"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
What is the most effective way to enforce a boundary?
- Thread starter El Payaso
- Start date
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
I don't really think there's ever really a time for just calling her out on something. Kind of a mixed signal. It's like saying she did something wrong but it doesn't really matter. If a dog pisses on your carpet, and you don't punish it (in some way), it'll keep pissing on your carpet. You don't look at it and politely ask it to not do that anymore. Dogs (animals) generally need (light) physical consequences. Women, ignoring her is usually enough.
If she breaks your boundary the relationship should be over.
If you go back on your boundary not enforcing it you will look weak and she won't take you seriously.
If you say no male friends and she hangs out with one you need to dump her.
Otherwise she will know she just broke your boundary with ease and it's pointless and she will do it again.
RangerMIke
Master Don Juan
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
LondonTowers
Don Juan
I have found that girls are actually working out what your boundaries are in the first few months before exclusivity. A lot of guys are stuck in infatuation land and are not picking up on these covert contractual agreements and let slide many of the tests as they hurtle towards naming her their girlfriend, like some hastily won prize.
Suddenly later, they start getting tested in situations where inside they know they never really set the boundary in the first place before BAM! they realise they better start throwing some boundaries down or she is gonna ride into another castle.. but it's too late by then.
So of course.. if a boundary is broken.. you walk. But was it a boundary you actually implied before the contract of exclusivity?
Bingo-Player
Master Don Juan
I usually give them the whole “loyalty is more important than any amount of beauty” spiel
Unfortunately in 2015 it is virtually impossible to ensure your boundaries are being obeyed I know girls with boyfriends of 4/5 years who are whoring around on facebook private mail, going out on the weekend and sleeping with anyone that flashes them some cash
This is why i am preaching to guys now to keep all your women are arms length , always have a plan B and never get into too deep , the dating game is a vicious circle
Bingo-Player
Master Don Juan
:yes: one of the hardest and cruelest lessons a man must learnSocial_Leper said:
El Payaso said:
Calling her out or withdrawing attention does nothing when she disrespects you.
Her disrespect is breaking your boundary. You should recognize that and dump her.
You specifically told her what you don't want her to do and she did it anyway knowing it is wrong.
So when you let it slide letting her get away with it she is going to say "Hey I got away with what he didn't want me to do and nothing happened. I'm going to see what else I can get away with." It's like a kid with a weak parent.
When she sees you don't mean what you say it's game over.
When you draw a line in the sand with your boundary and she crosses it that means it's game over. No looking the other way pretending it didn't happen or giving her extra chances to break it again.
If she respected you in the first place she wouldn't have broken it.
If you set a boundary you must not be afraid to execute. That's the whole point of setting one.
Too many guys are afraid and won't pull the trigger when it counts.
That's when the boundary becomes useless since you won't truly enforce it.
That's why your boundaries fail you cause you're too afraid to enforce them. Betas do that.PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
What's the point of setting a boundary if you're just going to "call her out"?
She just disrespected you not taking you seriously by breaking your boundary.
Do you think she's going to care if you call her out? No. You need to dump her on the spot.
You can't wait to set boundaries but are too scared to enforce them when you need to.
That's why you get cheated on down the road when women lose more respect cause you were too afraid to enforce your boundary.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Bingo-Player
Master Don Juan
guru1000 said:
no wonder you call yourself the guru