Windy City Chronicles 3: Approach/Dating journal

[PeasantPlayer]

I've been a hermitlately, outside of playing basketball

 

[macallik]

Heading home from a bachelor party getaway with the fellas. During the trip I didn't talk to nearly as many girls as I should have but on the last night, I did have a girl that I was texting back and forth who called to come over and fool around. Unfortunately it was an hour before my flight and she still had to shower and sh!t. I've been pushing the envelope a bit more in terms of inviting girls back to get the D. I had not had any real success in the past +1 month of doing it, and ironically, the time when a girl is DTF and my schedule gets in the way haha. C'est la vie. The girl said she was planning to visit my city later in the month. I am not holding my breath that things will pan out but I will update if things happen.

Looking back, although I got closer to getting a sexual encounter with the girl, I made quite a few mistakes throughout my trip which all contributed to me not getting laid. I know that the missteps and lack of foresight occurred because I am out-of-practice and so I am going to set up some structured time on a consistent basis to get out there and work on my game.

In addition to that, I might implement a rule as well such as no clubbing until I do X amount of approaches. I am definitely proud of how far I have come in general, but I am pretty confident that I can do better. Also, I am in the gym and working on bulking up, so if I manage to return to good form, and then on top of that have a new and improved body, I think I can really do some damage in these streets.

I want to have more women in my life to spice things up a bit, but at the same time, I can acknowledge that I have been burnt out previously where I am indifferent about chasing women. I do not have that feeling right now, so I want to take action and make moves.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

How did you manage to keep things cool with weather so F'd up in Chicago? Yesterday was a rollercoaster ride, there was snow, rain, wind and sun and the temps in the 30's, how does this affect your game?

weather app? lol, just prepare. I go out at night if I do

 

[macallik]

How did you manage to keep things cool with weather so F'd up in Chicago? Yesterday was a rollercoaster ride, there was snow, rain, wind and sun and the temps in the 30's, how does this affect your game?

Days like Saturday don't happen too often. Keeping an eye on the weather forecast is a necessity in Chicago though, especially during turning points of the season. Once we get into spring, we get a few warm days to lull you into a false sense of security and then the weather drops 30 degrees the next day (or in the same day) lol

 

[macallik]

Speaking of bad weather, I went to a networking event today even though it was raining. Was under-dressed and in my head and I ended up leaving early but it felt good to force myself to get out of the house instead of using the rain as a cop out.

In terms of females, I have been using dating apps since returned from the bachelor party. Mentally I dislike the idea of a girl opening her inbox and seeing +15 messages and I am just a number, but I am giving it another shot. I just want to remind myself that I am using it to supplement my day/night game. I like the randomness of walking into a bar/street and meeting a girl more than just swiping until you find a girl who will listen to you spit game.

As for the dating apps. So far I have talked to one girl in college for a few hours and texted back and forth. Very cute and smart but lives like an hour away so I am not holding my breath really. There have been quite a few other girls that are interested in me but don't respond to messages. What can ya do.

 

[macallik]

Deleted the dating apps. Never was my cup of tea personally.

I think that the main thing I have to get used to again is rejection. I am like a boxer who hasn't been in the ring for a while. Once I get hit a few times I can find my groove, but right now, I am approaching the dating scene as if I can make it out without my fair share of rejections. This is not how the game goes.

 

[macallik]

Last week in Review:
Last week Sunday I went to a party and got three numbers and a solid makeout.

This past Friday, I had a drinks with a girl I #-closed prior to deleting the dating apps. It went well conversation-wise. Invited her back to my place to watch a movie but she declined. Still got an unsolicited 'I got home safe and enjoyed myself' text afterwards.

On Saturday, I went to a party and got two phone numbers and a brief makeout.

Today, I am scheduled to have drinks with this suburban girl I got a number from a while ago and recently messaged on Facebook to see how she was doing.

Next weekend, I am scheduled to visit (and likely spend the night with) a college chick that I #-closed on a dating app before I deleted the app.

Thoughts
My recent push back into the scene has been a confidence booster for me but there have been some learning lessons built in as well. On the one hand, it feels good to start rebuilding my options back right in time for the warmer weather here in Chicago. I like that I feel like I am proactively going out there and positively affecting my dating life.

On the other hand, it is an adjustment remembering that these girls have varying levels of interest and are pretty much indifferent about my feelings until they fall for me. Lately, outside of failed attempts at one-night stands, I have been dealing primarily with high quality plates that I have rapport with, so I am guilty of trying to hold strangers to the same expectations as more trusted and true individuals in my life.

Life doesn't work that way and so I shouldn't expect extremely sincere gestures of interest/attraction/respect until they catch feelings. Flakes are par for the course, long wait times between texts are par for the course, them dating other guys are par for the course. These things come with the territory with brand-new women in your life, so I need to remember not to take it personally or to use these things as signs that a female isn't interested necessarily. It is my job to make them interested and show why I am a valuable asset to their life.

