Why do I care that my fwb is sleeping w other dudes?

[DariusTheBartender]

Ok... so I am seeing about 3 women right now. I say about because sometimes I have a one night stand or a random tinder date. I went on a weekend trip w one of them. She got a little drunk and told me about guys she was seeing. The week prior she had found one of the other girls hair in my bed and loosely complained. Anyway she told me a little bit about them. Nothing x rated but we both know we are sleeping w other people... but something about her saying it kind of hit me hard. I have a vasectomy so no issues about pregnancy here.

Of the 3 I am seeing... she is the oldest, only one w kids, basically on paper at least she has the LEAST going for her. The other 2 are both early to mid twenties one of which clears 150k a year. The sex with this one isn't even the best... only thing I can finger is that she is closest to my type than the other two.... damn latinas always get me!!!

Anyway... my question... why do I care? It's like I knew we were both sleeping around but once she admits it... it suddenly made me feel like I should have tried to be monogamous w her or cut it off earlier. Dont worry my brain knows hardcore she is bad news... single mom, hot mess, but does have a good job and is a decent human otherwise.

My other question... is it just my ego that got hurt? some type of weird rejection I need to be the winner bull****....

Anyway... not gonna date her or get serious. Pretty much called things off since it's been 5 months. Just wondering psychological what happened. Tough skin so hit me hard w opinions or slaps of logic in my face.

Thanks as always men.

 

[Medina]

Perfectly normal

You are male. Males fight for sole breeding rights

Modernism has tried to beat this out of you

A culture of dating and hypergamy, which suits women

They get to monkey branch between men, without feeling shamed

But every culture in the world hates and shuns a slvt

Every last one of them

 

[lamath]

Male existential fear according to Rollo

Very well explained

The Existential Fear – Men

You need to understand WOMEN HATE BETAS in fact they hate them so much that they would prefer to work soul destroying jobs to support themselves than attach themselves to a Beta provider that wants…

therationalmale.com

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

You may have more feelings for her than you initially thought, or maybe you simply think it's disrespectful. One of the girls I have flings with on and off says stuff about other guys she's seeing and I'll always call her bluff because I'm not attached at all. I'll tease her and say 'oh well then just go see him and quit bothering me', she always instantly backtracks and follows up with a compliment about how i'm better than them. I'll continue to play devil's advocate while she keeps validating me(not that I need it, but it's a power play and teaches her not to talk about it in an indirect way) until she's describing doing all kinds of things to me or begging me to do them to her.


What's interesting is you admit she doesn't bring much value to your life but you seem attached enough to let her words get under you skin. Imo this says more about who you think you are. You must feel you deserve her in some capacity and your soul is speaking out and saying 'wtf we don't need to take this shiit', and thus this thread from the internal conflict. I'm willing to bet the part of you that's considered monogamy with her has done so out of pity and passive self sabotage.

You shouldn't care who she's fuucking. You should realize that's she's fuucking you, that's she's in your presence in that moment over one of them, and that's all that matters. Enjoy your time with her and enjoy giving her the orgasms and attention you think she deserves. If you think she deserves less then disengage appropriately. The release of your inhibitions in spite of her seeing other people is what will ultimately present the highest chance of keeping her around in the capacity you want her. She may leave and that's simply something you shouldn't even think about because that would be her loss, not yours.

 

[DelayedGratification]

You shouldn't care who she's fuucking. You should realize that's she's fuucking you, that's she's in your presence in that moment over one of them, and that's all that matters. Enjoy your time with her and enjoy giving her the orgasms and attention you think she deserves. If you think she deserves less then disengage appropriately. The release of your inhibitions in spite of her seeing other people is what will ultimately present the highest chance of keeping her around in the capacity you want her. She may leave and that's simply something you shouldn't even think about because that would be her loss, not yours.

^^^ This.

It took me a long time to come to terms with the polyamory of my GF. Intellectually I had no problem with it, right from the start. Viscerally... well... that was another matter. Took me quite a while to get used to hearing about other partners, and to her credit she was sensitive to my difficulties and was good about going slow. But over time I just kept coming back to one simple fact: her time with her other partners really has no bearing on the time we spend together. Just as @EyeOnThePrize says above.

So you're spinning plates, and it sounds like she is as well. Nobody is being deceitful. Sounds like standard non-monogamous dating to me, except both of you are being up-front and honest about it.

 

[lamath]

^^^ This.

It took me a long time to come to terms with the polyamory of my GF. Intellectually I had no problem with it, right from the start. Viscerally... well... that was another matter. Took me quite a while to get used to hearing about other partners, and to her credit she was sensitive to my difficulties and was good about going slow. But over time I just kept coming back to one simple fact: her time with her other partners really has no bearing on the time we spend together. Just as @EyeOnThePrize says above.

So you're spinning plates, and it sounds like she is as well. Nobody is being deceitful. Sounds like standard non-monogamous dating to me, except both of you are being up-front and honest about it.

