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Why some women only care and recognize mistakes when we walk away?

Blacksheep

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After my last relationship, when I walk away she recognized all her mistakes and beg to give her another chance.

I kept my word and doesnt came back. But the more I ignored her, the more she tried and apologize for everything. The thing is that its quite difficult to believe in such a thing on that context. Why not try to fix things before.

Is that some kind of game? Manipulation?
 

sharkfinale

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Till you walked away, you were putting up with her sh*t. When you walked away, you showed that you no longer would put up with her sh*t.

Women want men who do not put up with their sh*t.

It's not a game. It's not manipulation. It is just what it is.
 

LARaiders85

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After my last relationship, when I walk away she recognized all her mistakes and beg to give her another chance.

I kept my word and doesnt came back. But the more I ignored her, the more she tried and apologize for everything. The thing is that its quite difficult to believe in such a thing on that context. Why not try to fix things before.

Is that some kind of game? Manipulation?
because she feels abandoned and has separation anxiety. No other reason.
 

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Barrister

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She understands nothing one way or another. It is all about how she feels and what her emotions are doing. You leaving her simply caused havoc with her emotions and so she frantically starts telling you she is sorry and will behave. It isn't that she has had some logical epiphany that she committed a wrong against you - merely that she doesn't like this feeling of abandonment and wants it to go away.

Some men get to be experts at employing this strategy to make their women shape up for short periods of time - it is called dread game.
 

RickPound

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I am experiencing this exact thing right now.

Told GF we’re done because of the shadiness described in my other thread. She’s pleading that she’s sorry and “knows she f*cked up”and won’t do it again because “she wants to change and be a better person”.

Problem is, I had to explain to her in detail WHY what she did was wrong first - she didn’t quite understand. Just thought “sorry” and “because I love you Rick” was gonna make it all better.
 

Blacksheep

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I am experiencing this exact thing right now.

Told GF we’re done because of the shadiness described in my other thread. She’s pleading that she’s sorry and “knows she f*cked up”and won’t do it again because “she wants to change and be a better person”.

Problem is, I had to explain to her in detail WHY what she did was wrong first - she didn’t quite understand. Just thought “sorry” and “because I love you Rick” was gonna make it all better.
Sorry to hear that man.

I had the same issue too spending a lot of time trying to explain something. But it was always the same thing. It seems they were playing us like a fool.
 

Blacksheep

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I think it's human nature to reflect upon our mistakes after our partner leaves.

There is a saying "we don't know what we've got till it's gone," which I agree with.

Both men and women do this.
Good point! Thanks for that!
 

CyrusTheGreat

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I think it's human nature to reflect upon our mistakes after our partner leaves.

There is a saying "we don't know what we've got till it's gone," which I agree with.

Both men and women do this.
I do not think that women have the ability to reflect upon themselves or their mistakes when a relationship ends in the same way that men do. This is due to women's innate solipsism.

I've had a few exes coming back to me, and each time I was hoping for a genuine apology or discussion of what went wrong in the relationship, I was faced with them behaving as if nothing has happened or them just blaming the universe, timing, work, bad luck, etc.

I've also had a few female friends talking to me after their breakups, and not a single one of them ever took responsibility for the things that happened in their relationships.

So, I believe when a woman tries to get you back, it isn't because she has had an epiphany and realised her mistakes, but that her natural instinct, i.e., the need to insure her security through a worthy male, is pushing her to do so. She might do anything to this end, including begging for your forgiveness.
 

Blacksheep

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I do not think that women have the ability to reflect upon themselves or their mistakes when a relationship ends in the same way that men do. This is due to women's innate solipsism.

I've had a few exes coming back to me, and each time I was hoping for a genuine apology or discussion of what went wrong in the relationship, I was faced with them behaving as if nothing has happened or them just blaming the universe, timing, work, bad luck, etc.

I've also had a few female friends talking to me after their breakups, and not a single one of them ever took responsibility for the things that happened in their relationships.

So, I believe when a woman tries to get you back, it isn't because she has had an epiphany and realised her mistakes, but that her natural instinct, i.e., the need to insure her security through a worthy male, is pushing her to do so. She might do anything to this end, including begging for your forgiveness.
So wouldn't it be like a genuine apologize?

I mean, that she really recognized it and realized she made a mistake.
 

