What would it take you to get married?

[ThisIsSparta]

For those that are on the fence or anti-marriage, what would it take for you to get legally married?

An air-tight prenup? Zero financial risks, whats yours when you entered the marriage is yours when you leave? A contract like a lease agreement that defines the terms, penalties, defaults?

That ship has sailed for me. I like my freedom and independence too much,not that I wouldn't treat a serious relationship the same as a marriage. I would do a live in girlfriend but a marriage feels like I am being controlled. I'm not interested in dividing expensive assets, and writing a check to make someone go away. She can stay at my place for free, but she won't get any parting gifts when she leaves.

I've split assets after a divorce, I've bought out my last girlfriends part that she contributed to dollar for dollar plus a "shut the fuhk up and kiss my azz" bonus check.

I don't see how a marriage benefits me? Maybe I'm too rational. lol. Its easy to see how a marriage benefits a woman. I don't see how it benefits a guy that is financially independent and doesn't need anything.

There is one thing i need from women: Kids (not those from another man, thank you)
There are 2 things i want from women: Sex, domestic comfort

Everything else can be covered by family, friends, pets.

For none of the 3 things i want/need, it is neccessarry to invite law and bureaucracy to regulate my relationship and more important my life.

It is totally unacceptable to give women ANY legal leverage over me or my assets. If they got the law behind them, they will use it at some point to your disadvantage and you will either comply or pay the price.

I am married and i had to fight for years to establish frame after i went into it totally bluepilled.
Only the fact that she doesnt have access to the assets i owned before marriage(laws in my country) and that she has a higher income then me, let me recover after the disastrous first couple of years.


Marriage is only for men in countries with non-gynocentric family laws.

 

[Manure Spherian]

• Must be okay with a prenup
• Must be feminine, agreeable, and sincere
• Must be on birth control (ideally a copper IUD, at least until I get a vasectomy), and must be ok with never having kids
• Ideally comes from a stable family and at least halfway decent relationships with her parents (but I have some leeway here)
• Doesn't mind sleeping in seperate rooms
• Has a good, stable, boring career where she isn't surrounded by thirsty men in intimate settings or forced to be a boss bvtch (ideally something like a dental hygenist or accountant; worst being a lawyer or nurse)
• Has her own hobbies, friends, interests, and isn't too extroverted
• Isn't materialistic; ie doesn't mind a more minimalist lifestyle

There are probably some other things I'm not even aware of, because I've never even lived with a woman before, so that's just off the top of my head.

Why would you get married at all if you don’t want kids?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

• Must be okay with a prenup
• Must be feminine, agreeable, and sincere
• Must be on birth control (ideally a copper IUD, at least until I get a vasectomy), and must be ok with never having kids
• Ideally comes from a stable family and at least halfway decent relationships with her parents (but I have some leeway here)
• Doesn't mind sleeping in seperate rooms
• Has a good, stable, boring career where she isn't surrounded by thirsty men in intimate settings or forced to be a boss bvtch (ideally something like a dental hygenist or accountant; worst being a lawyer or nurse)
• Has her own hobbies, friends, interests, and isn't too extroverted
• Isn't materialistic; ie doesn't mind a more minimalist lifestyle

There are probably some other things I'm not even aware of, because I've never even lived with a woman before, so that's just off the top of my head.

At this point there is no point to getting married because you are essentially destroying what it means and actually CAUSING more friction in the relationship than there would be otherwise not being married.

And that friction would come in the form of resentment and will build over time like a cancer slowly destroying it from the inside out.

Don't ever bother getting married if your list looks like this. You will simply be creating an added significant expense of getting a divorce in the not too distant future.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I wanted to marry a woman, spoke to her dad like 1.5 months ago about it, and just tossed her out two weeks ago over relentless bs arguments coupled with toxicity over nonsense on each of our sides.

