What would you pros make of this?

[bootlegger]

I just found this site a short time ago, but I've learned alot.... anyway...


I've been talking to/flirting with this girl for about 6 weeks. The body language was there, the touching, all the good signs...

I asked her to lunch, after about a week, but she already had plans.

We started studying together as a group after class (college), me and her and her friend.

Then last week, she started staying alone with me, and coming to class early to study with me.

So Friday, she stayed after with me, and we study for about 10 minutes, then talked for about 20, and we both had to leave, so I walked her out.

She had mentioned twice that she 'doesn't have anything to do all weekend except study'. So as I was walking her out, she asked what I was going to be doing all weekend, and I said "probably the same thing you are going to do". I then asked if she wanted to get together and study... She said, well I'm going to come here and study wednesday.
I said, "I'm not asking you about wednesday, I'm asking you about this weekend". So she said yes.
I told her I'd call her and she said okay. I asked for her number and she acted a little apprehensive about giving it, and told me that her cell phone number is on the information sheet that our instructor passed out to everyone in case we wanted a classmates phone number. She said her cell was on there, and for me to give her a call.

So I did, on the next day. She didn't answer. I left a short message. But didn't hear back from her.

 

[Ever onward]

I'm hardly a pro but I'll answer your question.

Ask her out! Stop using studying as an excuse to spend time with her. She obviously likes you and wanted to go out with you this weekend. She likes you! Go out with her now! Do you have her number? Call her now! Right now she's at home wishing she was out with you! Don't analyze every little test women throw at you, just take action.

PS - SHE LIKES YOU, GO OUT WITH HER, DO IT NOW! DO IT!

 

[bootlegger]

Originally posted by Ever onward
I'm hardly a pro but I'll answer your question.

Ask her out! Stop using studying as an excuse to spend time with her. She obviously likes you and wanted to go out with you this weekend. She likes you! Go out with her now! Do you have her number? Call her now! Right now she's at home wishing she was out with you! Don't analyze every little test women throw at you, just take action.

PS - SHE LIKES YOU, GO OUT WITH HER, DO IT NOW! DO IT!

How in the hell could I possibly ask her out, after this????

I asked her to study, but I thought we both knew I didn't really want to study.

Why was she so reluctant to give me her number then?

I'm not sure I can call back, besides who's to say she'll answer next time. I feel I need to wait and see how she acts Monday.

I am open for all suggestions though.

*edit* I wanted to mention that I'm a real ***** when it comes to this stuff anyway, hence the reason I came to this website.

 

[Ever onward]

How in the hell could I possibly ask her out, after this????

Let me give you a little tip here my friend. Women test men, they do all kinds of crazy sh1t such as flaking out, playing hard to get, pretending to be busy, ect. ect. just to see how you will react.

I asked her to study, but I thought we both knew I didn't really want to study.

That's the problem, don't ask her to study! She was waiting for you to be a man and ask her out, stop using studying an excuse for being around her!

Why was she so reluctant to give me her number then?

She was just pointing out the obvious that you have her # already. If she didn't want you to call her she wouldn't even have done that.

I'm not sure I can call back, besides who's to say she'll answer next time. I feel I need to wait and see how she acts Monday.

You're right, don't call back until after you see her monday. You don't want to seem desperate. But seriously, u need to ask her out before she loses interest. Remember, her flakyness is just a way of testing u, be sure you pass her tests and don't wuss out.

I am open for all suggestions though.

Are you really open to suggestions? You debate all the advice I give you. It seems like you're searching for PROOF that she doesn't like you. That's an AFC mistake, have you read the bible yet? Note to bootlegger - read DJ Bible.

 

[bootlegger]

actually no I haven't read the bible yet. But I sure as hell will.

I guess it would seem like I'm debating with you here. But put yourself in my place. I've put alot of effort into this, more than I ever have with any other woman. And I'm getting nowhere.

But I do see your point(s).

 

[Ever onward]

actually no I haven't read the bible yet. But I sure as hell will.

I guess it would seem like I'm debating with you here. But put yourself in my place. I've put alot of effort into this, more than I ever have with any other woman. And I'm getting nowhere.

But I do see your point(s).

One other thing, it seems like you are suffering from a case of ONEITIS here. What that means is you are putting too much hope on this one girl. You are spending all your time thinking about her, imagining how great it would be to go out with her, thinking how perfect she is....yada yada yada. What this kind of thinking does is put too much pressure on the situation. You start thinking "ohhh I've gotta say just the right thing, or do the right thing, cuz I can't screw this up cuz I like this girl soooo much". When you start thinking like that you start feeling pressure and you act kind of nervous and anxious around the girl and 9 times out of 10 she thinks you're acting really strange and she gets scared away.

