Why is it so hard to ask a girl out (and what the **** should I do about it)?

[The Mayor]

If you want to understand your fear you could read:
http://www.eruditor.com/books/item/9780091907075.html.en

It says that you will always fear something, everybody does. But you can learn to control it. The things you fear is the things you've never done or only done a few times. That is, you will fear almost everything in life before you start doing it.

I have the same fear of (hot)women you do, and I'm going to do something about it. But it is (for me) too hard to just walk up to a 10 and start talking. That is why I want to start out slow. The first Exercise in the DON JUAN BOOT CAMP is to say hi or hello to strangers, and it goes from there.
I think that is an easy way to trick my mind in to not caring who I talk to.

Please read:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=134874


The Mayor

 

[PigAdlemPimp]

Surely it isn't that hard to ask a hot babe out, just do it, if she rejects your offer, move on, don't even worry about it, keep sarging.

 

[DJ1234]

It's much much easier said then done...
I am having an issue w/ a girl I know that I am finding is nearly unapproachable...

any more suggestions on this?

 

[Thompson1772]

Really good question man... as you know already, this is all in your head. The fear of failure and rejection is killing you, and more importantly, you're attaching a lot of ego value to this. That is, you've invested a lot into the idea of dating this girl, and so your ego has a lot riding on it. And the ego is very self-preserving.

The realization you must have and feel is that whatever happens with this girl, you're still ok. You're still the same guy, living the same life.

Does that make sense? No matter how many positive affirmations you make about how great you are, or how many negative fears you attempt to squash or confront, the real issue here is being comfortable with being who you are independent of whatever this girl (or any girl) says.

When you get to that point (and being rejected every now and then is an important part of getting there) you will know exactly what I'm talking about. Have faith in yourself to get there, and step out of the immediacy of your situation.

 

[DJ1234]

^wow, exactly....and I know that is pretty much the way I am thinking, I guess i'm just not exactly at that point, yet...
excellent first post btw, thanks for the advice.

 

[Mr Autobahn]

Been there done that. Yup. Yup.

Here is what you do, stop talking to yourself. You will NEVER, EVER approach a girl when you second guess yourself. Believe me, this is what I did all through HS and got ZERO gfs out of it...

Do what I do now, see girl, walk over to girl and say "Hi..."