I guess what I would say for me at this point to consider marriage again is to not have that dynamic, for one including external attention seeking traits especially from former flings, as well as communicative skills; and more likely than anything a business focused dynamic, probably around the creation of a business or real estate, personal or for profit bc at that point what is the use of even incorporating, it’s virtually a synthetic situation. That was another issue that was brewing is that there was this emphasis to need to travel unnecessarily for this job that wasn’t paying well and also was passing her over left and right for promotions, when she had this skill set that could have been employed locally or what I was really hoping for, was to form a business with, and I would have supported her financially for the time needed to get started, in return for equity in the business.

While it goes without saying, I’ll mention anyway there would need to be a loving, selfless and genuine relationship with my children.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I wanted to marry a woman, spoke to her dad like 1.5 months ago about it, and just tossed her out two weeks ago over relentless bs arguments coupled with toxicity over nonsense on each of our sides.

I guess what I would say for me at this point to consider marriage again is to not have that dynamic, for one including external attention seeking traits especially from former flings, as well as communicative skills; and more likely than anything a business focused dynamic, probably around the creation of a business or real estate, personal or for profit bc at that point what is the use of even incorporating, it’s virtually a synthetic situation. That was another issue that was brewing is that there was this emphasis to need to travel unnecessarily for this job that wasn’t paying well and also was passing her over left and right for promotions, when she had this skill set that could have been employed locally or what I was really hoping for, was to form a business with, and I would have supported her financially for the time needed to get started, in return for equity in the business.

While it goes without saying, I’ll mention anyway there would need to be a loving, selfless and genuine relationship with my children.

Toxicity in relationships is a cancer that effects all areas of your life negatively. It's essentially a giant energy vampire that continuously sucks the life out of you.

Moving forward, I hope you figure out how to avoid being with these type of toxic women and how to eject earlier if she turns into one at some point.

Rarely will it get better, that essentially is her letting her guard down, not being on her best behavior anymore and showing you who she really is. Just believe her and walk away.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Toxicity in relationships is a cancer that effects all areas of your life negatively. It's essentially a giant energy vampire that continuously sucks the life out of you.

Moving forward, I hope you figure out how to avoid being with these type of toxic women and how to eject earlier if she turns into one at some point.

Rarely will it get better, that essentially is her letting her guard down, not being on her best behavior anymore and showing you who she really is. Just believe her and walk away.

Without question. We had been hooking up for three weeks when she asked me one night at the bar to be exclusive. I said yes, I was in the throes of a very draining divorce, completely emotionally raw and was in the first relationship I had been in outside of my marriage in almost two decades. In retrospect when her former hookup texted her in 90 seconds it should have been a massive wake up call but I simply did not want to see that, or other signs as I was wearing rose colored glasses. Today’s me would handle that differently, but it’s because that me dealt with it then.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Why would you get married at all if you don’t want kids?

You wouldn't. The topic is "what would it take for you to get married?" not "what would make marriage worth it for you?"

Even if all of these conditions were met, it would still be extremely unlikely for me to even want to get married. These are just the non-negotiables for me to even consider marriage, especially the childfree part. I've accepted that not wanting kids and not wanting to live together with a woman has ruled out the possibility of not just marriage, but even long-term relationships for the most part, and I'm 100% okay with that.

At this point there is no point to getting married because you are essentially destroying what it means and actually CAUSING more friction in the relationship than there would be otherwise not being married.

And that friction would come in the form of resentment and will build over time like a cancer slowly destroying it from the inside out.

Don't ever bother getting married if your list looks like this. You will simply be creating an added significant expense of getting a divorce in the not too distant future.

Oh I agree; I exercised this as a thought experiment, nothing more. The topic presumes you WANT to get married in the first place, so I went with that assumption and entertained what conditions would have to be necessary. I am 100% aware that if I did want to get married, most of this list would not be condusive to a happy or successful marriage and I'd have to make a lot of compromises/sacrifices.

