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Why some women only care and recognize mistakes when we walk away?

LTG71

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We often take people and conditions for granted until we realize they are no longer present. It’s an unfortunate fact of life.

Women tho, think emotionally and make irrational decisions based on their current emotional state. They often don’t apologize because they thought they were “right” in that moment. But that moment has passed so you can no longer hold them accountable. It’s very childish behavior. This to me also goes straight back to how girls are socialized as children. They can screw up as much as they want because she‘s daddy’s little princess who can do no wrong. When you walk away, you debunk this fairy tail.
 

Howiestern

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I do not think that women have the ability to reflect upon themselves or their mistakes when a relationship ends in the same way that men do. This is due to women's innate solipsism.

I've had a few exes coming back to me, and each time I was hoping for a genuine apology or discussion of what went wrong in the relationship, I was faced with them behaving as if nothing has happened or them just blaming the universe, timing, work, bad luck, etc.

I've also had a few female friends talking to me after their breakups, and not a single one of them ever took responsibility for the things that happened in their relationships.

So, I believe when a woman tries to get you back, it isn't because she has had an epiphany and realised her mistakes, but that her natural instinct, i.e., the need to insure her security through a worthy male, is pushing her to do so. She might do anything to this end, including begging for your forgiveness.
That is exactly how it works.
 

Howiestern

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So how does a guy have long term success? I can only tolerate so much before attraction starts slipping away. This is pretty common female behavior. And spare me with all the be more alpha, maintain your frame b.s.
 

Gamisch

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I do not think that women have the ability to reflect upon themselves or their mistakes when a relationship ends in the same way that men do. This is due to women's innate solipsism.

I've had a few exes coming back to me, and each time I was hoping for a genuine apology or discussion of what went wrong in the relationship, I was faced with them behaving as if nothing has happened or them just blaming the universe, timing, work, bad luck, etc.

I've also had a few female friends talking to me after their breakups, and not a single one of them ever took responsibility for the things that happened in their relationships.

So, I believe when a woman tries to get you back, it isn't because she has had an epiphany and realised her mistakes, but that her natural instinct, i.e., the need to insure her security through a worthy male, is pushing her to do so. She might do anything to this end, including begging for your forgiveness.
Thats why , when she does comes back she can never regain the same amount of respect you previously gave her. The glass is broken and will never be completely fixed.

The whole proces behind her leaving and returning is something we analyze over and over in depth, so I assume we as men should know that. If you follow cliche mantras such as" one chance per woman per lifetime ", or taking a ex back is like opening an old trash bag", then it doesn't matter why and what happened in the past. Or the cliche mantra that you shouldn't listen to what she says anyway.

Although I think Corey Wayne is a goofy dude, he is right when he says that when she comes back keep it light and playfull. Expecting apologies from a ex who comes back just tells her you " just want everything to be how it was"( something SHE must want!). Her apology must show itself through actions , not words.

I agree with your last paragraph though. You should even wanna be at a point where you actually tell her to find a better man than you. I dear you honey. Try me.And when she wants to stray you should know she'll be back sooner or later. That's how arrogant a man must be. Like Steve the Dean said it beautifully; " she went from balony sandwiches to a juicy steak, back to dry baloney sandwiches". Ofcourse she wants to come back. She can get the old job back but conditions have changed. Less salary for more work...take it or leave it.
 

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Fruitbat

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I know this is cringe AF when people say this, but like everything, there is an evolutionary reason.

As we evolved, men were absolutely integral to womens survival. Women are absolutely integral to the survival of the species.
Division of labour meant we were off building things and hunting. Women were all at home in a camp with the kids.

the best route to survival was to influence men sufficiently so they received the best resources. That’s how the female game worked.

it’s the same reason men do not respect men on the basis that they married a rich woman. Women on the other hand seem to have the most respect for women who snagged a powerful man. Michelle Obama etc, you look at womens mags and this is the main interest. Of course, gaining the keys to power without actually having to work, at all, is the most respected among women. It’s not female entrepreneurs on these pages.

It’s not just about snagging the man.That’s no use if you don’t get the resources and the use of that power. Being able to be the dominant person in that relationship is key.

Therefore most women NEVER stop trying to win the power struggle. They won’t meet you half way. The ONLY way you do this is by walking. They don’t understand equity. Someone has to be in control.

I’ve got to this point twice with my 5 year relationship wife. I started packing my bags, as soon as I did and she realised I was serious, she acted almost like a kid when dad is pushed too far and he gets the belt off. By the time I reached the door, she didn’t exactly apologise but it was clear she didn’t want me to go. Despite threatening to leave like 5 mins before.

