Woman's Point of View

[Nighthawk]

Rate yourself 1-10 for looks

 

[ketostix]

I did not describe the approaching male as "creepy" or "desperate". I said it's important that he not come off this way. These words do have meaning other than simple attraction: If a very attractive guy comes up to me, hits on me, and persists after I said "hey, no thanks", this could be creepy. I also have another fairly attractive male acquaintance who is, frankly, very often rude to girls and has trouble getting dates to all his frat parties. However, he continues to ask out girls who have turned him down, and has a crush on a new girl every week. This comes across as desperate.

Well you did say the approaching guy would be unsuccessful if he was "creepy" or "desperate". You called it a "dealbreaker". Which means he hadn't done anything to break the deal prior and there was still a deal to break prior. Then here you gave two reasonable examples of a guy being creepy or desperate, but these are different scenarios than a guy in the first example approaching with a compliment and you judging him "creepy" or "desperate" just from his appearance right away. You're bebopping and scattering around the real issue now, kind of like a few other female posters do on here btw, but I'm not going to push the issue because to your credit your reply was nice and feminine enough.

 

[ketostix]

2. Have you ever been making out on a bed and then hesitated?
If so, has any man ever:
a. Ignored you to go do something else?
b. Continued to nicely cuddle with the clothes on the rest of the night?
c. Shortly tried stripping you again?

Then what happened afterwards?
(Remember, NO ONE CARES what "would work" with you. We want to know what you actually did in the past. So if this situation never happened, never mind.)

Yes. And I've gotten all three responses from a man.
a. made me feel bad, like I did something wrong and I didn't want to make out with him again.
b. showed that he was a great guy and wasn't just there for sex.
c. showed that he was just there for sex. At least it's honest.

Then what happened afterwards?
(Remember, NO ONE CARES what "would work" with you. We want to know what you actually did in the past. So if this situation never happened, never mind.)

After (a) or (c) I pushed him to stop. After (b) I either went to sleep or started something with him later when I felt more comfortable.

If (a) stopped and ignored you, then how did you push him to stop? With (c) we don't recommend to keep pushing we recommend a variation of (b) basically roll over and ignore her (but not get angry which it souunds like (a) did). The guy that cuddle you all night wasn't necessarily a great guy not just there for sex, likely he was a chump and least honest of the 3.

 

[DonJuan11]

it sort of defeats the point of having a woman answer if you're just going to draw the same male conclusion as usual.

GOOD POINT

 

[Randallpink83]

this thread is totally like...

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a200/randyTTP/sharks.jpg


hahahaaha

 

[Brutus]

In Interviews with Dating Gurus DeAngelo had a a guest (I don't remember which one) who said there was a 19 year old girl who told him, "A woman's job is to try to control a man, and a man's job is to not let her." Based on my experience, this is dead on and is also aligned with the DJ wisdom.

Also, about Youtube clips. I just watched the first one and then had to stop, because otherwise I might start throwing up. What bothered me is the subtext that a man should constantly adapt to a woman.

So if she says to me "no", I have to first be a mind-reader and figure out whether it is a "real no" or "not right now no", and then do what she wants me to do (for example, talk some more so that she "gets more information" or that she "sees how am I gonna act" - so she rejects me to see how am I gonna take it - if this is not a blatant test then I don't know what it is.)

But DJism and real-world experience are teaching us that if you do what it appears she wants you to do, you're screwed, because she's in control. Furthermore, where is what *I* want? Most of the time when I listen/read women talking about man-female dynamics, it always have to be the her way. (I'm talking about first contacts, not long term relationships)

So if the guy is a second too early/too late, he will be rejected just because "she's not in the moment". Or, she gets a "he's creepy" vibe, and it's all over. Can you imagine the world if the guys would behave the same way? There would be no couples!

Like ketostix said, I think this is something that's in female subconscious and they don't really realize it. It's like women have a psychological blind spot about it. Also, many times women give advice that is great for long term relationship, but for the dating stage is contra productive. So to answer that lady's question about what do I do when I stroke her and she's unresponsive:

1. If we're in LTR, I will try to connect.
2. If we're together a couple of weeks, YES, I will go watch football.

What are your thoughts on the matter, Lexie?