I've never once had an inkling of desire to get married throughout my entire life, even as a child I knew I would never want to get married. It just doesn't fit my lifestyle or personality. Hell, I don't even want to LIVE with a woman, let alone marry one.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Kids

 

[Scaramouche]

Well Duke,
After having like yourself led a Philandering lifestyle for many years,it would take a Double Barrelled Greener 12 bore pointed at the back of my neck LOL.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

For those that are on the fence or anti-marriage, what would it take for you to get legally married?

An air-tight prenup? Zero financial risks, whats yours when you entered the marriage is yours when you leave? A contract like a lease agreement that defines the terms, penalties, defaults?

That ship has sailed for me. I like my freedom and independence too much,not that I wouldn't treat a serious relationship the same as a marriage. I would do a live in girlfriend but a marriage feels like I am being controlled. I'm not interested in dividing expensive assets, and writing a check to make someone go away. She can stay at my place for free, but she won't get any parting gifts when she leaves.

I've split assets after a divorce, I've bought out my last girlfriends part that she contributed to dollar for dollar plus a "shut the fuhk up and kiss my azz" bonus check.

I don't see how a marriage benefits me? Maybe I'm too rational. lol. Its easy to see how a marriage benefits a woman. I don't see how it benefits a guy that is financially independent and doesn't need anything.

I was allegeric to commit to women already in my teens so the divorce issues were never the first reason.

What would change my mind would be to meet a girl younger than me, athletic and with passion for sport therefore self control and discipline on point but most of all independant from attention for minor stuff (no travel/social junkie)...necessary condition is that she has more wealth than me therefore no risk to lose a cent.

So very unlike I'll get married as you can see.

I generally approach dating from an avoidant starting point after all.

 

[Prepostereax]

When I was in my 30's, I was well on track with getting all my sh!t together (career, finances, a decent pad, social circles, and so on), and decided it was time to settle down.

I didn't have anyone in mind, I kinda knew that "the next eligible woman" was gonna be "the one".

I did not have a specific "eligibility criteria", other than instinctively, but if I did, it would look like this:

* good character
This is subjective (eg bodycount would be included here), but basically how she interacts and deals with others, how much drama, and so on..
Difficult to ascertain without weeks/months of getting to know one another, and her families/friends too

* passes the Boner test
much easier to figure out.
Sadly most women I know of good character fail this step.

* available
ie available for LTR in general, and with me specifically.
Nearly every woman who passes the above two criteria, are either taken, or unwilling to make compromises or change their lifestyle for long-term monogamy.

The crucial component of the equation was me, ie I had to feel "ready", and have all my ducks in a row.

My model was essentially "build it, and they will come"
{in similar sentiment as https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/fr-keep-your-mind-on-the-grind-and-result-will-follow.284881/ }
and come, they did..
Mostly women who failed one or more of the above.
the usual suspects, eg validation seekers, provider hunters, etc

I felt that arrangements such as prenup would not be required, if the woman was of good character.
Trust is an important component of LTR's.

I discussed this with a FWB at the time, and recall how she scoffed.. but then, she was of poor character (as was the one who superceded her).
Yes, I know guys who have been eaten alive by the divorce courts..

Screening is paramount.
"High interest" is not a good indicator for wife status (it is a good indicator for fck bunny status tho)
Think about it: if a woman is giving you lots of "high interest" signals, it's because she's most likely well versed in them..
You will have to do the pursuing. Initially, at least.
The sort of women who are wife material are a different breed.

 

[jhonny9546]

Find a woman who tell me that she want to leave me, but she'll never do.

Think about how a married man is doing "everything right" in terms of respecting his woman and "checking off" all the boxes on the good husband's checklist.
That said, his woman is telling him she's not attracted to him, and so she's suggesting some things he should do to make him understand that she needs this too.

So a woman that would not breakup, but trying to communicate what she wants and needs.
This is how it's supposed to work in a marriage.
A spouse has a problem and takes the time to push them to understand and resolve it.