Mmm might just be me but i dont like this mind set
i would not want a women im ****ing doi g it with any other guy while im seeing her even if im spinning plate.

I guess im selfish

 

[Epic Days]

Look up “The Madonna-Whor@ syndrome”

Basically a man wants the women close to him be chaste and only for them. Men with this “syndrome” like to view their mothers, sisters, close women as not like other women. Other women are the w!owres & slvts.

I don’t know if I fully buy into it but it fits. It’s a male duality. The idea of their mother sucking a truckload of diks is pretty scary for them.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Just from a practical "yuck" angle... I can't fathom sticking it where another guy has recently been. I don't know how you guys do it.

 

[Poonani Maker]

One of mine just hit me up mid-20s thin, has a man-dimple chin but she's cute. She couldn't do anything last weekend, but then could the day before I'd asked her, but I couldn't (made up an excuse). I know she fvcks other guys too. So I get a text just minutes ago about coming over tonight after I'd asked her about last night (apparently with another dude). So now, I'm just ignoring her text. I don't even think I'll give an excuse. Quite frankly, I'm tired from a workout, but I'm horny some, but I just don't wanna, but I DO wanna fvck her, but I just don't wanna drive over there. I want to fvck her though. It's just too late. I was hornier earlier right after the 2+ hour workout of 6 miles runnin and balance work, pushups, planks, walking on hands with feet elevated, just drenched in sweat. Before the shower, I was Horny. I could fvck her right then and there, not now. I'll hit her up next weekend.

 

[Epic Days]

Male existential fear according to Rollo

Very well explained

The Existential Fear – Men

You need to understand WOMEN HATE BETAS in fact they hate them so much that they would prefer to work soul destroying jobs to support themselves than attach themselves to a Beta provider that wants…

therationalmale.com

Pretty good read.

 

[Robert28]

It would bother me because I dont trust those other dudes to not have an std and we all know women are crappy pickers when it comes to men. That’s the main reason I only spin the few plates I have known for a long time, I know I’m not gonna catch anything from them. You can’t be too trusting these days.

 

[DelayedGratification]

I guess im selfish

At the risk of being contrary to the ethos of this board, I'd add hypocritical.

 

[DelayedGratification]

It would bother me because I dont trust those other dudes to not have an std and we all know women are crappy pickers when it comes to men. That’s the main reason I only spin the few plates I have known for a long time, I know I’m not gonna catch anything from them. You can’t be too trusting these days.

That's where the "ethical" in "ethical non-monogamy" comes in. Poly people, the ones who are doing it right, are hyper-STD-aware. So the majority of the time, protection is involved, because each partner gives a shyte about the health of their partners. "Fluid bonding" is reserved for an inner circle, and usually only one partner.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It would bother me because I dont trust those other dudes to not have an std and we all know women are crappy pickers when it comes to men. That’s the main reason I only spin the few plates I have known for a long time, I know I’m not gonna catch anything from them. You can’t be too trusting these days.

So she can pick someone to rob you or exploit you in some fashion.

 

[Robert28]

So she can pick someone to rob you or exploit you in some fashion.

That too.lol I’ve become very untrusting in my older age haha

 

[lamath]

At the risk of being contrary to the ethos of this board, I'd add hypocritical.

Nope.
Im actually not a plate spinner and i know that i would not tolerate it even if i was.

Just dont want sloppy second.

 

[DariusTheBartender]

Nope.
Im actually not a plate spinner and i know that i would not tolerate it even if i was.

Just dont want sloppy second.

My kind of thing is a girls past is a girls past (to an extent no strippers porn stars etc) but after we met... that is no longer her past.

 

[Trump]

My other question... is it just my ego that got hurt? some type of weird rejection I need to be the winner bull****....

Anyway... not gonna date her or get serious. Pretty much called things off since it's been 5 months. Just wondering psychological what happened. Tough skin so hit me hard w opinions or slaps of logic in my face.

Thanks as always men.

She’s closer to your age so you emotionally connect with her more than the other 2.

At your age you don’t care about the sex as much as the connection.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Look up “The Madonna-Whor@ syndrome”

Basically a man wants the women close to him be chaste and only for them. Men with this “syndrome” like to view their mothers, sisters, close women as not like other women. Other women are the w!owres & slvts.

I don’t know if I fully buy into it but it fits. It’s a male duality. The idea of their mother sucking a truckload of diks is pretty scary for them.

A truckload? Like a sport utility full of dudes? Or a school bus?

 

[Spaz]

I spin plates and if anyone of them sleep with another man, I'd drop her like a ton of rocks.

Ain't no way I'm gonna kiss a mouth that just a day or 2 has been sucking another man's d1ck and swallowing his cvm.

Some of the replies here are really twisted, goes to show that femininity has done a real number on you, that you end up thinking that it's fine to share.