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Women cant complete you. Kill the thirst

Pandora

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We all have a void in our heart. It is an existential dissatisfaction that exists throughout our entire life. Its that underlying feeling of being incomplete. It doesn't go away no matter how materially successful we become. Some fill it with religion, spirituality or philosophy. Most fill it with the opposite sex.

Men think that this tiny emptiness can be filled by the unconditional love of a female. There may be some element of Oedipus complex mixed in there also. We go from romantic encounter to romantic encounter ( some go from failed marriage to failed marriage) but It never works. Its only when we fill this void ourselves that we can truly be free.

Many of my friends who I thought were alpha have become slaves to their woman. None of my friends have killed their thirst. So their thirst is killing them. I didn't even know that this was the dynamic at play until I was forced to kill my thirst. Now I see how enslaved I was. When I try to explain freedom to the other slaves they look at me perplexed. They are truly addicted to vagina. One friend used to be the illest white boy charmer I knew. He could smash a nun if you give him enough time. Now....he is tolerating the antics of a BPD going on 3 yrs. My other friend is financially successful but all he talks about is women and how to sleep with more women. Ive known each of these guys for over 14 yrs. Now I just dont fit it. I dont want to fit in.
 

Pandora

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What forced you to kill it?
Being deprived of women forced me to kill it. Summer ended and my gf moved away. My ex stop smashing me too. I had no more plates. No more rotation. Going out to get girls was too daunting because I knew how time consuming it would be. After all its really a numbers game. I asked myself why am I doing this? I was like an addict. If I didn't have a women in my life I felt incomplete. But why? I had to dig deep inside my psyche and deal with some childhood issues. Validation issues.

Validation is the real reason most of us need a woman in our life. I used to think it was normal for men to chase skirts all the time. Our society brainwashes us to think that " any red blooded male" should be chasing women if he is single. Marketers do it, our schools do it and our movies do it. For most of human history it was the FEMALE who was happy to be with the male. She knew she was the liabilty and she acted like it.

Its not the sex that we need. You dont need that much sex. I used to think sex was a need. It isn't. Its like vitamin B12 you need it eventually but its not that serious. Its the validation/ filling of that void that we confuse with needing sex.

Basically picking up hobbies that I am obsessed with and being deprived of vagina killed my thirst. I felt more satisfaction from getting beat up on a mat all day than I ever did going on a date. I got more satisfaction running a couple miles or practicing guitar than I ever did chasing tail. I got more satisfaction smoking weed and reading new age stuff than I did dating. Basically martial arts, running and spirituality saved me.
 

Pandora

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On some level we are seeking unconditional love and acceptance. Much like our mother gave us. We are seeking a mother figure because a mother reflects God/ Source energies unconditional love. This is why romance feels so right in the moment. All humans deep down inside are just searching for unconditional acceptance (aka Love). Even the most atrocious pink haired feminist really just wants to be loved.

We get all butthurt when we find out that the female in our life will never love us unconditionally. We post on here about how after this many years of a relationship she cheated blah blah blah. But everything we were looking for is really inside us. This is where spirituality or philosophy comes into play. I choose the God/ Source energy route but to each his own.

Let me be clear I have not 100% killed my thirst but I am close. If a man doesn't kill his thirst he will always be seeking. This will make him miserable. Even if he finds this magical unicorn ( which he won't) he will cheat on her hoping this next vagina is the key. If I can only get that next vagina...then I will whole. Or if I can only gain my gfs unconditional love then I will be whole. Bro I am about 45 vaginas in and it didn't work lol.
 
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Pandora

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Look at the words we use to describe vagina. Black men say hey "ma". Spanish guys say "hey mami". Johnny Bravo type white dudes say " hey lil mama". Even broken women do it. They call you daddy in bed. Basically its all because we are trying to find unconditional love that our parents didn't give us. But no one can give you that. Only you can by digging deep inside. Okay....rant over for tonite. I will get off my soap box.
 

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Jack12345

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This has to do something with mother
Like if she never actually wanted you, but by manipulating her mind into the opposite she been able to trick your mind into thinking that this is true unconditional love, while what it really was is her fighting the demons within and you are actually out of the picture.

Not to blame the mother... this is life
Have to deal with it
 

Pan87

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Look at the words we use to describe vagina. Black men say hey "ma". Spanish guys say "hey mami". Johnny Bravo type white dudes say " hey lil mama". Even broken women do it. They call you daddy in bed. Basically its all because we are trying to find unconditional love that our parents didn't give us. But no one can give you that. Only you can by digging deep inside. Okay....rant over for tonite. I will get off my soap box.
You're not on a soapbox at all. This is essential "inner game" - making yourself your own mental point of origin, as Rollo would say.

Making women the focus of much of my life has been truly destructive for my own well being. I'm currently undergoing a similar transition to you. My identity has been entirely based on my success with women. I noticed that this was an endless black hole that couldn't be filled. No matter how many women I seduce, I am only satisfied with a temporary high. Once this high has worn off then I must roll the stone back up the hill again. It's all consuming. Other aspects of my life fell into decay - friendships, hobbies, relationship with my family. All take a back seat to the endless pursuit of women. I had to experience, like your alpha friend, Oneitis to a BPD girlfriend to realise that I was a slave to this addiction. It was like being under a spell that slowly eroded and weakened my spirit over the years.
 

samspade

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Suffering is caused by desire. Western-style consumerism feeds into this suffering by "creating" the need for material gain, sex, excess calories, and Disney love.

