Which kind of woman did i escape here?

xplt

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I met my now ex girlfriend in early 2015, i was 27, she 22. We clicked instantly and she came up with beeing exclusive three weeks after our first date, she wanted me to move in together after already three months and i gave in after five. I never got along so good with a woman, she showered me with affection and love and i was totally blinded by her appearance and her behavior around me that i played down the very first signs, that something with her wasn’t right.
  • In the first two months she managed to get into my facebook account over my gmail mailbox. Found old messages from my ex gf and started huge drama
  • She disrespected her parents massively – i told her that’s a no go, she tried to change, but i had to know, that she would be able to treat me the same way
  • She was extremly jealous
  • When we had a fight, she tried to push me around or blocked doorways
  • Gave me control calls when i was out with my buddies and made drama when i came home half an hour late
  • She was overstepping boundaries i gave her, regarding family affairs on my side
However the first two years were great (or i thought they were great…). I was a TOTAL beta. Always pleasing her, tried to fulfill her needs and so on. But she gave me the feeling that i was the man and we had plenty of great sex. I was fully involved in her family and she in mine. But i noticed by the end of our second year, that she wasn’t really respecting me. When we where out, she tried to engage in eye contact with my buddies or other men. In the third year, sex became lesser, perhaps down to two times, often one time per week. It was still enough for me not to starveI still was happy with the ralationship and naive as i was i engaged with her.

Year four was a total disaster. Sex only every two weeks, sometimes three. I tried to talk to her but things went worse. Sex was only obligatory. The way i had sex with her felt horribly bad at this point. Her relationship credo „We have to talk about everything“ was just self protection for her. Her problems had to be fixed, mine were ignored. She was always little bit of dominant and controlling, but i had my way to deal with her, without getting into drama or huge fights very often.

I felt stuck and didn’t know what to do. So i searched across the internet, found stuff like SoSuave, The Rational Male, No More Mr. Nice Guy. I suckled every information i found. And everything went so clear.

I made a complete turnaround. I was always very ambitious about my job, so i learned new skills and left my former employer for a better income and a more interesting range of duty. I started working out again three to four times a week and went for band practice on a regular basis. I also learned to stand up against her in a firm but loving way. The only things i seemed to make right over all those years were, that i didn’t stop courting and dating her. She always told me how perfect our relationship was and how proud she was to have me in her life.

The last half year of our relationship went horribly wrong and i’m still brooding over what happened.

My mother had a sudden cerebral haemorrhage and we had to cancel our wedding. Short-time before i had a conversation with her, where i told her that i wasnt accepting her violating my boundaries anymore and that i cant live with sex two times per month. She made a sudden shift in her behavior, but i noticed, that she was in total anxiety mode.

She went so out of control… over a course of a month i had daily arguments about the cancelled wedding – she was unable to understand, that i dont want to marry in times, my mother lies with only half of her skullcap in hospital. I pulled back unconsciously, due tot he situation with my mother and my new job. She became controlling and manipulative in a way, it was unbearable. When i wanted to go out with my buddies she started to cry in order to keep me at home – she managed to keep me at home twice. The third time she did it again, i left our apartment to meet the buddies.
The next day i got an ultimatum: „You never go out alone over night or you leave me“. I didn’t gave in. The next weekend i went out with the buddies again, came home, found her nearly blacked out drunk, insulting me, throwing stuff at me, breaking up with me. She came crawling back at 7am.

The next weeks i was walking on eggshells. Everything seemed to be evidence, that i didn’t love her anymore. I wasnt able to give her a good feeling anymore. Wellnes Weekends, Hikes, nothing could satisfy her. I played too much music, worked out too much, was too focused on my career. I had daily arguments of 1-3 hours, till i was exhausted. This went along another month, in which she broke up twice, only to come back the other day. She tried to make rules, how often i can see my buddies, how often i can visit my mother in rehab. I didn’t give in. When she broke up the fourth time in two and a half months, i moved out of our apartment.

I called her five days after i moved out, to see how she does. She admitted that she didn’t want me to move out and we tried to work things out again. This went along for another 7 weeks of walking on eggshells, trying to setup rules, nagging that she wasn’t my number one priority. She recruited her whole family and her friends against me. I had arguments with her and her mother on a childs birthday in front of the whole family, with her and her grandma on grandma’s birthday and with several other people. She created her own evil picture of me and tried to break me down with the help of her family.

