Won't leave boyfriend?

[sexysuave]

Well, at least you know where you stand now. You can tell her that you've got plenty of friends and are not looking for new ones, and that if she was to ever hang out with you that you cannot promise her that you won't make sexual advances on her. That should do the trick lol.

In this situation it's best for you to get out though. You are invested way too much in somethign that's not panning out, not only can you NOT have this girl, because she has some chump bf that won't leave her regardless of her emotional cheating, but you also are not even getting any from her, and on top of all that, you LIKE her LOL.. it's just a bad situation overall, I recommend you just get out, NO benefits at all for you here..

Funny thing is, had you not waited so long to make a move on her, you probably would have had her. This is a mistake a lot of guys make, and once you don't proceed sexually withing at least the first couple of weeks (I usually do it MUCHHH sooner, and a lot of times right away lol), then she places you in this category of a "nice guy" and "relationship material", but then she becomes hesitant to put out. So then you have to wait like MONTHS. I've seen this happen sooo often. On the other hand, if you simply proceeded early, you would have got her and you would have been way more in control of the situation and whatever "relationship" you wanted to develop (I advised against one though .

Let that be a lesson for you next time. Don't wait this damn long to proceed to make a move on her, and get a place where you at least have a room and a bed!! Even back when I lived with folks, I would still bring girls over to my room. Of course, it's prefered to have your own place, and some girls at a certain age will object coming over if you're with parents, due for whatever reasons, but if you have roomates, I'm not sure why you couldn't bring her over and bang her in your room. You NEED to fix this living arangement or it's gonna hinder your future success also.

 

[cupraikso]

sexysuave, thank you so much for your advise. After a conversation with her I will say your assessment is 100% accurate, I could have banged her in the beginning. We're staying friends with benefits.

Also, something really funny happened. She somehow thinks that our holding hands, passionate kissing and touching does not constitute cheating for her, even though she thinks those things GENERALLY constitute cheating, why? because she doesn't feel like she's doing anything wrong. Her moral compass is totally feeling-based. I had read so many things here regarding that, but I had never heard it from a girl verbatim. It was very funny to hear her say that, to say the least.

Thank you all of you guys that have helped me with this matter. You are truly heros of some kind, saving people from ruining their lives.

Thanks again!

 

[cupraikso]

I'm hesitant on the no-contact thing. I go back and forth replying to her texts (although several hours afterwards), and we even hung out two times.

The situation basically boiled down to this: she can be a friend with "benefits" (although no sex), or I could just go no contact.

I don't know if the "benefits" part is good enough. It looks like it is: great conversations, fun times, making out, etc. However I feel like it might end soon because I might only be a novelty. However, I hate it when I see her picture of the boyfriend on her phone, she telling me "well, I have to hang out with my boyfriend at xx time."

I truly don't know what to do. Should I keep her just for good times without sex? or is there imminent danger lurking somewhere?

You must be thinking I'm a freaking idiot.

 

[sexysuave]

LOL, yes I do think you're an idiot. But hey, we've all been idiots at times, my self included.

Let her go dude; you're rationalizing that it's "ok" to stay friends with her while you clearly have a oneitis for this chick. You’re not getting any, you’re only gonna kick your self in the head more trying to “figure out the situation”. She also has a boyfriend that she is not leaving for you and made it quite clear to you.

This is just a no-win situation overall! LOL think about it. You’re in one of those worst possible situations you can have with a girl “friendzone with a girl you’re in love with.” Lol not saying that you’re in love with her, but you get the point. I think most guys have been in that position where they are good friends with a chick they eventually fall for, and for whatever reason they can’t have her. I always advise make a move, or get out. Look, it’s not worth your sanity to stay in a situation like that. I would rather not have the girl AT ALL then have her only “as a friend” and be obsessed with her. That’s about the worst situation you can have man. Staying in there just not to hurt her feelings or because you feel obligated to be her friend, is just a bad idea, this is that “nice guy thinking” that even though she doesn’t’ want you, you have to stay her friend. Fvck that man, just move on yo, you have plenty of friends, you don’t’ need to be friends with a chick you’re obsessed with. This is just bad for business in every sense man. It will hold you back from actually meeting chicks that are single and worth your time, or, I guess maybe even some slvts with boyfriends that actually give you some LOL just sayin.

