You guys were right! A 'thank you' thread.

[AlmostThere!]

Just do a search on my name and you'll see all the pathetic threads I've created. But this thread is different. I want to say thanks to all the members that offered me good advice.

I was very depressed. I thought that I wasn't attractive enough, tall enough, big enough, and everything else that can kill a man's confidence. But taking advice from the members who had some sense about the game has really paid off.

As you know (or may not know), I went to a singles event last Friday. I ended up with two phone numbers (even though I didn't go there to get phone numbers, but just to practice) and went out dancing with one girl. She invited ME out dancing.

I'm a black guy, and thought that Asian and Indian girls were pretty much off limits (especially to black guys). But these two girls are Asian and Indian. These girls are also HOT (by my standards). Slim, pretty faces, and great personalities.

The girl I went out dancing with calls me a day and half later, asked me what I'm doing this weekend, told me her weekend plans, and said she'll call me back middle of the week. I haven't been officially invited out, but she's probably just checking with friends to see if it's cool for her to bring a guy.

I called the other girl the day after we met at the event because she didn't have her phone, but she gave me her phone number. I left a brief voicemail telling her who I was and that we should chat sometime. She didn't call me back, so I deleted her number after 2 days (that's my personal rule...no return text/call after 2 days, delete the number). But I get home from work today and get a phone call and it was her! We talked for about 10 minutes. I made her laugh (always good) and I said we should hang out after work tomorrow. She agreed to it, but it was an 'on the spot' date request, so I didn't have a place in mind. She ends the call by saying "I'll be waiting for your call".

My old self would have been obsessing over the second girl. But I left that one voicemail and forgot about her. I passed her first "test" by not calling again.

So, I have two "plates" spinning right now and I'm not even chasing. They both proved their interest by calling me back. Both girls asked what I was doing this weekend.

So, if the first girl never calls me back with plans for this weekend, then that's cool. Actually, it's cool if they both flake. I now have confidence that I can attract a girl enough that she'll call me. Then I can work on getting them to actually commit to a date. The next step would be getting a second date, then makeout, then sex, then a LTR...you get the picture.

I wanted to repeat some stuff that you all have been telling me for weeks/months now:

1. Put yourself out there. Socialize. You're not going to meet girls during your trip to WaWa.

2. When you socialize, be yourself and have fun. Being yourself means getting out of your head and living in the moment. Stopp thinking what's the right thing to say or do at every moment.

3. Smile and be approachbale. If you never had a girlfriend, never had sex, or never even held a girl hand...go into each social opportunity with the mentality that it will be the first time you can hold a girl hand or kiss a girl. Don't socialize with the past on your shoulders because girls will sense that and avoid you.

4. Don't worry too much about IOIs if you're average looking. Girls will blatantly stare down hot guys or guys driving Lamborghinis. Always make sure you look clean and you dress in moder clothes that fit. I'm not an advocate of telling every guy to get big and hit the gym. If you like being slim, then be proud of being slim. Getting big will attract the girls that like big guys but alienate the girls that like normal guys. Think of the guy that likes big tits and only dates girls with big tits. A girl is the same way. When she finds another guy that's bigger or has a better physique, she'll drop you compared to a girl that likes you even though you're skinny/slim/fat. But really fat is bad, so lose the excessive weight.

I don't think that I need this board as much anymore. I've been here a lot longer than a few months, and I read so many books on this subject that it's time just to be me. I will surprise myself when I react correctly in a situation because I subconsciously remembered something I've read.

I hope someone who is equally depressed as I was can understand being depressed won't help anything. You CAN turn your life around. You won't get every girl you lay eyes on, but you will start having women in your life. Like I've realized older girls are attracted to me more. I'm 25 and the females I met are 29 and 30. I'm gonna stop trying to get college girls, because for whatever reason...they're just not that attracted to me. It'd be great if I meet a college girl that's into me, but I'm going to focus my efforts on attending events and having hobbies where I can meet women my age or older.

So, thanks again...I will be checking this thread...feel free to post your thoughts.

 

[Iceberg]

I can't believe you made a complete turnaround in just a month, but I'm happy you're feeling better for now.

Just prepare yourself to accept the ups and downs of being out there. Work on your inner confidence and remember to not get too high in the good times, and don't get too low in the bad times. You'll be alright if you can avoid your drastic mood swings.

 

[WalkingStick]

It's great to hear you finally made that breakthrough!

Your challenge now will be to maintain the mindset that you have. After a while, it's easy to start slipping, especially if you enter a LTR. As Iceberg said, you WILL have ups and downs. Always remember what you have learned here and stay strong. Don't forget to come back to post some good stories.

 

[badboyjmm]

Good things man ! I had those same beliefs and it would kill my confidence to a point where I was in a LTR (2 years), didn't like it, but stayed because I just thought I couldn't get better. I'm also black so I can relate, those beliefs can make you think that your color of skin is a problem...