I **** you not, when i tell you, in this four exhausting months i suddenly had daily sex, dripping wet. When she got what she wanted, i was the man, when i didn’t accept her drama and rules, i was the worst enemy. She even kicked, slapped and hit me with fists in our fights, and insulted me because i showed not enough emotions in her eyes. Nothing i said and did was enough for her. I tried to give her a good feeling and she came with daily circular arguments till i felt brain washed. She checked my phone when i wasn’t around. When she got in my car and found a hair of her own she asked me „who was driving with you?“. When i was out with her and only looked in the direction of another woman she went jealous and disappeared for minutes, only to come back as if nothing happened. She bad mouthed my buddies and family like if she tried to convince me they are all bad, with the intent to isolate me. She complained about me not chatting enough over the day, although i was working. She complained about me not calling her when she was ten minutes late from work. I wasn’t able to do one step with her in my back.

I wasn’t willing to deal with her anymore and broke off.

With what kind of women had i have to deal here?

Sorry fort he long post and my probably bad english, im not a native speaker.
 

dude99

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I met my now ex girlfriend in early 2015, i was 27, she 22. We clicked instantly and she came up with beeing exclusive three weeks after our first date, she wanted me to move in together after already three months and i gave in after five. I never got along so good with a woman, she showered me with affection and love and i was totally blinded by her appearance and her behavior around me that i played down the very first signs, that something with her wasn’t right.
  • In the first two months she managed to get into my facebook account over my gmail mailbox. Found old messages from my ex gf and started huge drama
  • She disrespected her parents massively – i told her that’s a no go, she tried to change, but i had to know, that she would be able to treat me the same way
  • She was extremly jealous
  • When we had a fight, she tried to push me around or blocked doorways
  • Gave me control calls when i was out with my buddies and made drama when i came home half an hour late
  • She was overstepping boundaries i gave her, regarding family affairs on my side
However the first two years were great (or i thought they were great…). I was a TOTAL beta. Always pleasing her, tried to fulfill her needs and so on. But she gave me the feeling that i was the man and we had plenty of great sex. I was fully involved in her family and she in mine. But i noticed by the end of our second year, that she wasn’t really respecting me. When we where out, she tried to engage in eye contact with my buddies or other men. In the third year, sex became lesser, perhaps down to two times, often one time per week. It was still enough for me not to starveI still was happy with the ralationship and naive as i was i engaged with her.

Year four was a total disaster. Sex only every two weeks, sometimes three. I tried to talk to her but things went worse. Sex was only obligatory. The way i had sex with her felt horribly bad at this point. Her relationship credo „We have to talk about everything“ was just self protection for her. Her problems had to be fixed, mine were ignored. She was always little bit of dominant and controlling, but i had my way to deal with her, without getting into drama or huge fights very often.

I felt stuck and didn’t know what to do. So i searched across the internet, found stuff like SoSuave, The Rational Male, No More Mr. Nice Guy. I suckled every information i found. And everything went so clear.

I made a complete turnaround. I was always very ambitious about my job, so i learned new skills and left my former employer for a better income and a more interesting range of duty. I started working out again three to four times a week and went for band practice on a regular basis. I also learned to stand up against her in a firm but loving way. The only things i seemed to make right over all those years were, that i didn’t stop courting and dating her. She always told me how perfect our relationship was and how proud she was to have me in her life.

The last half year of our relationship went horribly wrong and i’m still brooding over what happened.

My mother had a sudden cerebral haemorrhage and we had to cancel our wedding. Short-time before i had a conversation with her, where i told her that i wasnt accepting her violating my boundaries anymore and that i cant live with sex two times per month. She made a sudden shift in her behavior, but i noticed, that she was in total anxiety mode.

She went so out of control… over a course of a month i had daily arguments about the cancelled wedding – she was unable to understand, that i dont want to marry in times, my mother lies with only half of her skullcap in hospital. I pulled back unconsciously, due tot he situation with my mother and my new job. She became controlling and manipulative in a way, it was unbearable. When i wanted to go out with my buddies she started to cry in order to keep me at home – she managed to keep me at home twice. The third time she did it again, i left our apartment to meet the buddies.
The next day i got an ultimatum: „You never go out alone over night or you leave me“. I didn’t gave in. The next weekend i went out with the buddies again, came home, found her nearly blacked out drunk, insulting me, throwing stuff at me, breaking up with me. She came crawling back at 7am.

