This advice is contradicting...if you want to keep this woman then you have to treat the cause... low interest... start dating her 'again' do the things you did to get her interested in you in the first place.
You're thinking about it all wrong, you are still focused on the 'behavior' behavior is a symptom. If her interest level is high she will not do anything to screw things up with you. Behavior modification is not appropriate because a majority of women don't really understand that their emotions are driven by interest level.Nu Vision said:Ranger Mike,
This topic interests me a lot since I faced boundaries issues with my ex wife which ultimately led to the end of the marriage. I agree with what you have said. After months of being in the relationship is good to enforce boundaries with actions. Talking won't help much. But one question I have is this ... If she misbehaves (low interest level), wouldn't doing things to increase her interest level be rewarding bad behavior? Wouldn't it be best to punish her somehow by going dark or not being present, giving her less attention?
As I always say:Atom Smasher said:Boundaries must be set before the problems arise. She needs to know the rules of YOUR kingdom early on.
It's done via casual conversation, with you covertly voicing your rules. Women respond to covert comms, as that's all they understand for the most part. Enforce the small transgressions with absolute ruthlessness (remove your attention and presence when she breaks a rule) and she will fear what will happen if she commits a big transgression.
Your rules are best conveyed by drifting into "philosophical" mode. You are both discussing life and relationships and you covertly insert your views, which are of course your requirements. They should be conveyed as rules for US, together, not rules for just her.
Women need to be trained. They will treat you according to the demands you set for yourself and those you allow into your kingdom. Women will regard you precisely the same way you regard yourself. They take 100% of their social cues from outside sources, therefore it's up to us to communicate that we have high regard for ourselves (not arrogant pride, but rather healthy self-respect that is enforced).
A man must be ruthless in enforcing his rules. Women are doubly ruthless when you break theirs, are they not?
I've said this before: In three of my past relationships the woman has out of nowhere said, "Atom, I love the way you set guidelines for us". This is because she knows I am taking charge, that I am taking care of "US", and that I am protecting her. The Alpha male is always the one who PROACTIVELY takes care of those whom he leads and who has no fear in laying down the law and administering punishment for breaking the law. Women love this. They won't tell you they do (for they don't even know what they need and want) but they crave it. The sex act is an allegory for life. She surrenders and is penetrated. Did you think that you, as a man, only penetrates a women physically? No, even more importantly you penetrate her emotionally and mentally.
Bro, what do you mean by "recognize symptoms"? Who is in charge? If my girl was not responsive and making sex difficult, I wouldn't try harder and ramp up the affection, I would go after another girl. Nothing I do or say would wake her up faster than her thinking she is on shaky ground.RangerMIke said:What you have to do is recognize the symptoms of low interest before it becomes a problem.... you girl starts reaching out to you less, starts putting on some 'extra' pounds, is not responsive... starts making sex difficult, stops trying to look nice for you.... That is when you need to ramp up affection and romance.
I'm not sure about this "good behavior, bad behavior, setting boundary (as was mentioned in other posts) stuff. If you got to tell your girl "don't go clubbing" "don't go have drinks with other men." "don't disrespect me" "I'm setting boundaries", she's already checked out and will do it for her own ego.NOW... if that doesn't work and make the 'symptoms' go away or if she sees this as rewarding bad behavior (which goes away with high interest), well then you have a situation which you appearently can not fix without changing your purpose, surrendering control, and giving in more.
At this happens to you, walk away, or if you're married, go get a divorce lawyer.
Yes, I would say it depends on the transgression.Trump said:I'm not sure about this "good behavior, bad behavior, setting boundary (as was mentioned in other posts) stuff. If you got to tell your girl "don't go clubbing" "don't go have drinks with other men." "don't disrespect me" "I'm setting boundaries", she's already checked out and will do it for her own ego.
It's like me telling an employee "don't steal" or a teacher saying "don't cheat." It common sense you don't do that in a relationship.
Lol, so very true. In fact, these guys will call you every name in the book for even suggesting that maybe women shouldn't go out with other men while in a relationship. And they will try to shame you relentlessly for having a problem with it.Danger said:Completely disagree. We have tons of guys here with women who go out with other men while in a relationship. AND THE MEN ARGUE FOR HER BEING ABLE TO DO THIS.
How can this be occurring if it is "common sense" that you don't do this in a relationship?
The problem isn't with the ignorance of the women, it's the men that decided to be pseudo exclusive with them.Danger said:Completely disagree. We have tons of guys here with women who go out with other men while in a relationship. AND THE MEN ARGUE FOR HER BEING ABLE TO DO THIS.
How can this be occurring if it is "common sense" that you don't do this in a relationship?
I get the feeling you guys are misinterpreting the reason behind those who say they won't tell a woman not to see other men.zekko said:Lol, so very true. In fact, these guys will call you every name in the book for even suggesting that maybe women shouldn't go out with other men while in a relationship. And they will try to shame you relentlessly for having a problem with it.
Clearly different people have very different viewpoints on this kind of thing. That's why it's best to make your expectations known on this from the beginning. That way, if she has a problem with it, she can find somebody else. And so can you.
No, it's not a negotiation, it's a screening technique. As Danger says above:G_Govan said:If "making your expectations known" involves negotiating desire than it's a lost cause.
Presumably, you will have spent a lot of time with the woman that you enter into a LTR with. If she is such a type to agree now but keep it hidden, you should be able to pick up on signs that she is that kind of woman. Openness and honesty are very important to me, so I'm pretty good at sniffing out when things aren't adding up. A liar is a liar, they have a certain smell to them. Just like sleazy women do.G Govan said:She may agree on the surface, but she'll just keep it hidden, which they are masters at.
Danger said:Solly,
We have already established you use boundaries, per the above. You are just too weak and terrified to have one regarding other men enjoying your woman.
G_Govan said:You guys can't seriously believe this.