The Dating masters on this board will tell you the way to avoid that is to either date lots of women or make sure you have lots of women to choose from. For example she's in one of your classes right? Well you should have a girl in every class you like to study with and maybe a couple of girls you know from outside of class to choose from. I'm not saying you have to be a male ho or date all of these girls, I'm just saying it's important to have options. The more options you have, the less pressure you feel with any particular girl and you don't end up acting strangely around women.

I don't think I've welcomed you to the board yet, so welcome bro! Hope you stick around and hope that my advice is helpful.

 

[Omega]

Just try, who cares. If it doesn't go well then it doesn't. You miss 100% of the chances you don't take.

 

[KiInCollege]

Too indirect. The situation is awkward because you're trying to "weasel" in a date with the leverage of "studying." Your approach was not as strong and confident as it could have been.

A girl knows what you're going for when you make an approach. Just leave studying out of it next time. Don't use it as a crutch. Be more direct.

As you mentioned above, definitely read the bible before posting again.

 

[Dee-Zy]

You did not make your intentions clear.

You were indirect with her - therefore she is indirect with you.

You should of told her to give the number straight up. What's so hard about her telling you 7 digits right away? She doesn't know her own cell number?


She is either not interested, or she's playing games/playing hard to get.

You should of asked her for her home number.


Now you won't know. Best thing for you at this point is to let your intentions known. Ask her out.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

NEXT!!! This girl is not interested ENOUGH to want to go out with you. If a girl has high interest she would give you her number when you attempt to # close. Who in the fuvk says "my # is on the class sheet??" WTF is that!!

You've made 3 crucial errors:

1-You've waited waaaaaaaay too long to make your intentions clear. Shouldn't take 6 weeks to figure out if a girl is interested in getting to know you better.

2-Your now suffering from one-itis because your ignoring other girls because you think she's so "great."


3-Your calculating your moves to much: A master pimp does what he wants when he wants. He's carefree, he doesn't stress and your doing exactly the opposite.


Whatever you do, DON'T CALL HER AGAIN!!! She will definitely make up some excuse when she sees you in class on Monday as to why she didn't call you back, but DON'T BUY IT!!! Who doesn't have a few minutes to call someone back?? I'll tell you who, a girl with low interest!!!


Here's how you play this one: When you see her in class, don't ask her about why she didn't call you back. Just go about your business and keep flirting with her. This will show her that your not affected by it and its no big deal. If your getting good vibes then ask her to hang out again but this time GO OUT SOMEWHERE!! If she blows you off again, then take the hint and don't ask her out anymore.

I really feel like your wasting your time on a girl who's only interested in being friends. You've got A LOT to learn, go read the bible now.



PIMP

 

[Craig Reeves]

OK, first of all, you said you've been going after this girl for 6 whole weeks and you two have not spent alone time together (and I'm not counting studying, that's WORK) ONCE? What exactly have you been waiting on? At first, this girl did in fact seem to show a lot of interest in you, but the fact that you have not made a single move (and she knows this) makes her greatly question the future of your relationship, and ultimately see the two of you as 'just friends'. Remember, you need to be moving the relationship FORWARD at a good, steady pace because that's what women EXPECT for guys they like to do. If you do not do this, you will prove to her that you are not what she is looking for.

You said you asked her to lunch, but she had plans. I can understand that, but what you should have done was pull away even further when she said such a thing. What you should have said was, "OK, but don't expect this oppurtunity to hang out with me for a long time".

And if you're studying with her just to spend time with her you really need to stop doing that, because you are digging yourself WAY deeper into the FRIEND ZONE. She will ultimately think, "Oh, this guy....I thought he liked me, but I guess not. He just wants to study with me." Like I said earlier, you need to be moving things along steadily, so you need to cross a new boundary with each and every "date" the two of you go on. You can't really do that when studying is the objective the two of you share instead of interacting with one another. Just remember, any time you want to hang out with this girl, make the REASON for the two of you doing it to actually hang out and spend time with each other. Don't get me wrong here, studying is a good thing (trust me, I'm a college student too! ), but if you're going to have a studying session with a woman, you better make sure that ALL YOU ARE DOING IS STUDYING. Trying to turn a studying session into a date, or using one to actually make moves will quickly cause her to dismiss you as a wuss, so don't do it.

And why are you acting so worried about her reaction when you asked for her number? Really, who's world are you living in here? If she told you that you could call her, then her apprehension or lack there of is not your problem or concern and shouldn't be. The girl told you that you could call her, so if you want to do it, do it. You are the man and you do things on your terms. She's trying to win YOUR approval, NOT the other way around. If you call her up and she gives you flack, just say, "Hey, that's a wrap then, later." and hang up. You need to be the one in control here and start adapting a "take it or leave it" attitude.