The next weeks i was walking on eggshells. Everything seemed to be evidence, that i didn’t love her anymore. I wasnt able to give her a good feeling anymore. Wellnes Weekends, Hikes, nothing could satisfy her. I played too much music, worked out too much, was too focused on my career. I had daily arguments of 1-3 hours, till i was exhausted. This went along another month, in which she broke up twice, only to come back the other day. She tried to make rules, how often i can see my buddies, how often i can visit my mother in rehab. I didn’t give in. When she broke up the fourth time in two and a half months, i moved out of our apartment.

I called her five days after i moved out, to see how she does. She admitted that she didn’t want me to move out and we tried to work things out again. This went along for another 7 weeks of walking on eggshells, trying to setup rules, nagging that she wasn’t my number one priority. She recruited her whole family and her friends against me. I had arguments with her and her mother on a childs birthday in front of the whole family, with her and her grandma on grandma’s birthday and with several other people. She created her own evil picture of me and tried to break me down with the help of her family.

I **** you not, when i tell you, in this four exhausting months i suddenly had daily sex, dripping wet. When she got what she wanted, i was the man, when i didn’t accept her drama and rules, i was the worst enemy. She even kicked, slapped and hit me with fists in our fights, and insulted me because i showed not enough emotions in her eyes. Nothing i said and did was enough for her. I tried to give her a good feeling and she came with daily circular arguments till i felt brain washed. She checked my phone when i wasn’t around. When she got in my car and found a hair of her own she asked me „who was driving with you?“. When i was out with her and only looked in the direction of another woman she went jealous and disappeared for minutes, only to come back as if nothing happened. She bad mouthed my buddies and family like if she tried to convince me they are all bad, with the intent to isolate me. She complained about me not chatting enough over the day, although i was working. She complained about me not calling her when she was ten minutes late from work. I wasn’t able to do one step with her in my back.

I wasn’t willing to deal with her anymore and broke off.

With what kind of women had i have to deal here?

Sorry fort he long post and my probably bad english, im not a native speaker.
To sum this up :
Stage 1 - she love bombed you. She was the playing the perfect girlfriend. See they know how to behave when they want to sucker you in. This was nothing but manipulation to get you to fall in love with her. When they are too good to be true, they are fake.

Stage 2 - she showed you a little bit of vuneralibility. She probably acted abused and like she had been through horrible relarionship and it was always some bad monster and she was the victim. This activated your white knight side and made you fall in love even more with her. It was probably around this this time you got engaged. You were told you were the perfect bf and you wanted to take all her bad past away and give her a good future. You fall deeper in love with her. She has succeeded in sucking you in. You are now stuck. When they play wounded bird know trouble is coming. She is showing you she is refusing to take responsibility for her actions. Dump.her.here.

Stage 3 - this is when she acts more wounded. Suddenly she pretends you are doing the very things that hurt her, that her ex's have. You suddenly become nervous.... am i actually turning into the bad guy here? She acts hurt and wounded, but does forgive you....after you bathe in a ton of guilt she spreads all over you. You dont want to be the bad guy so you try to fix things. Over and over again. This is the end of anything that was (fake) good about your relationship.

Stage 4 - suddenly you are the bad guy. Nothing you do is right. Nothing you say is right. You have no freedom, you have no say you have no happiness. If you stand up for yourself you are the monster. She makes you into her new abuser. Everything is your fault.

Stage 5 - she is in total control of you. You are a shell of a human being. She is totally physically and emotionally abusing you. Your relationship is over. She will cheat. She will abuse. She will manipulate. And you will be at fault for everything.


Dude, this is typical cluster b behaviour. Walk away. Never give this piece of garbage any more of your time.
 
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xplt

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Wow...
Thanks for your insight. You summed up that whole relationship better than me.

Her ex bf is pure evil in her eyes. They had exact the same problems. Can‘t tell you how often she compared me to him in the last days of our relationship.

The last two months i felt like a zombie. Couldn‘t even concentrade at work.

What doesn‘t let me go is, i never had such an intense relationship.
 

dude99

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Wow...
Thanks for your insight. You summed up that whole relationship better than me.

Her ex bf is pure evil in her eyes. They had exact the same problems. Can‘t tell you how often she compared me to him in the last days of our relationship.

The last two months i felt like a zombie. Couldn‘t even concentrade at work.

What doesn‘t let me go is, i never had such an intense relationship.
Yes it is what they do. Her ex was probably an ordinary guy just like you, but to put you into her frame or her world she had to make him seem like a monster so you would hate him. They had the same problems because she was creating the problems. She IS the problem. Then when she had you hating him she would then "compare" him to you in order to manipulate you. She knows you wouldn't want to be something or someone you hate. She used that as leverage to control you.
She is a total narcissist. Turn your back. Walk away, never give her any more of you.
 

xplt

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I already cut off contact completly. I'm still bathing in an hormone ****tail...
 