Get out, you already made your moves (albeit very lateeeee), and you didn’t come through with the score. Chalk this one down as a loss and move on. Hell, change your damn number if it’s THAT hard to resist when she texts you. At least that way you won’t have to worry about giving in to temptation of writing her back.

Besides, my new rule is now whenever I get a new girlfriend that I become serious with, I change my number (I just make up a reason to tell ‘em, I don’t’ tell ‘em I’m worried about 20 other girls texting me while I’m with her lol). I’ve been busted in the past with old chicks that I used to full around with calling and texting and my girl at the time seeing these calls or texts. I had some girls that I haven’t seen for MONTHS, just send me a booty call or text out of nowhere and then it’s kinda tough to explain that you’re not actually seeing these girls anymore lol (“well why is she texting you NOW to hook up if you truly havent’ seen her or talked to her in almost a year” ummm yeah, kinda tough to explain that lol, “no clue babe, she’s crazy” but you know they still gonna have those doubts.)

A seed of doubt is all that’s required to ruin some trust in a relationship. As much as she may want to believe that the other girl hasn’t seen me in MONTHS or a YEAR, she probably will always have a LITTLE doubt, that maybe I railed that chick a few weeks ago and now she’s hollering lol. So many years back I just said to my self: when I get serious with a girl, I’ll change my number. This way I don’t’ have to worry about leaving my phone around anytime I get up to use the bathroom or fall asleep or do anything and then worry that some random broad is not gonna text me asking to hook up and my girlfriend see it. Lol. It’s just a piece of mind for me while I’m in a relationship. I’ve learned here the hard way, like I said.

So yeah, get out, and if you just CAN’T resist to writing her back, just change your damn number lol, it’s as simple as a 2 minute phone call

 

[cupraikso]

sexysuave, again, thank you for your thoughtful response.

That's true, I'm an idiot. Although the 'friendzone' thing isn't that clear-cut (since she always initiates, calls, gets physical, and we always have a make-out session), it's a no-relationship thing. The boyfriend will always be there.

She has made it clear "why is it so difficult for you to see me as a no-strings-attached thing"?. And she's right. We could be having fun, but in a corner of my mind I feel she's in complete control, because she's the one keeping the boyfriend.

It is hard to let go, since there's is a connection beyond the superficial; we understand each other. At least that's what I think.

I feel weak letting go because it means that "I couldn't handle her being in a relationship and taking everything lightly." I was the one that wanted something serious. I feel weak for wanting something serious. I feel like a total AFC.

But ok, so far I have 2 days of no contact. She has texted me 3 times, the last text saying "I'm worried, are you ok?". I'll keep it up.

 

[thedude4242]

you men who want women to leave their "husband" and "boyfriend" need to realize what is good for you and have fun with them and that is it. dont let your emotions take over like little girls.

you lucy guys have women throw it at you. I get once change and if I am not perfect I dont get anything.

tell her you want to have sex. the hell with hugging and kissing. fvck her.

 

[loveshogun]

Look at my signature.

If you were deaf, would you still be able to tell that this woman wants to bang?

If not, well... womp womp.

 

[HariPoter13]

lol you already lost this battle, i can smell it in your posts over the wire

P.S. dont even try fighting back, just surrender. things will get better with time

P.S.2. I read some more posts, and going no contact is the right way. But remember why your going NC. Also know that its perfectly ok if you drop her without any explanation; she was rude to you, you can be rude to her. Perfectly OK, tell yourself that.

 

[cupraikso]

lol you already lost this battle, i can smell it in your posts over the wire

P.S. dont even try fighting back, just surrender. things will get better with time

I wish it was that clear to me. It is not. That's why it's difficult. Like ... why does she never reject any physical advances? why do we always make out every time we meet?

Sex, however, is out of the question, at least in this situation.

 

[The_411]

I wish it was that clear to me. It is not. That's why it's difficult. Like ... why does she never reject any physical advances? why do we always make out every time we meet?

Sex, however, is out of the question, at least in this situation.

Cupraisko,

I psoted earlier about triangulation. This girl wants to keep you as an orbiter so she allows you physical advances to keep you hooked in otherwise why if you weren't interested in a friendship would you stick around?

