play guitar but also work in some flirtateousness, humor and playfulness at the same time, and use engaging words like "you" so that the girl reading it feels like you are talking TO her personally.

Excellent point. Women (who aren't emo) enjoy guys who are at least light hearted. Your singing off key line is good but saying that you'd swat her bottom may be a bit too "intimate" to put in a profile read by a woman who GP would like. I would change it to "I'll make you sing while I play guitar and if you're off key I won't hold it against you; I just won't take you to a karaoke bar for a date!"

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Finally, some inspiration. Description and a much more playful tone...


"I’m feeling that pulse of bass and that dance of sound while little thoughts float overhead. I’ll send them your way and watch you catch them. But smile while you do because that’s what I want to see…

I’m American on the outside, but I gotta tell you, there’s a lot of British lingo, some stubborn German logic, and French romace on the inside. Maybe that’s why I love British comedy, fine automobiles, wine, cheese, microbrews, and cigars.

I love a good bookstore and before I get a strong coffee and cream, I’m scanning the socio-political books for the latest controversy. At night, I'm ironing my clothes to Fox Soccer Channel and in the morning, I dress to BBC World News and drive to NPR…

Excitement is hitting the record button and letting magic find its way off of steel strings, playing beautiful things. I craft a sound and when it’s true, it leaves me unwound.

And I sit and dream of one day wandering European streets, or passing through the Australian Outback, or walking Ipanema Beach in Rio and there’s always someone there with me. She’s a woman who catches little thoughts and smiles.

The air is made for connections…

Better, you're definitely creative but my gut is telling me that it's a bit much for a profile. I like your first paragraph but I would save it. It sounds like a good line to use once you've gotten past the rapport, comfort and mutual interest stages.

For the type of woman I think you are interested in, I would give some examples of British Comedy in your second paragraph. Drop a Monty Python quote, that wouldn't be too obscure. Also (and it may just be a pet peeve of mine) I'd stay away from using the word "fine" altogether. It sounds pompous.

Speakeasy mentioned earlier something very true about women, they are very sensory. Use this to your advantage in some of your descriptions. An easy one is to paint a vivid picture of the type of coffee that you order in a bookstore. Describe in detail how it smells and how it tastes going down while you peruse the latest issue of "The New Intellectual" (or whatever) reading about the latest controversy about the downfall of America due to Apple's iPhone. Notice the dichotomy (i.e. humor) in reading something as highbrow as "The New Intellectual" for an article about the latest fad gadget? Think the type of woman you'd like would find that humorous? It's all about marketing to the type of woman you're looking for.

Expand on your paragraph about your travel aspirations. Give it more detail. Where are you in Europe? What are you doing? What would you do in the Outback? Crickey!!! Are you going to be the next Crocodile Hunter?

Your last line... Primo... Keep it...

 

[blueguy]

I agree. The key is to look effortless. Even if you are making an effort. The more effort you add, the more desperate you look. You want to be seen as a catch, right? Of course, you should try to get to a point in your life where it is effortless. But I still think you should be focusing more on the pictures. A few amazing, yet candid pictures that you just happened to throw up on Match.com. No amount of words is going to change the perception seen by their very eyes.

 

[azanon]

My comment to you is this Gtarplayer:

I wouldn't sweat this online profile thing too much anyway. Despite being a past defender of meeting women online as another avenue to have, I think it should be ancillary to this effort at best, especially for you. Assuming you have no reasons to be covert in your endeavor of meeting women, I'm not sure I could even recommend spending any time bothering with it except maybe late at night on a weekend when you have nothing better to do.

If i may generalize something you were more specific about, even implying "DJing" (in any form) is not your style is another way of saying having lots of possible opportunities with a potentially great woman is also.... not your style.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Amante, you DID get through to me and i really appreciate every bit of your insightful and perceptive post. How did you know i live near Boston, btw? Did i mention it somewhere? I'm actually on the North Shore, which is a perfect location - you got the "New England" historic shore and you're close enough to Boston. Anyway, great to hear from someone who knows the women of the area.

Your problem, and I really believe this, is that you seriously belive the only way to attract an intelligent, respectable, world traveling, quiet times kind of woman is to be the way you're being right now, which is way off. Your second issue is that you believe there is no alternative other than being a loud-mouthed, club-hopping, a-hole with a persona that reeks of ****iness and ego.

Read me like a book. That got my attention and i'm open to tweaking my attitude.

...very casual and unpretentious while implying a good deal of intellectual capacity. That's true Boston Bachelor whit. That's what you need.

I know what you mean and i know i can do this...it's how i am when i don't TRY. Right now, so much of this online dating profile writing is so intentional. I gotta get into a different frame of mind...

BTW - British humor for me is Ricky Gervais and Sacha Baron Cohen - both certified comic geniuses.