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xplt

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Be thankful the relationship fell apart before you married her. Not after.
When i imagined being with her the next 10-20 years, i saw my whole self being falling apart.

I alaways thought i had the jackpot. No orbiters and social media, got her life in order, ambitioned in her job, stunning beautiful, seemed like she was totally into me all the time... i could go on. But living with her made me often miserable. She destroyed my inner peace day after day in the last months.

The more i can see clear after my emotions came down, the more i noticed how i have been manipulated in the last years. She knew exactly how to trigger insecurities and taking advatages of them. Long into the relationship i had oneitis for her, when i managed to patch myself up by my own, her manipulations affected me less and lesser.
 

xplt

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Her mother is dominant, the father *****whipped, passive agressive. The father was never at home when she was young. Little to no affection from parents but a perfect picture on the outside. Sisters dominant, brothers in law ***** whipped and controlled. Unable to reflect her own behavior, unable to make excuses. Says things she „never said“. Can‘t hold promises. Blames everyone than herself. Said things like „You never find anyone like me.“ Rejects me and crawls back. I reject her and she disappears.

I‘m so stunned right now, that she fits perfect into cluster b. How did i not see that??
 

dude99

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Her mother is dominant, the father *****whipped, passive agressive. The father was never at home when she was young. Little to no affection from parents but a perfect picture on the outside. Sisters dominant, brothers in law ***** whipped and controlled. Unable to reflect her own behavior, unable to make excuses. Says things she „never said“. Can‘t hold promises. Blames everyone than herself. Said things like „You never find anyone like me.“ Rejects me and crawls back. I reject her and she disappears.
Avoid the women in that family. When they cant hold promises and make excuses and always blame and refuse responsibility , you're asking for trouble.

I‘m so stunned right now, that she fits perfect into cluster b. How did i not see that??
It is because of the mental conditioning they put you through. The 5 steps i described earlier. Sometimes you can't smell the S#IT when standing in the cow barn, but when you step outside into the fresh air you wonder how you stood it for so long.

Move forward my friend. There are better women out there just waiting for you to say hi.
 

Robert28

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If you think she’s bad now, wait until she’s in her 30’s and had time to perfect this behavior. You ain’t seen nothing yet!
 

AttackFormation

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She was pathological, cluster B. dude99 summed up what their process is, the usual stuff around here that they do.

You may want to check whether you are codependent, or have become so from the experience, to be on the safe side.
 
Last edited:

stringpuller

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I met my now ex girlfriend in early 2015, i was 27, she 22. We clicked instantly and she came up with beeing exclusive three weeks after our first date, she wanted me to move in together after already three months and i gave in after five. I never got along so good with a woman, she showered me with affection and love and i was totally blinded by her appearance and her behavior around me that i played down the very first signs, that something with her wasn’t right.
  • In the first two months she managed to get into my facebook account over my gmail mailbox. Found old messages from my ex gf and started huge drama
  • She disrespected her parents massively – i told her that’s a no go, she tried to change, but i had to know, that she would be able to treat me the same way
  • She was extremly jealous
  • When we had a fight, she tried to push me around or blocked doorways
  • Gave me control calls when i was out with my buddies and made drama when i came home half an hour late
  • She was overstepping boundaries i gave her, regarding family affairs on my side
However the first two years were great (or i thought they were great…). I was a TOTAL beta. Always pleasing her, tried to fulfill her needs and so on. But she gave me the feeling that i was the man and we had plenty of great sex. I was fully involved in her family and she in mine. But i noticed by the end of our second year, that she wasn’t really respecting me. When we where out, she tried to engage in eye contact with my buddies or other men. In the third year, sex became lesser, perhaps down to two times, often one time per week. It was still enough for me not to starveI still was happy with the ralationship and naive as i was i engaged with her.

Year four was a total disaster. Sex only every two weeks, sometimes three. I tried to talk to her but things went worse. Sex was only obligatory. The way i had sex with her felt horribly bad at this point. Her relationship credo „We have to talk about everything“ was just self protection for her. Her problems had to be fixed, mine were ignored. She was always little bit of dominant and controlling, but i had my way to deal with her, without getting into drama or huge fights very often.

I felt stuck and didn’t know what to do. So i searched across the internet, found stuff like SoSuave, The Rational Male, No More Mr. Nice Guy. I suckled every information i found. And everything went so clear.

