Woman confesses she no longer loves BF after finding out he was raped

[mrgoodstuff]

As was said earlier, she's not judging, she's just admittedly not attracted to him. It's not something you can force or choose.

I think everyone has a right and an obligation to worry about herself. It doesn't mean she's immature or lacks empathy. At 20 she's mature enough to recognize that relationships work best when each party derives genuine happiness from them. If she is just sucking it up to please him and others it won't work. Her doubt is only over what others will think (e.g. her friend). It wouldn't be fair to this guy if she stayed with him for appearances or shame from others.

I DO think she could give it a few more months and then she how she feels, since the erectile dysfunction and confidence issue may have been because of his fear to disclose. But she still would have to be true to herself.

The guy also "just started" seeing a therapist so I think he's got some progress to make.

Good at sex but an entire week and a half difficulty performing. I wonder if he told her a week and a half ago and HER energy changed. Causing him not to be aroused.

 

[BeExcellent]

As was said earlier, she's not judging, she's just admittedly not attracted to him. It's not something you can force or choose.

I think everyone has a right and an obligation to worry about herself. It doesn't mean she's immature or lacks empathy. At 20 she's mature enough to recognize that relationships work best when each party derives genuine happiness from them. If she is just sucking it up to please him and others it won't work. Her doubt is only over what others will think (e.g. her friend). It wouldn't be fair to this guy if she stayed with him for appearances or shame from others.

I DO think she could give it a few more months and then she how she feels, since the erectile dysfunction and confidence issue may have been because of his fear to disclose. But she still would have to be true to herself.

The guy also "just started" seeing a therapist so I think he's got some progress to make.

Agreed. I’m with you in that the reasonable course of action would be to wait a bit & see. And she should be true to herself as well. Thing is with women as we all know...emotions can be irrational. It can be difficult to behave rationally in the situation. But it’s also true you cannot negotiate desire...however desire ebbs and flows over time in a LTR as well. This couple may be too young & inexperienced to know that.

 

[samspade]

Thing is with women as we all know...emotions can be irrational. It can be difficult to behave rationally in the situation.

I think this is true of both sexes. Emotions aren't rational. Decisions should be made in a rational state, but emotions should be heeded. My M.O. is always to listen to my gut, then wait til I've cooled down (if necessary) to choose a course of action.

The big gap between the sexes is that women often act impulsively and emotionally, whereas men overthink things and don't listen to their guts. If men and women would just follow the process of 1) listen to gut/heart and 2) make decision with a cool head, we'd avoid a lot of bad decisions. This is why the "what do you want, 3-2-1-go!" question and the list of pros/cons are both helpful.

 

[Mike32ct]

If she found out that a female did something inappropriate to him, I’m willing to bet that she would let it go. But since the person that did this to him was male, she considers him “tainted” because of the same sex nature of what happened.

Add in the vulnerability he showed, plus ED, and it’s total game over for him with her.

 

[Who Dares Win]

If she found out that a female did something inappropriate to him, I’m willing to bet that she would let it go. But since the person that did this to him was male, she considers him “tainted” because of the same sex nature of what happened.

Add in the vulnerability he showed, plus ED, and it’s total game over for him with her.

Perfect analysis, if that was his stepsister to suck his d1ck he would probably even score points.

 

[Mike32ct]

if that was his stepsister to suck his d1ck he would probably even score points.

Exactly my thoughts

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Agreed. I’m with you in that the reasonable course of action would be to wait a bit & see. And she should be true to herself as well. Thing is with women as we all know...emotions can be irrational. It can be difficult to behave rationally in the situation. But it’s also true you cannot negotiate desire...however desire ebbs and flows over time in a LTR as well. This couple may be too young & inexperienced to know that.

Alot of females like guys in gangs or whove been to prison. And some of those men were raped, others were raped and in turn raped other men. These are men chock full of masculinity and dominance.

Perfect analysis, if that was his stepsister to suck his d1ck he would probably even score points.

So if his step sister "raped" him by giving him head then it's "cool"?

 

[Who Dares Win]

So if his step sister "raped" him by giving him head then it's "cool"?

You dont fight womens logic bro.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You dont fight womens logic bro.

Your right about that

 

[zekko]

So if his step sister "raped" him by giving him head then it's "cool"?

Hey, the step siblings got together in Clueless, and nobody raised a stink about it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hey, the step siblings got together in Clueless, and nobody raised a stink about it.

"step" siblings mean you share the same biological mother or father, right?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

No. That's a half sibling. A step sibling is the child from a step parent's prior marriage.

So no "blood" relation? I could see some little kids playing around like that because they don't know better, but as teens and up, not a good look.

 

[zekko]

"step" siblings mean you share the same biological mother or father, right?

No, I think that's a half brother or half sister.
A step is if like if your dad marries a new wife and she already has her own kids.

Edited to say:
I see someone already answered this, so I'll add this:
On the Flash TV show, Iris' dad adopted Barry (the Flash) when he was a child. And when they grew up, Barry married Iris.
Not quite the same thing, but kind of weird. Sort of like marrying a virtual sister, but no blood relation.

 

[redskinsfan92]

It is best for his sake that she leave him. If she can't last one rough week then it's not going to work well longterm.

On another note, a few secrets are going to my grave. No, I was not molested.

 

[Scars]

Damn, I haven't been on SoSuave for a couple days.. I wasn't expecting this thread to get this much attention. A lot of people making some great points.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Your girlfriend/wife is not your psychiatrist and your bedroom is not a confessional. If more men would remember that, then they'd be a lot happier.

Its true.
Like, if you can't say it on a first date don't say it 200 dates in. Give somebody a heads up you are healing from trauma on the first date. Its the rational, polite thing to do

 

[Lynx nkaf]

It should be carved in stone, somewhere, that keeping your mouth shut is responsible for more long-term happiness than confession.

I completely agree. A man can get more assistance from a psychologist than his woman. Maybe even if she's experienced the trauma or she has that extremely kind and nurturing type of personality and he THINKS she can help him better than a psychologist...guess what?
The trained, third party doctor is the best route. Don't like that doctor? Get a new one, even if you have to travel far for appointments.
Burdening others when they don't have the training or skills to help you heal.....how is that nice?

 

[Georgepithyou]

Does This woman have no heart? What a legit psychopath

 

[zekko]

Your girlfriend/wife is not your psychiatrist and your bedroom is not a confessional. If more men would remember that, then they'd be a lot happier.

There simply isn't any benefit for a man to knowingly expose his weaknesses like that.