What would you guys do?

[Ottocinclus]

this topic has been concluded. It’s over OP. In addition, this wasn’t anything you did wrong, the initial attraction wasn’t there to begin with.

I'm not expecting anything of this, but I still think there's attraction. I've been around long enough. Women show unmistakable signs, but they won't always act on them. Like somebody else said, I don't know the dynamics of this group. I barely know any of them. Also, she's a psychiatrist--an actual doctor. I know people have told her that I build surfboards. That's just a hobby, but she might think I do this for a living and that I'm "lower class" than she is.

 

[Bigpapa]

and then there she was walking down the path towards me. She says, "Hey, I got your text. I'm not a veteran; I'm a psychiatrist!" (In the text I asked what her "story" was and what's her relationship to the group).

as a general rule, people whom are psychiatrists or therapists or things close to mental health, tend to be quite f8cked in the head

same as veterans whom actually have proper combat experience, they tend to be f8cked in the head due to ptsd

I think that she likes you but she is f8cked in the head, and if I would be you I would not put effort in this. I do not think she has potential to be more than a fwb, and with fwb you do not put effort you are just sexual when she initiates and push towards sex

 

[BackInTheGame78]

this topic has been concluded. It’s over OP. In addition, this wasn’t anything you did wrong, the initial attraction wasn’t there to begin with.

Never over right away as the new person in a social circle...opinions change rapidly and quickly in these situations based on new information gathered or as spending time around them more shows different sides, behaviors, etc...

Also, as a general rule, the longer a woman spends around a man, the less initial attraction actually matters.

One of the only places where simply playing the long game actually works out fairly regularly.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I'm not expecting anything of this, but I still think there's attraction. I've been around long enough. Women show unmistakable signs, but they won't always act on them. Like somebody else said, I don't know the dynamics of this group. I barely know any of them. Also, she's a psychiatrist--an actual doctor. I know people have told her that I build surfboards. That's just a hobby, but she might think I do this for a living and that I'm "lower class" than she is.

Best case scenario, she uses you until she finds a better option and leaves you crying on this forum about what happened. If she had an ounce of interest then she wouldn’t have left you on read like that. Regardless, you are better off putting your attention on other women and if she wants to hop on the roller coaster ride later then so be it.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Best case scenario, she uses you until she finds a better option and leaves you crying on this forum about what happened. If she had an ounce of interest then she wouldn’t have left you on read like that.

Yeah, all about interest levels, huh?

Right back to what I've been saying all along.

Smh.

 

[Sega Genesis]

A couple of things from the female perspective.

1. IF she had high interest, she would have responded to your text.

2. If she had romantic/sexual interest, regardless of what she does for a living, she would not have been too bothered that you build surfboards, she would have at least wanted to know more (i.e. if that's what you do for a living or just a hobby).

3. Re: you reading signs she is attracted, IOIs? What were these IOIs? I only ask because I have had plenty of instances where a guy misinterpreted my being friendly as being "attracted" when I wasn't.

So just curious what you're experiencing?

Why don't you ask her out one-on-one? Coffee, a drink. Something low key and inexpensive. Or even just a walk someplace cool which costs nothing.

OR better yet, you could play the long game and wait to see her at the meet ups.

Personally I love that type of long game, the tension, the uncertainty. There is NO rush, you shouid have other options and you know you will see her again.

Bide your time and let her wonder about you a bit. Whether you're dating other women, what YOUR story is!

Use a lil push/pull - sometimes you talk to her, sometimes you don't and are off talking with others.

Act confidently and let her wonder! I am experiencing this now and my interest went from "meh" to "yeah"!

Let her find her way to you! Which she will IF interested, it's instinctive.

All this should be fun man! I think you may be overthinking this too much and it's getting in your way.

Just my take, good luck!

 

[Clockwerk50]

as a general rule, people whom are psychiatrists or therapists or things close to mental health, tend to be quite f8cked in the head

same as veterans whom actually have proper combat experience, they tend to be f8cked in the head due to ptsd

I think that she likes you but she is f8cked in the head, and if I would be you I would not put effort in this. I do not think she has potential to be more than a fwb, and with fwb you do not put effort you are just sexual when she initiates and push towards sex

I think one parameter people aren't accounting for is that if she's a psychiatrist and there are veterans in the group, there may be professional boundaries affecting how she interacts with people in that setting. Therefore, her being cautious or not acting on any attraction doesn't necessarily mean there was no attraction to begin with, nor does it tell us much if there wasn't any attraction in the first place.

Never over right away as the new person in a social circle...opinions change rapidly and quickly in these situations based on new information gathered or as spending time around them more shows different sides, behaviors, etc...

Also, as a general rule, the longer a woman spends around a man, the less initial attraction actually matters.

One of the only places where simply playing the long game actually works out fairly regularly.

Unfortunately, the long game is often frowned upon, whether because of the duration, the uncertainty, or the hit to one's pride since you can go from being an orbiter to becoming her top option. The biggest evidence of this is the lack of guides on how to actually play the long game. The only one I've found is below.