I made a complete turnaround. I was always very ambitious about my job, so i learned new skills and left my former employer for a better income and a more interesting range of duty. I started working out again three to four times a week and went for band practice on a regular basis. I also learned to stand up against her in a firm but loving way. The only things i seemed to make right over all those years were, that i didn’t stop courting and dating her. She always told me how perfect our relationship was and how proud she was to have me in her life.

The last half year of our relationship went horribly wrong and i’m still brooding over what happened.

My mother had a sudden cerebral haemorrhage and we had to cancel our wedding. Short-time before i had a conversation with her, where i told her that i wasnt accepting her violating my boundaries anymore and that i cant live with sex two times per month. She made a sudden shift in her behavior, but i noticed, that she was in total anxiety mode.

She went so out of control… over a course of a month i had daily arguments about the cancelled wedding – she was unable to understand, that i dont want to marry in times, my mother lies with only half of her skullcap in hospital. I pulled back unconsciously, due tot he situation with my mother and my new job. She became controlling and manipulative in a way, it was unbearable. When i wanted to go out with my buddies she started to cry in order to keep me at home – she managed to keep me at home twice. The third time she did it again, i left our apartment to meet the buddies.
The next day i got an ultimatum: „You never go out alone over night or you leave me“. I didn’t gave in. The next weekend i went out with the buddies again, came home, found her nearly blacked out drunk, insulting me, throwing stuff at me, breaking up with me. She came crawling back at 7am.

The next weeks i was walking on eggshells. Everything seemed to be evidence, that i didn’t love her anymore. I wasnt able to give her a good feeling anymore. Wellnes Weekends, Hikes, nothing could satisfy her. I played too much music, worked out too much, was too focused on my career. I had daily arguments of 1-3 hours, till i was exhausted. This went along another month, in which she broke up twice, only to come back the other day. She tried to make rules, how often i can see my buddies, how often i can visit my mother in rehab. I didn’t give in. When she broke up the fourth time in two and a half months, i moved out of our apartment.

I called her five days after i moved out, to see how she does. She admitted that she didn’t want me to move out and we tried to work things out again. This went along for another 7 weeks of walking on eggshells, trying to setup rules, nagging that she wasn’t my number one priority. She recruited her whole family and her friends against me. I had arguments with her and her mother on a childs birthday in front of the whole family, with her and her grandma on grandma’s birthday and with several other people. She created her own evil picture of me and tried to break me down with the help of her family.

I **** you not, when i tell you, in this four exhausting months i suddenly had daily sex, dripping wet. When she got what she wanted, i was the man, when i didn’t accept her drama and rules, i was the worst enemy. She even kicked, slapped and hit me with fists in our fights, and insulted me because i showed not enough emotions in her eyes. Nothing i said and did was enough for her. I tried to give her a good feeling and she came with daily circular arguments till i felt brain washed. She checked my phone when i wasn’t around. When she got in my car and found a hair of her own she asked me „who was driving with you?“. When i was out with her and only looked in the direction of another woman she went jealous and disappeared for minutes, only to come back as if nothing happened. She bad mouthed my buddies and family like if she tried to convince me they are all bad, with the intent to isolate me. She complained about me not chatting enough over the day, although i was working. She complained about me not calling her when she was ten minutes late from work. I wasn’t able to do one step with her in my back.

I wasn’t willing to deal with her anymore and broke off.

With what kind of women had i have to deal here?

Sorry fort he long post and my probably bad english, im not a native speaker.
You lost me at "showered me with love" and affection. Its a farce and you have been lied too.
They spoon fed my gen Family Ties and Growing Pains and in reality it should have been more Dukes of Hazzard and Fonzie. Haha.
 

stringpuller

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I met my now ex girlfriend in early 2015, i was 27, she 22. We clicked instantly and she came up with beeing exclusive three weeks after our first date, she wanted me to move in together after already three months and i gave in after five. I never got along so good with a woman, she showered me with affection and love and i was totally blinded by her appearance and her behavior around me that i played down the very first signs, that something with her wasn’t right.
  • In the first two months she managed to get into my facebook account over my gmail mailbox. Found old messages from my ex gf and started huge drama
  • She disrespected her parents massively – i told her that’s a no go, she tried to change, but i had to know, that she would be able to treat me the same way
  • She was extremly jealous
  • When we had a fight, she tried to push me around or blocked doorways
  • Gave me control calls when i was out with my buddies and made drama when i came home half an hour late
  • She was overstepping boundaries i gave her, regarding family affairs on my side
However the first two years were great (or i thought they were great…). I was a TOTAL beta. Always pleasing her, tried to fulfill her needs and so on. But she gave me the feeling that i was the man and we had plenty of great sex. I was fully involved in her family and she in mine. But i noticed by the end of our second year, that she wasn’t really respecting me. When we where out, she tried to engage in eye contact with my buddies or other men. In the third year, sex became lesser, perhaps down to two times, often one time per week. It was still enough for me not to starveI still was happy with the ralationship and naive as i was i engaged with her.