What made the change of mentality ? A friend of mine I didn't see for a couple of years. He told me to relax and to socialize with people. Also to not except anything and just have fun !

What happend at the end: I'm spinning plates with couple of girls and girls that LJBF'd me wanna hang-out, keeps on looking at me, because they feel they lost something by just keeping me as a friend ! (And because I gone NC to get over them)

Now I call out girls on their bullsh*t, I teased them, I keep myself busy and I don't care about anything because I'm living for me, not for them. Of course, I still wanna improve, get hotter girls, challenge myself to approach more. But at the end of the day, I'm all happy because I don't let the girls blow my confidence !

Remember man: YOU ARE THE PRIZE, LIVE YOU LIFE TO THE FULLEST !

 

[Kailex]

I can now breathe a sigh of relief.

AlmostThere!, I hope you understand now why the tough love from myself, Iceberg, and a few others. We're not going to sit here and tell what you want to hear, rather, what you NEED to hear.

I am so glad that you have been making huge strides in less than 2 weeks after being what I call "AFC Suicide Watch" for almost a month.

Just as Iceberg already stated, be ready for the ups and downs, but you did the most important part... you took the PLUNGE. You're now out there and you've gained some confidence. But don't let any potential "downs" bring you back to where you were before.

If anything, print out your PAST threads that you started and print out this one, and IF any bad experiences come back up, re-read those threads... to serve you as a reminder of the person you DON'T want to become again.

This is probably the MOST important thing you said in your OP: "It's time to just be me". Be the awesome and alpha you, not the guy I told to get "professional help".

Now, go out there and kill this "dating thang" and show the female world that YOU are the prize!

 

[AlmostThere!]

Okay, the girl that I was supposed to see after work today canceled our date. She canceled by calling me and said she was exhausted. She also said she'll meet up with me next time and has to take a raincheck. I didn't offer a subsitute day and neither did she.

Her number is being deleted again. If she calls me again, MAYBE I would consider trying to set up a date...maybe.

Of course I'm disappointed, but not like I used to be. It's still strange how a girl can sound so interested one day prior and then changes her mid. Oh well...that's the game.

Should I call her next week to setup another date, or forget her?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Okay, the girl that I was supposed to see after work today canceled our date. She canceled by calling me and said she was exhausted. She also said she'll meet up with me next time and has to take a raincheck. I didn't offer a subsitute day and neither did she.

Her number is being deleted again. If she calls me again, MAYBE I would consider trying to set up a date...maybe.

Of course I'm disappointed, but not like I used to be. It's still strange how a girl can sound so interested one day prior and then changes her mid. Oh well...that's the game.

Should I call her next week to setup another date, or forget her?

First off congrats, great to hear things are clicking for you.

About the chick who canceled: I'd call her up next week and try to set something up; it seems like her interest is low and fading at this point, especially since she didn't counter offer. However give it one more shot and if she doesn't answer or gives you the run around, then bail. My stance on this situation is if a girl already has low interest then hitting her up one more time isn't gonna hurt.

Two strike rule is golden, it'll save you time and keep you from chasing. And your right, lots of times these girls are so use to guys calling again and again even after they haven't heard back that they're use to it. When you go against the grain you stand out.

Keep getting out there, your game improves the most by applying it in the field....


Congrats again bro, and don't ever EVER think cuz your a black dude that you can't pull tail from different backgrounds; your reality is what you believe.




PIMP

 

[st_99]

did you say wawa???


looks like you're from pennsylvania, possibly new jersey..

 

[AlmostThere!]

did you say wawa???


looks like you're from pennsylvania, possibly new jersey..

you're correct

 

[AlmostThere!]

I really doubt the other girl is going to call. I can at least pat myself on the back for dirty dancing with a chick...now all I have to figure out is how to keep a girl from losing interest AFTER we meet. Cause I thought for sure if a girl calls a guy back, she'll at least give him a chance for a proper date.

Hmmm...pretty tough stuff.

 

[Commandante]

At first, going out for a single night event is a good start. Easy shot so to say.

At second:

Her number is being deleted again.

Don´t be pathetic! Be consequent! Which means, if you keep a number, than keep it. Nobody will judge you for giving the chick a chance, even if she didn´t call you for 2 days. But if you delete a number, delete it for ever. Yeah, you may miss a good opportunity, that´s true. But you will save your mind from AFC thoughts like this:

If she calls me again, MAYBE I would consider trying to set up a date...maybe.

or

I really doubt the other girl is going to call.

and on the long term this is more important.

Actually you are the man, you have to lead in any kind of relationship. But instead of this what happened?

She also said she'll meet up with me next time and has to take a raincheck. I didn't offer a subsitute day and neither did she

Why couldn´t you arrange a date? In this case she is the one who should delete your number and not vice versa, because you didn´t have the balls for making the second step.

Of course I'm disappointed, but not like I used to be. It's still strange how a girl can sound so interested one day prior and then changes her mid. Oh well...that's the game.