 

[Phyzzle]

Thanks for those answers. When I'm faced with "last minute resistance" I usually try again - next week! So I think I agree with you.

Apparently, some girls will think you're a wimp for not pushing right away. But I think with most girls, you can just back off for a while.

BTW, I think you've never been successfully cold approached! That guy who talked to you in class was IN THE SAME CLASS, and thus not a totally random stranger.

What I wouldn't give to have a female classmate, a female co-worker, or to go to a conference and see a female. I haven't met a female through my career or education in 10+ years. So many spoiled sods on here don't realize how good they have it.

 

[Lexie]

1. have you ever been in a LTR and been emotionally attracted to another guy? if so..why do you think?

2. when you go out with your girls, majority of the time are you and your friends looking to hook up, or most of the time rather not be bothered?

3. do you personally prefer a guy to come up to you and be mr. smooth, or rather straight to the point?

4. have you ever fooled around with a guy in a relationship? if so why do you think?

1. Yes. I think attraction happens regardless of your "attachment" to another person. If you're unsatisfied in a relationship, I think your eyes are more likely to wander, but general attraction happens no matter what. You can appreciate a nice looking guy when you see him, and I have a flirty personality, so I do like just talking to guys - it's fun. But as for serious attraction, no. If I get to where the attraction reaches a certain point I make an effort to physically not put myself in a situation where I could allow those feelings to grow. It's a matter of being committed.

2. I think most girls who go out to bars in groups are there to check out the guys, but there may be the odd female in the group who just needs time with the girls. I don't know that I would go so far as to say they're looking to "hook up" though. Maybe just some dancing and flirting...

3. "Mr. Smooth"s tend to rub me the wrong way. I would prefer a direct "hey, I saw you from across the room and couldn't stop staring at you. Could I take you out for coffee tomorrow night?" to some line.

4. No. If you need to cheat you shouldn't be in the relationship.

 

[Lexie]

Rate yourself 1-10 for looks

I think I'm going to need a representative picture for each rating. And if I'm the one doing the rating, it's never going to be accurate. All girls will tell you they have "4-days" and "10-days". And then there's a matter of your personal tastes and my self-deprecation...

I know it sounds like it, but I promise I'm not trying to be evasive! To prove it, here are some stats:
height: 5'5.5"
weight: 108
hair: long (almost waist) dark brown, hints of red, know to change at any moment.
eyes: big, green or brown, depending on what I'm wearing

Overall, I think I've got a lot going for me and I'm cute. But I would be at a complete loss to give you a # rating, especially since I was totally the awkward kid all throughout high school and it takes a while to get rid of that mentality.

 

[Lexie]

Thanks for those answers. When I'm faced with "last minute resistance" I usually try again - next week! So I think I agree with you.

Apparently, some girls will think you're a wimp for not pushing right away. But I think with most girls, you can just back off for a while.

BTW, I think you've never been successfully cold approached! That guy who talked to you in class was IN THE SAME CLASS, and thus not a totally random stranger.

What I wouldn't give to have a female classmate, a female co-worker, or to go to a conference and see a female. I haven't met a female through my career or education in 10+ years. So many spoiled sods on here don't realize how good they have it.

I wouldn't ever think of a guy who doesn't push as a wimp. I would think he was one of the few males that knows how to listen. And that shows that he can put his wants on hold for a second and respect me.

You may be right, but it was the very first day of class. It probably helped his case that I was completely petrified and felt really out of place in the class.

Wow, what industry are you in?

 

[Lexie]

If (a) stopped and ignored you, then how did you push him to stop?
hmm, sorry, that was probably a brain fart.

With (c) we don't recommend to keep pushing we recommend a variation of (b) basically roll over and ignore her (but not get angry which it souunds like (a) did).

Wow, that's surprisingly great advice!

The guy that cuddle you all night wasn't necessarily a great guy not just there for sex, likely he was a chump and least honest of the 3.

Yes, you may have a point there...

...

 

[Lexie]

Like ketostix said, I think this is something that's in female subconscious and they don't really realize it. It's like women have a psychological blind spot about it. Also, many times women give advice that is great for long term relationship, but for the dating stage is contra productive. So to answer that lady's question about what do I do when I stroke her and she's unresponsive:

1. If we're in LTR, I will try to connect.
2. If we're together a couple of weeks, YES, I will go watch football.

What are your thoughts on the matter, Lexie?

