My online dating profile write-up...

[Latinoman]

True. It will take you longer to find a match than it will fratboy type alpha male but hang in there. I actually had a profile on match that was similar to yours. I had no luck. My friend tweaked it for me with some more of the alpha male type things. I did have a girl message me after that and I ended up f*cking her for about the next year, but I knew all along she wasn't my type and having a profile that wasn't really me attracted a girl who wasn't my type. Though I admit, she had a nice tight p*ssy that made the tweak worth it! hahaa...but you get my point. Be yourself first and foremost if you're looking for a serious girl online.

So the message in here is that being "yourself" got you ZERO puzzy. But if you strive to be a better self (in your case - you pretended to be)...then you get a tight puzzy for over a year.


Hmmmmm...shouldn't the advice be work on improving yourself to a point in which you can be yourself...instead of being yourself?

Be yourself is one of the worst advice anyone can give. As only very few men can be themselves and get women.

 

[speakeasy]

So the message in here is that being "yourself" got you ZERO puzzy. But if you strive to be a better self (in your case - you pretended to be)...then you get a tight puzzy for over a year.


Hmmmmm...shouldn't the advice be work on improving yourself to a point in which you can be yourself...instead of being yourself?

Be yourself is one of the worst advice anyone can give. As only very few men can be themselves and get women.

By that I meant, don't change his CORE self, if he is an introspective, intellectual, artsy type of guy, don't try and come off as an extroverted, sports-loving, beer-guzzling jock in order to get girls. Unless you just want to fvck and dump 'em before they get to know you. If you're looking for a serious girl, be upfront about your values and interests. That's what I mean by "be yourself". That's not to say he couldn't use some tweaking of his profile, he does for the reasons I've mentioned previously, that it is devoid of any humor, flirtateousness or playfulness. That's what he needs to change, not his core values and interests.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Here's the latest draft. I think it's real close to a winner. Maybe i just need to end with a brief description of what kind of woman i'm looking for...


"I’m your true Gemini - always going for style over practicality. I’m all about sensory experiences and detail: microbrews, scotch, brandy, port, fresh-roasted coffee (you know, the kind the kind that comes in brown packaging with the oil seeping through?), hand-rolled cigars, and European cars.

I like my sports beautiful so I love international soccer and Formula 1 racing. For me, humor is dry and in the details ala British comedy, especially the latest from lit’le, round, demi-god Ricky Gervais. I don’t watch a lot of TV, but I get dressed to BBC World News and I must admit, I love getting lost on mysterious tropical islands.

I have a passion for music and have been playing guitar and bass ever since I heard Led Zepplin's Houses of the Holy fourteen years ago. Lately, I’ve been writing and recording on my iMac and am working on forming a band.

Convo with me is never dull - I love to setup in a café and talk politics and religion – the latest screw-up of the Right and why people believe what they do. While I don’t like to speak out until I have all the facts, my passions can get me fired up just the same.

I spent a summer in Italy drawing and painting and if I ended up in a villa somewhere between Rome and Florence, well, I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m a licensed private pilot, but I haven’t gone Maverick since I bought the t-shirt.

I’m independent and guard my free time jealously, content to spend my time alone pursuing my passions and interests, but if the company is right, I’ll make the time and even share cooking duties…"

 

[KarmaSutra]

What you're doing is giving women your resume'. They want adventure and expressions of emotion and passion. As a side I help brothers write their online profiles. One of which I am particularly proud of is one I did for one of the young brothers I mentor, Brother Panik.

Here is what I hooked him up with:

Stop. Before you read another word ask yourself one question. Isn't attraction incredible? Imagine coming home from a long day and collapsing softly into strong arms, holding you. Warmly feeling safe and appreciated and intimate, knowing right here is exactly where you belong. Wouldn't it be nice if you could spend time with a man who makes you feel like you could let down your guard and just be comfortable? Whose voice soothed and at the same time stimulated you?

