Whoever cares the least has the power

[BYOB]

I keep hearing about how if you want a relationship to last you have to care about it less than her.
From your own guy's experiences, would you say theres truth to this?
and if so how do you demonstrate this in a relationship?

 

[HappyHarryHardon]

Slightly true. But don't do it too much or they'll feel left out. I did it to this girl I was dating, I took long to reply to her texts/calls, was in a "meh" attitude towards her most times. She loved it and chased me more. It really does work. But if you're in love and in a relationship don't be like that lol. Usually best for girls you just wanna slam dunk. With girlfriends, do the same just lower the volume of the game.

 

[zekko]

I don't really see this as a tactic, it's just something that should be. You should build yourself into a high value male so that you are the prize and her interest level is high.

If she doesn't give a crap about you at all, it doesn't help your position a whole lot if you care less.

I think that just because of the nature of the male and female genders, relationships run better if the woman cares more, and the man has the frame.

 

[BYOB]

This makes sense.
Thanks, much appreciated

 

[bigneil]

Let me provide my current relationship as an example of applying this method succesfully:

1) She walked up to me at her club and said "Do you want to hang out?"
I had two choices: accept her offer, or walk. I accepted.

2) She gave me her phone number.
I had two choices: text her or walk. I texted her.

3) She later texted "You're not going to come see me again? ".
I had two choices: accept her offer or walk. I accepted.

4) (3 months and 7 dates later) I wrote to her on Valentines Day to confirm out plans made 5 days earlier.
She had two choices: accept or I walk. She accepted.

5) Yesterday she kissed me goodbye as she left. I have two choices: see her again or walk.

You see, she's doing the chasing. I'm leaning away, she's leaning forward. I must keep it that way. It will never get to the point where I'm stalking her.

NOW, my heart sings when I am next to her, but I minimize talking about it with her. I let her talk about feelings while I focus on physically satisfying her, and spoiling her when we're together.

 

[AlexDP]

Let me provide my current relationship as an example of applying this method succesfully:

1) She walked up to me at her club and said "Do you want to hang out?"
I had two choices: accept her offer, or walk. I accepted.

2) She gave me her phone number.
I had two choices: text her or walk. I texted her.

3) She later texted "You're not going to come see me again? ".
I had two choices: accept her offer or walk. I accepted.

4) (3 months and 7 dates later) I wrote to her on Valentines Day to confirm out plans made 5 days earlier.
She had two choices: accept or I walk. She accepted.

5) Yesterday she kissed me goodbye as she left. I have two choices: see her again or walk.

You see, she's doing the chasing. I'm leaning away, she's leaning forward. I must keep it that way. It will never get to the point where I'm stalking her.

NOW, my heart sings when I am next to her, but I minimize talking about it with her. I let her talk about feelings while I focus on physically satisfying her, and spoiling her when we're together.

Isn't she a stripper?

 

[st_99]

I don't really see this as a tactic, it's just something that should be.

True, its something thats alomost impossible to fake over time because
the truth will win out, they'll see right through you.

 

[Jariel]

I wish I could dispute this, but it has always rung true for me. I've had girls who start out obsessed with me, things are going great and I can't do anything wrong, but then as soon as I start to develop feelings for them I'm suddenly shot down and rejected.

When I think of my past long term relationships, they always cared more about me than I did about them.

Maybe it is possible to simulate low interest and doing so has always been a big part of the seduction game, but like st-99 said, it's hard to fake it for the long term.

 

[st_99]

In my last LTR (years) I remember treating her like sh*t pretty much, i always felt way above her and cared way less than she did. Yet, she loved me no matter what. Its sad really.

 

[ositosucio]

thisis 100% true and there is no way to fake it. It is a state of mind you can only reach when you have options and have ****ed tons of girls. At this point u just don't care anymore and it shows. And they love you for it.

 

[bigneil]

Isn't she a stripper?

Yes. I figure it's all the more of a testament to this strategy. Talk about a woman who has options.

 

[Aaron B]

if you aren't willing to walk away, you are f'ed

 

[Serg897]

I wish I could dispute this, but it has always rung true for me. I've had girls who start out obsessed with me, things are going great and I can't do anything wrong, but then as soon as I start to develop feelings for them I'm suddenly shot down and rejected.

When I think of my past long term relationships, they always cared more about me than I did about them.

Maybe it is possible to simulate low interest and doing so has always been a big part of the seduction game, but like st-99 said, it's hard to fake it for the long term.

I can only confirm this 100%. Every single time I've gotten invested more than she is, it ends, and it ends QUICKLY.

I can only conclude from my experience and that of other posters that the ideal relationship must always have her be more invested than you are. Otherwise, you wont be happy, the relationship will be unstable, and she wont think twice about branch swinging to the next dude and dumping you like yesterdays garbage.

 

[bigneil]

Agreed Serg (and Jariel).

The way to get her emotionally invested is to disappear for 7-10 days, occasionally. They must suffer the pangs of jealousy and loss to digest what you have offered (which must intermittently be spectacular). Then, blow $500 on a date once in a while. Make if like a fairy tale.

 

[AlexLefty]

would you say theres truth to this?
and if so how do you demonstrate this in a relationship?

Yes, completely true.

Because I didn't care, I had a girl friend for 6 months, broke up with her, had her come crawling back to me, accepted her back, and have been dating her again for like 2 months or something.

 

[shizz702]

Totally agree on this and in my experience(s) it reigns true.

My dad has a saying, "Whoever cares the least, loves the most." And what he meant by it is the one who is indifferent towards it will always have the upper hand.

Don't know why but from some observations it may be because:

We want what we can't have. We will try to seek approval and affirmation if a person seems like they don't like us.

We like challenges inherently.

Something perceived as requiring effort or difficulty to obtained seems of high(er) value.

It's weird and illogical but it is all part of the game.

 

[jglide123]

Personally, I think that's bad advice if you're looking for a long term relationship, but there is an acorn of truth in the statement....

It's not so much that you should care less about her, but that you shouldn't make her your entire world. In other words, if you've been dating a women long enough for mutually strong feelings to have developed, you should have other things going on in your life and not let that relationship define your existence. So, it shouldn't be that you're consciously trying to make sure that you care less about her.

Basically, have balance. Don't make any woman (even your wife) your entire world.

 

[PapiChulo]

I suppose the interest level should ideally be equally high in both persons. Some folks don't like to be controlled for a long time or cater to people who don't give a damn about them, that's when they find emotionally available people and cheat. This brings us back to having self-respect and self-esteem. Just be willing to abandon that ship when you are about to hit the rocks....

 

[ezio]

Sad but true

 

[SmoothnNerdy]

Not a new truth but you guys helped me understand it much better. Thanks!