Actually, yeah, I agree with your responses.

 

[Lexie]

Well you did say the approaching guy would be unsuccessful if he was "creepy" or "desperate". You called it a "dealbreaker". Which means he hadn't done anything to break the deal prior and there was still a deal to break prior. Then here you gave two reasonable examples of a guy being creepy or desperate, but these are different scenarios than a guy in the first example approaching with a compliment and you judging him "creepy" or "desperate" just from his appearance right away. You're bebopping and scattering around the real issue now, kind of like a few other female posters do on here btw, but I'm not going to push the issue because to your credit your reply was nice and feminine enough.

Lol, thanks. You're right, my 'creepy' example was a cold-approach, but the 'desperate' one wasn't. I'm not trying to bebop (lol, haven't heard that word in awhile), so I'll try to put it as simply as I can:

Almost everything depends on the "vibe" you get from a cold-approacher, but the fact is, his delivery, physique, dress, manner, tone of voice, eye-contact, smell, the location, and your mood all add up within a few seconds to tell you whether prolonging a conversation with this guy is good idea or not. Sometimes you're right, sometimes you're wrong. And there's always a deal to break whether one has been made or not.

Why a guy cold-approaches, he could do the same thing to the same girl on two different days and get conflicting responses. So yes, a lot is contingent on the guy making it work, but there are factors that are entirely out of their control. All a guy can do is what works for most girls most of the time, which for me, is respect (non-pushiness, no foul language, no eyeballing) and a friendly, casual manner.

 

[BlackJackal]

Well I dont have to many questions to ask. But I'm curious. Why do most women have a problem with a man who chooses to stay single? It's like they cant stand it..lol.

 

[Lexie]

Well I dont have to many questions to ask. But I'm curious. Why do most women have a problem with a man who chooses to stay single? It's like they cant stand it..lol.

I don't have a problem with it, mainly because I don't think guys should have problems with a girl wanting to stay single. I think problems arise here when you've got a couple that's been dating for a while and the girl wants to turn it into a relationship, while the guy might want to just keep it casual because he's dating around and doesn't want to get tied down. And then the girl's reaction would most likely be due to the fact that it really feels like a personal slap in the face like this guy is saying to you "hey, you're great to hang out with sometimes and I like you, but not enough to give up all other girls for you." It's a jealousy problem. She really likes the guy and want him to like her just as much.

I think this is why it's important to be up front about what you're wanting out of a relationship fairly early on in the dating process. If you just want to date around, but the girl you've been taking out wants a LTR, you've got to let her know ASAP that that's not what you're looking for and it's nothing personal about her, just where you're at in your life.

 

[iqqi]

I wouldn't ever think of a guy who doesn't push as a wimp. I would think he was one of the few males that knows how to listen.

It also show that he isn't desperate, or a slave to sex. Which is a huge turn on.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Jesus fook, 6 pages of posts all for an attention hor.

 

[Lexie]

Alright so here's my question. I know you don't like to refer to tests as "tests", but rather as "barriers", but either way what are your thoughts on them? I mean we have our own theory on why women throw out tests (basically testing to see if the man is really a man, or just an AFC in disguise), but I'm interested in what women are thinking when they throw out these tests. Do they even realize they're testing? Is it subconscious? Etc...

Welcome to the forum by the way.

Thanks for the welcome!

I do think that a lot of barriers are subconscious. Women don't sit around and talk about the test they threw out at this guy who tried to hit on them earlier, and somehow if it was something that was planned I'm pretty sure they would. Most of these barriers could probably be seen as some sort of defense mechanism, or a selection method to weed out males that don't pass, and, believe it or not, some of them are actually flirting. If you can keep your composure long enough for her to feel like you're an ok guy, she'll put down the barriers and you should be able to have a normal conversation. On the other hand, if you get rattled pretty easily, she may think you're not worth the trouble. So yeah, I guess that does sort of go along with your theory.

 

[Lexie]

Jesus fook, 6 pages of posts all for an attention hor.

You post the inflammatory response and I'm the "attention hor"? Please.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

You post the inflammatory response and I'm the "attention hor"? Please.

Yes, you are.