when your friends get a gf

[rocco]

when your friends get girlfriend's, does that mean the end of the good ole days, of hanging out with your best buddy? how can one best cope with the change.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

It depends whether the guy is an AFC or a DJ. In other words, is he going to integrate himself into her life or integrate hers into his. Your best bet is to live your own life and not integrate it into his.

 

[rocco]

Your best bet is to live your own life and not integrate it into his.

so does this mean that once a guy gets a gf, it is in other words, retiring from his social circle of friends, and creating a new life with the gf?

 

[rocco]

It depends whether the guy is an AFC or a DJ.

why would that matter?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

why would that matter?

... is he going to integrate himself into her life or integrate hers into his?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

so does this mean that once a guy gets a gf, it is in other words, retiring from his social circle of friends, and creating a new life with the gf?

That's AFC.

 

[joekerr31]

i could be wrong but you sound like you are 22 or younger.

for teenagers yes - when a guy gets a gf he tends to drink from the fountain every moment of every day that he can and neglect everythign else in his life.

as an adult, it shouldn't affect the relationship between two guy friends. most adult women are fine with their guy having guy friends that they go play golf with or whatever.

as for coping with the change, thats pretty easy.

you should never ever depend on the people around you such that if they just picked up and left you'd be dire straights (whether that be emotionally, financially or whatever).

i've had friends come and go over the years. and while it may be disappionting to see them go - i don't see them as being a part of my own strength. my strength is independent of anyone else in this world - so i just move on and keep moving forward whether im surrounding with friends or have none at any given time.

 

[Charm]

This happened to my good workout partner actually.

Short Story: My workout partner and I started working out together in September and shortly after that around November his gf and him broke up. He started coming to the gym more regularly, calling me all the time to hang out and do stuff and we pretty much were kicking it outside of the gym 3-4 days a week. I was dating girls but had no gf and had no intentions of getting into a LTR.

In about 3-4 months he started getting into much better shape at the gym and we went out to the clubs and some girls were hitting/approaching him. He didnt get any numbers though and did not make any approaches at all. He did however completely swear off having a GF and said he planned on meeting and hooking up with some new hors. Well his ex and him met at a party a few weeks into the new year and she noticed he was in better shape. (By the way, now is the time to mention that she broke up with him so she could fvck another guy). Back to the story. So she notices he's in better shape and tells him that and says she wants to get back with him. Two weeks later they are officially back together... but there's more...

He slowly stops coming to the gym as often. First its a missed day here and there to hang out with her. Then he's gone all weekend with her. Then its bike rides with her every day INSTEAD of the gym. And now he hasn't been to the gym in about a month. Calls me and says he'll be there but never shows and always i'm being given an excuse as to why. True story.

 

[eko]

sound like my situation...

my buddy got a GF. We used to chill and hang like 3-4 days a week, sometimes even more probably. We haven't chilled in 3 months. Well I started going out more and meeting new people so I guess it worked to both of our advantages. Kinda his loss too... our friendship grew apart a bit recently

 

[theunflushables]

Charm, your story about your work out buddy is proof that relationships make you fat. Yeah granted, it sounds like he' still staying somewhat active, but I had a friend that went from active and skinny to fat and lazy. He gained about 30 lbs in less than a year.

 

[killbill]

It depends whether the guy is an AFC or a DJ. In other words, is he going to integrate himself into her life or integrate hers into his. Your best bet is to live your own life and not integrate it into his.

I agree man. unfortunalley (sp) my two best friends were AFC they were my best friends for probably 12 years. then they got g/f and they were to cool to hang out with me. so after awhile it got so dumb I stopped talking to them.

 

[oteao99]

my strength is independent of anyone else in this world - so i just move on and keep moving forward whether im surrounding with friends or have none at any given time.

That's how I live my life. It took me 17 years but it makes o much more sense. Friends are great but I never depend on them to the point where it would make me depressed.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I agree man. unfortunalley (sp) my two best friends were AFC they were my best friends for probably 12 years. then they got g/f and they were to cool to hang out with me. so after awhile it got so dumb I stopped talking to them.

You understand. Now get this, if these guys get married and have kids it will probably happen to them. Women who tend to be the focus in a relationship make their children the focus of the family. That's why there's a lot of married men who feel that their dog get more affection than they do because their wife focuses all their efforts on the kids. THEN guess who the husbands end up calling to ask to hang out with "for old times sake."

 

[Kev07]

it will change, how much it changes depends on the guy.

obviously, your friends will need to make time for their girls, but if they are AFCs, they will get sucked in and spend almost all of their time with the girls.

 

[killbill]

You understand. Now get this, if these guys get married and have kids it will probably happen to them. Women who tend to be the focus in a relationship make their children the focus of the family. That's why there's a lot of married men who feel that their dog get more affection than they do because their wife focuses all their efforts on the kids. THEN guess who the husbands end up calling to ask to hang out with "for old times sake."

*

dude thats actually really interesting, im at the point that I dont give a s*it to ever hang out with them though. so they better not even do that.

 

[Hitman10000]

There's gotta be a healthy balance between hanging out with friends and hanging out with your ladyfriend/wife. I've noticed too many copouts by guys who think they should dedicate themselves wholly to their women.

Many inexperienced or misinformed guys do this too. I knew someone who went psycho after a girl dumped him. There was a reason why he went psycho: He spent every night on the phone with her for 2-3 hours talking and talking. He grew close and addicted to her mindless chatter and when he was weened off..he cried. Instead of hanging out with his boys or seeking out buddies he always looked forward into hearing her voice or seeing her.