What To Do If She's Not Interested In You

Whatever argument people make for or against it, if OP has genuine outcome independence, then I don't think it really matters whether he makes a move now, later, doesn't make one at all, or simply lets her make it for him.

 

[Ottocinclus]

A couple of things from the female perspective.

1. IF she had high interest, she would have responded to your text.

2. If she had romantic/sexual interest, regardless of what she does for a living, she would not have been too bothered that you build surfboards, she would have at least wanted to know more (i.e. if that's what you do for a living or just a hobby).

3. Re: you reading signs she is attracted, IOIs? What were these IOIs? I only ask because I have had plenty of instances where a guy misinterpreted my being friendly as being "attracted" when I wasn't.

So just curious what you're experiencing?

Why don't you ask her out one-on-one? Coffee, a drink. Something low key and inexpensive. Or even just a walk someplace cool which costs nothing.

OR better yet, you could play the long game and wait to see her at the meet ups.

Personally I love that type of long game, the tension, the uncertainty. There is NO rush, you shouid have other options and you know you will see her again.

Bide your time and let her wonder about you a bit. Whether you're dating other women, what YOUR story is!

Use a lil push/pull - sometimes you talk to her, sometimes you don't and are off talking with others.

Act confidently and let her wonder! I am experiencing this now and my interest went from "meh" to "yeah"!

Let her find her way to you! Which she will IF interested, it's instinctive.

All this should be fun man! I think you may be overthinking this too much and it's getting in your way.

Just my take, good luck!

Let me start by saying I really don't know what to make of all this. Because this is a group dynamic and I don't even know this girl yet (and she doesn't know me) it kinda makes things more complicated. I don't have any expectations. I just started hanging with a bunch of new surfers that like to socialize after and go on the occasional trip (even Burning Man). I'm fine if it's just new friends. She may be partnered--even married--for all I know. A lot of people in the group are.

1. Yes, she left me on read, but she knew she'd see me the next day and approached me then. I texted her after hanging out with her for the first time in a group setting. Just a feeler text to see where she was coming from and to sorta introduce myself.
2. That's good to know. It was just my guess. We never discussed it. I'm really new to this group. Two friends of mine told her I made boards as I was walking by their table.
3. This random, attractive woman I'd never seen before all of a sudden starts enthusiastically waving at me from her car and when walking by with her friends. Would you wave at some random (attractive surfer) dude you didn't know for only platonic reasons? Maybe? Chicks can be weird of course, so who knows. Would you just stare at a dude from a distance (when you think he's not looking) for like five minutes straight like you're studying him because you think he'd make a good friend? (This actually creeps me out now after finding out she's a psychiatrist LOL)

I've only "formally" hung out with this group twice. Next is tomorrow. She'll likely be there. Before I joined this group I approached them and introduced myself to the girl (she looked nervous) when I noticed she was sitting with them. I mean, she was throwing signals, apparently, and I later notice her hanging out with some people I know, so I went to see what's up.

I like surfing and hanging out with these people, so i'll focus on that and be open to whatever the girl throws my way. If she seems willing to talk to me in a not-just-out-of-politeness sort of way, and I sense some rapport, I'll suggest we do something outside the group. I can imagine her just texting me out of the blue if she feels anything for me at all. She looks like the type.

I like your suggestions. Thanks. I don't even know if I've even gotten in my own way yet. This whole thing is like three weeks old.

 

[Ottocinclus]

I think one parameter people aren't accounting for is that if she's a psychiatrist and there are veterans in the group, there may be professional boundaries affecting how she interacts with people in that setting. Therefore, her being cautious or not acting on any attraction doesn't necessarily mean there was no attraction to begin with, nor does it tell us much if there wasn't any attraction in the first place.

She definitely kept a professional "tone" with the men in the group, including me during our only interaction. I wouldn't be surprised if one or more dudes in the clan had crushes on her. Her behavior out in the wild vs. inside the group was night and day.

 

[Sega Genesis]

What To Do If She's Not Interested In You

Just wanted to say I agree with most of the article especially re the "She's Not Interested" group and the suggestions given. . Some of what's written is what I said too.

Had to chucke a little at this:

"Women in this second group are much more challenging and thus much more interesting...."

Wondering what you guys think, is this true?

 

[BaronOfHair]

@Ottocinclus "She came back and went surfing with the group. I must have just misread things before, as she seemed disinterested when in close proximity"

Ultimately, only one thing matters here, hoss:

Do YOU desire this gal? If so, it's on you to pursue your goal

 

[CornbreadFed]

Delete

 

[CornbreadFed]

Never over right away as the new person in a social circle...opinions change rapidly and quickly in these situations based on new information gathered or as spending time around them more shows different sides, behaviors, etc...

Also, as a general rule, the longer a woman spends around a man, the less initial attraction actually matters.

One of the only places where simply playing the long game actually works out fairly regularly.

The "long game" still requires some baseline level of interest. In this situation, she left OP on read. What exactly is he supposed to be playing the long game with?

The long game makes sense when there is already some attraction or sexual tension, but circumstances are getting in the way. Maybe she's seeing someone, emotionally unavailable, or simply not looking to date at the moment. That's very different from getting little to no indication of interest and assuming that enough time around her will eventually create it.