My one vice with these things is most people only take enough time to talk about superficial issues which only skim the surface, like what we did last night or where we want to go next weekend, things of that nature. It's ok to talk about that stuff, and I enjoy it. However, I find that I get much more out of talking about who we are as people on a deeper, more internal level. I’m extremely interested in what’s important to us, what we believe in, how we feel, and why. I think it’s an absolutely fantastic feeling to get to know another human being and learn what someone else thinks of major issues revolving around us in this world. Discovering what's important in life. So if I were to ask you, what do you really value and what's important to you in a relationship, what kind of answer should I expect?

I'm educated, successful, emotionally mature, and I know what I want. My work keeps me steadily busy, but I make time for family and friends, music (Jazz is my favorite), movies and whatever else has grabbed my attention. I’m looking to meet a woman who has direction, who’s honest and who loves to laugh.

Now, what should I know about you?


To say his responses have gone to the moon is being nice. The quality of women who reply back have been elevated to the next level too.

 

[Mr.Positive]

This is a good thread!! Lot's of great insight...Gtarplyr, you will have to keep posting how it works for you.

Here's a different thought. I haven't tried online dating...so everyone feel free to tear this apart..

I think the less you say the better actually. I think women reading personals are not looking for reasons to contact you, they are looking for reasons to disqualify you. So, the more you write about yourself, the more chance a woman might interpret one little thing as bad, and skip to the next ad.

So, with a good picture, maybe write one or two things that make you unique, as a person, from everyone else.

Then..challenge women to respond. Write something like.."now that you've read a little about me, I guarantee there's a lot more. So..maybe you are sitting there wondering? Well, I challenge you then. I challenge you to tell me something about yourself the makes you different from all the other women out there. What makes you unique as a person?"

This way..they have to qualify themselves to you. Every women feels like there is something really special about them, and maybe you will strike a cord and get them to tell you what it is.

And if they reply...you can look at their profile. If you like it, you know something about them that they think makes them different. You can comment on it, positively of course, and you then have instant rapport with them.

Just a couple of ideas. I've never tried online dating, so...I don't know if this would work. But, it's what I would do.

 

[speakeasy]

KarmaSutra, I think what really does it is the conversation style of that profile. Most guys post profiles that read like resumes. Guitarplayer, I think it still needs some work. Can't put my finger on why yet, I need to look at it a few more times.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Will keep The Joshua tree in mind. I like the name...


Here is the latest draft of my profile:


"I’m your true Gemini - always going for style over practicality. I’m all about sensory experiences in detail: microbrews, scotch, brandy, port, fresh-roasted coffee (you know, the kind the kind that comes in brown packaging with the oil seeping through?), hand-rolled cigars, and European cars. I have a dry sense of humor; I love British comedy, especially the latest from that lit’le, round, demigod Ricky Gervais. I don’t watch a lot of TV, but I get dressed to BBC World News and I must admit, I love getting lost on mysterious tropical islands.I spent a memorable summer in Italy drawing and painting and if I end up in a villa somewhere between Rome and Florence, well, I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m also a licensed private pilot, but I haven’t gone Maverick since I bought the t-shirt. I have been indulging my passion for playing guitar and bass ever since I first heard Led Zeppelin's "Houses of the Holy" fourteen years ago. More recently, I discovered the addictive pleasure of writing and recording and I am excited about a new band opportunity that is materializing. I love to setup in a cafe and talk politics, religion, and societal trends – everything from the latest political eye-roller to why people believe what they do. While I don’t prefer to speak out until I have all the facts, my passions can get me fired up just the same, much to the amusement of my friends. Being independent, I am often content to spend my time solo pursuing my passions and interests, but if the company is right, I’ll make the time and even share the cooking duties…"


Ok, here is what i'm thinking. It's too factual and reads like a resume, like i'm saying look at what i do, impressed? Versus get a feel for who i am. Not focused enough on relationships and what i'm looking to find in a relationship?

Do you agree?

 

[Chrispy]

"I spent a summer in Italy drawing and painting and if I ended up in a villa somewhere between Rome and Florence, well, I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m a licensed private pilot, but I haven’t gone Maverick since I bought the t-shirt."

