When someone talks about marriage and kids after only a few months — how should you interpret it?

[quentin]

Hello everyone,
I’m coming back once again to share my situation. It’s funny how giving advice to others feels so easy, yet applying it to yourself is incredibly hard.


Anyway for those who already know me (I previously made a thread about my situation), I decided to slow things down a bit and simply enjoy the good parts with this girl: the kindness of her parents, the pleasant moments we share together.


However…


There’s something I’d really like to discuss with you all.


This girl, whom I barely know, is already talking about marriage, children, spending our lives together, and says that I’m the love of her life.


For a bit of context, we’ve only been together for about four months.


I’m not necessarily looking for judgment here even though, from my perspective, it feels pretty overwhelming in such a short amount of time.


What I really want is to open a discussion around this situation, because there are several ways to look at it.


Maybe she genuinely had a strong emotional connection, and if I were to leave, it would deeply hurt her.
Or maybe she lacks self-confidence and is going all-in on this relationship as a result.


I’m really looking forward to reading your thoughts.
Hope you’re all doing well.


And for those who don’t feel comfortable speaking publicly, I’m open to private messages as well.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Is this the girl that has been ran through by the football team 20 dudes? Hey man, if you want to pay "full price" for a used car 20 men got to drive around for free, go ahead and put a ring on it.

Her parents sound cool, though. I dont mean to sound harsh, this forum is basically built around though love.

it feels pretty overwhelming in such a short amount of time.

It is

and says that I’m the love of her life.

If I was a ran through woman, I would probably say this to any chump who decided to go exclusive with me in the first place. Heck, I would probably say about anything to get a ring.

 

[Clockwerk50]

This is just another way of covertly telling you that she sees a future with you and wants to keep seeing you, and hopefully, move the relationship from casual dating to something serious and long-term.

It’s consistent with the behavior you described in your previous thread.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Maybe she genuinely had a strong emotional connection, and if I were to leave, it would deeply hurt her.
Or maybe she lacks self-confidence and is going all-in on this relationship as a result.

Nope.

She's desperate to get married and you just happen to meet what she thinks are her criteria.

She's got the female version of one-itis.

She's seeing you through your own desperate hallucinations.

These girls are very dangerous for long term relationships, as are men.

Normal, healthy people (in modern times) are very skeptical about long term legal commitments until they've significantly vetted the other person through a lot of shared experiences to see how they really behave under pressure.

If you like this girl make sure she understands in no uncertain terms that you won't get married until you date somebody for at least a year or longer to see how they really are, not just their superficial best behavior.

If she tries to argue to get married sooner rather than later, that's a huge red flag.

 

[Westminster]

Nope.

She's desperate to get married and you just happen to meet what she thinks are her criteria.

She's got the female version of one-itis.

She's seeing you through your own desperate hallucinations.

These girls are very dangerous for long term relationships, as are men.

Normal, healthy people (in modern times) are very skeptical about long term legal commitments until they've significantly vetted the other person through a lot of shared experiences to see how they really behave under pressure.

If you like this girl make sure she understands in no uncertain terms that you won't get married until you date somebody for at least a year or longer to see how they really are, not just their superficial best behavior.

If she tries to argue to get married sooner rather than later, that's a huge red flag.

OP, take this on board. It's sound advice.

 

[quentin]

Nope.

She's desperate to get married and you just happen to meet what she thinks are her criteria.

She's got the female version of one-itis.

She's seeing you through your own desperate hallucinations.

These girls are very dangerous for long term relationships, as are men.

Normal, healthy people (in modern times) are very skeptical about long term legal commitments until they've significantly vetted the other person through a lot of shared experiences to see how they really behave under pressure.

If you like this girl make sure she understands in no uncertain terms that you won't get married until you date somebody for at least a year or longer to see how they really are, not just their superficial best behavior.

If she tries to argue to get married sooner rather than later, that's a huge red flag.

I agree with you 100%. She doesn't want to commit to anything right now, but she's talking to me about it. I'm not being forced into anything.

 

[quentin]

Is this the girl that has been ran through by the football team 20 dudes? Hey man, if you want to pay "full price" for a used car 20 men got to drive around for free, go ahead and put a ring on it.

Her parents sound cool, though. I dont mean to sound harsh, this forum is basically built around though love.




