My online dating profile write-up...

[TooColdUlrick]

Here's the final draft. I added just a touch of transition, a little more "spice", and improved the phrasing here and there. I think it's now as close to perfect as possible.

"I’m your true Gemini - always going for style over practicality. I’m all about experiences in sensory detail: microbrews, scotch, brandy, port, fresh-roasted coffee (you know, the kind the kind that comes in brown packaging with the oil seeping through?), hand-rolled cigars, glossy electric guitars, and European cars.

Being observant about detail and behavior has developed my dry sense of humor, so it follows that I love British comedy, especially anything by that lit’le, round, demigod Ricky Gervais. I don’t watch a lot of TV, but I get dressed to BBC World News and I must admit, I love getting lost on mysterious tropical islands.

Experiences. I once spent a magical summer in Italy drawing and painting. If I end up living in a villa somewhere between Rome and Florence, well, I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m an airplane nut and a licensed private pilot, but I haven’t gone Maverick since I bought the t-shirt. When you’re the only one in the airplane and you know you eventually have to bring it back to earth, it’s a pretty amazing feeling.

I’ve been indulging my passion for playing guitar and bass ever since I first heard Led Zeppelin's "Houses of the Holy" fourteen years ago. More recently, I discovered the addictive pleasure of writing and recording and I’m excited about a new band opportunity that is materializing.

Socially, I love to setup in a cafe and talk politics, religion, and societal trends – everything from the latest political eye-roller to why people believe what they do. While I don’t prefer to speak out until I have all the facts, my passions can get me fired up just the same, much to the amusement of my friends.

Strongly independent, I am often quite content to spend my time solo pursuing my passions and interests, but if the company is right, I’ll make the time and even share in the cooking duties…"

i think it's good, but it's too long IMO. you can cut in half easily, while still retaining the most important things. chicks (people) on the internet have the attention span of a hamster on crack, and more importantly, it is assumed that you are a liar right off the bat.

less is more.

think like an editorial "editor"...chop chop chop.

quick edit example...

A microbrew, double-malted scotch, hand-rolled cigars, and a glossy Les Paul Guitar. I tend to go for style over practicality. I love to kick it in a cafe sipping fresh-roasted coffee, engaging in politics, religion, the meaning of life, and naturally, Brad and Angelina's latest adventure [insert whatever]. The conversation may turn into a heated debate, or my Gemini eyes, rolling in amusement.

One of my true passions is flying. My solo flight was so incredibly heart-pounding and exhilarating, I felt like a virgin once again. I was. But now I can touch my dreams of flying back to Florence, where I once spent a magical summer, drawing and painting. Perhaps even getting stranded on a mysterious tropical island over the Pacific, playing and singing my favorite tunes, where we don't have a care in the world.

Come fly with me.



half the verbage, and more powerful, and mysterious i think, but yet conveys the same thing. your previous one basically told her everything about you. interject some humor in there. yours was pretty dry...as is this one. try to make her dream, think, feel, cry, and laugh. she'll contact you if look like Brad Pitt ;-)

**the gemini thing...that sounds a lot more like a libra to me, but i left your concept. definitely make sure this is consistent...chicks know that stuff.

oh, i wouldn't mention that you are in a band or starting one. no offense, but most "healthy" women will hit the back button in a second.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

half the verbage, and more powerful, and mysterious i think, but yet conveys the same thing. your previous one basically told her everything about you. interject some humor in there. yours was pretty dry...as is this one. try to make her dream, think, feel, cry, and laugh.

I agree. I just felt like my previous profile let the whole cat out of the bag. No mystery. It's a fine balance, isn't it? You gotta show enough to pique interest and yet keep enough hidden for that crucial mystery factor. Less is safe as the more you reveal, the greater the chance for an early turn-off, even though i'm trying to weed out the chaff from the wheat.

I'm not even sure i should even mention all the microbrew, scotch, cigars thing as women don't generally care for or even get these sorts of experiences. They're just gonna be like big deal, does not compute, next...Those are all things that I MYSELF enjoy. They can't relate. I need to get to what they do relate to because relating is what it's all about...

Good points on the band thing. I didn't think of the "crazy and irresponsible" angle that women would see.

I also agree about the feeling part. I had this nagging concern that my previous profile was too pointed, too stuffy, too mental and not emotional enough. I'm going to do a shorter and more tactile and poetic re-write without being cheesy.

 

[Bonhomme]

But do you really want a woman who tends to stereotype people who are in bands or anyone else for a LTR?

 

[GtarPlayr73]

good point...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

But do you really want a woman who tends to stereotype people who are in bands or anyone else for a LTR?

That happens when guys put more effort in making their profile palatable to the masses instead of marketing to the specific type of woman he wants to attract.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

But do you really want a woman who tends to stereotype people who are in bands or anyone else for a LTR?

i'm not ripping on GtarPlayr73 at all, i don't know you, and i'm jealous that i stopped playing because that is a major chick-magnet, but fact of the matter is...

starting a band = loser that i have to support.

isn't that a legit stereotype?

considering that you're 34, it makes it worse. leave the word "band" out IMO, unless you're targeting 18-24 year old party chicks.