It’s a depressing thought as a man, you really hoped you had a woman who was on your side, on your team, and you realise it’s more like an employer, or a business. She generally has no scruples walking all over you, no guilt.
however, let’s be fair, you’re on a work trip, a cute blonde wants it, you hit it. Generally we can do this without that much guilt. It’s burned into us to do it. That’s the same as they are with manipulating a man. It’s not personal, it’s what they do.

See, the thing is, the reason they do it is because you are the authority. A lot of my arguments have her saying the phrase “you won’t let me do x,y and z”. If you say no, it’s accepted. That’s why they scheme, they can’t do it upfront because most of us give less than 2 fks saying no.

As I age, the hardest part of knowledge of human nature is that really, it’s just you. Friends let you down, they talk, most don’t want you doing too well. They want you when it suits them. Business contacts, even more so. Evenwives and GF, they want a piece. The only people who actually are in your corner often are your parents. Bit of a negative view I know, but I can count on one hand the decent people I’ve met in my life. Sadly one of them is dead!
The whole world is a power struggle, and women have the added issue of being extremely self centred, and unable to negotiate. It’s either her way or nothing generally.

i kind of conceptualise a lot of women like grifters. They often will do or say anything when it’s needed.
 

Howiestern

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I know this is cringe AF when people say this, but like everything, there is an evolutionary reason.

As we evolved, men were absolutely integral to womens survival. Women are absolutely integral to the survival of the species.
Division of labour meant we were off building things and hunting. Women were all at home in a camp with the kids.

the best route to survival was to influence men sufficiently so they received the best resources. That’s how the female game worked.

it’s the same reason men do not respect men on the basis that they married a rich woman. Women on the other hand seem to have the most respect for women who snagged a powerful man. Michelle Obama etc, you look at womens mags and this is the main interest. Of course, gaining the keys to power without actually having to work, at all, is the most respected among women. It’s not female entrepreneurs on these pages.

It’s not just about snagging the man.That’s no use if you don’t get the resources and the use of that power. Being able to be the dominant person in that relationship is key.

Therefore most women NEVER stop trying to win the power struggle. They won’t meet you half way. The ONLY way you do this is by walking. They don’t understand equity. Someone has to be in control.

I’ve got to this point twice with my 5 year relationship wife. I started packing my bags, as soon as I did and she realised I was serious, she acted almost like a kid when dad is pushed too far and he gets the belt off. By the time I reached the door, she didn’t exactly apologise but it was clear she didn’t want me to go. Despite threatening to leave like 5 mins before.

It’s a depressing thought as a man, you really hoped you had a woman who was on your side, on your team, and you realise it’s more like an employer, or a business. She generally has no scruples walking all over you, no guilt.
however, let’s be fair, you’re on a work trip, a cute blonde wants it, you hit it. Generally we can do this without that much guilt. It’s burned into us to do it. That’s the same as they are with manipulating a man. It’s not personal, it’s what they do.

See, the thing is, the reason they do it is because you are the authority. A lot of my arguments have her saying the phrase “you won’t let me do x,y and z”. If you say no, it’s accepted. That’s why they scheme, they can’t do it upfront because most of us give less than 2 fks saying no.

As I age, the hardest part of knowledge of human nature is that really, it’s just you. Friends let you down, they talk, most don’t want you doing too well. They want you when it suits them. Business contacts, even more so. Evenwives and GF, they want a piece. The only people who actually are in your corner often are your parents. Bit of a negative view I know, but I can count on one hand the decent people I’ve met in my life. Sadly one of them is dead!
The whole world is a power struggle, and women have the added issue of being extremely self centred, and unable to negotiate. It’s either her way or nothing generally.

i kind of conceptualise a lot of women like grifters. They often will do or say anything when it’s needed.
Very wise! The things you mentioned have been at the root of about every issue I've had with my LTR for the past several months. I've called her out, I've called her selfish, I've left her behind at a restaurant, I've told her to leave.

Never did I have to resort to these things during the first 3yrs. Once we built a new place together it all started to change. Same reason you don't marry.

She got what she wanted, nothing else to gain so they can drop the act.

And even the best women pull this crap. I've got one and Ive been thru enough to see what a top woman is.

Too much comfort and these issues always surface.

An ltr where we both lived apart was always the best deal for me. A lot less issues. They stayed on their best behavior and you can bet its because they hope they will get more from you some day. Commitment has always been for the woman's benefit.
 
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ThisIsSparta

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After my last relationship, when I walk away she recognized all her mistakes and beg to give her another chance.

I kept my word and doesnt came back. But the more I ignored her, the more she tried and apologize for everything. The thing is that its quite difficult to believe in such a thing on that context. Why not try to fix things before.