Year four was a total disaster. Sex only every two weeks, sometimes three. I tried to talk to her but things went worse. Sex was only obligatory. The way i had sex with her felt horribly bad at this point. Her relationship credo „We have to talk about everything“ was just self protection for her. Her problems had to be fixed, mine were ignored. She was always little bit of dominant and controlling, but i had my way to deal with her, without getting into drama or huge fights very often.

I felt stuck and didn’t know what to do. So i searched across the internet, found stuff like SoSuave, The Rational Male, No More Mr. Nice Guy. I suckled every information i found. And everything went so clear.

I made a complete turnaround. I was always very ambitious about my job, so i learned new skills and left my former employer for a better income and a more interesting range of duty. I started working out again three to four times a week and went for band practice on a regular basis. I also learned to stand up against her in a firm but loving way. The only things i seemed to make right over all those years were, that i didn’t stop courting and dating her. She always told me how perfect our relationship was and how proud she was to have me in her life.

The last half year of our relationship went horribly wrong and i’m still brooding over what happened.

My mother had a sudden cerebral haemorrhage and we had to cancel our wedding. Short-time before i had a conversation with her, where i told her that i wasnt accepting her violating my boundaries anymore and that i cant live with sex two times per month. She made a sudden shift in her behavior, but i noticed, that she was in total anxiety mode.

She went so out of control… over a course of a month i had daily arguments about the cancelled wedding – she was unable to understand, that i dont want to marry in times, my mother lies with only half of her skullcap in hospital. I pulled back unconsciously, due tot he situation with my mother and my new job. She became controlling and manipulative in a way, it was unbearable. When i wanted to go out with my buddies she started to cry in order to keep me at home – she managed to keep me at home twice. The third time she did it again, i left our apartment to meet the buddies.
The next day i got an ultimatum: „You never go out alone over night or you leave me“. I didn’t gave in. The next weekend i went out with the buddies again, came home, found her nearly blacked out drunk, insulting me, throwing stuff at me, breaking up with me. She came crawling back at 7am.

The next weeks i was walking on eggshells. Everything seemed to be evidence, that i didn’t love her anymore. I wasnt able to give her a good feeling anymore. Wellnes Weekends, Hikes, nothing could satisfy her. I played too much music, worked out too much, was too focused on my career. I had daily arguments of 1-3 hours, till i was exhausted. This went along another month, in which she broke up twice, only to come back the other day. She tried to make rules, how often i can see my buddies, how often i can visit my mother in rehab. I didn’t give in. When she broke up the fourth time in two and a half months, i moved out of our apartment.

I called her five days after i moved out, to see how she does. She admitted that she didn’t want me to move out and we tried to work things out again. This went along for another 7 weeks of walking on eggshells, trying to setup rules, nagging that she wasn’t my number one priority. She recruited her whole family and her friends against me. I had arguments with her and her mother on a childs birthday in front of the whole family, with her and her grandma on grandma’s birthday and with several other people. She created her own evil picture of me and tried to break me down with the help of her family.

I **** you not, when i tell you, in this four exhausting months i suddenly had daily sex, dripping wet. When she got what she wanted, i was the man, when i didn’t accept her drama and rules, i was the worst enemy. She even kicked, slapped and hit me with fists in our fights, and insulted me because i showed not enough emotions in her eyes. Nothing i said and did was enough for her. I tried to give her a good feeling and she came with daily circular arguments till i felt brain washed. She checked my phone when i wasn’t around. When she got in my car and found a hair of her own she asked me „who was driving with you?“. When i was out with her and only looked in the direction of another woman she went jealous and disappeared for minutes, only to come back as if nothing happened. She bad mouthed my buddies and family like if she tried to convince me they are all bad, with the intent to isolate me. She complained about me not chatting enough over the day, although i was working. She complained about me not calling her when she was ten minutes late from work. I wasn’t able to do one step with her in my back.

I wasn’t willing to deal with her anymore and broke off.

With what kind of women had i have to deal here?