 

[Bonhomme]

starting a band = loser that i have to support.

isn't that a legit stereotype?

No, it isn't.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Actually, the band i'm co-starting is in the beginning stages (we don't have a drummer yet, but that's cool, because the guitarist and i will be free to concentrate on song-writing right now). Ours is far from the sterotypical fast-living, hard-times, early-twenties rock band scenario. Firstly, we plan on playing out only once or twice a month, practicing once a week and home recording whenever possible. The guitarist is 41 years old and is quite successful in his career as a PR consultant to academia. He's got a great house, a professional wife, two kids, and, uh, ten guitars and two amps. I couldn't have asked for a better musical partner. I make over $40K in a corporate IT job, so any woman who clicks "next" would suffer the (potentially great) consequences of her own stereotyping. Frankly, i wouldn't want such an uptight woman who only sees dollar $ign$ instead of the music and relationships that a band is all about. That being said, mentioning that i'm starting a band IS one detail too many where preserving mystery and keeping the write-up short is concerned.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Here's my latest write-up, which i have already updated my profile with. It's an entirely different approach - much leaner and more evocative and attention-grabbing.


I’m a Gemini, so there’s no debating it…style wins over practicality, every time.

My sense of humor is dry. It's the details that make me laugh. Modern British stuff. Ricky Gervais. (I actually know who Karl Pilkington is. Do you?)

I once spent a magical summer in Italy drawing and painting. I drift back and I hear those sounds echoing outside my apartment. Sounds of late afternoon banter between a boy playing in the street below and his mother, busy preparing the evening supper...

My first solo flight as a student pilot was one of those rare moments of pure aliveness. It is a daunting feeling when your instructor and all the experience he represents steps out of the plane and you realize that, for once, you are all alone. But somewhere inside is a knowing that you will get it in the air and you will bring the thing back to earth again and you are ready to make it happen.

I play bass and guitar. It was one of those commitments that you are happy to make. The result has been years of mystery, years of searching, and savoring the rewards that do come…eventually.

My free time is mine to guard over a scotch, a cigar, and a good book, but I’ll be happy to make the time just to share in the cooking duties with good company.

My approach was to lose the formalistic, resume-esque quality of my previous profile and seek to evoke the feelings and sensations of key experiences. By relating those experiences, i will convey my personality, my mind, what i noticed, how i felt, etc. I communicate everything about myself, but in a much more poetic and indirect way. How i write, not what i write is what will get the essence of who i am across and that's what personality is all about. That's what people love and appreciate in others. It's the whole "saying-it-without-saying-it" thing...

 

[TooColdUlrick]

No, it isn't.

but in reality it is.

girl who wears excessive jewelry and drives a bmw, but doesn't seem to have a job? what would we think of her until proven otherwise?

people judge, assume, generalize, and stereotype, all the time. first impressions? that's what people are doing. online...that is all they do! it's just black and white print and a pretty picture.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Here's my latest write-up, which i have already updated my profile with. It's an entirely different approach - much leaner and more evocative and attention-grabbing.


I’m a Gemini, so there’s no debating it…style wins over practicality, every time.

My sense of humor is dry. It's the details that make me laugh. Modern British stuff. Ricky Gervais. (I actually know who Karl Pilkington is. Do you?)

I once spent a magical summer in Italy drawing and painting. I drift back and I hear those sounds echoing outside my apartment. Sounds of late afternoon banter between a boy playing in the street below and his mother, busy preparing the evening supper...

My first solo flight as a student pilot was one of those rare moments of pure aliveness. It is a daunting feeling when your instructor and all the experience he represents steps out of the plane and you realize that, for once, you are all alone. But somewhere inside is a knowing that you will get it in the air and you will bring the thing back to earth again and you are ready to make it happen.

I play bass and guitar. It was one of those commitments that you are happy to make. The result has been years of mystery, years of searching, and savoring the rewards that do come…eventually.

My free time is mine to guard over a scotch, a cigar, and a good book, but I’ll be happy to make the time just to share in the cooking duties with good company.

My approach was to lose the formalistic, resume-esque quality of my previous profile and seek to evoke the feelings and sensations of key experiences. By relating those experiences, i will convey my personality, my mind, what i noticed, how i felt, etc. I communicate everything about myself, but in a much more poetic and indirect way. How i write, not what i write is what will get the essence of who i am across and that's what personality is all about. That's what people love and appreciate in others. It's the whole "saying-it-without-saying-it" thing...

you're falling into the trap of "making a perfect profile" and thus...spinning around in circles. don't do that, it will kill you.

make the profile, keep it under 200 words. have a lead and don't bury the lead. have a call to action at the very end, like my write up of...

Come fly with me.

that says, "click me", "call now", "act now"..."operators are standing by" ;-)

it's advertising dude, simple as that.