Why are Some Guys So Against Cold Approach/Daygame

[Bingo-Player]

you really can't negotiate attraction. No 'game' tricks actually work. That's why the industry moved on from mysterymethod and stuff lol.
Negging and using NLP lines and whatever else one thinks of as super advanced manipulation will only 'work' on girls who already thought you were attractive. (thus did it really 'work'?)
Game is simply approaching a girl, flirting adn seeing if shes into you or not. At every level

I agree there are some attitudes & behaviours linked to "game" that help with general male/female attraction but largely i don't see "game" as being able to conquer attraction , it can however definitely help to sustain it

Sometimes you just have to accept she's just not that into you and you will end up wasting precious time and energy trying to change that

 

[characternote]

I agree there are some attitudes & behaviours linked to "game" that help with general male/female attraction but largely i don't see "game" as being able to conquer attraction , it can however definitely help to sustain it

Sometimes you just have to accept she's just not that into you and you will end up wasting precious time and energy trying to change that

I completely agree. I don't consider myself a 'game denier' at all! I just feel like it's not what it's sold as. It's marketed to gullible desperate guys as something that it's not, and never could be. ('say this, behave like this and you can force a girl to be sexually attracted to you')
I mean, if a girl is approached by a guy she thinks is handsome, and he has really bad 'game', his chances of banging her reduce quite a lot. That's how i would never deny game (But it's a sliding scale. If she thinks you are 10/10 hot, then it doesn't matter. I have a German friend who proves this. Male model good looks but zero game. Doesn't stop girls wanting to rip his clothes off when they meet him lol. But most guys, even fairly good looking guys won't have that luxury. They'll need to not bore her to death etc)
But if you open a girl and she's just not remotely attracted to you on a physical level, no 'game' is gonna cut any ice. It wasn't his fault or a failure in his 'seduction'. People give themselves WAY too much credit when they talk of seduction lol
Infields prove this nicely

 

[Fruitbat]

If you're known as a compulsive liar then you're obviously a terrible failure of a Dark Triad. Successful manipulation is predicated on being believable.

You know who the biggest dark triads of all are when it comes and machiavelli and narcassism personality traits? Women.

The essence of Game is being able to communicate with women on their level. This is all subcommunication, indirect, mystery and manipulation. This is what women want and it's impossible to deny it.

Just reflecting on this. I know 2 dark triads in my workplace. One is incompetent but extremely machievialian. The other is more narcisstic but highly competent. The former is an abject failure, the latter highly successful.

My analysis is that as Jordan Peterson says, the hierarchy is primarily a competence hierarchy. Things like intelligence andconscientiousness are still the biggest predictors of success (and therefore power generally) but dark triad comes into it when you’re already at the top and competing.

dark triad alone isn’t enough.

Most deadbeat ex cons are dark triad, you have to be highly competent and intelligent first.

 

[B80]

I don't think you can be a successful dark triad without intelligence and competence. I would say that intelligence and competence alone does not breed true success with women if it's bluepill - because then it becomes transactional. Plenty of intelligent and competent people succeed within the matrix (financially and socially) but cannot figure out how to turn women on.

Interesting read this debate. @Pan87, out of interest, are there any books, podcasts etc you recommend around the subject you're discussing? I know you have to approach, get experience etc but would be useful to do some reading/learning when doing other stuff at home.

 

[DonJuanjr]

We aren't living in the stone ages anymore you can't just go out and hunt for women approach her smash her over the head with a rock and take her back to the cave

Tell that to a certain percentage of men in prison.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Who said you approach women randomly and awkwardly? Obviously, that's not attractive.

But at its core that is what " day game /cold approach" is .... some chick is going about her day to day business and some random guy approaches her and starts talking about some random crap

like i said you would need to be incredibly conversational / charismatic and confident to be able to make that scenario natural and as you put it "attractive"

Vast majority of guys will not be able to do this

Don't get me wrong night /club approach is completely different beast , alcohol is involved , approach is usually welcomed and women are usually receptive knock yourself out

 

[DonJuanjr]

I don't know, for me, it's easier to day game than night game. Not saying I had much success with either, but even with alcohol I find night game more intimidating. I'm wondering if alcohol raises my inhibitions...

 

[DonJuanjr]

then I vet her through the next stages of the daygame process

Could you expand on this?

 

[characternote]

Basically this.
There really aren't any secret powerful tactics to MAKE a girl wanna bang you. That's just marketing
So all 'daygame' is, is basically 'living' and when you see a cute girl, you try your luck. Talk to her, flirt and see if she's interested
Your success rate depends on how good looking she thinks you are andhow suitable the environment and culture are to cold approach

This is "just be yourself, bro, and good things will happen" advice. Probably the most bluepill advice you could ever give a person. It's also a very passive and feminine perspective.

