What I've learned in my time away from the forum.

playa99

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 13, 2007
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#1
I've been away from the forum for a while. It's given me space to grow & improve my life. I spent FAR too much time on here browsing & being bitter about life, rather than out in the real world living my life!

I'm not perfect now, no-one is, but I have learned a few things on the way, which have really helped me:

Let go of the past
I believe that if most guys here are honest, they come here with some kind of baggage. That can be a life of rejection, it can be childhood issues (It was for me.) or it can be something else. What ever happened, it doesn't matter whose fault it is. From the moment you come to this site, you need to be a blank slate. The past cannot be changed. It can be moved on from, but it CANNOT BE CHANGED. The tips & advice found in this forum, particularly on the tips page, have the potential to change your life. I've held on to the past for most of my life. I've been angry at family members, friends & women. That anger changed nothing & ultimately led to me sat at home, not doing all that much with my life. The only way to process the past is to move on & accept it.

Live in it & it's like drinking poison & expecting someone else to die.

What can you learn from the past? Where have you failed? What patterns do you see that you want to change? How do you go about changing them>

Adapted consistency
I am a big fan of the gym, but for a long time I struggled with consistency. I would go for 3 weeks doing perfect workouts, gain some muscle & stop going. I would scoff at guys who did curls every workout, but over time, they got bigger & I stayed as I was.

It doesn't matter where you start of how refined you are in the beginning. If you set a goal, consistency is important, but it's more important to adapt & change what you do until it yields the right results.

Women are not evil.
There are bad & good people in the world. I see a lot of guys here & in real life hanging on to the notion that women are evil. This isn't true, it is black & white thinking. I don't believe most guys honestly think that. It's a coping mechanism for not being able to get what you want. It isn't womankind's fault that they don't go out with you, it's your job to fix it!

Boundaries.
What do you stand for? Theres not many truly wrong answers to this. I never used to set boundaries & I got walked all over. I used to believe that 'People should automatically respect me, because of who I am.' This blind approach led to a lot of pain. Boundaries can be overt or covert, but they do matter in every area of life.
 
Joined
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#2
Great post. Regarding the "Women are not evil" comment, I think the reason many of us think that most or all women are evil is because of the blue pill propaganda BS we have been fed throughout our lives. That would be the concept that women are princesses who can do no wrong and should be respected and worshiped ONLY because they are women. Had we been taught the truth at early ages that "Some women are good, some women are bad. ", not so extreme, then I think our positions now on women wouldn't be so extreme either.

I would bet money that I, Logicallefty, at least at one time, was one of the most bitter and jaded guys on SoSuave about women. I've been able to start mellowing that out in the past 6 x months or so. I no longer see every woman as this evil creature who is automatically gonna fvck me over, but rather a creature I need to study extremely carefully and assess before I give her any chances to fvck me over. In short, I have the power and control of the outcome from that, not her.
 

BeExcellent

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 16, 2015
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#3
Great thread. Too many here (and elsewhere) blame something else...anything else for lack of success...

Because looking in the mirror and doing the inner work is hard, lonely & scary.

But that inner work is the secret. For each of us.
 

nicksaiz65

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 27, 2017
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#4
This post really hit close to home with me. Letting go of the past is one of the hardest things for me to do. And I’m trying to cut down on my Red Pill Reading too: it’s really hard to not see women as the enemy a ton of the time.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
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DFW, TX
#5
This post really hit close to home with me. Letting go of the past is one of the hardest things for me to do. And I’m trying to cut down on my Red Pill Reading too: it’s really hard to not see women as the enemy a ton of the time.
Its nearly impossible to get past it if you dont get successes under your belt. If your most recent woman experience is bad then thats the last thing on your mind.
 

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