It's pretty clear she needs to have some initimacy at all times and her persent boyfriend doesn't do that or not to the level she likes so seeks out additional attention from you.

You're the back-up option and the more you allow it to occur without putting your foot down the more she will do it and in the end she may leave her current boyfriend and move on a new guy and you'll still be that orbiter.

You should go no contact and focus on other women, life etc.

She's not showing herself to be a viable long term partner as she clearly doesn't seem to respect boundaries of what's acceptable for someone in a monagamous relationship so you should assume that she wouldn't respect them if she were to be in a relationship with you.

 

[cupraikso]

The_411,

That's what I suspected, but I needed to hear it from someone else.

Thanks a lot.

You just gave me the necessary strength to go on with no-contact.

 

[Tasshu]

Hey guys

Hello guys this is a old friend aha sorry

but this is so like my situation at the moment. Im going to make a new topic if any of you guys are still around could you possible comment in the topic?

Dan

 

[Kepler]

Hahah, in an ironic sense, allow me to post a reverse to this.
A 30 year old woman is in a relationship that has lasted 2 years (online) and her fiancée just moved in last year's end.
I am also a woman by the way and so is the fiancée.
I recently moved to my area.
After hanging out a few times together with the fiancée and her together, we decided to hang out normally. Where we grew closer. Over the passage of weeks things escalated to deep conversations about sexual fantasies and pictures.
Eventually after a month it lead to her cheating with me. She told the fiancée who told me to never talk to her again.
Regardless of what the fiancée said, she "blocks" me when they are together but "unblocks me" and texts all the time when they aren't. Complains that the fiancée is being too constricting on her.
When the fiancée is at work she will call wanting to come over.
She said that she wants to try to be friends but can't restrain herself from wanting to touch me, look at me, or look for loophole in ways that 'allow' her to contact or be with me in some physical manner.
She says she has never had a connection this deep before or a reciprocated attraction.
She feels that she's attached to her fiancée but says she can't give me up for the same reason.

Continually she tries to push me away but then pulls me back again.. It's painful but I've fallen for her. And so I find myself in the exact situation reversed.
These things seem to be....oddly common based off other threads I've read.
I'm stubborn enough to not give up and hope the fiancée finds out through her own means. Because the fiancée said if things were continued she would leave.

 

[Glassguy]

sexysuave, again, thank you for your thoughtful response.

That's true, I'm an idiot. Although the 'friendzone' thing isn't that clear-cut (since she always initiates, calls, gets physical, and we always have a make-out session), it's a no-relationship thing. The boyfriend will always be there.

She has made it clear "why is it so difficult for you to see me as a no-strings-attached thing"?. And she's right. We could be having fun, but in a corner of my mind I feel she's in complete control, because she's the one keeping the boyfriend.

It is hard to let go, since there's is a connection beyond the superficial; we understand each other. At least that's what I think.

I feel weak letting go because it means that "I couldn't handle her being in a relationship and taking everything lightly." I was the one that wanted something serious. I feel weak for wanting something serious. I feel like a total AFC.

But ok, so far I have 2 days of no contact. She has texted me 3 times, the last text saying "I'm worried, are you ok?". I'll keep it up.

I see this thing differently and this happens with passive men no matter what woman they are dealing with.

She was primed and ready to fvck. She wanted attention outside of her relationship and looking for a man to fulfill her needs. You didnt escalate which led to no sechs and she found no reason to stick around with you when she could get the same from her bf.

Any woman that lets you "mess around", making out, etc......she wants fvcked.

Next time get the job done or as you can see, someone else will. She wanted you to take charge and you didnt.

You basically friend zoned yourself.

 

[marmel75]

29 actually. She's like 6 years younger. No, no sex so far because I haven't actually pushed / tried going for it.

Dude what the fvck is this? Are you trying to fvck her or be her girlfriend. I don't know which guy is more AFC in this instance...OP or her boyfriend.

Can you two get together and figure out which one of you is going to act like a man with her?

Maybe you guys can flip a coin and the loser has to begrudgingly put on the man pants that day. My God, this is painful to read.

 

[Thorninmyside]

You guys are replying to a 6 year old thread.