"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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you guys are wise and good hearted gentlemen and ladies

D

Dimebag_Darrell

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I was wondering what you guys think of this poem I'm going to express to my special female friend tomorrow..

I Couldn't Afford To Buy You A Present (So I Wrote You This Song)

I couldn't afford to buy you a present so I wrote you this song
I want all the lovers of the world to help me sing along
I'm only a simple man; I never made much money
But I've got a wealth of love to share with you honey

When I think of an angel I think of your face
I want to make sweet love to you by the fireplace
I want to be your architect of your castle of love
I'll never take for granted my gift from above

We'll take a ride through the foliage
Watch the leaves turn orange and brown
Woman, I never thought I'd say this
But I want to settle down

I wish we were on a deserted island
Just me and you
I'd climb right up a tree
And get a coconut for you
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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D

Dimebag_Darrell

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or would this one be more enthralling?

I Respect Your Feelings As A Woman And A Human

I was watering my rose garden and you walked by my place
I almost ran up to you in a lustful, unsensitive haste
I almost cried cause I acted so insensitive
But I wanted you to know about the feather-soft warmth I could give

I respect your feelings
I respect your gender
I respect your existence
I'll always be tender
Cause I respect your feelings
As a woman and a human

I'll be the pansy-growing gardener of our bouquet of love
A flower-wielding soldier with the grace of a dove
I'll love you all, heart, mind and soul, I'd never think of anything cheap
I'll read you some of my poems before you go to sleep

I respect your feelings
I respect your gender
I respect your existence
I'll always be tender
Cause I respect your feelings
As a woman and a human
 
D

Dimebag_Darrell

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thank you for your appraisal tis' very chivalrous indeed my handwritten lullabies.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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N

Nivek

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Originally posted by penkitten
wow
Click to expand...
quoted the top for truth

and this is a joke right??
 
C

California Love

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I like em, especially the first. Watch the syllables and flow at the end of the first and the beginning of the second and they'll be good.
 
C

CaptainMorgan

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beautiful.....just beautiful
 
K

Kidd

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Lol dimebag...
 
Michael Chief

Michael Chief

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...or you could just get straight to the point by cutting off your balls, putting them on a silver platter, and offering them to her saying, "Will you please take my balls? Please?"

You could write a poem or song about that.

Please take my balls
i cry every night
facing the walls
Ill be your hotdog
thrown into your hall

:D

Funny.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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W

wavejams007

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lol, grim.

Seriously, your songs are good, but especially cuz you made them up. They are original. Will you be playing the guitar to them, or what?
 
M

MetalFortress

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"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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W

wavejams007

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Metalfortress, you are right, and now I live to regret it. Grr.
 
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