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Why does she turn down sex?

Roober

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When I was married, my ex-wife frequently said "no" to sex. It could be due to a variety of reasons, which I am sure most of you have seen or heard. It could include...

"I'm tired"
"On the rag"
"Just went to the gym"
"Stinky"
"They could hear us"
"We could get caught"

Funny story, I worked in baggage handling for an airline for some time, and would sometimes come home late at night. She would say "No, youre dirty. you just got home from work. Go clean up." I would take a shower, come out, and she would be snoring. Any attempt at that point was disturbing her sleep... pathetic Roober... but I digress

Then we divorced, and I dated a woman for a couple months. At first, everything was good. Then the "no" started free flowing, for many of the same excuses as my ex-wife. A new one was she dated some guy, and claimed he raped her, even though she stayed with him several months afterwards. It was then my fault for making her feel like that man did... I ate that crap up... and submitted... sigh...

Fast forward to my current lady, whom I met after finding SS...

We have been together about 3 years, and she has yet to tell me "no". And I will say that I have attempted to get a "no" under many reasonable circumstances. We have had sex in the woods on a hiking trails, no showers for two days, during her monthly cycle, with my boys in the room next door, with my mom cooking dinner in the kitchen down the hall, in my dusty grimy garage, late at night (2am/4am/12am), in every area of the house, near open windows, when I was wasted, balconies, in my yard with goats walking around, camping, tents, public bathrooms, etc. In some instances, there was a bit of a resistance, but always a smile while I pulled her pants off. I won't go into my tactics here, because I think that could warrant a thread of it's own.

However, this concept has been bugging me for a while. What causes a woman in a relationship to say "No" to sex? And is it okay for her to say "no" to sex? IF it is okay, when is it acceptable and why?

NOTE: I am referring to two people in a relationship (LTR or FWB), not random encounters which could qualify as rape.
 
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mrgoodstuff

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When I was married, my ex-wife frequently said "no" to sex. It could be due to a variety of reasons, which I am sure most of you have seen or heard. It could include...

"I'm tired"
"On the rag"
"Just went to the gym"
"Stinky"
"They could hear us"
"We could get caught"

Funny story, I worked in baggage for some time, and would sometimes come home late at night. She would say "No, youre dirty. you just got home from work. Go clean up." I would take a shower, come out, and she would be snoring. Any attempt at that point was disturbing her sleep... pathetic Roober... but I digress

Then we divorced, and I dated a woman for a couple months. At first, everything was good. Then the "no" started free flowing, for many of the same reasons as my ex-wife. A new one was she dated some guy, and claimed he raped her, even though she stayed with him several months afterwards. It was then my fault for making her feel like that man did... I ate that crap up... and submitted... sigh...

Fast forward to my current lady, whom I met after finding SS...

We have been together about 3 years, and she has yet to tell me "no". And I will say that I have attempted to get a "no" under many reasonable circumstances. We have had sex in the woods on a hiking trails, during her monthly cycle, with my boys in the room next door, with my mom cooking dinner in the kitchen down the hall, in my dusty grimy garage, late at night (2am/4am/12am), in every area of the house, near open windows, when I was wasted, balconies, in my yard with goats walking around, camping, tents, public bathrooms, etc. In some instances, there was a bit of a resistance, but always a smile while I pulled her pants off. I won't go into my tactics here, because I think that could warrant a thread of it's own.

However, this concept has been bugging me for a while. What causes a woman in a relationship to say "No" to sex? And is it okay for her to say "no" to sex? IF it is okay, when is it acceptable and why?

NOTE: I am referring to two people in a relationship (LTR or FWB), not random encounters which could qualify as rape.
The difference is HER. The new one really likes you.
 

deadmasterx

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Attraction is not a choice. The things that lead a woman to refuse having sex with you have broad varieties that may be a simple testing if you're needy or a real lack of attraction. If attration is high, she will want to **** you all the time, maybe give some tests, but nothing too serious and continuous. If she don't get you what you want, don't give her what she wants too. It's simple as that. If you let you women "unpunished" for not doing something you wanted (as a deal, not a one-side deal), she'll keep doing it to measure your bundaries.
 

Aspire

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Well it is always the woman’s choice, relationship or no relationship. As for why they tell you no, well I’d say every woman is different.
 

Stoic

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One main point is that It's being and acting attractive to her vs not.
 