Additionally, as I am getting more plates, I am starting to pull back a little when it comes to chasing. I feel like I bring value to the relationships I enter, but at the same time, there is a right way to show interest and a way that insinuates that you have no value.

 

[macallik]

Nothing too eventful in the date yesterday. Decent date but not super-attracted to the girl in retrospect. Additionally she was kinda quiet/shy and didn't drink half of the drink she had so I figured she wasn't about that life. I invited her back to my place to charge her phone but even there, I didn't get the vibe that it was going anywhere so didn't make any type of move. Might stick her in the friendzone. We will see how things play out.

 

[macallik]

Lisa
Went out for drinks Wednesday with Lisa, the girl I made out with at a day party two Sundays ago. Not much kino but decent conversation. Ironically we started talking about dating and prospects and she said that she got a number from another guy the same night she met me and that she tried to set up a date with him and he flaked on her. She didn't do anything that forward with me, smh lol. Well I still ended up hanging out with her and going on a date, but it served as a reminder that as my game gets tighter, it will be easier and easier to follow up with them.

Anyways we had a few drinks and discussed a wide array of topics. Towards the end she was definitely qualifying herself more to me, asking what I thought of her and telling me all the reasons that she would be a good woman. Not interested in much other than sex with her so I need to work on making that more explicit I suppose. I texted her today but no response.

Brigitte
I semi-made out with her last weekend. Has been hard to get a hold of her since then. Invited her for drinks via text and she never responded. Called her earlier today and left a voicemail to which she never responded. Going to have to put her on the backburner and get some more plates from the sound of things.

Yesterday/Today
Today I was scheduled to go to the 'burbs and hang out with a college chick. Yesterday though she texted me asking if I was going to pay for her if we went out for dinner. This is one of those instances where my ego got in the way of my d!ck. Personally, I don't have any major qualms paying for food/drinks when the bill comes if the woman is quality, and she seemed like quality. However, I found it of poor taste to literally ask if I am paying before we even get to the restaurant. I told her that in as many words.

Today she said she didn't like how I spoke to her and said she wants to reschedule. I asked her if she wanted to talk over the phone before we canceled and she declined so I counter-offered with basically ending things right there. We agreed and I deleted her number

Thoughts
Previously I've had girls assume that I was going to pay for a date, but I've never had a girl come right out and ask. It was a red flag personally but outside of that one comment she made, she came across as quality. Since she lives out of town and we wouldn't be seeing each other on a regular basis anyways, I could've just sucked it up and went for it in the expectation that I was getting some action later that night (I was scheduled to sleep over). Showed a lack of foresight there on my part. Won the battle but lost the war. Oh well, plenty of other fish in the sea and I have a few in my nets that I am working on anyways.

 

[macallik]

Chanel: Met her on a dating app about two weeks ago. We went out for drinks and then I invited her back to my place and she declined. Since then we went on a movie date and then watched a movie at my crib. At my crib we made out slightly but she cut the makeout short. I definitely dragged my feet and was in my head too much as I made out with her right when she was getting ready to leave. Will have to work on that in the future.

Went out Friday (it was uneventful) and Saturday (grabbed one number). I have a coffee date lined up tomorrow with the number I got. She is 36, taller than me and I think she has a kid. I don't have high hopes of it going anywhere physically but at worst it is good practice, and at best it is a chance to eliminate some self-limiting ideas.

 

[macallik]

Nothing new to report. Grabbed a number last night at an event but she told me to only call her for business so I deleted that number pretty quickly.

Sometimes reading SoSuave is the easiest way to remind myself how clueless/insecure/bitter a lot of the competition is. Good God this place can be a sh!tshow with the misogyny and machismo.

 

[macallik]

Chanel
I have gone on a few more dates with Chanel. She is one of the highest quality new plate I've had in quite some time. We talk about current events, race, politics, whatever. Usually we go out and/or head to my place and makeout for a bit. No sex yet, but it is going down very soon so I am not sweating it.

She is probably the most dependable plate that I have right now and so coincidentally, I have the least to say about her.

Amanda
I was at the club a few weeks ago and bumped into a girl who was interested. Turns out that we matched on Tinder but she didn't like my conversation and bailed. I have no recollection of this happening but I usually don't remember names or faces unless we have a sincere connection so I was pretty indifferent about our previous interaction. We flirted for most of the night and then I kissed her and got her number.

The next day I am scheduled to go to a party but my plans falls through. Amanda had mentioned a party she was going to so I head there instead with my guy friend. Meeting up with Amanda, she is there with a bunch of (gay) guy friends that are doing their own thing, so basically me and my male friend are there just talking to her. She is overly flirtatious with my male friend which kinda throws me for a loop. Lots of touching and conversations. In the past I may have blown up or called her out on it but we are all adults and she is free to make her own choices. Normally I characterize women as being high quality or low quality but I feel like that is a bit judgmental, so the best way to put it is that she was displaying traits that were incompatible with what I am looking for long term.