Life is entirely down to you actively forging your own path, and often brutally manipulating your way to your goals.

How is what I said any different from what you say below, though? As you say (and as I said) you open, try to get her to hook, and you flirt a little.

And as you say ' You only proceed through these stages if she's attracted '. Again, I agree. What about that do you think is 'actively forging your path and 'manipulating' her? I mean what you wrote could also be called 'Just be yourself bro and good things will happen' advice if mine was, no? (since we said the same thing)

Approach with a reason that has nothing to do with her beauty or you finding her attractive. Complementing her beauty gives all your power away. Approach with a comment on her fashion choice if she's wearing something unique. Other approaches could be commenting on her mood, or what she might be up to - always preface it with something like "I saw you walking here just now and I noticed..(launch into your comment)". First step is how she respond to your opener, and proceed from there if she's receptive. You keep making comments and observations until she hooks on something or starts giving you information about herself - this is a buying signal. Your comments can be anything from her accent, her mood, or what she looks like i.e. "You look like you know how to dance, you've got a dancer's physique". Dancing is subconsciously sexual so it's good area to lead her mind to.

Once she hooks and gives you information e.g. "Actually, I love dancing. But I'm not a professional. Tehehe" then that's your greenlight to proceed to building some rapport, giving her a bit of information about yourself and then flirting with her. Flirting can be done through push/pull statements (but this has to be very calibrated), body language and light kino like touching the back of her elbow when you're emphasizing something you're saying. The power of touch is very lethal if you do it the right way.

You only proceed through these stages if she's attracted, and a girl makes it pretty obvious when she's attracted.

Once you've done these things then you could either try for an insta date by suggesting she accompany you to coffee (you were already getting a coffee and she can come along - never ask her "Would you like to get a coffee with me?"). If you don't want to insta-date her then you can either leave her with your card James Bond style, or take her number.

 

[soulforge]

I really enjoy day/game cold approach.. I pick & choose to approach the girls who I find the most attractive, rather than sending a message to some girl online who doesn't even care to even read your message.

Having the NUTS to approach a woman on its own is an achievement, where most guys stay at home, play video games & jerk off.

Yes the rejection part is a bitter pill to swallow, however after the first 7-8-9 rejections, it's just water off a ducks back.

You cannot simply rely on dating apps to meet woman.. Guys need to tap into ever resource available to meet woman.

Online, cold approach, social circles, events.. As one of the posters previously said, puzzy isn't going to simply fall at your feet.

A hunter needs to hunt it's prey.. I generally find a couple of shots of vodka before I head out to approach really helps me settle in to the game.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Just reflecting on this. I know 2 dark triads in my workplace. One is incompetent but extremely machievialian. The other is more narcisstic but highly competent. The former is an abject failure, the latter highly successful.

My analysis is that as Jordan Peterson says, the hierarchy is primarily a competence hierarchy. Things like intelligence andconscientiousness are still the biggest predictors of success (and therefore power generally) but dark triad comes into it when you’re already at the top and competing.

dark triad alone isn’t enough.

Most deadbeat ex cons are dark triad, you have to be highly competent and intelligent first.

cold approaches always had a very low success rate but the key was to critically mass them. They work less and less as time goes on due to smartphones/social media creating natural barriers between organic interpersonal communication, and also PUA explosion of the 2000s flooding clubs and bars with non naturals doing it badly and making women as a whole less open to approaches.

1. You’ll get better with more practice.
2. The point of CA is not always to close right away but often to create opportunities to close later (generate leads).
3. CA works better for casual sex than relationships as women need more social proof for relationship attraction than for raw sexual interaction that they believe can be kept discreet.
4. As with all things the key is to be attractive. If you have done this well, women will signal openness to CA and make it more like a Tepid Approach. If you have done you job with attractiveness very well and know how to put yourself in the right situations, women will CA you.

 

[Serenity]

I think that keeping your social life and your relationship life entirely separate is entirely prudent. It's like banging people that you work with. It needlessly introduces complications and toxic group influences.

Friendships / Relationships/ Workplace need to be kept entirely separate.

I keep my friends well away from any girl I'm associating with. You can't talk freely with other men when your woman is around. You have to censor yourself and "first rule of fight club = never talk about fight club" etc.

You have to manage your woman's perception of you at all times. Social Circles and workplace relationships introduce too many variables that are outside your control.

Workplace I can agree on, but not the rest of my social life. It's easier to replace friends than to replace a job.

If you're discreet there will less likely be drama. If whoever you fvck talks, causes drama and your friends participate in that drama against you when you have done nothing that could be considered deceptive then they were sh!t friends all along. Just ditch them and find better friends. Cool guys don't buy into the drama caused by women.