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gravityeyelids

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They sound like excuses because they generally ARE. Think long and hard about your behavior with the women who frequently turned you down. Chances are, the attraction waned and you started acting a little chode-y after a bit in the relationship.

Women have variance in their sex drive, hygiene preferences, etc, and some are "weird" but if she's feeding you all kinds of different reasons on a regular basis, it's because of how you're acting. Especially if the sex was good and constant in the beginning with no issues. Sex is an overwhelming urge, and one that a woman in a relationhip with you, who is turned on by you, and respects you, is NOT going to resist. She should always WANT to have sex with you, barring some severe mental or physical issue she's having. Part of it could just be because people get tired of their partner over the long term (i think the coolidge effect?), but again, it's on you to keep things excited and keep her attracted.
 

da storm

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If it’s a FWB b, then there is a lost of attraction. Sometimes the sexual tension between friends itself is exciting. Until it is no longer exciting. Like an itch you had to scratch. But then the excitement wanes and there’s no connection so you go back to friends status.

In a relationship, most women suffer from Superman syndrome. They project their idealism onto the men they date. Basically she’s not in a relationship with you, but her image of you. Her PERFECT image of you. Most women are unrealistic and delusional when it comes to romance. They live in a disney fantasy.

What happens when the relationship unfolds is she’s going to discover the real you. And she’s going to realize that you aren’t the “man she thought you was.” How many times have we heard that from women as a reason to break up?

In fact every little thing you do will annoy her. Your once charming idiosyncrasies will be seen as bad habits to her. The very thought of having sex with you repulses her.

The key to avoiding all this is to never try to live up women’s arbitrary qualifications. You have to show her that you don’t need to meet anyone’s expectations.

And when she starts projecting qualities to you that have nothing to do with you, reject her compliments. It’s not genuine. It’s a product of her own delusions.

What happens when she thinks you are funny as hell and you try to live up to it? You’re going to be exhausted trying to meet her expectations.

Enjoying women’s praise too much is an ego death trap. They will always find that one thing that you failed to live up to and use it to reject you and rationalize to themselves “He wasn’t the man I thought he was. He’s a dog lover and I hate dogs.”

It sounds funny but this is how a woman’s mind operates. They are delusional when it comes to romance. That’s why you gotta knock Superman off his pedestal and paint a realistic light about yourself.

If women start praising you and you know it’s coming from delusional projections, just politely turn away her praise. And if she keeps being delusional, then dismiss her. It’s obvious she’s fallen for her image of you and not the actual you.

If you do the opposite - it you try to live up to her projections, you are going to ruin your own self esteem. Which of course will cause more “no’s” to happen. It will be a downward spiral.

My diagnosis: The first two women projected an image of you and you tried to live up to it. Eventually you got disqualified because it is women’s nature to find that one qualification you failed to live up to. If you fall into their frame, this is inevitable.

The third woman you developed a stronger frame and realized you don’t need to meet anyone’s qualifications. You likely came off as self validated. And the relationship started off in YOUR frame and not hers.

She is genuinely interested in you and not a projection of you. You got better in choosing the right women who really like you.
 

stringpuller

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When I was married, my ex-wife frequently said "no" to sex. It could be due to a variety of reasons, which I am sure most of you have seen or heard. It could include...

"I'm tired"
"On the rag"
"Just went to the gym"
"Stinky"
"They could hear us"
"We could get caught"

Funny story, I worked in baggage handling for an airline for some time, and would sometimes come home late at night. She would say "No, youre dirty. you just got home from work. Go clean up." I would take a shower, come out, and she would be snoring. Any attempt at that point was disturbing her sleep... pathetic Roober... but I digress

Then we divorced, and I dated a woman for a couple months. At first, everything was good. Then the "no" started free flowing, for many of the same excuses as my ex-wife. A new one was she dated some guy, and claimed he raped her, even though she stayed with him several months afterwards. It was then my fault for making her feel like that man did... I ate that crap up... and submitted... sigh...

Fast forward to my current lady, whom I met after finding SS...

