Which kind of woman did i escape here?

Mauser96

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I dated a cluster b once. Same story as yours.

Her husband had died, my "detective work" turned up his obit, said he "died unexpectedly".

So I flat out asked her how he died. She texted back "asphyxiation"

I let it drop. Know what asphyxiation means to me?

Hung himself
Gassed himself in the vehicle.


Consider yourself lucky you got away dude. I do.
 
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Glassguy

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However the first two years were great (or i thought they were great…). I was a TOTAL beta.
I really didnt read past this. You set yourself up for this by not being a man and making your boundaries as well as what type of treatment you will allow clear in the beginning. So she had the power.

Take heed to these 2 things:

1.) You can NEVER start beta and then become all alpha later. Its like a boss who tries to be everyone's friend and then tries to get tough on the employees. Epic fail. You can never go from beta to alpha with the same woman. You can start alpha and ease up a little but you always have to retain power and keep a solid frame.

2.) When a woman acts disrespectful you respond by withdrawing your time and attention (Silence and distance). If she makes a strong effort to redeem herself (apologizing and doing something to make it up) you can then slowly work her back in. If she does it again, walk away because she is showing you who she is and at that point if you allow her negative actions to continue ITS YOUR FAULT, NOT HERS.


Start with a strong frame and maintain control from there on out. Be aloof, do what you want and what is best for you always. Never sacrifice what you want out of life or your standards for any woman.
 

xplt

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I really didnt read past this. You set yourself up for this by not being a man and making your boundaries as well as what type of treatment you will allow clear in the beginning. So she had the power.

Take heed to these 2 things:

1.) You can NEVER start beta and then become all alpha later. Its like a boss who tries to be everyone's friend and then tries to get tough on the employees. Epic fail. You can never go from beta to alpha with the same woman. You can start alpha and ease up a little but you always have to retain power and keep a solid frame.

2.) When a woman acts disrespectful you respond by withdrawing your time and attention (Silence and distance). If she makes a strong effort to redeem herself (apologizing and doing something to make it up) you can then slowly work her back in. If she does it again, walk away because she is showing you who she is and at that point if you allow her negative actions to continue ITS YOUR FAULT, NOT HERS.


Start with a strong frame and maintain control from there on out. Be aloof, do what you want and what is best for you always. Never sacrifice what you want out of life or your standards for any woman.
I know what you mean, but it didn't went this way. There were other triggers for her anxiety.
Cancelled wedding, me not giving in on her ultimatums and rules i.e.
She wasn't able to handle her anxiety and tried to control me to feel safe.
 

xplt

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This forum is full of borderline threads... why didn‘t i stumble over one earlier?

Getting that first relieve i feel totally shocked. Every post i read, every article i read describes nuances or even my whole relationship.

I haven‘t slept through an entire night in weeks. She started to reach out to some of my buddies with indirect bull****, shows up in bars i’m in frequently. I‘ve forbid everyone of them to tell me when she does stuff like this.
 

dude99

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This forum is full of borderline threads... why didn‘t i stumble over one earlier?

Getting that first relieve i feel totally shocked. Every post i read, every article i read describes nuances or even my whole relationship.

I haven‘t slept through an entire night in weeks. She started to reach out to some of my buddies with indirect bull****, shows up in bars i’m in frequently. I‘ve forbid everyone of them to tell me when she does stuff like this.
Best way to be. No contact 100% no text. No email. No phone call. No social media. Nothing. And hammer it home to all your friends-- do not tell me anything about her do not ask me anything. She is 100 percent off limits.

As time goes her imaginary image will get smaller and smaller in your rear view of life and it will get easier.
 
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EyeOnThePrize

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I know what you mean, but it didn't went this way. There were other triggers for her anxiety.
Cancelled wedding, me not giving in on her ultimatums and rules i.e.
She wasn't able to handle her anxiety and tried to control me to feel safe.
@Glassguy said what I was going to. A lot of women are going to have issues that require stern but loving guidance. If it's not second nature to lead yourself this way then you're definitely not ready to lead a woman. Like glassguy said you tried to do it so far in that she acted out like crazy. You allowed too much from the start and let her build up a nice arsenal and the confidence to use it against you. You must always be willing to walk so that it doesn't get to that point. Either she listens to your guidance and is open to talk like adults or it's over. If you set this tone from the start she will either fall in line or leave. Either way you are not compromising frame, which is what attracted her in the first place.

Work on effective self leadership. Be what you want to see in a woman(or in the world for that matter). That way attracting that perfect woman that requires minimal molding will be effortless. They'll simply pop into your life and the entire process will come very naturally. You will naturally feel aversion towards women like your ex. You won't have to think about it for months and give her millions of chances. It won't be painful to walk because you'll know with confidence that you're making good choices for yourself and all your relationships.

When you have a healthy life and healthy outlook then you'll simply mold her to your side through stern but loving boundaries with minimal conscious decisions. The healthier you are in every way the better your leadership will be. This is why everyone says not to sacrifice and simply focus on yourself for now. You simply can't afford it until you're bursting with abundance.

When you are maintaining a fulfilling masculine state it will make no difference whether any woman comes or goes. You're meant to outgrow motherly love, don't seek that in a woman.
 
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Glassguy

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^^^^^Good points^^^^^ @EyeOnThePrize

Posters on here wouldnt believe me when I say how often I hear women that I spin say "They want a man who will be a leader, be dominant, be stern with them".

Women WANT to submit. Sure they may go into a relationship with a weak framed beta male with the sole intention of USING him for what he can offer her. It happens a lot. But in the end, it ends badly for the beta male.

When you get a woman to submit early on, you can barely run them off. They do not do disrespectful things to jeopardize you walking away.

Life is much easier when you start any relationship with a strong frame and use them for what they can do for you versus the other way around.

Its simple, yet some guys will never have the gonads to be this type of man.
 

xplt

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Guys, i appreciate your input. I know i made more than many mistakes here.
I think if i didn‘t enter this relationship with weak frame, she would have endet the story by her own very early. I know her, not being in control makes her lose her mind or cause her to manipulate. I‘m glad for myself to not abandon my hobbies and freindships. And having always a life outside of my relationships. Otherwise i would have been lost.

I should be thankful towards her for showing me where my boundaries are. But what happened between us and why makes me sour in the meantime. Espeacally what kind of BS caused all of that blowout.

I realized now, how less of emotional intimancy was between us. She never talked about her feelings or fears. She always presented herself as independend and strong. Nothing was real. Everything facade. Very uncommon for a woman after my experiences before her. It‘s like i was with someone for a very long time, i didn‘t really know...
 
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xplt

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Do you think this ****ed up relationship will cause me to adopt her behavior in my future relationships?
 
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