Help me out here fellas. I’m about to go on an overnight with a previous lay. This is an out of town date. She says on the phone while arranging that she’s not necessarily looking for LTR but wants a depth of connection more than just casual sex. My first reaction is simp, and that I want that too. Keep in mind I’m pretty new to the game, but my question is. What is this connection that she seeks and that I want to give to her? Can you guys reframe this so that I can go into this more eyes open, not be needy or beta, but still meet both of our needs?
She's not looking for a LTR but wants a depth of connection. Ok.. from my experience with other women:
1) She has learned that telling a guy she wants a LTR will lead her nowhere
2) She is telling the truth. She want to feel connected to a man to have sex with him. Woman aren't just after being penetrated (ow, I'm such a romantic!). They want the intimacy of sex.
Do not overthink this. She is still in the process of getting to know you, and vice versa. Just date her if you wanna date her. Do fun stuff together. Laugh together and then have sex together. There's your connection right there.
Trust me, the moment she starts to like you more and more you'll feel it. She'll start reaching out more and when the moment is there and she wants to be 'official' she'll bring it up in one way or another. Do not mention a relationship to her. Don't bring it up. Just tell her you like her company and tell her you let things happen as they come. This will put her mind at ease.
Two common mistakes men tend to make:
1) They go after a relationship way too fast. Before the girl has time to think things over and decide for herself that she wants to be in a relationship with the guy
2) They just go for the sex and fail to connect, fail to build report and therefor the girl starts thinking this will lead nowhere and she'll start pulling away
Just let things happen. Focus on giving her a good time and don't mention a relationship, but be caring and give her the connection she craves for. If she flat out asks you what you want you can answer: "I like you and like spending time with you. Let's not get into this relationship stuff right now". She'll wonder.. he clearly likes me, but isn't chasing the relationship. He's in no rush to pin me down in a LTR. You'll be a challenge and she'll feel the connection.
I repeated myself a few times, but you get what I mean, right?
edit: let me put it this way: let getting into a relationship be her idea! She'll love you for it. Never bring it up yourself. Never