Sorry fort he long post and my probably bad english, im not a native speaker.
Good for you for getting away. Hopefully the next time won't be as bad
 

Augustus_McCrae

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I met my now ex girlfriend in early 2015, i was 27, she 22. We clicked instantly and she came up with beeing exclusive three weeks after our first date, she wanted me to move in together after already three months and i gave in after five. I never got along so good with a woman, she showered me with affection and love and i was totally blinded by her appearance and her behavior around me that i played down the very first signs, that something with her wasn’t right.
  • In the first two months she managed to get into my facebook account over my gmail mailbox. Found old messages from my ex gf and started huge drama
  • She disrespected her parents massively – i told her that’s a no go, she tried to change, but i had to know, that she would be able to treat me the same way
  • She was extremly jealous
  • When we had a fight, she tried to push me around or blocked doorways
  • Gave me control calls when i was out with my buddies and made drama when i came home half an hour late
  • She was overstepping boundaries i gave her, regarding family affairs on my side
However the first two years were great (or i thought they were great…). I was a TOTAL beta. Always pleasing her, tried to fulfill her needs and so on. But she gave me the feeling that i was the man and we had plenty of great sex. I was fully involved in her family and she in mine. But i noticed by the end of our second year, that she wasn’t really respecting me. When we where out, she tried to engage in eye contact with my buddies or other men. In the third year, sex became lesser, perhaps down to two times, often one time per week. It was still enough for me not to starveI still was happy with the ralationship and naive as i was i engaged with her.

Year four was a total disaster. Sex only every two weeks, sometimes three. I tried to talk to her but things went worse. Sex was only obligatory. The way i had sex with her felt horribly bad at this point. Her relationship credo „We have to talk about everything“ was just self protection for her. Her problems had to be fixed, mine were ignored. She was always little bit of dominant and controlling, but i had my way to deal with her, without getting into drama or huge fights very often.

I felt stuck and didn’t know what to do. So i searched across the internet, found stuff like SoSuave, The Rational Male, No More Mr. Nice Guy. I suckled every information i found. And everything went so clear.

I made a complete turnaround. I was always very ambitious about my job, so i learned new skills and left my former employer for a better income and a more interesting range of duty. I started working out again three to four times a week and went for band practice on a regular basis. I also learned to stand up against her in a firm but loving way. The only things i seemed to make right over all those years were, that i didn’t stop courting and dating her. She always told me how perfect our relationship was and how proud she was to have me in her life.

The last half year of our relationship went horribly wrong and i’m still brooding over what happened.

My mother had a sudden cerebral haemorrhage and we had to cancel our wedding. Short-time before i had a conversation with her, where i told her that i wasnt accepting her violating my boundaries anymore and that i cant live with sex two times per month. She made a sudden shift in her behavior, but i noticed, that she was in total anxiety mode.

She went so out of control… over a course of a month i had daily arguments about the cancelled wedding – she was unable to understand, that i dont want to marry in times, my mother lies with only half of her skullcap in hospital. I pulled back unconsciously, due tot he situation with my mother and my new job. She became controlling and manipulative in a way, it was unbearable. When i wanted to go out with my buddies she started to cry in order to keep me at home – she managed to keep me at home twice. The third time she did it again, i left our apartment to meet the buddies.
The next day i got an ultimatum: „You never go out alone over night or you leave me“. I didn’t gave in. The next weekend i went out with the buddies again, came home, found her nearly blacked out drunk, insulting me, throwing stuff at me, breaking up with me. She came crawling back at 7am.

The next weeks i was walking on eggshells. Everything seemed to be evidence, that i didn’t love her anymore. I wasnt able to give her a good feeling anymore. Wellnes Weekends, Hikes, nothing could satisfy her. I played too much music, worked out too much, was too focused on my career. I had daily arguments of 1-3 hours, till i was exhausted. This went along another month, in which she broke up twice, only to come back the other day. She tried to make rules, how often i can see my buddies, how often i can visit my mother in rehab. I didn’t give in. When she broke up the fourth time in two and a half months, i moved out of our apartment.

I called her five days after i moved out, to see how she does. She admitted that she didn’t want me to move out and we tried to work things out again. This went along for another 7 weeks of walking on eggshells, trying to setup rules, nagging that she wasn’t my number one priority. She recruited her whole family and her friends against me. I had arguments with her and her mother on a childs birthday in front of the whole family, with her and her grandma on grandma’s birthday and with several other people. She created her own evil picture of me and tried to break me down with the help of her family.

