There is so much there that it’s hard to pin one thing down as “cause”.
First off I want to say that your situation is far more common than you think. In fact, it’s rampant.
I’m going to tell you a truth that I think you should hear.
“She never loved you in any way that you consider what love is.”
As you pointed out, things she does for other men she’s never done for you. And she never will. Ever.
You have NEVER received her best level of intimacy. Not once.
I think you needed to hear that. Now, this is amazingly common.
People think that women marry up in all cases. I have never believed this. By her making more money she can execute more authority over you. But you are still “the provider”. How are you the provider? Emotional. Taking care of the kids. Being the responsible one. Holding the whole thing together.
Then there’s threat if you leave. See, if you leave, who’s going to hold the whole thing together? Her?
This will severely cut into her “playtime” with men.
At some level you already know these things but don’t want to admit it. There are plenty of men at one time or another in her life.
You can’t win this game, but you are trapped. Boy do I understand your situation. I can see it clearly.
You have been programmed to be just what’s she’s using you for. From birth until now. You were set up to fail in just this way from birth. If your mom raised you, she set it in granite stone.
Do you want freed from the feminine matrix?