There is potential in this part of your profile. Read it again but look for queues that jump out at you and make you want to ask something about this experience? What's the problem? There isn't any! If you added a few queues that made the reader want to ask you something (something like 'I had an extraordinary experience while ...') it will increase your response rate. That and some good pictures will make your profile pretty solid.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Thanks, Chrispy.

On second thought, the little humor and color descriptions hint at my personality and also, what i do is a reflection of who i am, the kind of person i am. So, mentioning what i like and do should work after all...

 

[Bonhomme]

Again, I like the paragraphs for readability.

I see one big paragraph and think: "This is straining my eyes; I'm outta here."

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Again, I like the paragraphs for readability.

I see one big paragraph and think: "This is straining my eyes; I'm outta here."

Many women take readability (spelling, punctuation, clarity) into consideration.

 

[speakeasy]

I think you might want to work on better transition between your sentences. Jumping from topic to topic without a transition makes it easy for the reader to lose track.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Insightful advice, as usual, Amante. Really appreciate the Boston-specific observations. And, no, i don't want to miss out on the women who want something temporary. They'll give me inspiration when they return back to Prague or St. Petersburg or Sienna or Helsinki...

Will keep the multiple paragraphs, work on smoother transitions per speakeasy's advice, and then post...

BTW, the main pic i'm going to post is a sepia headshot of me, head tilted, with a barely-perceptible smile.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...Again, I wouldn't worry about this. The odds that you'll find the perfect woman via an Internet ad is highly unlikely. ....

Why is that?

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Final draft

Here's the final draft. I added just a touch of transition, a little more "spice", and improved the phrasing here and there. I think it's now as close to perfect as possible.

"I’m your true Gemini - always going for style over practicality. I’m all about experiences in sensory detail: microbrews, scotch, brandy, port, fresh-roasted coffee (you know, the kind the kind that comes in brown packaging with the oil seeping through?), hand-rolled cigars, glossy electric guitars, and European cars.

Being observant about detail and behavior has developed my dry sense of humor, so it follows that I love British comedy, especially anything by that lit’le, round, demigod Ricky Gervais. I don’t watch a lot of TV, but I get dressed to BBC World News and I must admit, I love getting lost on mysterious tropical islands.

Experiences. I once spent a magical summer in Italy drawing and painting. If I end up living in a villa somewhere between Rome and Florence, well, I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m an airplane nut and a licensed private pilot, but I haven’t gone Maverick since I bought the t-shirt. When you’re the only one in the airplane and you know you eventually have to bring it back to earth, it’s a pretty amazing feeling.

I’ve been indulging my passion for playing guitar and bass ever since I first heard Led Zeppelin's "Houses of the Holy" fourteen years ago. More recently, I discovered the addictive pleasure of writing and recording and I’m excited about a new band opportunity that is materializing.

Socially, I love to setup in a cafe and talk politics, religion, and societal trends – everything from the latest political eye-roller to why people believe what they do. While I don’t prefer to speak out until I have all the facts, my passions can get me fired up just the same, much to the amusement of my friends.

Strongly independent, I am often quite content to spend my time solo pursuing my passions and interests, but if the company is right, I’ll make the time and even share in the cooking duties…"

 

[speakeasy]

Too many paragraphs now. By the way, what age range are you targetting? I should've asked that way before.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I say keep the paragraphs, (intelligent) women pick up on grammar. Also see what you can to to make it more conversational. Read aloud what you've written. Does it sound intimately conversational? It still comes off a tad high brow and could be misconstrued as elitist. Keep the contend, just fine tune the delivery.

 

[Sinistar]

The best part about this thread - if she is on her game she'll google part of your profile text (ie the 1st few sentences) and find a 99.8% match sitting right here. Then she'll start drilling you all about being a PUA and if you're lucky it will work to your advantage - unless she's not into the group thing

 

[speakeasy]

Hmmm, Sinistar makes a point. But unless the girl is a real web geek, I doubt it would even cross her mind.

Does google index this forum?

 

[Bonhomme]

Well, you could always edit the threads when it's completed, so it doesn't show up, but it would take a super-genius (or super-paranoid) to think of searching the text.

I definitely think it's more readable with the paragraphs.