And as far as your phone call goes and she didn't answer....just don't call her anymore, that's all. if she's not going to return your phone calls, you don't need to be wasting your time calling her.

 

[bootlegger]

I've definatley fubared the situation with alot of mistakes.
Oneitis. and not making my intentions clear.

I was waiting for a good time to ask her out, when she wasn't with friends... b/c I was alot more comfortable that way. But whenever we'd see each other, she would go out of her way to come to talk to me, But she would always start to walk away mid-conversation, as if she had somewhere important to go. So I would just let her walk away, so she wouldn't think it bothered me.

I know that 6 weeks is waaaay too long, to have nothing to show for. I'm learning as I go here.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Stop being lazy and read the DJB

Do a search on this website for articles written by Pook.

He has a lot of good insite on 'attitude' and the way to approach women, and life, in general.

 

[NaturallySelected]

Hey man

You waited to long to take her on a real date, I don't know if you should have been studying with her. But at least it got you to hang out with her. It sounded like she was interested but she lost interest somewhere along the way. It might have been because you took to long. But my gut is telling me you spent too much time with her. I think the "I have nothing to do all weekend but study" was a hint to ask her out somewhere. But it's weird the way she acted when you tried to get her number. When she said her number was on the sheet, alarms bells should have rung. What you SHOULD have done was not called her at all about the studying. You should NOT have left a message. It's not a huge mistake, but it will make YOU feel weaker. She might perceive you as less of a challenge.

You need to understand the DJ principle of being challenge. I have made the same mistakes. I think you mad several mistakes during the time you've known her, and slowly her interest has decreased. Most DJ's will tell you "next!" (i.e. give up on her and walk away) and that's good advice. But you probablly won't listen (most people don't ).

So here's what you are GOING to do (I invite other, more experienced DJ's to comment):

Don't even mention the studying thing. If you see her and she says "hey sorry I didn't return your call". Say "Hey no problem" (or whatever lingo you use where you're from ). And act like it don't bug you one bit. Now you are going to start AVODING her.

But don't take it too far. You will still act friendly towards her and talk to her. But DON'T hang around her too long. Don't study with her, even if she asks you to. Have a valid excuse. The idea is to create the impression that you don't need her. DO NOT LET HER THINK YOU ARE PI$$ED OFF ABOUT THE STUDYING.

You have to appear 100% genuine. So don't act "weird" around her then she'll figure you're a loser because you got all peeved with her. I have done that, it's pathetic and you will DESTROY your chances with her.

To sum it up:

1) Don't let her "cancelling" the studying bug you
2) Be friendly to her, act the way you normally would
3) hang out with her less
4) don't study with her but have valid excuses not to
5) Only accept invitations to do things with her if they involve
something social "i.e. NOT studying"
6) get busy have stuff to do, keep your mind off her
7) When you are around her keep her in a good mood
8) Be c0cky & funny around her, tease her but DO NOT insult her.
9) READ THE DJ BIBLE! And APPLY THE KNOWLEDGE!

TRUST ME. I have been down this road. If there's any chance that she's still interested. THIS. WILL. WORK. I am telling you now you don't NEED this girl and you must stop thinking so much.

Sure you're an AFC, and you're learning and have to check the DJ bible as you go. But do a minimal amount of thinking. You have to keep up this act to raise her interest. Remember to be fun to be around, and be ****Y. Chicks dig it .

I am going on the fact that she still has some interest in you. If she does, this will drive her NUTS! Read the bible, esepcially the bits that apply to you (i.e. no need to read about s3x techniques, yet )

She might start getting clingy, this is good. But don't think it's time to turn into a wuss. It's a game of push and pull, give her JUST enough attention to keep her wanting more.

Keep us updated!
NaturallySelected

 

[chicksrock]

the best advice for you right now it to
"be more care-free"

good luck!

 

[bootlegger]

Originally posted by NaturallySelected

So here's what you are GOING to do (I invite other, more experienced DJ's to comment):

Don't even mention the studying thing. If you see her and she says "hey sorry I didn't return your call". Say "Hey no problem" (or whatever lingo you use where you're from ). And act like it don't bug you one bit. Now you are going to start AVODING her.

But don't take it too far. You will still act friendly towards her and talk to her. But DON'T hang around her too long. Don't study with her, even if she asks you to. Have a valid excuse. The idea is to create the impression that you don't need her. DO NOT LET HER THINK YOU ARE PI$$ED OFF ABOUT THE STUDYING.

You have to appear 100% genuine. So don't act "weird" around her then she'll figure you're a loser because you got all peeved with her. I have done that, it's pathetic and you will DESTROY your chances with her.