It is



If I was a ran through woman, I would probably say this to any chump who decided to go exclusive with me in the first place. Heck, I would probably say about anything to get a ring.

You're harsh, but it's honest. I like that.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Run away as fast as you can...this chick is crazy.

 

[sevbucmash]

Someone very desperate.

With women it could be that they are already pregnant. You never know.

Though, after 3/4 of a year, 3 seasons, Winter, Spring, Summer it's normal to talk about the future. Kids, marriage, family.

 

[sevbucmash]

There is nothing wrong with having a family. Problem is a chick that talks family only after 3 months. No. You can't give her more time and talk about it again.

Problem is that she'll change her mind later on.


A divorce.

 

[zekko]

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it. She's just dreaming.
Although it does tell you she would like to have a family someday.

 

[Bingo-Player]

There’s something I’d really like to discuss with you all.


This girl, whom I barely know, is already talking about marriage, children, spending our lives together, and says that I’m the love of her life.


For a bit of context, we’ve only been together for about four months.

I think whatever way you want to dress it up at 4 months your still in the honey moon phase , this is a very euphoric part of any relationship where you know each other , but not well enough to see any character or lifestyle flaws

Also the sex is usually still fresh and exciting at this point

Theres also a risk this chick is love bombing and if you don't know what that is , its worth reading into

I can count on one hand the amount of relationships I know that have gone from 0 - 100 very quickly and actually worked Long term

A few years ago a close friend of mine was DESPERATE for a wife and children he was rapidly spiralling into depression after depression over it , by sheer luck one night we ran into a woman he liked and she was also in a similar frame of mind

They were living together within 6 months , engaged by a year and kid on the way by year 2

They both seemed to outline this path pretty much from the start , they both very much wanted that insular nuclear family parked in suburbia and generally tend to be content with very routined and mundane lifestyles.

It seems the only way this works is if you both very much want this , the fact its overwhelming you would suggest to me you probably do not want this lifestyle

 

[BillyPilgrim]

She wants your balls in a purse OP. Put a pack of raisins in her purse, when she wonders about it say it's the best you can do for now.

 

[Aguirre]

She could be love bombing you for an ‘accidental’ pregnancy in the near future.

be careful.

 

[dk1990S111]

My ex that is diagnosed with a few mental issues was talking marriage and kids within weeks. Told my mom she had never felt like this about anyone else. Her ex husband of course she told him the same thing. The guy after me? She told him the same thing all an act.

 

[quentin]

I read everything carefully, and overall I tend to agree with you. But I think you're being harsh, haha.
For me, her past is definitely a red flag, but otherwise everything else is fine.
I'm not super excited about it, but that's probably just me.
As for the proposals she's making to me, I think, as some people have said, that it's just the beginning, that she's in love, that she's bombarding me with love...

 

[BaronOfHair]

I interpret that as: "She and I are more incompatible than a Dave Attell show

and Yale's Bias Response Unit"

 

[quentin]

I interpret that as: "She and I are more incompatible than a Dave Attell show

and Yale's Bias Response Unit"

don't understand... I'm french bro

 

[BeExcellent]

I think @taiyuu_otoko gave you very good advice.

For now just be cool and allow the interaction to progress. You are dating and screening to see if she is cool and meets your criteria. A person will only seem perfect for a limited amount of time. People cannot be on the best behavior forever.

So you need to spend time with her and her family but also observe how she responds when she doesn't get her way, when you tell her no, when you spend time with your friends without her.

And you also must think about your life long term. She wants marriage & kids so you know where she stands on that. Is that something you also want eventually? If so then its a matter of evaluating whether or not you want marriage & kids WITH HER.

One good thing is she seems to come from a solid family and that is a really good thing and a big deal. Healthy family dynamics as part of her background will mean she has a healthy template to form her own family. It is also good that you like her parents, because as a relationship progresses the in-law relationships was help things or hurt things a great deal.

You marry not just the spouse, you marry the family. Remember that.

Now. If you cannot imagine yourself getting married and having children one day.....in time you will have to let her go. Its not really fair to string a girl along knowing you can never be what she wants.

 

[BaronOfHair]

... I'm french bro

If you're still living in France, I seem to recall hearing awhile back that you all more or less did away with marriage https://www.google.com/amp/s/abcnews.go.com/amp/WNT/story?id=131610&page=1

This simplifies matters significantly