I push through that awkwardness and I go to the dancefloor to try and find some new women. Amanda follows and we end up dancing together, then making out and then she starts giving me that look so I take her back to my place. At my place we have some more drinks and and watching tv. Things are going well at first and then she starts talking about how she doesn't understand what I see in her and that she is damaged. Then she starts crying.

Being the amazing stand up guy I am, I get her some tissues and console her. Then one thing leads to another and we have sex. That is all well and good but she then proceeds to fall asleep in my bed for like 8 hours straight. The next morning, things were super weird and awkward. I was purposefully distant because I didn't want her to mistake my kindness for long term commitment. Prior to us having sex the night before, she showed me 50 shades of instability. In retrospect, looking at her actions at the club and her approach in general, I can see that there were other red flags that suggested potential abuse or mental instability.

Eventually she gets the hint and leaves. She texts me about how awkward it was and I explain that I didn't want to give the wrong impression and reiterate that I am not looking for a relationship. It takes her 3 days to respond, and she basically says she understands.

A week or two later I bump into her at the club. We dance for a bit, kiss and then I invite her back to my place. She is halfway out the door before she says that she can't hang out. The next day she texts me and says that we want different things and shouldn't hang out anymore.

Yesterday, I insinuate that we should kick it. She is non-committal. By typing this up, I am realizing that this is not the right move to make and I need to let her fall by the wayside. I probably shouldn't do anything with her, but I definitely should not give any impression that I am chasing her. If I bump into her at the club, I can try and smash again but she is too unstable to purposefully orchestrate a hangout.

Lisa
Previously I texted her and she never responded. I texted her again recently and she responded and seemed pretty high interest. I invited her to a party I was going to. When she arrived I went to say hello but she was talking to another dude so I just focused on getting numbers for the rest of the night. Afterwards I told her to hit my line if she was in my neighborhood afterwards. She never did.

The next day she asks if there are any day parties going on. I give her a few suggestions. She asks me if I am going to any of the parties and I tell her no, I have a date (with Amanda). She insinuates that she is sad that I have a date. She tells me that she will be in my neighborhood if my date goes south and I want to hang out. I throw out a feeler text in the middle of my date and she tells me she is no longer in my neighborhood. After my date has ended, I send her a text saying to pop by and say hello if she ends up in my neighborhood. She never responds.

So far with Lisa, we hung out once and the conversation flowed but she is not someone I am compatible with mentally. Physically I like her body though and so I need to focus more on kino and sexuality if/when we hang out again. She insinuated that she wanted to go out on a 'real date' with me soon which seems counterintuitive since I have made it clear that I am not interested in dating her exclusively. I have to mentally figure out whether a 'real date' is giving her the wrong impression or whether I can do fun dates without any expectations. I am leaning towards the latter but I need to figure out what this date will be still.

Overall
This is going to be a bumpy year. I don't discuss it in my online journals but I have had two main high quality plates for +3 years. They are both falling apart at the same time. One is moving to a different state and the other is no longer compatible with me. I have grown so accustomed to having them in my life that it feels like my security blanket is being removed.

I envision that it will be a bit tougher for me mentally, specifically when going dealing with rejection and insecurities, but one potential positive side effect is that I will feel the need to go out and find some high quality plates to spin.

 

[marmel75]

Your lack of escalation on these dates is preventing you from getting laid.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

I gamed this Mexican chick last night, seeing her eye boning so I grabbed her had a conversation for about 5 minutes made her laugh. Then she went back to her friends, at the corner of the bar. I rotated around looking for other females to talk to, later that night she grabbed me and said lets dance, we danced and the AFC dude she was with (he might of been gay?) was like i'm leaving so she said nice dancing with you....

more like grinding I say cool, what's your number and then she was thinking about it as her friends were walking out the door and was like no, and ran out.

Thing is I know I have this, she frequents the bar I go to and she wants me so bad I'm scared one night we might go back to my place and I wouldn't even strap it up. She is giving me that freak vibe, she is always googly eye staring at me when she's at the bar she's in the palm of my hand. I'll let her throw out a few more poop test then I will bang her

 

[macallik]

Your lack of escalation on these dates is preventing you from getting laid.

Fvcked Amanda the first wknd we hung out but thanks for dropping a line.

 

[marmel75]

Fvcked Amanda the first wknd we hung out but thanks for dropping a line.

One out of how many tho? Your goal is to increase your ratio...you should be working towards banging 1 in every 3 or 4 women you go on a date with.

 

[macallik]

One out of how many tho? Your goal is to increase your ratio...you should be working towards banging 1 in every 3 or 4 women you go on a date with.

That is what I'm batting give or take a few. Read the previous page.

 

[Mot1veProgress]

That is what I'm batting give or take a few. Read the previous page.

Hey, whats going on? Fellow Windy City bro here. 24 yrs of age. Would love to go out with ya sometime and play the game a bit.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Damn lots of Chicago people in here....nice

 

[macallik]

Hey, whats going on? Fellow Windy City bro here. 24 yrs of age. Would love to go out with ya sometime and play the game a bit.

Shoot me a PM and we can talk