"The Kiss of Death Mistake"

You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?

Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.

One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.

Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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Woman turns down drinks idea, prefers coffee

M

mr. kennedy

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Long story short, grabbed the digits from a HB9 a few days ago at a happy hour event. We spoke for a good 20-30 minutes while my friend distracted her friend.

Texted her this evening to meet up for drinks tomorrow and she responded by saying she has a really long day tomorrow but we could meet up for coffee but not drinks afterwards around 9 PM. I know she drinks because when I initially met her she had a drink in her hand.

Is the coffee suggestion basically telling me she wants no escalation or am I reading too much into this?
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Fireballs

Fireballs

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It's such a turn off when girls do this. It's up to you but I wouldn't play into her frame..
 
E

EverSure75

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To me coffee implies a short date. Usually an hour tops. With drinks as you can imagine it can go on for hours.

I make the distinction with women I meet. Ones I'm feeling out to see if we click I invite for coffee in the day. If I liked her immediately on meeting I invite for drinks or dinner.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Serenity

Serenity

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She wouldn't go for anything if she didn't leave a chance for something to happen. Some girls just don't like dates with alcohol, things move too fast. She'll probably feel more comfortable with a coffee and not have to deal with a guy pushing on her for sex, while also having less self-control because of alcohol.

To many women who's not looking for just sex, going for drinks with a guy they just met is a dumb idea. We all know how that is supposed to go down and only some want it. The coffee is shorter too and they can leave early if they don't feel it's right, so just be cool and casual. If she stays after drinking her coffee for a while you're doing it right.
 
BeExcellent

BeExcellent

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Ok so do a coffee date, keep it shortish, shut it down early after you hang out a little while & take the opportunity to get to know her. You can build rapport & do kino at a coffee place - or go somewhere you can grab coffee & then go for a walk together.

The purpose of any sort of date is to enjoy yourself & the other person...and see if they warrant another date.

So keep it light, go hang out & see if you find her worth any additional time.
 
T

Trump

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mr. kennedy said:
Long story short, grabbed the digits from a HB9 a few days ago at a happy hour event. We spoke for a good 20-30 minutes while my friend distracted her friend.

Texted her this evening to meet up for drinks tomorrow and she responded by saying she has a really long day tomorrow but we could meet up for coffee but not drinks afterwards around 9 PM. I know she drinks because when I initially met her she had a drink in her hand.

Is the coffee suggestion basically telling me she wants no escalation or am I reading too much into this?
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You talked to a HB9 for 30 minutes at a happy hour event while your friend distracted her friend, and you didn't ask her out on a date? What were you talking to her about the entire time, the weather?

You were isolated, you were alone, she was flirting with you, you should have asked her out RIGHT THERE. Now 2 days later you been demoted from a guy who she could likely sleep with to a guy to a friend who she has coffee with.

Brutal.
 
Von

Von

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She said Yes

But she's not dtf

1 thing to do : You pick the best coffee place, you make her wanna see you again (for a date)
 
dustmuffin

dustmuffin

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I have screwed quite a few women on first date coffee dates.

Sit next to them apply kino and game as usual. Ask them over to see your pet, TV or whatever. Give them plausible deniability.

If it dosent work there is always a second date if you want.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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RangerMIke

RangerMIke

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Tell her she can drink whatever she wants, then name a place/time that serves coffee. But you need to have a drink, because otherwise you will lose your frame. You asked her out for drinks, you're drinking. She can do whatever she wants.
 
The Duke

The Duke

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I suspect she doesn't want to drink alcohol because she has low impulse control and it got her into past situations she regretted! ;-) Go to a place that has alcohol and coffee. You drink what you want, don't let a girl manipulate the situation for her best interest.
 
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22 Rules for Massive Success With Women
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