What I've learned in my time away from the forum.

playa99

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I've been away from the forum for a while. It's given me space to grow & improve my life. I spent FAR too much time on here browsing & being bitter about life, rather than out in the real world living my life!

I'm not perfect now, no-one is, but I have learned a few things on the way, which have really helped me:

Let go of the past
I believe that if most guys here are honest, they come here with some kind of baggage. That can be a life of rejection, it can be childhood issues (It was for me.) or it can be something else. What ever happened, it doesn't matter whose fault it is. From the moment you come to this site, you need to be a blank slate. The past cannot be changed. It can be moved on from, but it CANNOT BE CHANGED. The tips & advice found in this forum, particularly on the tips page, have the potential to change your life. I've held on to the past for most of my life. I've been angry at family members, friends & women. That anger changed nothing & ultimately led to me sat at home, not doing all that much with my life. The only way to process the past is to move on & accept it.

Live in it & it's like drinking poison & expecting someone else to die.

What can you learn from the past? Where have you failed? What patterns do you see that you want to change? How do you go about changing them>

Adapted consistency
I am a big fan of the gym, but for a long time I struggled with consistency. I would go for 3 weeks doing perfect workouts, gain some muscle & stop going. I would scoff at guys who did curls every workout, but over time, they got bigger & I stayed as I was.

It doesn't matter where you start of how refined you are in the beginning. If you set a goal, consistency is important, but it's more important to adapt & change what you do until it yields the right results.

Women are not evil.
There are bad & good people in the world. I see a lot of guys here & in real life hanging on to the notion that women are evil. This isn't true, it is black & white thinking. I don't believe most guys honestly think that. It's a coping mechanism for not being able to get what you want. It isn't womankind's fault that they don't go out with you, it's your job to fix it!

Boundaries.
What do you stand for? Theres not many truly wrong answers to this. I never used to set boundaries & I got walked all over. I used to believe that 'People should automatically respect me, because of who I am.' This blind approach led to a lot of pain. Boundaries can be overt or covert, but they do matter in every area of life.
 

logicallefty

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Great post. Regarding the "Women are not evil" comment, I think the reason many of us think that most or all women are evil is because of the blue pill propaganda BS we have been fed throughout our lives. That would be the concept that women are princesses who can do no wrong and should be respected and worshiped ONLY because they are women. Had we been taught the truth at early ages that "Some women are good, some women are bad. ", not so extreme, then I think our positions now on women wouldn't be so extreme either.

I would bet money that I, Logicallefty, at least at one time, was one of the most bitter and jaded guys on SoSuave about women. I've been able to start mellowing that out in the past 6 x months or so. I no longer see every woman as this evil creature who is automatically gonna fvck me over, but rather a creature I need to study extremely carefully and assess before I give her any chances to fvck me over. In short, I have the power and control of the outcome from that, not her.
 

BeExcellent

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Great thread. Too many here (and elsewhere) blame something else...anything else for lack of success...

Because looking in the mirror and doing the inner work is hard, lonely & scary.

But that inner work is the secret. For each of us.
 

nicksaiz65

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This post really hit close to home with me. Letting go of the past is one of the hardest things for me to do. And I’m trying to cut down on my Red Pill Reading too: it’s really hard to not see women as the enemy a ton of the time.
 

mrgoodstuff

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This post really hit close to home with me. Letting go of the past is one of the hardest things for me to do. And I’m trying to cut down on my Red Pill Reading too: it’s really hard to not see women as the enemy a ton of the time.
Its nearly impossible to get past it if you dont get successes under your belt. If your most recent woman experience is bad then thats the last thing on your mind.
 

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playa99

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Misconceptions of SoSuave.

I've been away for a minute & truthfully I've been pretty miserable. I've been heavy into therapy & dealing with my own mental issues.

That's brought me back to SoSuave & to round 2 of giving the 'DJ principles' a go. The book of Pook & the DJ bible as well as the High School bible back in the day really helped me change my life by getting better grades in school, having more confidence & better self esteem.

I got to a point about 2 years ago where I felt as though living the 'DJ' way was no longer compatible with the real world & felt as though SoSuave had become a part of something I really didn't want to associate with.