There wasn't a long game here because there wasn't a stadium in the first place. And if she had shown OP enough sexual interest to suggest otherwise, he probably wouldn't have made this thread, or at least the thread would look completely different. OP is better off just putting this woman on the back burner and putting his attention on other women. This can't be the only girl in this group lol. If this is an established group, she’s probably banging or banged a guy in it.

 

[Sega Genesis]

The "long game" still requires some baseline level of interest. In this situation, she left OP on read. What exactly is he supposed to be playing the long game with?

The long game makes sense when there is already some attraction or sexual tension, but circumstances are getting in the way. Maybe she's seeing someone, emotionally unavailable, or simply not looking to date at the moment. That's very different from getting little to no indication of interest and assuming that enough time around her will eventually create it.

There wasn't a long game here because there wasn't a stadium in the first place. And if she had shown OP enough sexual interest to suggest otherwise, he probably wouldn't have made this thread, or at least the thread would look completely different. OP is better off just putting this woman on the back burner and putting his attention on other women. This can't be the only girl in this group lol. If this is an established group, she’s probably banging or banged a guy in it.

Did you read the article @Clockwerk50 attached? It's a SoSuave article and it's pretty good. Not sure why more guys here don't read them.

If a woman isn't interested today that does NOT mean she won't be interested tomorrow, or next week, next year! Assuming he plays his cards right or doesn't play at all.

He is outcome independent and goes on with his business. He doesn't ignore her but doesn't give her copious amounts of attention either.

He's cool, he's mysterious.

This has happened to me, I just posted it's happening now. My interest went from "meh" to "yeah" based on HIS behavior towards me.

Feelings and emotions are fluid, true for both men and women. Maybe a little bit more true for women.

No disrespect to any of you guys but some of you want everything NOW. If she isn't in love with you now after one brief conversation, she's out! Lol

Take it easy, especially in social groups where you see each other every day or week or whenever.

Be patient and allow it to play out, what's the rush?

Meet, date and screw other women In the meantime, I honestly don't get what the issue is.

 

[Ottocinclus]

Did you read the article @Clockwerk50 attached? It's a SoSuave article and it's pretty good. Not sure why more guys here don't read them.

If a woman isn't interested today that does NOT mean she won't be interested tomorrow, or next week, next year! Assuming he plays his cards right or doesn't play at all.

He is outcome independent and goes on with his business. He doesn't ignore her but doesn't give her copious amounts of attention either.

He's cool, he's mysterious.

This has happened to me, I just posted it's happening now. My interest went from "meh" to "yeah" based on HIS behavior towards me.

Feelings and emotions are fluid, true for both men and women. Maybe a little bit more true for women.

No disrespect to any of you guys but some of you want everything NOW. If she isn't in love with you now after one brief conversation, she's out! Lol

Take it easy, especially in social groups where you see each other every day or week or whenever.

Be patient and allow it to play out, what's the rush?

Meet, date and screw other women In the meantime, I honestly don't get what the issue is.

I agree. In my case, I swear I see some interest tho. There's probably another dude in the picture (which is like 90% of all mixed signals, weirdness, etc.)

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

A couple of things from the female perspective.

1. IF she had high interest, she would have responded to your text.

2. If she had romantic/sexual interest, regardless of what she does for a living, she would not have been too bothered that you build surfboards, she would have at least wanted to know more (i.e. if that's what you do for a living or just a hobby).

Now it's all about high interest all of a sudden??

I'm just gonna sit here and watch you (and y'all) str8 up bite my talking points.

And smile while I'm watching.

 

[CornbreadFed]

If a woman isn't interested today that does NOT mean she won't be interested tomorrow, or next week, next year! Assuming he plays his cards right or doesn't play at all.

I can technically win the lottery tomorrow, but will it happen? Probably not.

He is outcome independent and goes on with his business. He doesn't ignore her but doesn't give her copious amounts of attention either.

He's cool, he's mysterious.

This has happened to me, I just posted it's happening now. My interest went from "meh" to "yeah" based on HIS behavior towards me.

I thought I told OP to do this. Focus on other women; if she changes her mind, then let her ride the roller coaster.

No disrespect to any of you guys but some of you want everything NOW. If she isn't in love with you now after one brief conversation, she's out! Lol

So OP needs to wait months to finally get a text back from this girl lol?

 

[CornbreadFed]

Now it's all about high interest all of a sudden??

I'm just gonna sit here and watch you (and y'all) str8 up bite my talking points.

And smile while I'm watching.

Unfortunately, not all of us possess your apparently legendary skillset to pick up random women at the Kroger self-checkout and end up banging them the same night with zero investment.

 

[Sega Genesis]

So OP needs to wait months to finally get a text back from this girl lol?

^^He should NOT be "waiting" at all, that's precisely the point. He should simply go about his business and allow it to play out naturally and organically.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Unfortunately, not all of us possess your apparently legendary skillset to pick up random women at the Kroger self-checkout and end up banging them the same night with zero investment.

Completely missed my point.