Wife cheated on me....need advice.

[Glassguy]

I've got several women on the side right now so I'm in no fog and I need no wakeup. It was painful over the last few years, but I'm not losing sleep over it anymore. She makes more than 2x as much as me so I'm not worried about paying child support. I'm also not worried about an STD aa I called all her male friends and outed her, not to mention she has absolutely no privacy now. I'm leaving in a controlled manner and on my terms.

Total BETA move calling all the guys she's been fvcking. A man would have left.

I bet they all said one thing to you, all the while they are still beating her pvssy up and she's taking them down the hatch. Good luck dude. You're gonna need it.

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

 

[The_Real_Batman]

Did you guys even listen to what I said? I have $20k in personal CC debt. I talked to a divorce attorney who said that they want a $10k retainer up front, and that I HAVE to get the CC bills paid off before I file. I don't need rash advice like "leave now", "you're a total beta", "grow a pair", etc. Tell me how to file, where to I get $20k for the CC bills, and $10k minimum for an amicable divorce? Where do I move, considering the town I live in is very expensive, it has no apartments, and I don't want to take my kids out of the schools? Do you suggest I abandon the house and leave her the equity, furniture, etc? I'm the better parent as far as the kids, and my disabled daughter is anxious when I'm not around, so do you suggest I walk out on her, or do I take her and risk custodial interference?

Don't insult someone going through a difficult time, instead give me practical advice if you're really a "Senior Don Juan". My daughter just had a meltdown and attacked me this morning for 30 minutes. Have any of you "experts" dealt with a similar situation while going through a divorce? My wife doesn't even matter anymore and any efforts to insult me are counterproductive, as I'm barely treading water just trying to take care of my kids. I'm not arguing with people who are just trying to fire me up in order to entertain themselves.

 

[The_Real_Batman]

I'm starting a Gofundme page, and I'll post the link later. I'd appreciate any donations.....

 

[The_Real_Batman]

gofundme.com/help-me-take-care-of-brooke-and-chr

 

[samspade]

Is your divorce truly "amicable" as you said? I haven't read through the whole thread. If it is, don't waste money on an attorney. There are paralegals and other professionals who work in the legal industry, and know all the paperwork to file. The only caveat is they cannot give you legal advice, just file the papers for a no-fault divorce. I live in NYC and it cost me around $500 to get this done, hassle-free. Attorneys will bleed you dry, they love divorce.

This may not sound very practical, but it's better to wash your hands of things than to get entrenched in warfare. I don't know what the situation is with your kids or property. But if you can find a way to split things down the middle without lawyers, do that. If you want to be free of this woman, paying for a lawyer will only ensure that you are entangled with her for God knows how long while they pit you against each other. Maybe that's a necessity for custody (I didn't have kids) or property, I don't know. I'm just offering a simple perspective: Find the most efficient way to free yourself. You can always make more money.

 

[Glassguy]

Did you guys even listen to what I said? I have $20k in personal CC debt. I talked to a divorce attorney who said that they want a $10k retainer up front, and that I HAVE to get the CC bills paid off before I file. I don't need rash advice like "leave now", "you're a total beta", "grow a pair", etc. Tell me how to file, where to I get $20k for the CC bills, and $10k minimum for an amicable divorce? Where do I move, considering the town I live in is very expensive, it has no apartments, and I don't want to take my kids out of the schools? Do you suggest I abandon the house and leave her the equity, furniture, etc? I'm the better parent as far as the kids, and my disabled daughter is anxious when I'm not around, so do you suggest I walk out on her, or do I take her and risk custodial interference?

Don't insult someone going through a difficult time, instead give me practical advice if you're really a "Senior Don Juan". My daughter just had a meltdown and attacked me this morning for 30 minutes. Have any of you "experts" dealt with a similar situation while going through a divorce? My wife doesn't even matter anymore and any efforts to insult me are counterproductive, as I'm barely treading water just trying to take care of my kids. I'm not arguing with people who are just trying to fire me up in order to entertain themselves.

No, you CAN leave. You just find reasons not to. That's the difference.

 

[Dingo]

OP.... PLEASE read this.... lots of good advise.

http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13374

 

[Dingo]

It's like Watching A Train Wreck in Slow Motion....

 

[Prime_Beef]

You are in a tough spot financially. The above link advice is good. I've been thru this many years ago. You should file paperwork, you can petition court in many states for her funds which are currently community property to be used to help you legally. Check your state's legal aid at court or what lawyer you do have. If you don't start and get moving I'm afraid you will be run over.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I've got several women on the side right now so I'm in no fog and I need no wakeup. It was painful over the last few years, but I'm not losing sleep over it anymore. She makes more than 2x as much as me so I'm not worried about paying child support. I'm also not worried about an STD aa I called all her male friends and outed her, not to mention she has absolutely no privacy now. I'm leaving in a controlled manner and on my terms.

So the friends know she was "cheating" on them too? Or they were passing her around?

 

[hester]

Batman,

You sound like a good man who is trying to do the right thing. It's tough but not impossible trying to maintain alpha male 100% of the time in a marriage without the support of your wife. A good woman naturally encourages her husband to be strong. There is no need to make comments about your wife as you already know what is going on with her.