I was wrong.

It is still possible & a great way for men to improve.

Sure, there are people on this site & others like it whose views deserve to be put in the bin. People who simply cannot accept they are not behaving in the right way & need to change, but they won't. These people generally end up banned.

These views are cognitive distortions, no different to radical figures from all ends of the spectrum.

I have been acting in the wrong way as of late. I have been lazy, envious & unaware. I haven't improved myself in the way that is best for me. My work has suffered as has my personal life. I've tried the whole 'Accepting myself as I am' mantra, when the reality is, that version of me deserves compassion, but also deserves to be put in the bin. I have to accept that & do better.
 

sosousage

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I've been away from the forum for a while. It's given me space to grow & improve my life. I spent FAR too much time on here browsing & being bitter about life, rather than out in the real world living my life!

I'm not perfect now, no-one is, but I have learned a few things on the way, which have really helped me:

Let go of the past
I believe that if most guys here are honest, they come here with some kind of baggage. That can be a life of rejection, it can be childhood issues (It was for me.) or it can be something else. What ever happened, it doesn't matter whose fault it is. From the moment you come to this site, you need to be a blank slate. The past cannot be changed. It can be moved on from, but it CANNOT BE CHANGED. The tips & advice found in this forum, particularly on the tips page, have the potential to change your life. I've held on to the past for most of my life. I've been angry at family members, friends & women. That anger changed nothing & ultimately led to me sat at home, not doing all that much with my life. The only way to process the past is to move on & accept it.

Live in it & it's like drinking poison & expecting someone else to die.

What can you learn from the past? Where have you failed? What patterns do you see that you want to change? How do you go about changing them>

Adapted consistency
I am a big fan of the gym, but for a long time I struggled with consistency. I would go for 3 weeks doing perfect workouts, gain some muscle & stop going. I would scoff at guys who did curls every workout, but over time, they got bigger & I stayed as I was.

It doesn't matter where you start of how refined you are in the beginning. If you set a goal, consistency is important, but it's more important to adapt & change what you do until it yields the right results.

Women are not evil.
There are bad & good people in the world. I see a lot of guys here & in real life hanging on to the notion that women are evil. This isn't true, it is black & white thinking. I don't believe most guys honestly think that. It's a coping mechanism for not being able to get what you want. It isn't womankind's fault that they don't go out with you, it's your job to fix it!

Boundaries.
What do you stand for? Theres not many truly wrong answers to this. I never used to set boundaries & I got walked all over. I used to believe that 'People should automatically respect me, because of who I am.' This blind approach led to a lot of pain. Boundaries can be overt or covert, but they do matter in every area of life.
i read only first line but

this is true

forums == proscratinating

i need to get rid of this ugly habit
 

Epic Days

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Things a woman doesn’t have in her paradigm. Self examination is alien.
 

Atom Smasher

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I have been acting in the wrong way as of late. I have been lazy, envious & unaware. I haven't improved myself in the way that is best for me. My work has suffered as has my personal life. I've tried the whole 'Accepting myself as I am' mantra, when the reality is, that version of me deserves compassion, but also deserves to be put in the bin. I have to accept that & do better.
Have you read this? It might be helpful.

https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/the-magic-story-must-read.155403/
 

Kotaix

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The part about letting go of the past is huge, the past and future do not exist, we only exist in this instant of time. Thinking about the past or what might happen in the future and trying to plan for everything is a recipe for failure. I see so many guys here that are stuck in their own heads like I used to be, obsessing over one girl like I used to do. Nothing has been more liberating than letting go, not being self-revealing, and allowing myself to be happy and open, not to mention the immediate increase in female attention it brings.
 

mrgoodstuff

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The part about letting go of the past is huge, the past and future do not exist, we only exist in this instant of time. Thinking about the past or what might happen in the future and trying to plan for everything is a recipe for failure. I see so many guys here that are stuck in their own heads like I used to be, obsessing over one girl like I used to do. Nothing has been more liberating than letting go, not being self-revealing, and allowing myself to be happy and open, not to mention the immediate increase in female attention it brings.
A process to focus our mind on the moment?
 
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