Example: a man is too "good" and can't be as "bad" as he should be, and this is what his woman is communicating to him with "be more dirty and strong in bed" or "fight with me every now and then," or "tell me off if I do something wrong." It's as if she wants to see the strength of a man come out of him.
But She's staying and not going crazy and breakup.
She's staying to see if He will understand and reassest.

When a woman behaves like this, and communicates that something is wrong, logically, she's making it easy for you to understand that you're behaving incorrectly. If you find a woman like that, you want to marry her.

I don't consider this a red flag, since it's not drama. She's reacting to your behaviour. It's actually a guide for you.
DISCLAIMER: You must know the woman deeply and her request must come from a place of confidence and not a lack of self-esteem or self-love.

 

[zekko]

That ship has sailed for me. I like my freedom and independence too much,not that I wouldn't treat a serious relationship the same as a marriage. I would do a live in girlfriend but a marriage feels like I am being controlled. I'm not interested in dividing expensive assets, and writing a check to make someone go away. She can stay at my place for free, but she won't get any parting gifts when she leaves.

You know that saying about how things change once the ring goes on? I think there's some truth to that. Suddenly she has the full weight of the government on her side, and a sense of ownership can creep in. Anyway, I feel basically the same as you. The only way I see myself getting married at this point is if I maybe had a terminal disease or something and wanted to leave a girl an inheritance without any extra tax burden.

 

[Isildur1]

here in the UK prenup laws basically don't work as soon as you have kids - the one person with the higher net worth takes the most risk and the one with the lower one can bail at moment for a profit .

Not sure i'd ever get married unless the woman in question had higher status and net worth than me and that rarely has ever happened bar a couple of occasions.

 

[zekko]

I would do a live in girlfriend but a marriage feels like I am being controlled. I'm not interested in dividing expensive assets, and writing a check to make someone go away. She can stay at my place for free, but she won't get any parting gifts when she leaves.

I forgot to add that when cohabitating, it's important to know the laws of your state. I know where I live, for instance, there is no common law marriage.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

$100 million

 

[Snag87]

For those that are on the fence or anti-marriage, what would it take for you to get legally married?

An air-tight prenup? Zero financial risks, whats yours when you entered the marriage is yours when you leave? A contract like a lease agreement that defines the terms, penalties, defaults?

That ship has sailed for me. I like my freedom and independence too much,not that I wouldn't treat a serious relationship the same as a marriage. I would do a live in girlfriend but a marriage feels like I am being controlled. I'm not interested in dividing expensive assets, and writing a check to make someone go away. She can stay at my place for free, but she won't get any parting gifts when she leaves.

I've split assets after a divorce, I've bought out my last girlfriends part that she contributed to dollar for dollar plus a "shut the fuhk up and kiss my azz" bonus check.

I don't see how a marriage benefits me? Maybe I'm too rational. lol. Its easy to see how a marriage benefits a woman. I don't see how it benefits a guy that is financially independent and doesn't need anything.

If the woman earned significantly more than me.

 

[RobbyDog]

I don't see how a marriage benefits me? Maybe I'm too rational. lol. Its easy to see how a marriage benefits a woman. I don't see how it benefits a guy that is financially independent and doesn't need anything.

Glad I'm not the only one...I ask myself the same question. Now that I have kids, I really don't have the desire for LTR, and especially marriage.

 

[coldapproach]

Any wise man who wants to prosper in freedom for life would keep it to himself, to avoid making himself an open target for governments and nations to take potshots at and hopefully get rid of before his influence and power became too much to off him.

 

[BaronOfHair]

For a minute now now.https://reason.org/commentary/outing-government-from-marriag/ , the idea of getting the government out of marriage altogether has existed. That's not a gendered cause, and one that invites the attention of EVERYONE who desires to strengthen the liberty of all Americans

All that's left is for more of us to pull ourselves out of analysis paralysis, and to start agitating for it politically