My advice to you may sound bizarre but you are in a bizarre situation. 1) Stay calm and level-headed. 2) Tell her you love her / care about the marriage , blah , blah and know she will never change. If needed, let her know it's okay to screw whoever she wants. Please use protection if/when you sleep with her. 3) Forget the finances. The fact of the matter is you know things are messed up but raised every objection to leave i.e financial issues. 4) Get yourself into counseling. This forum good but it's not for the types of issues you are facing. 4) Be a good dad and put real effort into counseling. Once you make some progress, you will see clear-eyed again and know what needs to be done. 5) Please stop sending links about saving marriages to her and pretending you are in control. It's annoying. 6) After a few weeks or month or so of solid counseling (alone), you will have the gumption to move on. 7) I am telling you this to keep the peace in your home until you are level-headed enough to move on.

Find some religious community as you will need support in the day's ahead.

Stay strong

 

[kingvavy]

I can only offer you advice based on what I went through, which is pretty much the same thing you are going through right now. You need to do the following 2 things:

1. Do not move out of your house until a lawyer has advised you that it is safe to do so. Moving out before you get clearance can have major implications. That being said, if you can find a place to stay, or rent a room, you and your wife can hammer out a temporary parenting schedule, or what is commonly known as a 'nesting arrangement.' ie. you each take turns living in your home and taking care of the kids while the kids stay put. This ensures that nobody is giving up their claim on the house, while the kids stay in one location while you and the mrs try and work out whatever details you need to work out. Trying to work out seperation/divorce issues while the 2 of you reside at the same time in the same residence is a recipie for a domestic criminal charge--this is a very real potential that you need to take seriously. Your wife simply has to pick up the phone and you will be charged criminally. Once she does that, you are out of your house, you may have given up your financial claim to part of your house in the eyes of the law, and you will definitely never see your kids again unsupervised until a court clears you. Do not take this lightly. Do everything you can to avoid a situation where you could get charged by your Mrs. A good nesting arrangement will go a long way to saving you money and stress. You can nest as long as you need to while you save up money to retain a lawyer. If you can work out some kind of nesting schedule with your wife, it will allow you a chance to either divorce amicably, or save the marriage if that is still of interest to you.

2. Get some kind of counselling, or, go to a gym, or learn to meditate, yoga, spiritual retreat, whatever. You are about to enter into one of the most challenging situations life has to throw at you. This is not like breaking up with a girlfriend.. If you deal with this by getting angry, doing drugs, binge drinking, binge whoring, whatever, it will all be used against you by your ex in court. Learn to deal with this in a sober way. Keep your mind and your body strong for the battle ahead.

Best of luck brother, you will be ok if you follow these two pieces of advice.

 

[kingvavy]

No, you CAN leave. You just find reasons not to. That's the difference.

Custody of your kids, and your life savings are pretty compelling reasons not to leave. Don't leave your house until a lawyer tells you it's safe to do so.

 

[AAAgent]

I don't think it's possible to kill your beta behavior unless you leave the situation entirely and start fresh. It hurts, but carrying around baggage on your shoulders while trying to fully recover is near impossible.

 

[AAAgent]

just finished reading these posts.

Batman, you are lying to yourself. Man of us have been love drunk on toxic relationships. That's how we got here to sosuave. Leave. Leave as fast as you can. The longer you're in that relationship or in the vicinity of your wife, the more your judgement will be clouded. You clearly know that you need to leave. Once you leave, and you make it through that withdrawal phase (usually takes a few weeks to a year), you'll start thinking clearly and be able to make rational decisions.

Right now you're an alcoholic that's trying to go cold turkey living and working in a bar. You keep telling yourself that you need this bar gig and can make it work without the alcohol but end up finding 101 reasons to drink again and prolong it. Sell the bar, quit the bartender job, get the hell out of there and heal yourself and then get back on that horse.

 

[kingvavy]

Nobody is saying he can't leave...OP, just make sure that if you do leave, that you do it in a legally responsible manner. If you just walk out, you are potentially forfieting your equity share, and custody of your kids. Better to find a place to crash, or rent a room and try and work out a parenting schedule with your wife. Once you've retained a lawyer, and he advises it's safe to go, then go. To just walk out is pure stupidity. You are in a potentially serious situation. This is not the time to apply game theory. Your game went a long time ago....the time to work on yourself, or your 'game' is once you are protected. You have far more pressing issues to deal with asap.

 

[YawataNoKami]

http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewforum.php?f=12 , go there and read The List ASAP.

 

[SuckItUp]

The_Real_Bataman,

Do not listen to those who are recommend leaving immediately. While the spirit of their message correct. You need to be legally cautious to extricate yourself from this situation in a prudent manner. That being said you must accept that your marriage is over and that you treat your "wife" as an acquaintance.

Do not have women in the side because given the manner in which your wife has behaved it is not unreasonable that she might gather evidence to show that you are being unfaithful and she merely cheated in response.

I would recommend talking to several attorneys and ideally you should look for divorce attorneys that specialize in men's rights in a divorce, because they better understand the devious strategies that your wife will employ.

It's not going to be so work on yourself by going to the gym, enjoying your hobbies, and enjoying time with your daughter.

 

[Jeff Michael]

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