To sum it up:

1) Don't let her "cancelling" the studying bug you
2) Be friendly to her, act the way you normally would
3) hang out with her less
4) don't study with her but have valid excuses not to
5) Only accept invitations to do things with her if they involve
something social "i.e. NOT studying"
6) get busy have stuff to do, keep your mind off her
7) When you are around her keep her in a good mood
8) Be c0cky & funny around her, tease her but DO NOT insult her.
9) READ THE DJ BIBLE! And APPLY THE KNOWLEDGE!

TRUST ME. I have been down this road. If there's any chance that she's still interested. THIS. WILL. WORK. I am telling you now you don't NEED this girl and you must stop thinking so much.

Sure you're an AFC, and you're learning and have to check the DJ bible as you go. But do a minimal amount of thinking. You have to keep up this act to raise her interest. Remember to be fun to be around, and be ****Y. Chicks dig it .

I am going on the fact that she still has some interest in you. If she does, this will drive her NUTS! Read the bible, esepcially the bits that apply to you (i.e. no need to read about s3x techniques, yet )

She might start getting clingy, this is good. But don't think it's time to turn into a wuss. It's a game of push and pull, give her JUST enough attention to keep her wanting more.

Keep us updated!
NaturallySelected

See bro, It's advice like this, that makes me wish I would have found this site years ago.

The semester is almost over, and we won't be seeing anymore of each other (in school that is) after our Final exam on Thursday. I can pretty much tell you, when she'll talk to me, for how long, and what about. She is very predictable.

Don't you think lack of time will permit me from pulling her too far?
So you don't think it would be a good idea, if she says 'i was going to call you back but blah blah blah..' For me to say something like...
"it's no problem... if you really want to make it up to me, have dinner with me"

 

[squirrels]

Jeez, man. Look at you jumping at your own shadow. "Omigod! Omigod! A GIRL wants to STUDY with ME!!!"

First of all, relax. Stop worrying about her liking you so much and stop worrying about the "right thing to do." You're a nervous wreck...do you really think ANYONE, let alone any GIRL, is going to want to hang out with you when you're acting all nervous and panicky?? (And yes, she's noticed. Girls are good at that.) Relax, take a deep breath, and stop injecting so much drama into the situation.

Next, set up a study date. Either at her dorm or yours. Bring condoms. And RELAX. When you get that tight feeling in your stomach and you feel your heart beating faster, don't think of it as nervousness, think of it as excitement and enthusiasm to be with such an attractive piece of woman. And just GO with it. Have fun...be high on life. If anything is there, an opportunity will present itself. And when it does, don't be afraid to TAKE it.

If not...oh well. At least you got in some good study time.

 

[Ever onward]

Then last week, she started staying alone with me, and coming to class early to study with me.

So Friday, she stayed after with me, and we study for about 10 minutes, then talked for about 20, and we both had to leave, so I walked her out.

She had mentioned twice that she 'doesn't have anything to do all weekend except study'. So as I was walking her out, she asked what I was going to be doing all weekend, and I said "probably the same thing you are going to do". I then asked if she wanted to get together and study... She said, well I'm going to come here and study wednesday.
I said, "I'm not asking you about wednesday, I'm asking you about this weekend". So she said yes.
I told her I'd call her and she said okay. I asked for her number and she acted a little apprehensive about giving it, and told me that her cell phone number is on the information sheet that our instructor passed out to everyone in case we wanted a classmates phone number. She said her cell was on there, and for me to give her a call.

-She has been coming to class early to spend time with you
-she stayed after class to spend time with you (30 minutes)
-she told you flat out, TWICE, that she wasn't busy this weekend
-she wanted to know what you were doing this weekend

How much more obvious can her interest level be?

So I did, on the next day. She didn't answer. I left a short message. But didn't hear back from her.

Even if she wanted to GO OUT with you she probably didn't want to spend the weekend studying. Who wants to study on weekends? Not me. She didn't want to study so she didn't call you back, nuff said.

Sounds like you have until Thursday to ask her out. It is better to get rejected than let an oppurtunity slip away. Like Gunwitch says, "make the ho say no"

 

[bootlegger]

I try not to be nervous.

This is a typical scenario between us.

She walks up to me while I'm sitting alone at a table, holding a paper... She holds the paper down and sais "can you show me how to do this problem".... As I'm reading the problem, I notice that her hand is trembling.... Which I then try to put her at ease by making some type of joke. She laughs but it doesn't calm her down...

Therefore, I get nervous, and uneasy.

And my conscience then defeats me, or wounds me greatly.

 

[Ever onward]

Most people have a problem being nervous around women at some point in there life. Some of us still do. That's an issue you need to work on but for right now just try to relax. My point is you are running out of time and you need to take some kind of action here. She won't do it for you.