Why is having a gf so looked down on this site

[Trainwreck]

What if I don't want to waste my time talking to girls that don't want me talking to them?

 

[BeTheChange]

Because most of the time the latent motivation for having a girlfriend stems from laziness and/or a belief that you can't do any better. In my case it was the former.

After having been in a LTR for the last three years, I can personally say that if I settle down into another "boyfriend-girlfriend" LTR within the next year or two it will very likely be out of pure laziness. I am determined for that not to happen.

 

[Von]

What's wrong to be alone?

Settle with who you want but for the good reasons.

Having a plate/date/ons/sex is one thing... maintaining a relationship is another.

 

[marmel75]

Isn't anything wrong with it, if its a girl you are really interested in. Most people simply take the first woman that comes along that let's them fvck, which is where the problem lies.

 

[Poon King]

There is nothing wrong with having a girlfriend.

No one looks down on the act itself. People look down on the man's reasons for the act: desperation, insecurity, laziness, co-dependence, etc.

 

[playa99]

I am in an LTR, but this has come about through dating a lot of women to find someone who suits my tastes and benefits my life.

A lot of men here have been in unhealthy LTR's. I have a friend who is on the verge of losing his soul to the woman he's in an LTR with, it's very sad when you see this happen.

I am happy in my relationship, but I am willing to walk away if she acts up. In or out of a relationship I am improving every day.

 

[Silko]

A lot of men here have been in unhealthy LTR's. I have a friend who is on the verge of losing his soul to the woman he's in an LTR with, it's very sad when you see this happen.

Most beautiful you can and should ALWAYS do: stay yourself. Even if it means you have to run away from it.

Every unhealthy LTR grows your negative energy.

Ungrow it. Now.

 

[Serenity]

Even if it was generally looked down on, you don't have to bend yourself to it like a sheep. I think this forum is much more nuanced though, not everyone here wants the same regarding women. I don't feel much resistance and I've mentioned multiple times that I have a girlfriend.

What would be weak though is to let others opinions decide for you what you should want. Regardless if others think you should or shouldn't want a girlfriend, it's up to you alone.

If you don't want to waste your time talking to uninterested girls, then don't do it. It's that simple. I took some advice and gathered some good ideas to try from this forum, but I never let it dictate what I wanted. I knew that before I came to this forum, I came here because I lacked the knowledge of how to get what I wanted.

 

[Masculinity]

What if I don't want to waste my time talking to girls that don't want me talking to them?

I don't think having an LTR is looked down on here. However, I do think that this site promotes the mindset of having options. And if you have attractive women who are interested in you, then having a girlfriend and jumping into a relationship aren't things that are a priority on your list. Why bang the same p00n when you can get a variety of women? Besides, DJs let girls come to them and have them do the exclusivity talk, at which point you set down your rules as the leader of the relationship.

In short, it's about having options and choosing to be in a relationship from a number of women you've dated NOT because there are only one or two options left and otherwise you would not be getting laid...

 

[zekko]

Well i have to disagree with you here. Looking down on someone and bashing them go hand in hand, and I've seen it on SS many times. If you look down on someone for a preference they have, you are an ******* .

You are absolutely correct. The idea that you are somehow less masculine for having a girlfriend is laughable. As you state, meaningless sex can get boring after awhile. Getting into a deeper relationship is the logical next step. Trying to shame that as feminine or beta is nonsense, and is (not coincidentally) about the biggest insult you can throw around here. You really think there aren't manly, masculine out there who aren't in relationships? Really?

I would guess most of the guys who come here originally want to get a girlfriend. But then they fall under the PUA brainwashing. There's a lot of good information here, but when I read stuff like this I remember there is a lot nonsense too. PUAs want to depict themselves and their lifestyles as the pinnacle of masculinity, and the as the greatest objects of feminine desire. And everyone who doesn't follow their way are a bunch of AFC feminine betas. Since most guys who seek seduction help have had problems with women, they are eager to buy into the entire "pay them b!tches back" line of thinking, and everything that goes with it.

Another reason why LTRs are frowned up is because this place (and especially this general forum) is made up mostly of younger guys. And they are of course at the age when casual sex is the most common. Many men this age may not have even yet met a woman worthy of having a relationship with, so naturally they are against it.

LTRs should not be frowned upon. But most guys come here as beginners, and obviously you probably shouldn't start out with LTRs, you should start out by exploring your options and gaining experience. But that does not mean that you have become pvssified if you later find and enter a LTR. To say otherwise is just male shaming.

 

[Julian]

these hoes aint loyal

 

[ubercat]

Laziness is in the eye of the beholder. Dating is overhead. So s LTR time. I see my g/f twice a week on average. And one of those is a designated study night for both of us. She s my definition if a 7. With more effort I could land an 8 no interest in the extra overhead

 

[fastlife]

Ego investment, mostly. Everyone wants to feel like what they're doing is 'right.' A lot of us got burned in bad relationships. But--what if based on hypergamy, etc.--it wasn't our fault? What if relationships aren't 'what men desire anyway?' Then we didn't 'lose,' we didn't 'fail,' we don't have to try again. Because failure was inevitable. Emotional investment felt bad; exposing ourselves to that again is scary. What if we found a set of rules where we never had to do that again--and by those set of rules we're right and everyone else is wrong.

