Why don't I get over this sh*t

[SayWhat]

Some of you know the story. Some of you don't.

Long story short, I had an affair with a 13 year older married woman with three children for a half year. It ended in the beginning of april. She worked where I worked (but quit working in May). We were both waiters. She started a new affair with a new toyboy a week after it ended between us. At this date her marriage is still going, even though her husband knows about her having an affair.

She and her new toyboy have wednesday and thursday where they date and come to the bar. After two-three hours they go off and f*ck and then they go home. Yesterday I can honestly say I felt okay with this, I thought I was over her. I came home and thought about completely other stuff when I went to sleep. But today, I can't tell why, but when my shift was over and I have to close the bar I usually drink something. Today I let some tears flow (yep pathetich as hell), I can hit my face because of this. When I got out, both their cars where still there, it was dark so they probably couldn't see my eyes, but yeah... I rode home with my bike, my ex passed me in her car, flashed her lights (but I didn't know until she passed). Shortly after the new toyboy followed.

I honestly don't know what the f*ck I'm doing. And seriously spinning plates is not an option, I am in a dark place and spinning plates would get me in a worse place.

 

[NSX-R]

Have you met any new chicks after the married woman?
If no the that's the reason you keep on thinking about her.
If yes then you should meet even more.

Fid something that requires you to not think about other than it. Make it a new hobby or planning a small vacation or just joining the gym.

 

[Young OG]

This is why it's not good to get involved with co workers. Don't get me wrong, I have made this mistake tons of times too. You need to not give a sh*t about her and that guy. Remember, you hit it first. From what you said, she sounds like a piece of trash hoe. It's her loss. You should be glad she's out of your life. When you see them, you should be laughing to yourself and saying they are losers. Man up and do whatever it takes to become happy. Don't let anyone stop you from being happy.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You think about this kind of stuff because you have no options. If you had options, you wouldn't give two flying fvcks about women like that...

 

[RangerMIke]

You have to kill your ego. Do a Google search of Dr. Wayne Dyer on killing your ego.. good stuff.

You are judging your ex and her new BF.... remember when you judge others you and not defining them, you are defining yourself.

You can not control what other people do, only how you respond to it.

 

[SayWhat]

Now that I'm sober, jesus I'm pathetic... Crying over something like that. But yeah the fact that I'm optionless is weighing a lot on me these last weeks. That and the fact of all the missed opportunities I've had with girls who I know afterwards were into me.

 

[marmel75]

Get your testosterone levels checked. Seriously. This type of stuff happens a lot more when you have low testosterone levels and elevated estrogen. Basically you start acting more like a female and less like a male. Not joking. Hormones are powerful behavior modifiers.

 

[BrainDamage92]

the guy above is a douche but hes correct quit wanking and see what happens you become a machine people say it makes you too desperate but **** that

wanking is bad it makes u a wuss

 

[Serenity]

You don't get over this sh!t because you keep repetitively thinking about it. Even if you have no options it's better to do nothing than to keep hurting yourself with this. It will run itself out if you don't feed it, start resisting every thought that occurs about this.

 

[expos]

I'll take a stab:

1. Never EVER date a co-worker. I don't care if it's Burger King or Morgan Stanley. You are mixing your personal life with your job and they should be separate. You should be focused on doing your very best and trying to build your career. Believe me, upper management will wonder why you are goofing around with female co-worker when your efforts should be towards what's best for the company/business. A bad woman in the office place can take you down hard mentally, because when you break up you are seeing her everyday and you can't escape her. Work also is a great place to escape your personal life...this can't happen if you are banging a co-worker.

2. This woman is garbage and a cheater. Why on earth would you ever want to be with her? Her poor f_cking husband and her children - they have no clue Mom's a *****. You are essentially in a love triangle with her calling all the shots and this never ends well. Get out while you can or risk someone putting a hit out on you.

3. Can you quit this job? It probably is the best thing for you at this point. Remove yourself for this workplace and seek freedom with this work drama.

4. You are only hitting yourself in the face because you know you are wrong...so what are you going to do about it? Stop crying. She is not the one. Your replacement is in for a similar predicament, he just doesn't know it yet. She will bang another dude and have him feeling the same way that you are.

5. Let's say it all works out. Let's say none of this drama happened. Do you really want to sit through this woman's messy divorce and spend your cash on three children that aren't even yours when you can be with a chick with no kids and no divorce baggage?

Let me tell you, divorced women are the f_ucking worst women to date. Worse than never married w/kids. Why? Because of the sense of entitlement and ability to quit on the relationship and on you when things get tough.

They play the victim card over and over again and they all secretly have a thing for their ex-husbands, no matter how badly it ended. They are scorned and damaged permanently and don't learn from the mistakes they make. I dated a divorced woman for a month and a half and it became very clear why her marriage ended the first time. Thankfully I sniffed her out prior to things getting too serious.

6. Do yourself a favor and start reading https://boldanddetermined.com. This will get you thinking about the steps you need to take become a man again and get your balls back. There are tons of topics that make for some great late night reading. I read this site endlessly during my dark period about two years ago and it changed me completely.