I think something more like "real love" can be achieved, but it involves more giving and less expecting to receive. At first that doesn't sound very "DJ" but it comes from acknowledging intrinsic value and sharing it.

Being in confinement for three months made me realize how un-thirsty I truly am.
 

mrgoodstuff

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This has to do something with mother
Like if she never actually wanted you, but by manipulating her mind into the opposite she been able to trick your mind into thinking that this is true unconditional love, while what it really was is her fighting the demons within and you are actually out of the picture.

Not to blame the mother... this is life
Have to deal with it
"The mother"?
 
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We all have a void in our heart. It is an existential dissatisfaction that exists throughout our entire life. Its that underlying feeling of being incomplete. It doesn't go away no matter how materially successful we become. Some fill it with religion, spirituality or philosophy. Most fill it with the opposite sex.

Men think that this tiny emptiness can be filled by the unconditional love of a female. There may be some element of Oedipus complex mixed in there also. We go from romantic encounter to romantic encounter ( some go from failed marriage to failed marriage) but It never works. Its only when we fill this void ourselves that we can truly be free.

Many of my friends who I thought were alpha have become slaves to their woman. None of my friends have killed their thirst. So their thirst is killing them. I didn't even know that this was the dynamic at play until I was forced to kill my thirst. Now I see how enslaved I was. When I try to explain freedom to the other slaves they look at me perplexed. They are truly addicted to vagina. One friend used to be the illest white boy charmer I knew. He could smash a nun if you give him enough time. Now....he is tolerating the antics of a BPD going on 3 yrs. My other friend is financially successful but all he talks about is women and how to sleep with more women. Ive known each of these guys for over 14 yrs. Now I just dont fit it. I dont want to fit in.
The desire for a woman is an attempt at resolving the existential death anxiety problem.

I will die --> I'm not immortal --> Does anything matter? --> What is the meaning of life? -->How do I attempt to resolve the dissonance of knowing i'll die, that im cosmically insignificant yet want to do things while I am alive?

It's the same reason money cant solve it and hat religion cant reliably solve it.

Camus would say the solution is to acknowledge the inherent absurdity of life and live in spite of in full knowledge of the absurdity.

It also is interesting cuz it breaks any hope in hell of living a conventional life.

Go to school? why, what does it matter?
have a wife? why, what does it matter?
have kids? why what does it matter?
have a traditional career arc? why?
 

Pandora

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Suffering is caused by desire. Western-style consumerism feeds into this suffering by "creating" the need for material gain, sex, excess calories, and Disney love.

I think something more like "real love" can be achieved, but it involves more giving and less expecting to receive. At first that doesn't sound very "DJ" but it comes from acknowledging intrinsic value and sharing it.

Being in confinement for three months made me realize how un-thirsty I truly am.
Exactly. Confinement is a much needed hard reset. After all my plates dried up I put myself in confinement. Now that I am "dating" again ( dating meaning hanging out with women again) I really do not care. I truly have a take it or leave it attitude. Back in my thirsty days it was a fake indifference. Now it is not fake. I truly am I like " bytch my life is just fine without you. As a matter of fact you will just cost me money and divert me from my hobbies. I hope you flake. " For whatever reason they can smell it. They can sniff out true indifference.

And your point about love is true. I guess thats why marriages dont work these days. No one wants to give more than they receive. That might be the key right there.
 

Jack12345

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"The mother"?
Yes

When nobody ever loved you
you dont know how to give love

Lennon said it way before me

So you try to compensate it by manipulating other people, in some cases your own children

And then your children grow up with a black hole within that would never be filled in, a routine

They cant love them selves because they dont feel like they worth it
 

Pandora

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You're not on a soapbox at all. This is essential "inner game" - making yourself your own mental point of origin, as Rollo would say.

Making women the focus of much of my life has been truly destructive for my own well being. I'm currently undergoing a similar transition to you. My identity has been entirely based on my success with women. I noticed that this was an endless black hole that couldn't be filled. No matter how many women I seduce, I am only satisfied with a temporary high. Once this high has worn off then I must roll the stone back up the hill again. It's all consuming. Other aspects of my life fell into decay - friendships, hobbies, relationship with my family. All take a back seat to the endless pursuit of women. I had to experience, like your alpha friend, Oneitis to a BPD girlfriend to realise that I was a slave to this addiction. It was like being under a spell that slowly eroded and weakened my spirit over the years.
Facts! Yeh man I totally relate. It was an endless black hole. Endless. You think after I smash this 8/10 then I will love me. While pursuing that 8/10 your life becomes miserable. Your mental state erodes. You have to deal with ridiculous mind games and your hobbies and friendships fall by the wayside. Then if you actually get that girl......you have now adopted a really expensive child. Congrats playa.