We have been together about 3 years, and she has yet to tell me "no". And I will say that I have attempted to get a "no" under many reasonable circumstances. We have had sex in the woods on a hiking trails, no showers for two days, during her monthly cycle, with my boys in the room next door, with my mom cooking dinner in the kitchen down the hall, in my dusty grimy garage, late at night (2am/4am/12am), in every area of the house, near open windows, when I was wasted, balconies, in my yard with goats walking around, camping, tents, public bathrooms, etc. In some instances, there was a bit of a resistance, but always a smile while I pulled her pants off. I won't go into my tactics here, because I think that could warrant a thread of it's own.

However, this concept has been bugging me for a while. What causes a woman in a relationship to say "No" to sex? And is it okay for her to say "no" to sex? IF it is okay, when is it acceptable and why?

NOTE: I am referring to two people in a relationship (LTR or FWB), not random encounters which could qualify as rape.
I just had a post the other day about betas hanging out for secs and "asking" for secs. NEVER ask for secs...
The NO isa huge red flag. Later in my dating life i broke up with girls who pulled this shyt.
20 years ago a women told me in a moment of honesty that the headache was a bs line and it is...
The NO to secs is top 3 biggest red flags guys.
Your not Dom enough.
Shes not sub enough
She just got laid 48hrs prior.
Your boring
Not enough options that she FEARS
The fvking list goes on.

In this market i would walk almost immediately barring a LEGIT reason. Like family member in hospital.
Child in hospital. Extreme emergency.

NO is ghe begining of Cucksville.
While she's telling alpha to "TAKE HER" now.
 
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stringpuller

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Well it is always the woman’s choice, relationship or no relationship. As for why they tell you no, well I’d say every woman is different.
Lie of the century...you fell for it.
Let me ask you what good is a women to you if she is not
A sex
B cooking?
C LAUNDRY?
D pouring you a drink?

Dont you do all the things she requires of you??
 

BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

Roober, your girl is into you. Straight up. She loves you & loves pleasing you...as it should be.

Unfortunately many men refuse to choose women who are truly into them. Or, alternatively a woman may think she is into you (but she is convincing herself on some level) or she is completely transactional in the relationship (her hotness in exchange for his resources as the classic example.)

In other cases the man behaves in an offputting way which turns a woman off over time...but I gotta be brutally honest here from the ladies’ locker room guys...if her desire fades, goes away or evaporates? She wasn’t compelled by desire in the first place. Loss of desire can happen...but the man has to really screw up and keep screwed up a LONG time.

Let’s look at each scenario in turn...but before I do let me explain something...I personally will NOT get involved (not even a first date free dinner) if I don’t have sexual desire for a man. And I don’t mean lukewarm maybe if he’s cool fence sitting either. Why waste his time or mine if I’m not sure I find him sexually attractive? That’s just dumb in my book. I therefore date much less but much more effectively (I find few men sexually attractive.). So understand that is my personal backdrop and I have always thought women who refuse sex are lying to themselves and their partner about their desire level. I do not refuse my man sex. If I am sexing him by God I want him as much as possible and am adventurous about it, much like Roober’s girl. Great sex is the glue. Desire is not negotiable. Pick a chick who wants your d ick.

But many men trick fvck themselves here. Men want the HB10, the HB9, the 8, whatever. They want that HOT girl so badly that they forget to consider whether or not SHE wants HIM. Cue all the threads around here discussing low interest level. She’s just not that into you? Confusion. Mixed signals. Shjt tests. High interest women don’t do that!!!!

Some men manage to convince a woman to wife them up or LTR them based on stuff. On resources. On social status. Whatever. The man wants the HOT girl (irrespective of her real interest level in him)...The woman decides he’s a suitable enough provider and so she settles. Maybe he’s cool, maybe she likes him. Maybe they have 2.5 kids and a house in the suburbs...But he doesn’t make her heart race and her lady bits tingle. She settles. She knows she settled. After a while she doesn’t want to lie TO HERSELF any more. Here begin the refusals surrounding sex.

Sound familiar? Anyone?

Pick a chick that wants your d ick! Such a chick will love you & please you & submit to your leadership. Relationships become much easier when there is genuine desire on HER part.

She truly desires you? You can send her flowers and take her to dinners and spoil her. She will love that and reward it IF she desires you.

I’ll discuss the transactional opportunists in another post. Some opportunists are quite cunning...others do it subconsciously...neither is good...
 

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Roober

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When they chose you as beta bucks and there was never authentic attraction there
So it sounds like everyone thinks a woman legitimately should never ( within reason obviously) say "no"? There is no excuse not to have sex with her partner?
 
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