You don´t really get it. She is/was interested, made the first step and gave you a call, a chance for you to set up a date with her. But you were a wussy, you were waiting for her doing the second step as well. She didn´t change her mind, she is just loosing interest, because you are not the man you pretend to be. Not yet.

Should I call her next week to setup another date, or forget her?

If I were you I would take some time (6 months or so), forget about women for this period of time and work on myself and on my life. Otherwise you may find a woman very soon, who is desperate or crazy enough to start something with you and you will develop the biggest one-iteis the word have ever seen…

You may change your mood within a month, but changing your mindset takes longer...

 

[AlmostThere!]

I think you have some things missed it. I made a date with one girl and she canceled on me. The other girl said she'll call me later in the week which I don't think she'll do.

Are you saying I should call the other girl instead of waiting for her to call me? That seems kinda needy.

And I don't need 6 months away from women. It's a balance between being a man and being desperate. I'm trying to find this balance and I will make mistakes.

 

[Alle_Gory]

All right, you're getting there. I wouldn't be too quick to throw those numbers away. Who knows? Maybe its a legit excuse. Make sure you're throwing them away for a good reason.

 

[Commandante]

I think you have some things missed it.

Reading your post again... it may be. My fault. If the chicks would have numbers or something like that it would be easier to understand who are you writing about.

Are you saying I should call the other girl instead of waiting for her to call me? That seems kinda needy.

You were at a single party. This means that "I wanna fvck you" is tatooed on your forhead, and all of the chicks you met there can see it. This alone is needy enought. The only way you can save the situation is if you have the mindset "let´s see which one of you I wanna fvck, come on baby, qualify yourself", and not "let´s see which one of you wanna fvck me, and I´m ready playing games for being the one". And for that you have to lead. Waiting for calls and thing like this doesn´t lead anywhere.

Ending a conversation with the sentence "Ok, I will wait for your call" svcks anyway. Try to avoid it.

And I don't need 6 months away from women. It's a balance between being a man and being desperate. I'm trying to find this balance and I will make mistakes.

You don´t need 6 months away from women, but you need 6 months for yourself. Do sport, find hobbies, make friends, work on your financial background, get a (n interesting) life at first.

 

[zekko]

And I don't need 6 months away from women. It's a balance between being a man and being desperate. I'm trying to find this balance and I will make mistakes.

That's a very healthy attitude. You're right, it's all a learning process. Good for you, keep it up.

 

[AlmostThere!]

You're right, it's all a learning process.

I decided to call the girl I danced with last Friday, and then I ended up texting her after I got her voicemail. We haven't talked since Sunday, and even though she said she'll call in the middle of the week, I didn't think it was AFC to contact her. I won't mind waiting for a female to call me if I went on several dates with her, but since we're still in the VERY early process of getting to know each other, I need to keep the momentum going in the least neediest way possible.

Here's the text convo, after she didn't answer her phone. I purposely kept it short and didn't respond to her last message.

Me: Hey *****, call me. Hope you had a good week so far.
Her (2 mins later): Still at work
Me: Me too...came in late. We'll chat tonite....after 8. I gotta go shopping after work.
Her (2 mins later): I will call later might be staying at the hotel attached to my building due to the weather.

She responded very fast. She had a valid excuse (I remember her saying she may have to work late some days this week). And she said she'll call later.

The interest is definitely there. All I have to do now is get some positive emotions going through her during our phone call and make her feel even more comfortable with me. I'm sure if I do hang out with her this Saturday, I won't have to second guess her interest anymore.

 

[Alle_Gory]

You can't "make" her comfortable with you. It either happens or it doesn't. The best thing you can do is to make yourself comfortable.

The better you feel in your own skin and in your environment, the more comfortable and laid back you will seem to people and they will let their guard down.

 

[AlmostThere!]

You can't "make" her comfortable with you. It either happens or it doesn't. The best thing you can do is to make yourself comfortable.

The better you feel in your own skin and in your environment, the more comfortable and laid back you will seem to people and they will let their guard down.

Yeah, 'make' is the wrong word.

 

[Commandante]

I decided to call the girl I danced with last Friday, and then I ended up texting her

That´s exactly what I was talking about. You are a wussy and you fear being rejected, that´s why you always end up texting. If you really want to talk to her than call her after she finished work. If she wants to talk to you she will pick it up or will call you back. If she doesn´t, forget about her. She isn´t into you. It´s that simple.

And I don't need 6 months away from women. It's a balance between being a man and being desperate.

That's a very healthy attitude.

It´s my a$$! Balance between being a man and being desperate? WFT ist hat?

 

[zekko]

It´s my a$$! Balance between being a man and being desperate? WFT ist hat?

Okay, that's worded strangely, now that you point that out.

I took it to mean that when he initiates contact to set up a date he is being a man and a leader, but if he calls too often or too soon he can appear too eager or desperate. And that's where he wants to find that balance. He shouldn't be too rough on himself at this point, because he's just learning.