What's the funniest thing you heard a female say?

[Don_Dom]

"I never lie. I'm really bad at it."

 

[CostaDeSol]

"I'm not a slut"

"I'm not easy"

for some reason when girls say these things, they usually say both back to back

 

[Huffman]

She said, "No, that's too intimate."

I met this girl on holiday. She was young, crazy, and a virgin. We're meeting behind some old castle in the middle of the night. First she's super forward, but then she doesn't want to undress (lol). You know, I want to be gentle etc. She keeps saying "come on, don't be afraid" to me! But then she doesn't let me pull down her panties further than the knee. So I said "Then we have to do it from behind". She didn't want that. After explaining for a long time (lol) she understood that we can't do missionary if she has the panties at her knees. Also she was nervous and dry... but didn't want me to finger. Of course, there was no way I could get it in. The whole thing was just kinda cute so it still was a funny evening

I was struggling to do foreplay, kissing, looking her in the eyes... "don't do that, that's too romantic!!"

 

[Huffman]

Another girl, we're in bed, I'm feeling her up.
Her: You know, I've never done this before.
Me: :nervous:
Her: Well it's my first time with somebody I've just met
Me:

 

[Big Nuts]

"Oh, that stinks"

I farted during a BJ...she kept going.

LOL

 

[Turuwal]

Housemate hookup transfered rent money into my account with the description "For sex, so hot"
Same girl said my c.um tasted like meso soup

 

[Mike32ct]

Thanks for keeping this thread alive.

More posts are welcome.

 

[thelastmanonearth]

Her "I'm pregnant"
Me "I'll meet you for the test at planned parenthood at whatever 0'clock"
Her "Silence"

Showed up at PP, she never did, never spoke to her again. Pretty sure she was evicted from the apartment after I stealth moved out the next day, didn't like the place anyway.

funniest part, the silence, trap avoided. Caught her with a guy sleeping one off on my bed in my apartment I let her move into...

 

[VikingKing]

A girl I was with once said "I want to retire when I'm 30." I laughed.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

"I never lie. I'm really bad at it."

The best liars are the ones that convince you that they suck at lying. I once came up with a plan to make obvious, telegraphed lies so that people would think I was a terrible liar, and that way when I did want to lie convincingly they wouldn't think twice. I never put it into action because I don't really like lying, but it's super easy to get away with. Unfortunately I made the mistake of telling my ex that I never break a promise and I never make promises lightly, so when she thought I was lying she'd say "Promise?" and always get an exasperated "No..." in return. I think I'll keep that nugget to myself from now on

 

[Mike32ct]

Female coworker: which dance are you doing tonight in class?

Mike: cha cha <demonstrates the footwook REALLY fast>

Female coworker: Mike's like the movie Ha ppy F e et and shyte lol

Mike: <couldn't stop laughing>

 

[Mike32ct]

Digging into the archives to revive this thread...

Mike and HB7 in club: <heavy makeout>

HB7: I know guys with MUCH better game than you.

Mike: ok cool

<Heavier makeout and pull from the club>

Back at her place...

Makeout and fingered her HARD (like fisting almost) with four fingers.

Grabbed a condom.

HB7: I can't. I shouldn't cheat on my bf

 

[AttackFormation]

I'm standing with a girl and rhythmically bumping her crotch against mine. "Ah... ah... stop-ah... it's-oh.. not... comfortable!-ahh..."

Making her horny.
"You assh*le!-ahhh.... you're doing it on purpose..."

After making her horny.
"*heavy breath and grabs me* you just wait, I'm GOING to rape you"

Making her used to making out in public.
First times: "OMG, are you sick?! it's disgusting to do that in public, you can't!"
Now: "Is anyone here? whatever *make out*" "F*ck them *make out*" "You assh*le *make out*"

 

[Between_The_Lines]

As she's riding me, the moaning starts to die down considerably, she begins to tense up, I can feel her pvssy begin to tighten, and as she proceeds to cvm she tells me over and over "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

 

[Desdinova]

"Your balls never smell bad"

 

[LMFAO]

"I don't play games"

Every white girl's line.

 

[Tortendieb]

"Your balls never smell bad"

sorry to ask that question... but what did you do to make it so?

 

[Desdinova]

sorry to ask that question... but what did you do to make it so?

Use baby wipes before she comes over

 

[jimmy18]

"I love you" (via text), in the midst of a breakup

 

[Victory Unlimited]

During a make out session, hot and heavy---with sex just one kiss away---she suddenly started to protest, so I immediately backed off.

THEN she looked at me---and her eyes got real big and she said:

"Hey, wait a minute! Why'd you stop?? I wasn't thru ACTING like I didn't want it yet!!!


Needless to say, "Last Minute Resistance" was defeated once again that night...


V.U.