Is that some kind of game? Manipulation?
Its what they do..... they **** test you to the furthest point they think they can possibly get away with.

They expect you to buckle under the pressure or at least compromise to their benefit, they dont expect you to walk away and are shocked when you do.

And after that, when/if they come begging for mercy, thats the point when you explain them their (new?) place in your frame and that its either your way or the highway.

If the woman is still an option for you, the power balance will then fundamentaly shift in your favour and you better make good use of that.

Make no mistake, they will still **** test you from time to time, but they are shut down a lot faster once they know you are to be taken serious.

If they beg you to come back or not, you win both ways. Because either you gain the upper hand in the relationship or you are free for something new.

PS: As the other guys said, there will most likely be no understanding that she did anything wrong but that doesnt matter. The only important thing is that she submits to you. Your women doesnt neet to understand you, she needs to do as shes told.
 

Fruitbat

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Its what they do..... they **** test you to the furthest point they think they can possibly get away with.

They expect you to buckle under the pressure or at least compromise to their benefit, they dont expect you to walk away and are shocked when you do.

And after that, when/if they come begging for mercy, thats the point when you explain them their (new?) place in your frame and that its either your way or the highway.

If the woman is still an option for you, the power balance will then fundamentaly shift in your favour and you better make good use of that.

Make no mistake, they will still **** test you from time to time, but they are shut down a lot faster once they know you are to be taken serious.

If they beg you to come back or not, you win both ways. Because either you gain the upper hand in the relationship or you are free for something new.

PS: As the other guys said, there will most likely be no understanding that she did anything wrong but that doesnt matter. The only important thing is that she submits to you. Your women doesnt neet to understand you, she needs to do as shes told.
its fkin exhausting though. Coming back from 10 hours of having to get tested by other men hoping for a smile and a welcome home and you get a bunch of crazy shyt tests.

I may well have failed in many respects in achieving what you say. My SO is usually fine but it’s when her menstral cycle hits it becomes next level and I’m fkin sick of it.

sure, I do mainly the right things. I don’t get angry, I just ignore and get on with my life, but the painfully depressing thought is: why! Why do I have to deal with it?

i get it’s testing and we need to do x y and z. I get that, but it’s like I told her the other day. She literally told me “surely you’re strong enough to deal with my emotions”
I said “yes, but I’m not sure why I have to when I could find someone who CAN control them and treat me with respect”

all the passing tests blah blah, sure we can pass but why TF do we bother.
If we ever break up I don’t think I want another woman in my life. They have all been like this and so are all my friends wives and GF.

My main thought Is “imagine what we could achieve if you could stop your fkin mouth for 5 mins”

rant over. Just had 10 days of PMS with a brutal work schedule and I’m fatigued and broken down from it!
 

thermodynamic

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Abusive personality types of both genders are generally like this. I sometimes myself do this sort of thing.
 

ThisIsSparta

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its fkin exhausting though. Coming back from 10 hours of having to get tested by other men hoping for a smile and a welcome home and you get a bunch of crazy shyt tests.

I may well have failed in many respects in achieving what you say. My SO is usually fine but it’s when her menstral cycle hits it becomes next level and I’m fkin sick of it.

sure, I do mainly the right things. I don’t get angry, I just ignore and get on with my life, but the painfully depressing thought is: why! Why do I have to deal with it?

i get it’s testing and we need to do x y and z. I get that, but it’s like I told her the other day. She literally told me “surely you’re strong enough to deal with my emotions”
I said “yes, but I’m not sure why I have to when I could find someone who CAN control them and treat me with respect”

all the passing tests blah blah, sure we can pass but why TF do we bother.
If we ever break up I don’t think I want another woman in my life. They have all been like this and so are all my friends wives and GF.

My main thought Is “imagine what we could achieve if you could stop your fkin mouth for 5 mins”

rant over. Just had 10 days of PMS with a brutal work schedule and I’m fatigued and broken down from it!
The only reason i am putting up with it is my little kid.

Unfortunately i only got redpilled after 2 years into my marriage. If only i had known things back in the day......

When she moved out for a 3 week period i knew what its worth to come home and aside from the cats demanding food, there is only silence and peace around me. It is a rare luxury you learn to appreciate once its gone. Nothing a woman can provide outweighs your peace of mind (except kids, if you are into them).

But, i managed to turn the tide and got her in line for the most part. Until the kid is more or less old enough to make his own decisions i guess i will be putting up with things to a measured degree.
 

alvinkels

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its fkin exhausting though. Coming back from 10 hours of having to get tested by other men hoping for a smile and a welcome home and you get a bunch of crazy shyt tests.