I **** you not, when i tell you, in this four exhausting months i suddenly had daily sex, dripping wet. When she got what she wanted, i was the man, when i didn’t accept her drama and rules, i was the worst enemy. She even kicked, slapped and hit me with fists in our fights, and insulted me because i showed not enough emotions in her eyes. Nothing i said and did was enough for her. I tried to give her a good feeling and she came with daily circular arguments till i felt brain washed. She checked my phone when i wasn’t around. When she got in my car and found a hair of her own she asked me „who was driving with you?“. When i was out with her and only looked in the direction of another woman she went jealous and disappeared for minutes, only to come back as if nothing happened. She bad mouthed my buddies and family like if she tried to convince me they are all bad, with the intent to isolate me. She complained about me not chatting enough over the day, although i was working. She complained about me not calling her when she was ten minutes late from work. I wasn’t able to do one step with her in my back.

I wasn’t willing to deal with her anymore and broke off.

With what kind of women had i have to deal here?

Sorry fort he long post and my probably bad english, im not a native speaker.
In the beginning, she was super hot, the sex was amazing, she inspired a feeling in you that you had never felt for any other woman before.

And you honestly don’t know if you will ever have that feeling, that experience, and that level of intensity again.

But those moments, those memories, haunt your mind.

Rest assured that you did the right thing by getting away from her. There is no question about that. And be eternally grateful that you did not marry her.

With time, you may find that you’re glad you had those moments in the beginning, the opportunity to feel that way and have that type of supercharged sex and excitement.

But it’s time for you to Move on. Spin plates for a while, learn more about women, what makes them tick, what they’re really like. And enjoy the good times and the sex along the way.

You’re in your prime, enjoy some different experiences and take your time before you decide to go exclusive with another woman again.

-Augustus-
 
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Mazer

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You are lucky she didn’t go to the police and make up some ish about domestic abuse. Dodged a bullet. Move on.
 

xplt

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Thanks for your opinions. I really had thoughts over the last weeks, that the brakdown of this relationship was my fault...

She was pathological, cluster B. dude99 summed up what their process is, the usual stuff around here that they do.

You may want to check whether you are codependent, or have become so from the experience, to be on the safe side.
I hope this experience won't affect future relationships.
My girlfriends before her where all "normal". This was the first i fell so hard for.
 

xplt

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In the beginning, she was super hot, the sex was amazing, she inspired a feeling in you that you had never felt for any other woman before.

And you honestly don’t know if you will ever have that feeling, that experience, and that level of intensity again.

But those moments, those memories, haunt your mind.

Rest assured that you did the right thing by getting away from her. There is no question about that. And be eternally grateful that you did not marry her.

With time, you may find that you’re glad you had those moments in the beginning, the opportunity to feel that way and have that type of supercharged sex and excitement.
Nailed it. Exactly what my head is spinning over and over...
 

Mauser96

Master Don Juan
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To sum this up :
Stage 1 - she love bombed you. She was the playing the perfect girlfriend. See they know how to behave when they want to sucker you in. This was nothing but manipulation to get you to fall in love with her. When they are too good to be true, they are fake.

Stage 2 - she showed you a little bit of vuneralibility. She probably acted abused and like she had been through horrible relarionship and it was always some bad monster and she was the victim. This activated your white knight side and made you fall in love even more with her. It was probably around this this time you got engaged. You were told you were the perfect bf and you wanted to take all her bad past away and give her a good future. You fall deeper in love with her. She has succeeded in sucking you in. You are now stuck. When they play wounded bird know trouble is coming. She is showing you she is refusing to take responsibility for her actions. Dump.her.here.

Stage 3 - this is when she acts more wounded. Suddenly she pretends you are doing the very things that hurt her, that her ex's have. You suddenly become nervous.... am i actually turning into the bad guy here? She acts hurt and wounded, but does forgive you....after you bathe in a ton of guilt she spreads all over you. You dont want to be the bad guy so you try to fix things. Over and over again. This is the end of anything that was (fake) good about your relationship.

Stage 4 - suddenly you are the bad guy. Nothing you do is right. Nothing you say is right. You have no freedom, you have no say you have no happiness. If you stand up for yourself you are the monster. She makes you into her new abuser. Everything is your fault.

Stage 5 - she is in total control of you. You are a shell of a human being. She is totally physically and emotionally abusing you. Your relationship is over. She will cheat. She will abuse. She will manipulate. And you will be at fault for everything.


Dude, this is typical cluster b behaviour. Walk away. Never give this piece of garbage any more of your time.

EXCELLENT summary. Took the words right out of my mouth.
 
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