 

[marmel75]

I'll take a stab:

1. Never EVER date a co-worker. I don't care if it's Burger King or Morgan Stanley. You are mixing your personal life with your job and they should be separate. You should be focused on doing your very best and trying to build your career. Believe me, upper management will wonder why you are goofing around with female co-worker when your efforts should be towards what's best for the company/business. A bad woman in the office place can take you down hard mentally, because when you break up you are seeing her everyday and you can't escape her. Work also is a great place to escape your personal life...this can't happen if you are banging a co-worker.

2. This woman is garbage and a cheater. Why on earth would you ever want to be with her? Her poor f_cking husband and her children - they have no clue Mom's a *****. You are essentially in a love triangle with her calling all the shots and this never ends well. Get out while you can or risk someone putting a hit out on you.

3. Can you quit this job? It probably is the best thing for you at this point. Remove yourself for this workplace and seek freedom with this work drama.

4. You are only hitting yourself in the face because you know you are wrong...so what are you going to do about it? Stop crying. She is not the one. Your replacement is in for a similar predicament, he just doesn't know it yet. She will bang another dude and have him feeling the same way that you are.

5. Let's say it all works out. Let's say none of this drama happened. Do you really want to sit through this woman's messy divorce and spend your cash on three children that aren't even yours when you can be with a chick with no kids and no divorce baggage?

Let me tell you, divorced women are the f_ucking worst women to date. Worse than never married w/kids. Why? Because of the sense of entitlement and ability to quit on the relationship and on you when things get tough.

They play the victim card over and over again and they all secretly have a thing for their ex-husbands, no matter how badly it ended. They are scorned and damaged permanently and don't learn from the mistakes they make. I dated a divorced woman for a month and a half and it became very clear why her marriage ended the first time. Thankfully I sniffed her out prior to things getting too serious.

6. Do yourself a favor and start reading https://boldanddetermined.com. This will get you thinking about the steps you need to take become a man again and get your balls back. There are tons of topics that make for some great late night reading. I read this site endlessly during my dark period about two years ago and it changed me completely.

The issue when you have low testosterone levels if that's what's in play, is that you have to force yourself to think and act like that whereas with high testosterone levels you simply think and act like that because that's how you are.

 

[Serenity]

That's stupid. What's wrong with some beers? You are lane.

There's a difference between "some once in a while" and "some every day".

 

[BrainDamage92]

dude, quit wanking and continue drinking

people say alcohol is bad, ****, if it wasnt for boose Id be on a killing spree by now + alcohol works well with a loaded gun so you dont finish in 1 minute so you can shoot like a king. It numbs you out abit thats all.

quit wanking, women can sense a loaded gun and want to empty it, believe me all girls want me, well excluding older than me and still really hot golddiggers with solid sponsors, they are ice cold baby. And when you game you just game lead by your little big pal, you dont use some PUA bs, the cok starts talking

+ when the gun is loaded suddenly girl who you found unattractive seem pretty enough. Remember the more the better, dont go for the HB10000 only, thats faggotry, the chubbier ones need love aswell ;]

if youre a handsome boy, they are all at your feet, just quit wanking this is the most important thing

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Alright, you are not strong enough [yet] to shut out all of your emotions. You know what you do then? You embrace the emotions, embrace all the feelings that she makes you feel. cynetix had a post relating to this that I will never forget, yet many people here have probably never read it/them.

The point is, I have only recently really, truly, confronted the actual issue at hand, which is this: WHY did I like her so much? Why do I feel she is without flaw, even though I know logically that she OF COURSE CANNOT BE PERFECT? Passing her off as "not significant" is DENIAL. I know that the DJs here will tell you again and again that she's "just another fish in the sea."

It is true, but there is SOMETHING, or many things, about her that is very special, and I say you should not overlook that. It will always come back to haunt you until you face it. Embrace it. Use that intuition to discover WHY you like her the way you do. WHAT is it about her that turns you into a simpering AFC no matter how suave you are with the other girls?

Do you not realize that because she drives you nuts from wanting to be with her, that she is compelling you to improve yourself? To know yourself better, to become more confident, to rid yourself of those flaws that you feel she exposes every time you come anywhere near her?

Have you confronted these issues yet? Have you asked yourself those questions yet? Don't lie to yourself that there isn't anything special about her, because to you, there are. Don't deny the emotions she makes you feel, instead embrace them. "Use that intuition to discover WHY you like her the way you do. WHAT is it about her that turns you into a simpering AFC no matter how suave you are with the other girls?"

Do you not realize that because she drives you nuts from wanting to be with her, that she is compelling you to improve yourself? To know yourself better, to become more confident, to rid yourself of those flaws that you feel she exposes every time you come anywhere near her?

I believe that her role in your life is to make you a better man. Were it not for her, you would be an ignorant fool still bumbling around in darkness. Her presence is capable of lifting you up higher than you could ever have imagined. And thus her presence is a double-edged sword. You cannot have her, you will not have her, at least not at this stage in your life (we are probably talking about anytime within the next five years, if at all), because if you DID then you would not be compelled to improve.

Therefore.

Let her disappear.

You cannot succeed until you do.

cynetix

Embrace your instincts fellow DJ. Embrace your intuition.

 

[guru1000]

ITDG, written from a transcendental perspective and level.