Woman seeking “connection”

[Sir FB]

Help me out here fellas. I’m about to go on an overnight with a previous lay. This is an out of town date. She says on the phone while arranging that she’s not necessarily looking for LTR but wants a depth of connection more than just casual sex. My first reaction is simp, and that I want that too. Keep in mind I’m pretty new to the game, but my question is. What is this connection that she seeks and that I want to give to her? Can you guys reframe this so that I can go into this more eyes open, not be needy or beta, but still meet both of our needs?

 

[lost_blackbird]

Sounds like she's DTF but needs to convince herself she isn't a sloot!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

To me the sex is always so much better when there is an actual connection. Not something that can be forced tho...it is either there or it isn't.

 

[MoMoses]

Help me out here fellas. I’m about to go on an overnight with a previous lay. This is an out of town date. She says on the phone while arranging that she’s not necessarily looking for LTR but wants a depth of connection more than just casual sex. My first reaction is simp, and that I want that too. Keep in mind I’m pretty new to the game, but my question is. What is this connection that she seeks and that I want to give to her? Can you guys reframe this so that I can go into this more eyes open, not be needy or beta, but still meet both of our needs?

She's not looking for a LTR but wants a depth of connection. Ok.. from my experience with other women:

1) She has learned that telling a guy she wants a LTR will lead her nowhere
2) She is telling the truth. She want to feel connected to a man to have sex with him. Woman aren't just after being penetrated (ow, I'm such a romantic!). They want the intimacy of sex.

Do not overthink this. She is still in the process of getting to know you, and vice versa. Just date her if you wanna date her. Do fun stuff together. Laugh together and then have sex together. There's your connection right there.

Trust me, the moment she starts to like you more and more you'll feel it. She'll start reaching out more and when the moment is there and she wants to be 'official' she'll bring it up in one way or another. Do not mention a relationship to her. Don't bring it up. Just tell her you like her company and tell her you let things happen as they come. This will put her mind at ease.

Two common mistakes men tend to make:
1) They go after a relationship way too fast. Before the girl has time to think things over and decide for herself that she wants to be in a relationship with the guy
2) They just go for the sex and fail to connect, fail to build report and therefor the girl starts thinking this will lead nowhere and she'll start pulling away

Just let things happen. Focus on giving her a good time and don't mention a relationship, but be caring and give her the connection she craves for. If she flat out asks you what you want you can answer: "I like you and like spending time with you. Let's not get into this relationship stuff right now". She'll wonder.. he clearly likes me, but isn't chasing the relationship. He's in no rush to pin me down in a LTR. You'll be a challenge and she'll feel the connection.

I repeated myself a few times, but you get what I mean, right?

edit: let me put it this way: let getting into a relationship be her idea! She'll love you for it. Never bring it up yourself. Never

 

[Lookatu]

"Connection", "Vibe", "Chemistry", etc. are all pretty much one in the same and used by various gals of various age groups.

It just means she doesn't want it all to be about sex as she said. Just be fun and interesting and keep it light.

 

[deadmasterx]

What is this connection that she seeks and that I want to give to her?

None of the guys will have the answer for this, I can assure you.

I believe that when she said that to you, what she wanted to say is "I'm getting comfortable with you, and I think I may be ready for taking things to the next level". At this point, I believe that the next level would be dating each other exclusively. Of course, you won't be the one bringing it up, keep open to new options.

Once she feels even more comfortable, she will surely bring this topic. She will feel more into you and won't date anyone else, expecting you to do the same (of course talking to you about that). Until she gives the sign, don't worry too much about that. What she said is just a proof that you're doing a good job on letting her comfortable with you, she respects you and love only grows where there's respect.

My tip for you is to not get stuck in this one woman before the right time. Which means, keep on dating and meeting other girls, exploring your options, do not stop your life for her. What she said can also be taken as a ****test to see if you're gonna get clingy and over invest on her, acting as if you're already her boyfriend. She surely doesn't want it to happen RIGHT NOW. Save the boyfriend act for later, when you can get official with her. For the time being, keep on living your life, meeting new people, dating her and other women that you feel like dating.

Keep in mind that she said that she like the way you are handling things (in a non direct way, of course), so you shouldn't change anything about your approach to her right now. Keep up with the great job.

 

[MoMoses]

I believe that when she said that to you, what she wanted to say is "I'm getting comfortable with you, and I think I may be ready for taking things to the next level". At this point, I believe that the next level would be dating each other exclusively. Of course, you won't be the one bringing it up, keep open to new options.

They had sex once. It would be strange if she was already looking for the next level.

Other than that I agree with almost everything you said.

 

[2Rocky]

I think Connection requires a little bit of vulnerability on your part. You can't be walled off and guarded.

Doesn't mean giving up your freedom, but more like living in the moment..

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Help me out here fellas. I’m about to go on an overnight with a previous lay. This is an out of town date. She says on the phone while arranging that she’s not necessarily looking for LTR but wants a depth of connection more than just casual sex. My first reaction is simp, and that I want that too. Keep in mind I’m pretty new to the game, but my question is. What is this connection that she seeks and that I want to give to her? Can you guys reframe this so that I can go into this more eyes open, not be needy or beta, but still meet both of our needs?

There is not much we can add, the advice and input that has been shared here by other members is pretty spot on.

The only thing we will add is, don't feel like a simp for wanting a connection as well. It is only human to crave that, and yes sex is actually much better when you are mentally connected, not just physically.

As other members have stated, do not overthink this and simply be present and enjoy as much as possible. Make it an exciting and fun experience for you to get to know her at a deeper level and don't be shy to have sex everywhere and anywhere. She wants that, too.

Continue doing what you are doing.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Focal core]

If you guys are meeting for s3x just pretending to have connection with her.. Dont get me wrong i doesnt mean to encouraging guys to manipulate women emotion.

True emotional connection with someone you just met is rare. Unless its an natural attaction from get go, forming foundation of a relationship.

 

[Sir FB]

Thanks everyone. Really helpful responses here. I wasn't really sure what to expect when joining this forum but so far I'm pleased with the thoughtfulness and spirit of helpfulness that I have encountered so far. Getting into dating at my age has been a frightening proposition and it really helps to have a supportive group (even if it is online) to guide me along the journey.

 

[bat soup]

Help me out here fellas. I’m about to go on an overnight with a previous lay. This is an out of town date. She says on the phone while arranging that she’s not necessarily looking for LTR but wants a depth of connection more than just casual sex. My first reaction is simp, and that I want that too. Keep in mind I’m pretty new to the game, but my question is. What is this connection that she seeks and that I want to give to her? Can you guys reframe this so that I can go into this more eyes open, not be needy or beta, but still meet both of our needs?

Give her a deep connection from behind.

 

[Lookatu]

Getting into dating at my age has been a frightening proposition and it really helps to have a supportive group (even if it is online) to guide me along the journey.

Sir FB, Welcome and I hope you can learn things here to save you some headaches, empower you and inspire you.
However try to just cherry pick various golden nuggets that will work for you and use them only as a guideline. Sometimes newbies fall into the trap of applying something as a strict formula and never grow, or adjust for their own specific conditions. I say this specifically as you may be dating older women and not everything will apply apples to apples in different age groups.