TheKid

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Its a front. You think when your rushing around heart thumping your thinking rationally? No. They just go into damage control and because *girl* they know what to do/say to get their way again even though it feels like your getting your way for once in the relationship without it benefitting her for one god damn time. Then before you know it 2 weeks later.... another **** test.
 

catsmeow2

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I do not think that women have the ability to reflect upon themselves or their mistakes when a relationship ends in the same way that men do.
I can and always have whether I ended it or he did. That's how we learn, through reflection and introspection. It takes two to make a RL and two to break it after all, with exceptions.

But I'm a weirdo among women, I think that's pretty much been established.
I keep forgetting that, and as such, I am inclined to agree with you.
 

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Pierce.Manhammer

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I’ve mentioned my hottest plate in the past and that I put up with her behavior because of what she provides me; it’s a cost-benefit analysis.

I punted her to the curb and said that the whole “male friend” thing was unacceptable, as we’ve discussed elsewhere. This is something that’s always been an issue; These are guys she’s known forever and a day, some she dated in the past, others she knows from high school and social circle. I know everyone would bang in a heartbeat, given a chance. I said she could have those relationships or me, not in so many words, but she got the message.

Now she reminds me every chance she gets what she has given up for me. That she has no agency any longer and that she will do what I want in any circumstance.

I recently said, “I don’t want to hear about it anymore; if they’re that valuable to you, break up with me and go have your friends; they’ll happily put up with your shyt; I, however, will not.”
She resents it but is complying. I’m reasonably sure she’ll act out again before long.

So tired of this crap, but then again, I never thought I’d even be able to get her to comply. Time will tell if this is a change of heart or not. Again not holding my breath.
 

CyrusTheGreat

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So wouldn't it be like a genuine apologize?

I mean, that she really recognized it and realized she made a mistake.
No, as @TheKid said, it's just a damage control. It the same as when men loose their shyt at the moment they're being dumped. You cannot really think and reflect in the moment, but you start to beg and apologise just to keep her around.

I can and always have whether I ended it or he did. That's how we learn, through reflection and introspection. It takes two to make a RL and two to break it after all, with exceptions.

But I'm a weirdo among women, I think that's pretty much been established.
I keep forgetting that, and as such, I am inclined to agree with you.
You're perhaps an exception among the women kind ;) Just you being here is an indicative of that.

Also I didn't say they can't reflect and introspect, but rather it's fundamentally from that of men.
 
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CyrusTheGreat

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I’ve mentioned my hottest plate in the past and that I put up with her behavior because of what she provides me; it’s a cost-benefit analysis.

I punted her to the curb and said that the whole “male friend” thing was unacceptable, as we’ve discussed elsewhere. This is something that’s always been an issue; These are guys she’s known forever and a day, some she dated in the past, others she knows from high school and social circle. I know everyone would bang in a heartbeat, given a chance. I said she could have those relationships or me, not in so many words, but she got the message.

Now she reminds me every chance she gets what she has given up for me. That she has no agency any longer and that she will do what I want in any circumstance.

I recently said, “I don’t want to hear about it anymore; if they’re that valuable to you, break up with me and go have your friends; they’ll happily put up with your shyt; I, however, will not.”
She resents it but is complying. I’m reasonably sure she’ll act out again before long.

So tired of this crap, but then again, I never thought I’d even be able to get her to comply. Time will tell if this is a change of heart or not. Again not holding my breath.
Good luck man, hope she keeps complying.

Btw, you expect plates (without being your girlfriend or anything) to drop their male friends for you?
 
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After my last relationship, when I walk away she recognized all her mistakes and beg to give her another chance.

I kept my word and doesnt came back. But the more I ignored her, the more she tried and apologize for everything. The thing is that its quite difficult to believe in such a thing on that context. Why not try to fix things before.

Is that some kind of game? Manipulation?
She didnt recognize any mistake, she realized such behaviour lead to a loss of asset/damage.
If she had the tool to recognize a wrong behaviour, she would have done right after the execution.

Most men dont experience any sense of guilt (result of understanding of being wrong), they simply realize that they lost an asset or that such behaviour costed me social approval.

Women dont feel guilty for cheating since they have so many rationalization tools, they suffer when they get caught and shamed unlike men that dont really care about social shaming but feel bad if they realized dishonor in their choices and suffering for people that loved them.
 
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