The truth is spinning plates, in a lot of ways, is lazier than holding frame in an LTR that's based on your terms and remains beneficial to your life. Spinning plates is fvcking easy. You never have to subject yourself to meaningful rejection or to take leadership over another person. And it's fun and there's variety and there are far fewer liabilities--and I'm not saying it's a bad thing at all. Every guy should definitely experience it at some, or multiple points, during their lives.

But there isn't a right or wrong way to live life. There isn't a way where you can avoid pain. We're all on a journey of self knowledge. Growth. None of us will walk the same path to get closer to that destination. For me, I've found that I grow the most and learn the most about myself when I do the thing I feel least like doing. I recently met a girl who, as of right now, checks off a lot of my boxes--but I noticed I have huge amounts of resistance and baggage and fear about getting into an intimate relationship (most girls I meet never learn my real name and I blew things up with another girl who was really cool earlier this year, and rationalized that fear and insecurity as me just being 'alpha' lol). So I'm diving into that. I might fvck it up, I might decide I like spinning plates better; but it's a chance to grow. I know I'll learn from it and use that knowledge to become a better person.

Now you can do a cost-analysis and conclude whatever you want based on your values. But the truth is that there's always an opportunity cost. There's value in having a life partner. You have greater networking opportunities and access (depending on her social status). You can turn your attention to other areas that need growth. And love is one of the peak experiences of life. Yes, you lose a degree of agency (which can be alleviated by frame & game). You lose out on whatever pvssy you could get during the time you invest in her (but pvssy'll be there on the other side). You take on a huge amount of liability--you cannot control another person; she could cheat; she could fvck up your life; and all the cards are stacked against you. There are very few women cut out for the role and very few men capable of leading their relationship (if, again, that's what they want--I don't know if I want that YET, but I want that tool set).

The important thing is to always be growing. Comfort is death--you lose yourself if you're single; you lose the girl if you're in the relationship. Men were built to struggle; we were built to experiment, fail, experience pain, overcome, start over, stand up for ourselves, stand alongside other. That's living. For me, the Red Pill is about figuring out who you are, what you want, and how to achieve that--it'll look different for everybody and it'll look different for you depending on where you are in life. The game never ends; you're never allowed to stop.

 

[BeTheChange]

I have a girlfriend.

It's your own preference. The guy's who bash other dudes for being in a relationship either havnt had enough meaningless sex to realize it gets boring, or are introverts, or something like that. To each his own.

LOL. "Enough meaningless sex". Says the 19 old??? GTFO out of here with that bvll**** mate.

And how long have you been with your gf? Venture to say less than 6 months, since I remember a FR from a very single you not so long ago. If your gf is still "bending over backwards" for you in 3 years then talk. Otherwise go get some life experience before making absolute statements concerning the world around you. Cute.

 

[Trump]

What if I don't want to waste my time talking to girls that don't want me talking to them?

This site has never looked down upon having a girlfriend. You are assuming perhaps to make yourself feel better.

If you don't want to waste your time talking to uninterested girls, go ahead. What does that have to do with getting a girlfriend? You bring up two completely separate issues and then sound angry and frustrated you are not getting any love from girls, and you take your anger out on us.

 

[womensview]

This is a man's website. LTR's are a woman's frame. Celebrating things like marriage is for women.

I look around at my friends, and the ones that let things get as far as marriage are the ones that were always p1ss poor with women.

The women chose them. They are typically raising another man's kids and dealing with a lot of drama.

Marriage is an indication of lower value in a lot of cases.

That's a masculine frame.

You are wrong about this, my husband chased me to marry him. I wasn't crazy about getting married. I didn't care less. It was his idea and he never let up. He was a man who liked to be married with security.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Another reason why LTRs are frowned up is because this place (and especially this general forum) is made up mostly of younger guys. And they are of course at the age when casual sex is the most common. Many men this age may not have even yet met a woman worthy of having a relationship with, so naturally they are against it.

Yep, thank God for the mature man forum.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

these hoes aint loyal

And all swans were white... until they found Australia.

 

[womensview]

Yep, thank God for the mature man forum.

Thank God, someone with common sense. The young guys just don't get it till they age creeps up on them, and it will before they know it. Then they will realize how young, dumb and immature they were. It happens to all of us.

 

[ubercat]

I think there is a downside to spinning plates for too long. I don't think it's just woman who lose their stickiness. I m a little ho hum on relationships. Knowing the nature of woman my expectations of the benefits are low and that doesn't provide a huge amount of incentive sometimes.