I may well have failed in many respects in achieving what you say. My SO is usually fine but it’s when her menstral cycle hits it becomes next level and I’m fkin sick of it.

sure, I do mainly the right things. I don’t get angry, I just ignore and get on with my life, but the painfully depressing thought is: why! Why do I have to deal with it?

i get it’s testing and we need to do x y and z. I get that, but it’s like I told her the other day. She literally told me “surely you’re strong enough to deal with my emotions”
I said “yes, but I’m not sure why I have to when I could find someone who CAN control them and treat me with respect”

all the passing tests blah blah, sure we can pass but why TF do we bother.
If we ever break up I don’t think I want another woman in my life. They have all been like this and so are all my friends wives and GF.

My main thought Is “imagine what we could achieve if you could stop your fkin mouth for 5 mins”

rant over. Just had 10 days of PMS with a brutal work schedule and I’m fatigued and broken down from it!
I like the 4th paragraph... nice punchline over there
 

LTG71

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its fkin exhausting though. Coming back from 10 hours of having to get tested by other men hoping for a smile and a welcome home and you get a bunch of crazy shyt tests.

My main thought Is “imagine what we could achieve if you could stop your fkin mouth for 5 mins”
Amen brother. I‘m hoping to come home and unwind to a welcoming smile but I’ve come to the realization that I feel like I’m on the clock 24/7. Could you just stfu for a few minutes so I can catch my breath? It’s not necessarily shyt tests, but just random non-sense and things she could have done herself. A woman’s mind is often filled with things that men don’t worry or care about. When she goes out with her girlfriends, I‘m like the kid on Home Alone. “What am I going to do with my freedom?” Yay! I’ve come to appreciate the peace and solitude of working on something in the garage or in the yard. It’s like, “ok dear, I’m going to mow the lawn now” ,happily go outside with my beer. Lol.

It’s funny how half of this forum is about getting a chic and the other half is guys exhausted with the one’s they already have.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Because they think you are weak and won't do it. Then once you do it, you essentially call their bluff and make them realize you actually were not weak and are the type of strong guy she is looking for...except now it's too late.

Now you become "the one that got away"
 

Pandora

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I do not think that women have the ability to reflect upon themselves or their mistakes when a relationship ends in the same way that men do. This is due to women's innate solipsism.

I've had a few exes coming back to me, and each time I was hoping for a genuine apology or discussion of what went wrong in the relationship, I was faced with them behaving as if nothing has happened or them just blaming the universe, timing, work, bad luck, etc.

I've also had a few female friends talking to me after their breakups, and not a single one of them ever took responsibility for the things that happened in their relationships.

So, I believe when a woman tries to get you back, it isn't because she has had an epiphany and realised her mistakes, but that her natural instinct, i.e., the need to insure her security through a worthy male, is pushing her to do so. She might do anything to this end, including begging for your forgiveness.
A womans kryptonite is her lack of logic and accountibilty. This is why I get so frustrated at people that try to argue that men and women are equal in leadership capacity.

I think maybe when they get post menopuasal they can somewhat objectively reflect on their mistakes. Older women are kinda more objective. Or maybe the culture was different.
 
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Pandora

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I’ve mentioned my hottest plate in the past and that I put up with her behavior because of what she provides me; it’s a cost-benefit analysis.

I punted her to the curb and said that the whole “male friend” thing was unacceptable, as we’ve discussed elsewhere. This is something that’s always been an issue; These are guys she’s known forever and a day, some she dated in the past, others she knows from high school and social circle. I know everyone would bang in a heartbeat, given a chance. I said she could have those relationships or me, not in so many words, but she got the message.

Now she reminds me every chance she gets what she has given up for me. That she has no agency any longer and that she will do what I want in any circumstance.

I recently said, “I don’t want to hear about it anymore; if they’re that valuable to you, break up with me and go have your friends; they’ll happily put up with your shyt; I, however, will not.”
She resents it but is complying. I’m reasonably sure she’ll act out again before long.

So tired of this crap, but then again, I never thought I’d even be able to get her to comply. Time will tell if this is a change of heart or not. Again not holding my breath.
This is the constant struggle in most relationships with attractive women and alpha males. Its the man setting boundaries and the woman constantly testing them.

Sometimes I think we should just date ugly girls. I think they are much more submissive because they have to be. Or maybe not lol
 

Pandora

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Because they think you are weak and won't do it. Then once you do it, you essentially call their bluff and make them realize you actually were not weak and are the type of strong guy she is looking for...except now it's too late.

Now you become "the one that got away"
So its a Catch 22 for them huh? This is why a high conflict woman will never be happy.

The Catch 22 is that they are only submissive to a man that has demonstrated he will walk away.

Ive realized this paradox this year and it is depressing.
 
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