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What exactly is the right way to use dread?

Grounded eagle

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Does it have no use other than establishing or maintaining frame in a relationship?
 

Barrister

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It helps to maintain frame - but speaking from experience, it is not a viable long term solution. If you find you are constantly having to use it in order to keep your plate/LTR in check you essentially have already lost unless you are good with having to use it forever. It gets exhausting.
 

Hank Moody

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What is dread?
 

BackInTheGame78

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LARaiders85

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It helps to maintain frame - but speaking from experience, it is not a viable long term solution. If you find you are constantly having to use it in order to keep your plate/LTR in check you essentially have already lost unless you are good with having to use it forever. It gets exhausting.
This, it isnt long term. In fact, if you hint you could walk out the door at a moments' notice due to her misbehavior, that could be the beginning of the end for your LTR prospects. Of course, it is attractive in the short term.
 

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Barrister

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This, it isnt long term. In fact, if you hint you could walk out the door at a moments' notice due to her misbehavior, that could be the beginning of the end for your LTR prospects. Of course, it is attractive in the short term.
I agree -- I think especially if you are in a committed LTR and begin threatening to leave on a regular basis you are essentially creating toxicity -- on top of whatever bad behavior she is partaking in that is causing you to use dread to begin with. Yes, it does generate attraction in the short term because women love the emotional roller-coaster it puts them on and the feeling that they are not in control of you. But it also is going to create more tension in the relationship in general.
 

Hank Moody

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How exactly do you put Dread game into practice?

I would imagine by just withdrawing your attention when she disrespects you in some way, right?
 

LARaiders85

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I agree -- I think especially if you are in a committed LTR and begin threatening to leave on a regular basis you are essentially creating toxicity -- on top of whatever bad behavior she is partaking in that is causing you to use dread to begin with. Yes, it does generate attraction in the short term because women love the emotional roller-coaster it puts them on and the feeling that they are not in control of you. But it also is going to create more tension in the relationship in general.
I agree. I have learned that sometimes regret is not worth doing the right thing (in most of the times I threatened to leave, it was the right thing to do objectively at the time and in the long run, but not worth the second guessing and regret). Also, it artificially prolongs relationships that are unhealthy or not substantiated by real attraction, just the chase.
 

TheProspect

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How exactly do you put Dread game into practice?
Mostly through Silence and Distance in my experience, rather than explicit ultimatums.

Giving an ultimatum once may work, but if you rely on them it's like the boy who cried wolf and she'll call your bluff eventually.

S&D in general is best used as a natural response to sh!tty behaviour, not as a tool to modify behaviour, if that makes sense.

Good thread on it here: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/silence-and-distance.247311/

As mentioned in that thread and as common sense, S&D shouldn't replace proper communication, specifically in LTRs. If you feel the need to repeatedly employ S&D in your relationships, you're with the wrong girl.
 

Lookatu

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Dread should be used very sparingly or else it will turn into an all bark, no bite type situation and won't be taken as seriously next time.

Dread is something that should be used mainly in a stalemate scenario. Dread is what breaks the stalemate in a lot of scenarios. For example, if you've been really wronged in a certain way, or in a power struggle when she's trying to be the boss of you and not backing down, when you've already pointed out potential deal breakers with her but she continues doing them, etc.

Do not used Dread if she doesn't agree to getting the anchovies and olives pizza combo in other words...
 

2Rocky

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Then there is COVERT dread. Her realizing you have other options and are desirable to other women.

I think whether dread works depends a lot on the woman's attachment style....
 

DonJuanjr

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Like starting to lift weights and change what you wear to be more flattering of your new physique. Then as a result you start getting looks from other women, and your wife notices. That's dread.
 

Ricky

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Can Silence and Distance reverse bad situations?

To me it calms the waters.. so that beats a pattern of arguing
 

Grounded eagle

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Dread should be used very sparingly or else it will turn into an all bark, no bite type situation and won't be taken as seriously next time.

Dread is something that should be used mainly in a stalemate scenario. Dread is what breaks the stalemate in a lot of scenarios. For example, if you've been really wronged in a certain way, or in a power struggle when she's trying to be the boss of you and not backing down, when you've already pointed out potential deal breakers with her but she continues doing them, etc.

Do not used Dread if she doesn't agree to getting the anchovies and olives pizza combo in other words...
I hadn’t actually thought of it that way.
 

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