I would never desire any relationship where I have to conceal a lot of who I am and play two entirely different images towards different people. If a chick has issues with how I am with my friends she can fvck off, if a friend has issues with how I am with my chick they can fvck off. You can walk around on eggshells if you like to not upset anyone or you can weed out the troublemakers. I prefer taking out the trash and being free to unapologetically being the man that I am.

I don't try to manage women's perception of me. No matter how much you think you can do it, you can't ever truly control that anyways. It also leaves you vulnerable to being found out to not be who they think you are, a small mistake here and there in your facade can bring it all crashing down upon you. I don't put up a facade, most people seem to like me and moreso for being genuine. Some do not, but I don't aim to please everyone so I don't care. They perceive me the way they perceive me, if they have a negative perception of me then I'm more than happy to exclude them from MY life.

 

[Serenity]

It's not about walking on eggshells. It's about maintaining respect, boundaries and power. It's almost exactly the same as a parent/child relationship.

If you invite her into all aspects of your life and set no boundaries, then she will start to see herself as equal to you as she becomes very familiar with all aspects of your life. It's like parents who let their kids stay up late and watch mature films with them. This failure to set boundaries and maintain respect and power leads to unruly children, and unruly women in a relationship context.

You need to maintain large areas of your life that are completely independent of your woman. If she knows everything, knows all you're sh1t, you let her hang with your friends (who then become her friends) then it all becomes very predictable and boring for her over time and slowly but surely that honeymoon period passion dies.

The problem isn't women seeing themselves as equals, the problems arise if they consider themselves as superior and start stepping on my toes. That's where my boundary go, I expect to receive the same respect that is given and if that stops being true then they're out.

It's not my fvcking job to entertain women at all times, I don't like high maintenance women. Any woman who requires all that hassle you're talking about to stay interested is of no use to me. Your methods are sucking up to women just to keep them interested, if I really had to keep up a charade like that I'd rather remain single.

My way isn't absent of boundaries and respect, it is in fact exactly what I'm talking about. I don't play the BS game of micromanaging my relationships between different people. They can do as they want so long as they're not causing me trouble and if they do try to cause me trouble that's when I enforce my boundaries.

I don't need to maintain a large area of my life independent and away from my woman. I desire the most hassle free relationship experience possible and the only way to do that is to screen thoroughly. I do so by exposing who I am, if she still stays and doesn't cause me any pain then she's good.

The difference between you and me is that you're trying to be what you think women desire, I look at what I desire in a woman.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Cold approach is the best way to meet women outside of social circles, most guys here do not have a social circle that gives them a variety new women.

Outside of Cold approach, what alternatives does a man really have? OLD? Nightgame (which is impossible if you have a 9-5 job and live outside of the downtown area).

A woman is not going to fall out of the sky unto your lap, you need to go out and approach women.

Because some guys prefer to build a false sense of confidence by "picking up" and roping a girl from the comfort of their couch and phones? I don't know, beats me really.

To each his own ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Modern Man Advice

 

[MatureDJ]

Cold approach is the best way to meet women outside of social circles, most guys here do not have a social circle that gives them a variety new women.

Outside of Cold approach, what alternatives does a man really have? OLD? Nightgame (which is impossible if you have a 9-5 job and live outside of the downtown area).

I'll give you an analogy: men who always strike out at baseball tend to not like baseball.

A woman is not going to fall out of the sky unto your lap, you need to go out and approach women.

Well, she might at a strip club when the DJ announces 2 for 1.

 

[MatureDJ]

What most guys will discover is that if you're well-calibrated and look decent then the vast majority of women will be happy to have a conversation with you, and then blow you off with "I have a boyfriend" or some other auto-reject line women use. .

I can remember from my college days, some chick being the conversation aggressor (she was cute but a little chunky ), and then out of nowhere she blurts out, "... my boyfriend ..."; it's like she wanted men to try to hit her up so that she could use this line.

 

[MatureDJ]

“Daygame” to me just speaks of a basement ridden incel who needs to psych up and dress up and rehearse for what just should be what you do every day.

I sure hope no man does this every day:

 

[MatureDJ]

Well I must have Down’s syndrome then. Or maybe I just prefer the easy route.

Down's Syndrome women can marry a normie.

Account Suspended

 

[SargeMaximus]

Down's Syndrome women can marry a normie.

Account Suspended

I don’t think this kind of thing is healthy in the pua community. Years ago the thing was hard cases like me were suspected of autism. I actually got myself professionally tested for autism because of that, but a lot of guys just live with the insecurity of “maybe I’m damaged”. Hardly empowering like pua used to be before all this sh!t

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I’ve never tried CA/DG but much respect to those who have. I always planned to give it a go, but never got around to doing it.