See you are wise. It only took you Oneitis to one BPD for you to see the light. My friend got hooked on two BPDs and still doesn't see the light. He married one. It was a horrible marriage and divorce. She was sleeping with half of the military base and tried to seduce me. He still didn't learn. Fast forward years later he is dating another BPD and he may marry her. Like WHAT!!!

A boss of mine just got divorced and is jumping right back into another relationship that may lead to marriage. Didn't even let the ink dry on his divorce papers yet. I got another friend who is a tough guy. Ex gang affiliated etc. Every other apsect of his life he is alpha...except when he finds a " good woman". Planning on marrying again even though he is divorced.
 

Pandora

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Yes

When nobody ever loved you
you dont know how to give love

Lennon said it way before me

So you try to compensate it by manipulating other people, in some cases your own children

And then your children grow up with a black hole within that would never be filled in, a routine

They cant love them selves because they dont feel like they worth it
This is why dealing with early childhood trauma is essential. Everyone has some. It effects your life in ways that you dont even notice. Inner game rests on this early childhood trauma.
 

Pandora

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I am not knocking the young guys who still have the thirst. I used to be the worst one. But in your mid to late 30's its gets kinda pathetic. At this age its time to start waking up. Again I am not being judgmental because I still have some thirst left to purge. But I am at least aware that this is an issue. Most grown jazz men (35+) are still unconscious of it.
 

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Pandora

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This is why if you like a woman 51% and she only likes you 49% then you will not get her. We never get those girls. Its unnatural for the man to be more invested in the girl. It only seems natural to us American men because we have been so heavily brainwashed. Deep in her core she knows that you are an aberration of the natural state.

You dont even have to be obviously thirsty. You can mask it well by using "game". Push and pull tactics. But you will ALWAYS give yourself away. Its very subtle and they can sniff it like a bloodhound.

Its not that girls inherently like criminals or bad boys ( they do but...). What really turns them on is the ability to protect them using violence, and more importantly the fierce indifference to the thirst. In reality a lot of bad boys are the most thirsty guys because they are willing to kill over a woman. Many guys in jail are there because a girl. But in the initial stages of the interaction the guy is too selfish to be thirsty.
 

LARaiders85

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Go to school? why, what does it matter?
have a wife? why, what does it matter?
have kids? why what does it matter?
have a traditional career arc? why?
I think most people have already gone to school and are in a traditional career arc and therefore that why is difficult to be satisfactorily answered without a wife and kids. That is the "why" we were programmed to answer. Otherwise why would you ever pursue a traditional career arc unless you actually enjoy money for its own sake(rare)?
 

LARaiders85

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Exactly. Confinement is a much needed hard reset. After all my plates dried up I put myself in confinement. Now that I am "dating" again ( dating meaning hanging out with women again) I really do not care. I truly have a take it or leave it attitude. Back in my thirsty days it was a fake indifference. Now it is not fake. I truly am I like " bytch my life is just fine without you. As a matter of fact you will just cost me money and divert me from my hobbies. I hope you flake. " For whatever reason they can smell it. They can sniff out true indifference.
Interesting. I would say as I got older I lost indifference because of the sense of lost time and seeing the dating market crash. My peak indifference would probably be 27yo when I had abundance, the market was fine, and I knew I still had my prime ahead of me. Of course, all of this is because I didn't let go of my desire.
 

AttackFormation

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For civilization to be created and maintained, and healthy psychologies retained, people have to act in ways other than their lizard brain animal urges. To go around and try to fvck everything in sight you don't need to be human, just an animal. We can also see that in the case of sex, a promiscuous free for all results in psychological damage mainly to women but some surely to men as well, and broken families from irresponsible behavior (infidelity, unplanned birth, bad parenting, abandonment) which creates cycles of dysfunction. Thus in mens' case a compulsive thirsting for sex with new women and an idealization of sexual "conquest" can be seen as a regression toward a more animal-like state of behavioral and social functioning.

It's higher functioning human behavior that maintains psychological health and civilization, which culminates in virtue being seen as its own reward (an ideal of higher functioning). In a healthy culture that kind of animal mindset would be regarded as unhealthy, and the behavior as irresponsible to women and potential children and socially destructive. But in an unhealthy culture that breaks down into compulsive, atomized, amoral hedonists... animal-like behavior will instead be idealized.

Maybe that's why you feel the void... because you feel a void of higher human functioning and aspiration. You feel a void because some part of you knows you are meant to be more than an animal, a kind of existentialism. I don't know, just something that might be interesting to think about.
 
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Lookatu

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In addition to validation or seeking unconditional love for some, it's like the ultimate addiction and drug too.
Unlike everything else in life that can be bought, love(real) and time are two things you can't buy no matter how much money you have. I also think some view it as a challenge more than a necessity(ego and validation). Anyone can pay a sugar baby or prostitute in having them fake love/desire you, but not everyone can get them to genuinely love/desire you. That's one of those seemingly unattainable goals for some no matter how hard they work at it because unlike most things in life, the amount of work you put in will not guarantee you an x amount of outcome. So for the people that do reach that goal, they want to do everything they can to hold onto it.
 
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