BraddH
Master Don Juan
I would like to hear your thoughts.
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Everyone is a con artist on some level at the end of the day.
Its often said that when you meet someone for the first time you are really meeting their "representative". This is also why it takes a long time to REALLY get to know people. No one smart puts all their cards on the table right out of the gate.
Trickery and deception is also very common in the animal kingdom overall. Camouflage, traps, sneak attacks, etc. All forms of deception. Marketing, cosmetics and the media are all industries that are built on deception and encourage deception. Hollywood is full of deception. So called "deals" at stores usually involve deception (the idea that you are getting over on the store. Usually not the case).
The main reason we hate dishonesty and dishonest people is because they rob us of our ability to make informed decisions. Lying usually gives the liar an unfair advantage over the person being lied too. This attacks our sense of fairness. This is why we shame people who lie (even though we all lie).
This is one of those areas where no one is innocent except for maybe retarded people and very young kids.
I don't have a real opinion on so call "professional con artists". I see them as people who are more skilled than most at deception and avoiding the consequences of it. I just try not to get fooled by their bullsh!t. You can do this by learning how to filter bullsh!t.
Here are signs someone is full of sh!t (not guarantees just signs):
- They are not making sense
- They are using emotional arguments (pressure, guilt, threats)
- They contradict themselves
- They are trying to get something (or get out of something)